Interview with Coach Calthor

Interview by Bradrid Largegranite

BL:Stepping off the Cathayan Dragon Express, I can't help but be impressed by my surroundings. This place has history writ large. Beautifully ornate buildings, resplendent architecture and not a mine or quarry in site. A dwarf could really settle down somewhere like this.

It's a short walk from the station to the stadium and although it's not a game day, there is still a buzz of energy in the air. Traders, merchants, businessmen from all parts of the world can be seen walking these streets. A thriving diverse city united by one thing, their love for their local blood bowl team, the Grand Celestial Delegate. And it is their head coach, Calthor, who I will be speaking with today.

Arriving, I am greeted by a magnificent statue outside the stadium. This guardian lion is said to watch over the club through good and bad. It is sculpted from a light marble and looks amazing with the sun glinting off it. I pause for a moment to admire it, and am sure I see it wink at me. Must be a trick of the light I think and before I have time to check I am aware of a figure by my side.

"Good morning, I am monk Walking in Sorrow, I am in training with the academy and have been asked to fetch you to coach Calthor. Are you Largegranite?"

"Call me Bradrid, and yes, I am. Shall we go? I don't want to keep coach waiting"

"Indeed, let us proceed" and the monk strode off into the stadium with your humble narrator nearly having to run to keep up. After a few turns and corridors, we arrived at a beautiful mahogany door. The monk knocked and we entered.

Coach Calthor was seated behind a modest desk, very uncluttered with a small plant in the corner. I could see letter writing paraphernalia and the usual accoutrements one would expect in a setting such as this.

Calthor rose to greet me. “I trust your journey was pleasant?”

“Indeed it was, it is true what they say about the Cathay people, they are generous and hospitable to a fault. And the transport system in this city is incredible. I’ve travelled across this land and this is one of the most organised, beautiful locations I’ve found myself in.”

Calthor smiled and gestured to a seat. “Shall we begin?”

“Please, forgive me, I forget myself.” I sat. “So coach, tell me, what initially drew you to taking on the coaching of this team? Aside from the beautiful surroundings.”

A thin smile was all that was given at first, before the reply came. “To tell you the truth, I never had a true choice in the matter. A series of unlikely events involving a rainstorm, a drunken martial arts master and an imperial Cathayan coin brought me onto a path that would eventually lead me in contact with the team in Cathay. Nobody ever asked me to start coaching, but it was nevertheless assumed. It is the oddest thing, now that I think about it. I think the monks would explain it all as being part of the Path of Endless Footsteps, or something of a similar nature. I confess that I do not understand all of it, but living by the philosophy is more natural than understanding all its theory for me.”

BL: How interesting. You say you never had a true choice in the matter? Do you feel it was your destiny to be coaching this team? That certainly seems to be what you are implying.

Calthor: ”I am not sure if I would call it ‘destiny’, exactly. It is not like a prophetic thing, like some fanatic devotees of Sigmar would call these things. Instead, it is more that if one follows the path that is most right for oneself, by acting without overthinking or underthinking, by following the heartbeat of the universe and the natural cadence of what is and what shall be, then one follows the trail that makes most sense for them and that they are most meant for. It is not destiny in a western sense, as it would be considered in the Old World. I must admit I am still learning the intricacies in this way of thinking, about unlearning my western preconceptions about the nature of everything. Every single time I talk to After The Lotus Flowers Have Opened, I feel I have more questions than before!”

BL: I must agree with you there, I certainly have more questions than before also. I assume by your way of speaking that these beliefs and thought processes do not reflect a way of thinking you were used to. Could you describe your way of life and background before you started coaching the team. Just where do you come from Coach Calthor?

Calthor: ”Well, I come from humble origins, I used to be the proprietor of a traveller’s inn in Marienburg. Quite a change, don’t you think?”

BL: Quite the change and what an inspirational story, truly proof to all of our readers that anybody can achieve their dreams. What changes did you make to the team upon taking over - either to the stadium or the training regiment or even cutting/hiring new talent.

Calthor: ”The stadiums in Cathay are all there, that’s not my responsibility. But training, morale, talent acquisition, all of that has been on me, yes. And from the start too, they told me I could decide who would make it to the team or not. I still have the Grand Celestial Emperor’s seal of approval. That was a nervous time, they wanted me to get everything ready in time - we had to be ready in time to be one of the founding CIBBL teams, after all!
The team name is not my idea though, that was an administrative decision beyond my control. They are very proud of their grand nation here…”

BL: And they should be proud as you’ve turned the Grand Celestial Delegate into a real cornerstone of the whole league. As an observer I’d say it’s been a windy road rather than a straight path to glory but looking at some of the players you have on your roster now, in particular Peach Blossom Water and After the Lotus Flowers Have Opened, the future is looking very bright for the GCD, assuming they stay healthy. As we’re halfway through the current season would you care to comment on how you feel the team is performing, any big setbacks or victories on or off the field?

