skatingtortoise
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
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 Posted:
Jun 23, 2005 - 18:51 |
 
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right
its the Bloodbowl, and the emperor stadium is completely sold out, but there is still one empty seat, right in the middle of the stands. the man sitting behind this seat thinks this quite an odd thing, so he asks the guy next to it why its empty.
''oh, well my wife was going to come with me, but at the last game she got a bit over-excited, ran onto the pitch, and got brutally beaten to death.''
hearing this, the man behind said: ''thats terrible, but couldnt you get a friend to come with you instead?''
''no, they're all at the funeral''
~adapted from a football (soccer) joke~
ace as tits |
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seandon12
Joined: Jan 11, 2005
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Jun 23, 2005 - 21:45 |
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Shintyboy for the first one ur joint in the lead with 4 3/4 laughs and 2 1/2 for the 2nd one
Karhumies 2 laughs
Mitzufuss 2 laughs (and thts bein generous)
Wukong il give you 4 laughs (would of been better but iv heard the original of tht joke)
Wizard 3 for te firsrt and 2 for the second |
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All Hail Macavity Mighty Leader of the forums, I pay homage to him! |
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seandon12
Joined: Jan 11, 2005
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Jun 23, 2005 - 21:46 |
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Skating Tortoise thats four laughs |
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All Hail Macavity Mighty Leader of the forums, I pay homage to him! |
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blitzwing
Joined: Nov 24, 2003
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Jun 24, 2005 - 05:11 |
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what do you get when you cross a thrall with a bungie cord?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-===-=-=-=-=-==-
=-=-==-==-=-=---=-=-==-
--=-==-==-==-=-=-=-=-=-
MY ASS
hahahahah
if anyone knows the reference - respect.
McCavity: "Whats for dinner mum?
******************************
******************************
Mrs McCavity:Spam.
Woodpecker: "Whats for dinner?
*****************************
*****************************
Trog: I am
Woodpecker: yum |
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DreadClaw
Joined: Nov 17, 2003
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Jun 24, 2005 - 06:14 |
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Three Bloodbowl Stadium owners set up shop in the same street.
The first Owner hangs out a sign: Orcabowl:Best Stadium of the world!
The 2nd Owner thinks long and hard, then hangs out a :SkavenPit Best Stadium of the UNIVERSE sign
The third Owner is devastated. he doesn't know what to do. so he goes to get drunk.
He walks into a street with three bars. First bar has a sign: The Hotpot Inn: Best Bar of the WORLD!. only 5 people are there. The owner quickly moves on.
second bar has a sign saying: The Drunken Dark Elf: Best Bar of the UNIVERSE! only 6 people are here.. the owner moves on to the third bar, curious why it's so busy there.. nothing is bigger than the universe.. could it be? could this be his answer?
He asks the Ogre who owns the bar what caused him to have so many clients. the ogre points at a sign, behind a rather large giant. After offering the Giant sufficient beer, he moves aside. on the Sign it says: The Ogre Brewery: Best bar in this street. |
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Death be not proud. Though Some have called thee Mighty and Dreadful Thou art not so. |
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skatingtortoise
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
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Jun 24, 2005 - 19:48 |
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the master of wit and repartie
its been 40 years since bob, an retired bloodbowl player last saw a game, and for his 70th birthday he is gifted with tickets to the Spike Mag. Final from his numerous children and grandchildren. and so, he sits in the best seat in the stadium, front row, and experiences one of the best halves he's ever seen. then on come the half-time entertainment, and this year a troupe of jesters performs to the crowd. but one jester, walks up to the old man and shouts to the crowd:
'sir, are you the front end of an ass?'
to which he replies with a feeble 'no...' 
'sir, are you the back end of an ass??'
to which he replies again 'no...'
'then sir, you must be no end of an ass!'
and the crowd roars in laughter at the mans humilation, so he runs out of the stadium crying, and swearing revenge against the jester, if it be the last thing he does before he dies. (and his team lost, just to rub it in)
and so, weeks later, he sees outside his local tavern, a notice advertising the services of a 'master of wit and repartie-know every comeback to every quip and jest'. and so he thought to himself, that this could be the perfect way to get his revenge.
a week later, after contacting the M. of W. and R., he agrees to pay him to go to the next game that the jester is performing at, and humiliate him.
and so we come to the next big game, and the Master of Wit and Repartie is sitting in the same seat as the old man.
and so, at the half time entertainment, the jesters appear, and lo and behold, the same jester walks up to the Master of Wit etc., and asks him:
'sir, are you the front end of an ass?'
to which he replies 'NO!'
