Faulcon
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 05, 2005 - 10:26 |
 
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Skinks run past (more) orcs - by Ltrrl, Enforcer (Retired)
Ghsrss headbutt fist again (dumb bonehead head not that thick bone). Skinks run fast past orcs and win.
Edited and annotated - by Aouoedllphss, Sprinter (Retired)
The skinks were looking pretty lethargic early on, a mysterious shared nightmare the previous evening had caused significant concern with SWL super-star skink Thshltraeeay especially off balance having had a premonition of his death. No doubt this contributed to the way the lizards performed after kicking off, all the skinks running to the wrong side of the pitch and leaving Queer wide open to receive the pass and head to the line. Thshltraeeay bravely put his thoughts aside and forced a tough dodge from the orcish thrower, but Queer made it over the line for the early lead. On the return play, the lizards formed up a wedge driving down the middle of the orcish defensive line before a small group splintered off and smashed a hole large enough for emerging talent Xies-ler-aym to slide easily through and level the scores. The lizards were looking a lot sharper at the second kickoff, and after Konondrumfumbled a simple handoff from Goon, Thshltraeeay showed his acclaimed form from last season to recover the ball and put the lizards 2-0 up at the break.
The skinks were taking a bit of a pounding though, not high on numbers to start with, they were down to 9 at the second half restart, but once again after the lizards used a little feint of their own, Slirl used his exceptional strength to force a gap allowing a small group of lizards to dash through on the weak side. Orcish abomination Goon attempted a suicidal blitz into the 3 skink formation and almost pulled it off, but fell at the last and most difficult hurdle. Aieiee made sure the lineorc wouldn't be making a second attempt with a well timed boot to the head. A second foul the next turn to remove Rock'ead II had the skinks feeling a little more comfortable as the completed the third touchdown to end the scoring. The orcs tried to pull one back to make the scoreline presentable in the final turn, but Srrts happened to be trying to swat an annoying pigeon when the ball was hurled past him and quite by accident found he'd got the ball caught between his fingers. He was spared the trouble of trying to work out what to do with it when the whistle sounded for end of the game.
Only dark spot for the match was Ghsrss once again showing his incompetence by getting injured twice (again once by himself). This Krox needs a trainer, and fast.
Slumbering Skinks 3 - 1 Karaz Krasherz |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Feb 06, 2005 - 11:13 |
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Zen Adepts 4 def Blue Mountain Dragons 0
It was a grim night here in the North Conference as old foes the Zen Adepts squared off against <u><i>SWL V Champions</u></i> the Blue Mountain Dragons.
Unfortunately due to 6 injuries in all, 3 of them at the last minute, the Dragons could only muster 7 players for the opening kickoff.
That number was reduced in the opening moments as Woodford Benz was carried off in the first minute with a bad injury and from that point on it was a walk over.
The Dragons fought bravely, but further serious injuries to star catchers Blax Landric and Lapi Stoneman ended what little hope there was and the game petered out into a 4-0 walkover.
The Adepts were gentlemanly though in their approach in the second half as a show of respect to the long arch rivals. Many of the Dragons fans applauding the mercy shown from the stands.
Yet despite this, Lapi Stoneman's injury was serious enough that he has been retired and replaced by rookie sensation Jelli Beenpoole |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Feb 09, 2005 - 05:34 |
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Welcome back sports fans, and this is Jahosh Gawwad here to tell you about the latest latest Western Conference game, between the Pro Losers and Brouhaha's Revenge.
Well the brave elves started well with the ball, and Lotti Tuquiri found a gap in the Chaos Dwarf line to score in the early minutes of the game, but from then on it went all the Revenge's way, and they battered the poor elves all around and several times OFF the pitch.
By half time the score was 1-1, but without enough players on the pitch to halt the evil dwarves, the Losers were soundly beaten in the end.
Pro Losers 1-3 Brouhaha's Revenge |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 10, 2005 - 00:53 |
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Barbara Bandages has interrupted her knitting to release the following announcement from the Southern Mothers Association.
'The proud and noble members of the Southern Mothers Association - Gumbeast United were forced to play the nasty Forza Ferrari squad in their hectic Southern Conference schedule.
The SMA are pleased that the Gumbeast United squad played a very nice friendly game. Several of the amazonian girls were sent back to the changing rooms to reconsider their attire, after exposing a bit too much skin, star mummy Anders Hansson was heard screaming 'You're Not going out in that!!' before politely guiding one of the girls off the pitch.
Unfortunately the hyperactive girls were jumping around like crazy kids, and managed to cause themselves harm, with two unfortunate fatalities due to headbutting a table and a bad case of doing the splits. Emergency repairs by a registered nurse fixed up the nose, but the splits caused unfortunate internal injuries leading to complications. This is a general warning against dodging and running about, and going past your limits.
