“Well blood sports fans, it is I Verner Hishog here bringing you the highlights of the final game in the season for the Skabs. The game was a predictably low scoring one. With zombies and earth elementals there was never going to be too much movement on the pitch. With zombies stuck in the mud and flesh elementals standing firm in the face of fire, water and wind, the game reminded me of the labyrinthine classic The Stale King. Although the Chappedman got his arse into gear for this game, and actually reanimated his players for a change, his spike studded hoodoo chaps just weren't enough to stop The Firm from winning the game 1 - 0.

The most exciting thing that happened all match was when Dirty Dan the earth elemental got MVP for seriously injuring himself while trying to block Gary Shankbone. The earth elemental rose up to full height and brought all of his weight down on the ersatz rock zombie. When the dust had settled Gary Shankbone limply shook off pieces of Dirty Dan, got back up, and continued to do a comically bad attempt at imitating Deady In-Halen's classic 'Jump Up'. This was all the more amusing as Dirty Dan had already seriously injured Gary Shankbone during the previous drive, but the Chappedman was able to revive him with the kiss of undeath. Given how effective it was this game, maybe the Chappedman should skip brushing his teeth more often.

Another amusing moment was an amusing miscommunication between newish patchwork man, Connor Loth, and the Chapped Man. Chappedman was shouting at Connor to perform Unholy Diver to deliver a crucial late game blitz to tagging The Firm's ball carrier. Connor Loth obediently shambled up to his target and took a dive. Obviously Connor needs to attend rehearsals more often. Maybe The Chappedman should get him do another run through of 'Master of Puppets'.

Probably the only moments of virtuoso play came from Side bet Sam. Hugging the sidelines he flowed past The Skabs, side stepping his way past all those who opposed him to walk in the winning touchdown with minutes to spare. Proof that if you put water in a cup it becomes the cup but if you put water in a zombie it does not become a zombie.”