43 coaches online • Server time: 15:21
* * * Did you know? The best blocker is Taku the Second with 551 casualties.
Recent Forum Topics  Blood Bowl 2024 Edit... | Fumbbl and Android | Secret Stunty Cup - ... |
☆☆☆ WORLD SPORTS ☆☆☆ XXXL SPECIAL 3 ☆☆☆ Black Tooth RIPS
Black Tooth RIPS OWNER: Mekutata SEASON 0 RECORD: 5-1-0 SPONSOR: Blockbuster HONOURS: His Excellency. His Royal Greenness. Scourge of Butlers. Da Boss. Da Big Boss. Da Biggest Boss. Destroyer of Sponges. Da Best Boss. The Commissioner. HAPPY_AMATEUR PREDICTS: Having slowly worked my way into a trusted position of which I could only describe as, "the Commissioners Number Two", I have managed to gain unprecedented access into the life and indeed, the machinations of this complex and machiavellian individual. Here, today, I shall deliver a candid prediction that puts at risk my invitations to the Superfluously Stately Commissioners Stately Mansion, a place I have near resided in the last seven months. One must look backwards to look forwards and it is with trepidation that we gaze upon the Commissioners first season in the XXXL. Now his match record was second to none, and obviously he felt that winning his own competition first time up would be unsportsmanlike. Will this attitude permeate his second go-round? Will it f**k! Last week, whilst perusing the wine cellar during a particularly debauched party at the Amazingly Stately Commissioners Stately Mansion, I found the Commissioner himself down in the cellar, rummaging through the butlers pantry. I must have caught him out doing something strange, because when he saw me he froze, like a gnoblar being charged by a troll. We stood silently staring at each other for what seemed an eternity. The torch in the butlers pantry was behind him, so he was basically a silhouette to me. I was about to say something when he began to very slowly move his arm. He had obviously been eating something and had shoved it all in his mouth and was now desperately trying to chew and swallow before I found out what it was. Having years of experience keeping my star athletes from scoffing down WOTZDISFINGS, I leapt into action, firmly taking hold of him by the back of the neck, and applying my balled fist to the centre of his back, once, twice, eight times. Finally he coughed up the thing he was trying to eat. It lay there, like a wet, chewed exclamation mark next to us on the butlers pantry floor. It was a sponge. A kitchen sponge. Not a healing sponge. Not a magic sponge. Just a plain old kitchen sponge that smelt faintly of detergent, mildew and the Commissioners delightful breath. 'Why on earth were you chewing on that my dear fellow?' I asked. The Commissioner averted his eyes, which had obviously become a bit misty from the necessary thrashing I had just administered. 'I don't want to say.' 'Come my dear friend... tell me.' I replied to his truculance. That was all it took. The maelstrom of snot and sobs was only exceeded by the word diarrhea that spewed from his mouth. Through spluttering cries he explained to me that he could barely live with the fact he had not won the inaugural season and that he had lied about not wanting to so he didn't look like a complete pratt. He had felt that he needed to completely start anew, and scrub the last season away entirely. 'So dat's why I started eating the sponges. To clean away everything on me insides.' The Commissioner howled as I clung him to my manly chest in a platonic and comforting fashion. 'Well that certainly explains why the Chief Accounting Goblin has been investigating what we did with 4000 sponges....' I said to myself more than anyone. 'I can't do it anymore.' He cried. 'Do you have any idea how much you need to drink just to keep going when you're filled up with sponges.' 'No.' I replied. ' No I don't. Now be a good chappy and pull yourself together. Lets go back up to the party and show some of those cheerleaders a good time.' 'Ok Happy.' The Commissioner dried his eyes. 'Lets go up. But promise you ain't gonna tell anyone about this.' I bridled at this unfounded accusation leveled at my trustworthiness. 'Of course not Commissioner. You know that my word is my bond.... of course... this doesn't explain why you fired the butler for stealing sponges.' And with that I lead the little green wreck up to the party. MY PREDICTION: Crying jags and a complete mental breakdown that leads me into running the XXXL and gaining all the glory now the hard work is done. Oh yeah. And I'm gonna tear his team apart Round 6. Mark my words. TEAR THEM APART. BLOOD FEUD! PLAYER TO WATCH: Digital Lover.... because like the phrase digital violation, it meant something completely different thirty years ago. | |