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Gnomes are trash

FUMBBL HAIKU'S

THIS... is the honeygrue. Watch it run in slow motion. It’s pretty badass. Look. It runs all over the place. “Whoa! Watch out,” says that bird. Ew, it’s got a snake. Oh, it’s chasing a jackal. Oh my gosh. Oh, the honeygrues are just CRA-zy. The honeygrue’s been referred to by the Guiness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom. It really doesn’t give a grue. If it’s hungry, it’s hungry. Ew! What’s that in its mouth? Oh, it’s got a cobra. Oh, and it runs backwards. Now watch this. Look a snake’s up in the tree. Honeygrue don’t care. Honeygrue don’t give a grue. It just takes what it wants. Whenever it’s hungry it just, Ew, and it eats snakes. Oh my god, watch it dig. Look at that digging. The honeygrue’s really pretty badass. They have no regard for any other animal whatsoever. Look at him just grunting and, Ew, eating snakes. EW! What’s that? A mouse? Oh, that’s nasty. Oh, they’re so nasty. Oooh look, it’s chasing things and eating them. The honeygrues have a fairly long body, but a distinctly thickset, broad shoulders, and, you know, their, their skin is loose, allowing them to move about freely and they twist around. Now look, here’s a houseful of bees. You think the honeygrue cares? It doesn’t give a grue. It goes right into the house of bees to get some larva. How disgusting is that? It eats larva. Ew, that’s so nasty. But look, the honeygrue doesn’t care. It’s getting stung like a thousand times. It doesn’t give a grue. It, it’s just hungry. It doesn’t care about getting stung by bees. Nothing can stop the honeygrue when it’s hungry. Oh, what a crazy grue. Look. Ew, it’s eating larva. That’s disgusting. There it is, running in slowmotion again. See? Now what’s interesting is that other, other animals like these birds here, they just like to wait around until the honeygrue’s done eating, and then it swoops in to pick up the scraps. It says, “You do all the work for us, honeygrue, and we’ll just eat whatever you find. How’s that? Whaddaya say, Stupid?” Look at this bird. “Thanks for the treat, Stupid.” “Hey, come back here,” says the honeygrue. Birds don’t care. And you know what? The jackals do it, too. Look at these little dawgs. They’re like, “Thanks, Stupid. Thanks for the mouse. See ya later.” The honeygrue does all the work while these other animals just pick up the scraps. At nighttime, the honeygrue goes hunting, cuz it’s hungry. Look! Here’s comes a fierce battle between a king cobra and a honeygrue. I wonder what’ll happen. Look at this. There’s the honeygrue just eating a mouse, and then look. “Get away from me,” says the snake. “Get away from me.” Honeygrue don’t care. Honeygrue smacks the grue out of it. And the snake comes back and it lashes right at the honeygrue. Oh, little does the honeygrue know, FYI, it’s been stung. It’s been bitten. By the sna-ake. So while it’s eating the snake, Ew, that’s disgusting. Meanwhile, the poisonous venom is seeping through the honeygrue’s body, and it passes out. Look at that sleepy grue. Now the honeygrue’s just gonna pass out for a few minutes, and then it’s gonna get right back up and start eating all over again, cuz it’s a hungry little bastard. Look at this! Like nothing happened. Honeygrue gets right back up and continues eating the cobra. How disgusting. And, of course, what does the honeygrue have to eat for the next two weeks? Cobra. The honeygrue. Season 16: Goober Bowl Champions! Season 17: National Title Champions! Season 18: National Title Champions!