The amazon team disapointed their Mothers by hiring troubled teen Zara. She greatly distracted the Khemri team who attempted to lecture her on lifestyle choices. Luckily she was seen running off the pitch with a good looking gumbeast united assistant coach at half time, never to be seen again. The assistant coach has been fired due to health complications.
A notable event was a mass fouling on new mother Carroll Bryan. The mothering instinct was too strong, and she rose once more to educate the crass ladies of lustria.
The amazons played a better game than the distracted khemri team but could not convert for a win, the final score was 1-1. Let this be a lesson in Karma. Nuffle does not like our teen queen of bloodbowl.
All eyes are now on the manly Guttormr Raiders to see if they will blow their dough on the spoilt princess, further fueling her drug habits.
Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves.' |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Feb 14, 2005 - 13:59 |
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Kami's comments after the upset of the Premiership: Karaz Krasherz 1 vs 0 Southside Stone Smashers.
Goobering gesticulations! The ladz have a bit of fight after all! Not that it matters hugely now after they dashed their premiership aspirations before even they began. Still, tiz good to see the ladz with a bit of pluck mixing it up in the prem and opening the door to an exciting conclusion to da season. Still, can't go back now I'm coaching da Old Gaffers' Geriatrics, and boy do they need some coachin! Best thing about this challenge is I can't really help them to any worse a game than they had on their qpool debut! But good luck to da Krasherz! They have a fighting chance at sticking around in prem now, though much will depend on their next game!
The leadup to the game itself was a bit of a tea party for the Krasherz. The aimless sort which takes on a life of its own - due in considerable part to assistant coach Kami abandoning the team in frustration.
Red Noggin' was sconed for being such an elf prat and the frequent ire of Kami's withering gazes. This probably accounted for him turning up to the match in a doggie bag, unable of course, to take the field.
Stompa finally realised everyone else thought him stupid. Silly really, looking a little vacant while working out complex quantum mechanical equations was pretty normal really - and they had the audacity to think he was stupid! Goon copped a barnhousing roundhouse for so delicately illuminating Stompa of this little fact. He too, was binned for the big game as a result (DUH WHERE AM I handicap saw him off the field as it was too big a risk to have him play and bonehead at a critical moment).
And so with the frequent sconings and locker room brawls as a tumultuous, ungoverned week came to an end, the lads took to the field in a strangely orcy frame of mind. The elforcs were sidelined and amidst the chaos, Nobbla da Chainsaw snuck onto the field. The game was a very bashy affair, even the Smasher's Kahn Rockarm had a pretty quite game. Nobbla attracted alot of undeserved attention (only managed a KO and a stun) right up to turn 16 when his chainsaw riped him a new ....
And out of all the beatings, the dwarves surprisingly came off second best and the lads came away with a win! The best of it all sees the premiership now flung wide open. The premiership itself as well as the season's infamous relegations now all up for grabs! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Feb 14, 2005 - 14:43 |
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Bob Borc 'ere!
Bit of a' update for da Twahnlow Medal at da end of Round 4 in the Premiership - naturally led by an orcy! (Ed: Oi what's goin on 'ere Bob!?)
10 pts - Reddn' Roll'n (Krasherz)
07 pts - Taller (Black Crowes)
07 pts - DaBludga (Wanna Beatin)
06 pts - Karn Rockarm (Southside Stone Smashers)
06 pts - Breasal Brandon (Wickermen)
06 pts - Quickone (Warlizards)
06 pts - Darren (Warlizards)
Rememberin' this ain't quite an even spread of points since some teams have had their byes against Carlton United and some 'avent. |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 14, 2005 - 23:29 |
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Barbara Bandages sent us this quick press release before dropping her children at school (Motherhood is like being a taxi driver these days...)
The Southern Mothers Association mourns the loss of the next scheduled opponents of the shining example of motherhood that is Gumbeast United, the cowardly Guttormr Raiders. The scrappy norsemen were unable to compete with Jacks Boozers after their education in discipline by the SMA’s finest. The Boozers however were a bit rough with their punishment, leaving 3 of the Raiders never able to play again… The SMA would like to warn the Boozers that they are being watched; as such excessive punishment is not proper.
Gumbeast United's new recruit young mother Carroll Bryan is disappointed that she will not have a chance to play with the Raiders she said "I have been looking forward to this game as a chance to practice my skills against such undisciplined children". The SMA is disappointed that coach Skonos pulled the plug on the team after a single bad game, unfortunately he was not available for comment, at last report he was curled in the corner, possibly sobbing.