Calthor: ”It’s been a windy road indeed, but that is apparently the path we have to tread on. We’ve had plenty of moments where we’ve had bend like the reed at the lake on a stormy day. The amount of times the Silent Death has played tricks on us is well documented, we’ve had fireballs break us and recently we’ve faced a wrathful storm at the hands of Father Fanky. Most of the time, we’ve ended up in the middle of the pack in any season, but it’s only a matter of time until we finally overcome this constant curse. Of course, with After the Lotus Flowers Have Opened on our side, we do have one of the league’s most well-known names on our side.
It is funny you mention Peach Blossom Water, by the way. That foo statue is a strange one. Some matches he is a wonder, and at other times, he loses his focus early and turns to stone. Sometimes when we play in Cathay, the graceful fenghuan bird comes to perch on him and watches the match raging all around him. The monks just smile when they see that and continue to play, but I admit this can be frustrating for me as a coach, because when Peach Blossom Water is reliable, he is a difference maker!”

BL: Do you have to take into account Peach Blossom Water’s wandering mind when planning team tactics? I imagine that having a difference maker on the pitch but not being able to totally rely on them can be frustrating. Does it lead to a more fluid style of play, keeping options open. This is different to most other teams I’ve seen play. For example I remember watching the Grimcrag Tornadoes when I was little and every match was a stone copy of a previous one: block, block, slowly advance.

Calthor: “Well, to be honest, Peach Blossom Water doesn’t train with us, and doesn’t really feature in team tactic planning. Basically, the foo statue just shows up to the games, and we play around him. On a good day, he makes a big impact. On a bad day, well… At least he is still a presence at a given space on the pitch. Besides, he is a great hit with the fans and does well for merchandising, so we really wouldn’t want to go without him. For example, I brought you this free sample of, er, Peach Blossom Water.” Coach Calthor takes out a bottle of famous purifying Peach Blossom Water, apparently ‘ideal for regaining the stillness your skin is waiting for’.

BL: I bet he’s a great hit with the other team if you know what I mean chuckles but I must tell you coach Calthor, I hold myself to very high standards regarding impartiality in my interviews. However I am somewhat thirsty. Bradrid takes a swig and looks puzzled. Under her breath “tastes just like river water to me.” Well thank you coach that is very hydrating.

I’ve noticed that merchandise appears to be an area that the GCD have embraced wholeheartedly. Do you use the profits from these sales to fund your training program for upcoming stars?

Calthor: “Well, it is a bit more complicated than that. In contrast to many other teams, we are actually a state-supported team. This means we are never low on funds for any of our needs, whether it concerns training programs, facilities, stadium, recruiting, you name it! On the other hand, we are still supposed to maximize our merchandising efforts, and all profits go to the Cathayan Empire itself. There are worse deals to be in, honestly. We have no fear of financial insecurity. The only issue is that we have to deal with some administrative hassle. Fortunately, I have a room full of assistant monkey scribes that work for me to deal with most of that. They write good theatre plays in their spare time too.”

BL: “I’d heard there was a great playwriting tradition in Cathay. My mum and I came to see ‘Much Bonobo about Nothing,’ for her 170th birthday I assume that was one of your scribe’s works.

I must admit, I haven’t come across many other teams that receive state support and yet are so beloved by their fans. Most of the other non-self sufficient teams are managed by either slavers or dictator-like figure so it’s fascinating to hear this mutual relationship can work so well. It certainly removes the burden of financial stability that some teams face, means you can focus more on the action on the pitch.

Well coach, I’d like to thank you so much for your time, I know you’re extremely busy. I wonder if you recommend me any good local eating establishments. My ticket for the Dragon Express isn’t until this evening so I have enough time for a meal before I depart.

Calthor : “Ah, yes, of course! The cooks have actually prepared a special feast today, I believe. Let us go and have a bite!”

Coach Calthor led me through a few rooms and hallways, adorned with many pleasant lanterns, before arriving into a dining room. Amidst many dishes with fruits, vegetables and more, there was one huge plate which seemed to be today’s main course. It didn’t take long to recognize the distinct rat shape.

Calthor :“Ah, flavourfully fried, do you smell that? According to the cooks, this one died very silently indeed…”