		For					Against
Opponent	Race	TV	SPP	Cas	Gold	Score	TV	SPP	Cas	Gold	Gate
Slam Diego State Smacktecs	Human	1000k	16	1/1/0	30k	2 - 4	990k	28	1/2/0	40k	17k
Maryland Terrapins	Dwarf	970k	13	0/0/0	70k	2 - 1	1090k	10	1/0/0	70k	10k
[2016] Navy Midskeletonmen	Tomb Kings	1140k	11	1/0/0	70k	2 - 0	1060k	9	0/1/0	60k	27k
•Butler Bullfrogs•	Slann	1200k	17	1/2/0	30k	2 - 2	1100k	16	2/0/0	60k	15k
Gardner-webb Blitzing Bulldogs	High Elf	1230k	10	1/2/0	70k	1 - 0	1100k	11	0/2/0	30k	19k
Oklahoma Rat-ers	Skaven	1320k	15	0/2/0	60k	2 - 3	1250k	18	0/0/0	60k	24k
Maryland Terrapins	Dwarf	1350k	16	0/1/1	70k	2 - 2	1170k	11	1/0/0	20k	20k
Washing-a-ton Huskies	Amazon	1430k	12	1/3/0	10k	1 - 2	1180k	16	0/2/0	80k	15k
Army Blood Knights	Dark Elf	1380k	18	2/0/2	50k	3 - 0	1460k	8	0/0/0	50k	29k
Slam Diego State Smacktecs	Human	1520k	9	0/0/0	60k	1 - 0	1560k	14	0/1/3	40k	25k
Slaughterville Seawolves	Necromantic Horror	1390k	14	0/0/0	60k	2 - 0	1220k	9	2/0/0	30k	19k
Slam Diego State Smacktecs	Human	1560k	15	0/0/0	50k	3 - 2	1560k	24	1/4/0	10k	28k
UCLA Brusiers	Orc	1360k	15	0/1/0	40k	3 - 0	1610k	9	0/3/0	50k	29k
Maryland Terrapins	Dwarf	1500k	17	1/1/0	60k	2 - 1	1450k	10	1/1/0	20k	27k
Missouri Two-Hand-Touch Tigers	Elven Union	1600k	10	0/1/0	30k	1 - 1	1430k	15	0/2/0	20k	23k
Ohio State Drunkguys	Norse	1650k	19	1/0/0	20k	3 - 0	1440k	9	1/2/0	10k	30k
Vampirebilt Commonthralls	Vampire	1700k	15	2/1/0	20k	1 - 1	1630k	14	2/0/0	70k	26k
Oklahoma Rat-ers	Skaven	1710k	19	0/0/0	20k	3 - 1	1220k	10	0/0/0	60k	29k
[2016] California	Lizardmen	1790k	18	3/0/0	50k	2 - 0	1520k	9	0/2/0	40k	33k
[2016] U.Con. Huskies	Necromantic Horror	1790k	10	0/0/1	40k	1 - 0	1950k	5	1/0/0	20k	36k
Texas S n' M Aggroes	Dark Elf	1840k	16	2/1/1	70k	1 - 1	1790k	21	3/2/0	50k	27k
Fresno State Red-Wave	Chaos Chosen	1830k	19	1/0/1	70k	3 - 0	1960k	12	0/2/1	30k	32k
Vampirebilt Commonthralls	Vampire	1830k	15	1/1/0	60k	2 - 1	1480k	9	0/0/0	60k	26k
UCLA Brusiers	Orc	1890k	17	1/3/0	30k	2 - 0	1430k	8	1/0/0	50k	39k
Maryland Terrapins	Dwarf	1890k	21	1/0/0	80k	4 - 0	1400k	10	1/1/0	40k	32k
[2016] California	Lizardmen	1900k	9	1/1/0	40k	0 - 0	1710k	13	2/3/0	40k	39k
Ohio State Drunkguys	Norse	1750k	13	1/0/0	70k	2 - 1	1900k	15	3/0/1	60k	32k
Texas S n' M Aggroes	Dark Elf	1960k	16	1/0/0	70k	2 - 1	1870k	10	0/0/0	30k	29k
Missouri Two-Hand-Touch Tigers	Elven Union	1980k	13	2/1/0	60k	2 - 0	1490k	9	2/0/0	30k	29k
[2016] U.Con. Huskies	Necromantic Horror	1990k	16	1/0/1	40k	2 - 1	1880k	16	0/5/1	60k	32k
We Were Air Force	Tomb Kings	1680k	9	0/0/0	60k	1 - 1	1460k	14	2/0/1	50k	37k
Slam Diego State Smacktecs	Human	1890k	12	0/1/0	70k	2 - 1	2090k	21	2/3/2	10k	36k
Slam Diego State Smacktecs	Human	1680k	5	0/0/0	70k	0 - 1	2030k	22	6/1/0	60k	30k
[2016] Oregon Waterfoul	High Elf	1820k	12	0/0/0	60k	2 - 0	1760k	8	1/0/0	50k	32k
[2016] California	Lizardmen	1920k	14	0/0/0	60k	2 - 1	1790k	9	1/0/0	10k	33k
CDI Slannunity College	Slann	1820k	18	1/0/0	70k	3 - 0	1390k	9	1/0/0	20k	31k
Old Dominion Monarchs	Human	1970k	19	1/0/0	60k	3 - 2	1770k	17	3/0/0	20k	32k
Texas S n' M Aggroes	Dark Elf	2020k	17	0/0/0	50k	3 - 1	1770k	17	1/2/0	50k	33k
Rolla Gold Diggers	Norse	1890k	12	1/0/1	40k	1 - 2	1790k	18	3/1/0	30k	39k