“Like the victim of a certain Edgar Allen Poe storyline, Mort Lludson wails his anguish to the reverberating vault.

"Zaaaarrraaaaa!!!"

"I'll get you ZAAARRAAAA!!!" *cough**hack*

Mort Lludson blearily addresses his assembled troops. "Well done out there you shambling piles of CRAP!

"I know last week I said that i thought I was the one who cared about the score line, but if you want me to WIPE YOUR MEMORIES I will!

"All I can say is, you did well, team: you hit, you scored, you defended, you made a mess of the girls when they were on the ground, just like i asked you to. Except in the first half, when you got belted around, and that's what led to the final demise of the team's most skilled player.

"Airell, you did a great job taking the legs, Allyn, Bricriu, great job with the ball

"but Donia, you let yourself be put to final rest, and it stinks!

"Kelly Brook, welcome, but I don't think you'll be here for long, so don't get too, hrm, attached

"Alright, rotting meatbags - next game is against a team called the Citadel Ancients, and will definitely be played upstairs in the main crypt. The coach of the opposition is an old acquaintance of mine from the Necrolympiad Gifted and Talented Program* and I'd really love to show him up. Just because we studied Necromancy together doesn't mean we'll be playing easy - it was over-competitive then, it'll be even worse now, what with the years of isolation and the evil-doing. hrm...

*The assembled masses stare patiently at Mort, waiting for him to return from his reminiscence... only the slight hungry shifting of the ghouls breaks the deathly silent reverie*

"Sorry, where was I? Ah yes, next week's match. Some of you may well be destroyed, but compared to Donia, you're nothing and I dont care.

"That said, if we're going to win... Filthy Five, keep it up, Airell, you're doing great, see if you can teach Einion Uchdryd a thing or two! We're not playing tip out there, you bandaged buffoon! First job will be to replace your soft-yet-strong Sorbent wrapping for a scratchier, recycled paper, maybe THEN you'll cause some harm, or at least inspire fear! The stars of this upcoming team are usually the werewolves, so chase them, hit them, kick them like the dogs they are!"

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2 twahnlow points to Paris Hilton II - a catcher on the rise

1 twahnlow point to Bessie Bardot II - Zon blitzers are not as unbelievable as everyone will claim, but she was still useful on the pitch.
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*The Necrolympiad Gifted and Talented Program - for Kids with Braa-aains!*”