Lastly the SMA would like to note that such bad fortune occurred at the ill fated club only after they were spotted with the teen bloodbowl magazine's rated most likely player to film herself doing the nasty with an entire dwarf team. It is a warning that consorting with Zara is to tempt the hand of Mother Nuffle herself.
Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves. |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Feb 15, 2005 - 23:08 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
I don't know what sort of Gods Lizardmen worship...but whoever they are the cold-bloods must have had an excellent week in church! My guess is they recieved some sort of "armour magik" along with some "pickitup juice" and a large dose of "foulhurt" as well. Whatever they had it completly baffled the kidz and made them look like a bunch of useless pups trying to open a can with a stick. First 1 1/2 turns looked good...recieved..went to their stock play...all was well...then a simple handoff from Gone to Horsehead was fumbled and WHAM skinks are up 1-0. After that it was just humiliation after humiliation. Failed gfi's, pushs, and most embarresing was Taller..he of the claw...failing to break skink armour ALL GAME! The GREAT UNSEEN will NOT be happy about that.
The ONLY goat doing anything was Amorica...this old timer is seeing a resurgence in his career ever since he added DirtyPlayer to his skill set. Once our #1 QB until a -ST saw him move to a bench role...now in the last 3 games he has scored 2 TDs, committed 12 fouls and was given the MVP against the skinks as he was the ONLY one who could hurt them. Now if only the others would take note of his leadership and get back to bizness.
A Premiership flag seems out of the question now...and with 2 tough matches remaining, against two dangerous Orc squads, even staying in the big league is in doubt. Let's hope a little pep talk will see the Herd come back strong!
Black Crowes 0 vs 2 Slumbering Skink |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 04:24 |
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Eppo Longshanks Breaks Fling TD Record!
In todays match against the SWL Avengers, star fling Eppo Longshanks broke the SWL record for Halfling TD's by scoring his 28th TD!
Eppo is the new sensation at the Donut Boys and now has surpassed retired legend Isumbras Underhill.
Isumbras, who was present at the match said to Channel BB afterwards "Eppo has worked long and hard for this. He has achieved his TD record in only 30 matches, whereas I took 32 games to reach my mark of 27. We are all very proud of him"
Isumbras' career was cut short by a debilitating shoulder injury, but other than a minor knee problem, Eppo is fit and ready to go and should extend this record by a significant margin.
Mr Whippy, Chairman of the SWL and owner of the Donut Boys said at the press conference afterwards
"Eppo is a great team man. He is gutsy and determined to help the Boys out. He was the last Fling standing in todays match and was surfed into the crowd... of course our crowd carried him to the dugout unhurt and he even had a few lollies stuffed into his pockets on the way!" |
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DoubleSkulls
Joined: Oct 05, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 05:32 |
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In the Lil Leeg yesterday both Trolls on Chaos Halfling team, the Hotpot Hackers, showed a marked improvement in agility after the game. Both Pavola Pete and Head Butter were available for comment, but ate the reporter instead. Suspicious abound that the team have taken to whole heartedly worshipping Tzeentch.
At the post match game conference the head coach denied he had any plans for the unusually talented pair.
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Ian 'Double Skulls' Williams
Eucalyptus Bowl |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 07:36 |
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While preparing meals for her 12 lovely children Barbara Bandages of the Southern Mothers Association released the following announcement, regarding the state of the Southern Conference.
'A disgusting display of violence when the fluffy wuffy rats of German Vermin hit the pitch against the wild BashD team has disappointed the SMA, which prides itself in encouraging a graceful style of play and beautiful passing game for all teams, as practiced by the courteous Gumbeast United. What message does it send the young fans when teams just go out there to hurt one another? A very sad message that will no doubt lead to the widespread degradation of society. One of Gumbeast United's star mothers - Marvin Buffington was heard at a recent press conference saying 'I do not like the direction the SWL is going with such widespread foul play and lasting injuries, it is every mothers nightmare that their children decide to take to the pitch, it is so dangerous out there'. Any teams which show a penchant for excessive violence will be dealt with by the SMA harshly, but fairly.
Rumours of 'hot' inter-team training sessions between the German Vermin and BashD involving suspicious green powder have been supported by strong circumstantial evidence as both teams are constantly sprouting new press on nails and have been reported with rather bizarre 'skin conditions' being used as weapons. This is an OUTRAGE to the SMA, due to the message it sends children about lifestyle choices and drugs in sport. The Gumbeast United squad has been briefed to ensure that appropriate discipline is administered and they teach proper behaviour.
The behaviour of certain teams in the South Conference has been shocking, and they need to take a good look at themselves. Their mothers are extremely dissapointed.
