You remember that foul evening when you heard the banshees howl,
There was lazy drunken bastards singing "Billy In The Bowl".
They took you up to midnight mass and left you in the lurch,
So you dropped a button in the plate and spewed up in the church.

And now I'm lying here I've had too much booze.
I've been sh*t on and spat on and raped and abused.
I know that I am dying and I wish I could beg
For some money to take me from the old main drag.

So they collected the cripples, the wounded, the maimed
And they shipped us back home to Westralia.
The legless, the armless, the blind, and insane
Those proud wounded heroes of Uvula.
And as our ship pulled into Succubous Quay,
I looked at the place where me legs used to be
And thank Nuffle there was nobody waiting for me
To grieve and to mourn and to pity.

O come fill up your glasses
of brandy and wine.
Whatever it costs I will pay.
So be easy and free
when you're drrrrinking with me.
I'm a man you don't meet every day.

I'm sad to say I must be on me way,
So buy me beer and whiskey 'cause I'm going far away <b>(far away)</b>.
I'd like to think of me returning when I can
To the greatest little boozer and to Sally MacLennane.

Now those that were left, did our best to survive
In a mad world of blood, death and fire.
And for ten weary weeks I kept myself alive
While the corpses around me piled higher.
Then a big Ogre fart knocked me a*se over tit.
And when I awoke in my hospital bed
And saw what it had done, Nuffle, I wished I was dead
Never knew there were worse things than dying.

O! there we toss'd and tumbl'd
till daylight did appear.
Then I arose, put on my clothes,
saying, "Fare you well my dear.
The drums they are a-beating
and the fifes so sweetly play,
If it wasn't for that, dear Polly,
along with you I'd stay."

I'm going to make me a good sharp axe,
Shining steel tempered in the fire.
Will chop you down like an old dead tree,
Dirty old town
Dirty old town.

They died in their hundreds with no sign to mark where,
Save the brass in the pocket of the entrepreneur.
By landslide and rockblast they got buried so deep
That in death if not life they'll have peace while they sleep.

Have a Billy holiday
Born on a Monday
Married on a Tuesday
Drunk on a Wednesday
Got plugged on a Thursday
Sick on a Friday
Died on a Saturday
Buried on a Sunday

And on the jukebox Johnny sang
About a thing called love.
And it's "how are you kid and what's your name?"
And how would you bloody know?
In blood and death 'neath a screaming sky
I lay down on the ground.
And the arms and legs of other men
Were scattered all around.
Some cursed, some prayed, some prayed then cursed
Then prayed and bled some more.
And the only thing that I could see
Was a pair of brown eyes that was looking at me.
But when we got back, labeled parts one to three,
There was no pair of brown eyes waiting for me.

Well the people held their breath
When they heard of Jesse's death.
They wondered how he came to fall.
Well it was Robert Ford in fact
who shot him in the back
While he hung a picture on the wall.

They blasted and dug with their sweat and their guts.
They never drank water but whiskey by pints
And the shanty towns rang with their songs and their fights.

It's of a gentleman soldier
as sentry he did stand.
He saluted a fair maiden
by a waiving of his hand.
So then he boldly kissed her
and he passed it off as a joke.
He drilled her up in the sentry box
wrapped up in a soldier's cloak.