Now, Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves.' |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 10:10 |
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Coach Chunknanimous calls a hasty press conference to refute the claims of one Barbara Bandages.
"Ms Bandages, if that IS her real name, is engaging in shenanigans and political double-speak. My sources tell me that not only does she have a vested interest in Gumbeast United, our next opponent, but that she is in fact a groupie. Considering Gumbeast players were all dead long ago, I would like to point out that that is just gross. Honestly, if one must indulge in kinky behaviour, why not just hook up with a daemonette or two (or seven - ahem).
If one would like a sterling example of Ms Bandages hypocrisy, I would point out her supported team Gumbeast United mauling of I-House's star blitzer Cannon, truly one of the premier ball handlers this fine league has ever seen.
The plain and simple fact of the matter, is that Gumbeast United are scared witless at the prospect of playing Bash D. Given the history between teams coached by me and those horrible deadites, I strongly hope the spiky boot remains on the other foot, and we give them a good kicking, something neither those arrogant gits I-House or effete pansys the Wusses were able to manage. In closing, I say this" Kill em all, and if it's worth doing, do it with Claw!"
At this point Coach Chunknanimous abruptly left the conference, leaving a bunch of confused reporters in his wake, as he hadn't actually allowed any questions. Numerous attempts to contact the coach were met only with an answering machine message stating that he was too busy conducting the Ritual of Clawgrowth to take any calls. |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Feb 18, 2005 - 12:28 |
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Irite Stuff here with a look at the comings and going fo South Conference. This conference began with nary a whimper, as some of the original teams invloved simply refused to play! The conference finally began to settle down after the first two rounds, but all the forfeits have seen a number of coaches in contention for Conference champions. Here is how the table looks as of right now:
Bash D are currently on top, and have been in brutal form this season. One suspects that if it wasn't for a schedule hiccup that saw them miss a game against a weakened Lords of War, they may have been well on top of the conference. As it stands though, they may soon be knocked from their perch at the top by the plucky gals of Forza Ferrari, who have combined some good results with a couple of early forfeits to be only 3 points behind with a game in hand. That game will be the big question mark for Forza Ferrari this season howvere, as it is against Jacks Boozers, a nemesis team for the Amazons. The Lords of War are once again sleeping their way through the early rounds, capable of beating any team on days when the team shows up in one piece. They could be the dark horse for the conference.
Next up we have the perennial contenders Gumbeast United, who face off against Bash D next round in one of the showcase games of the season, and one that may well decide the conference. Will Gumbeast continue their history of thwarting Coach Chunknanimous? Next we move on to the teams probably out of contention for the Conference championship. The Form Guide have been out of form this season, their main source of points bein forfeits. The team has suffered a lot of injuries this season, and have a tough run home, playing two of the top three teams. Jacks Boozers have been one of the big underperformers this season, beginning with a terrible display against Bash D. Followed by tough draws against Gumbeast and Form Guide, this season may well go down as what could have been for the doughty Dwarfs. Newcomers German Vermin have made a real splash in their few appearances thus far, playing two of the top teams closely, and smashing the Lords of War. Unfortunately it seems the ascension of the Guttomr Raiders was premature, and the team have retired after only their second game in conference play, after a brutal game against Jacks Boozers. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Feb 21, 2005 - 08:06 |
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Hi there sports fans! JaHosh Gawwad here, reporting on the latest game in the Western Conference. The Pro Losers II and the Maniac Mammalians II played a thriller today. It was a scoring frenzy in the first half, with 5 touchdowns scored between the two teams, seeing the Pro Losers ahead 3-2 at halftime.
The second half was not such a high scoring affair, with the defenses of both teams finally starting to kick in. In the dying moments the Maniac Mammalians were able to tie the game up, and that was how it ended.
THe only major injury to report was a niggling injury to the Pro Losers Captain and coach, Paul "Fatty" Vautin
Pro Losers II 4-4 Maniac Mammalians |
Last edited by Smegish on %b %21, %2005 - %13:%Feb; edited 1 time in total |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Feb 21, 2005 - 13:14 |
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Welcome back fans, JaHosh here reporting the latest game in the Western Conference, the Pro Losers II played the Angry Asgardians. The Asgardians started the game brutally smashing their way through the elves to score mid-way through the first half. The Losers rallied to tie it up 1-1 at half time.
The second half started much like the first did, with the Asgardians bashing the elven players whenever they could get their hands on them, but the losers were able to hit back occaisonally, but not enough to win it.
2 career-ending injuries were caused to the Pro Losers, and Reg Raegan and Steve Garcia will be sorely missed.
Pro Losers II 2-2 Angry Asgardians |
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