'sir, are you the back end of an ass?'
'NO!' he replies
'then sir-' but before he can finish, the master of wit and repartie stands up and booms out
' WHY DON'T YOU JUST F**K OFF YOU LITTLE S**T!!!' |
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seandon12
Joined: Jan 11, 2005
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Jun 24, 2005 - 20:00 |
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blitzwing 2 for each
Dreadclaw 3 1/2 laughs
Skatingtortoise 3 laughs |
_________________
All Hail Macavity Mighty Leader of the forums, I pay homage to him! |
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public_Bob
Joined: Feb 03, 2004
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Jul 06, 2005 - 16:00 |
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skatingtortoise
BAAAAAAAAAAAAHahahahahahahaha i almost wet myself over that one. Wow i give it at least 6 laughs. Absolute classic. Such a build up, it seems like it will be such a clever and witty end to the joke and the punch line is so unexpected. Master of wit and reparte. AHAHAHA damn that was funny. phew i think i need to calm down. Thanx for that one mate i almost cried with joy at that one. |
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With your spurting and burning pathos... - Neon Genesis. (What does it mean????)
[edit] sounds a little like an std.... |
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skatingtortoise
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
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Jul 06, 2005 - 17:13 |
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i aim to please. maybe there should be a poll for 'fan favourite'? |
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PhilMan
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Jul 06, 2005 - 17:42 |
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I really like Dredclaws last one, 'Best bar in This Street', made me crack up so much.....! |
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as a friend once said: 'Willys'
"Best Bar in This Street" |
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public_Bob
Joined: Feb 03, 2004
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Jul 14, 2005 - 10:23 |
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*bump* i think we need to work on some more of these. Laughter makes me happy. And happiness makes me happy. So with with the power of laughter and happiness combined i can laugh and be happy at the same time. Also i can spread the love potions through the air and make other people happy. I would add to this sterling repitoire of jests but alas i lack any creative ability and/or wit. So i just stick with the love potions. *sprinkle sprinkle* so think up some funny jokes  |
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With your spurting and burning pathos... - Neon Genesis. (What does it mean????)
[edit] sounds a little like an std.... |
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thechosenone
Joined: Jul 08, 2005
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Jul 14, 2005 - 10:50 |
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What did the treeman say to the amazon linewoman?
I have wood |
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heinz
Joined: Mar 24, 2004
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Jul 14, 2005 - 10:50 |
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This one's so old I'm surprised it hasnt come up yet, so here goes:
Why did the undead cross the road?
BRAAAIIINSSS! |
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#fumbbl_academy - the old school alternative | #bloodlust - FUMBBL's first Vampire chat |
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thechosenone
Joined: Jul 08, 2005
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 Posted:
Jul 14, 2005 - 11:09 |
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The halfling team is celebrating at a seedy bar, and that night a witch elf and a halfling hook up over some drinks.
Later on, back at the motel, the pair are having sex; however, although the halfling is enjoying it, the witch elf cannot feel anything. So the witchelf goes to the halfling, "go and get one of your friends - two is more fun.
So the halfling goes away and comes back with a friend, and the sex begins again. The witch elf still cannot feel anything and says to one of the halflings, "go and get another friend, four is more fun".
So the halfling goes away and comes back with yet another friend. The four halflings, despite their efforts, cannot pleasure the witch elf, so she goes to one of the halflings, "go and get another friend, five is more fun".
But the same thing happens again and again, and again - every time the witch elf demands another halfling. Eventually, the entire halfling bloodbowl team is in the motel room.
Finally...the witch elf screams in pleasure. Then, looking at the halflings, she says, "now we need to get some more halflings to start working on my ass"!
So one halflings goes away and comes back with the coach, 10 assistant coaches, and the halfling chef.
Eventually...with many cries of "I can get more pleasure taking a dump", the witch elf finishes screaming...and lets out a huge sign of relief.
The halfings feel very proud because they have never satisfied a woman before, not even as a team. Jubilated, they get ready to leave to get some sleep for the game tommorow.
Suddenly, as they walk towards the door of the motel room, they hear the click of a lock, and a calm voice pierces the air: "where do you think your going".
Drawing her hair back, and reaching for a device with a strap, the witch elf looks at the halflings and says, "now its my turn to be the man"...
P.S. NEWS REPORT...Today, the dark elf team found out that there halfling opponents had been sodomised to death last night. The dark elf team has won by default. |
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Direwolf
Joined: Jun 22, 2005
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Jul 14, 2005 - 11:59 |
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Orc ref: I'm sending you off.
Player: What for?
Orc ref: The rest of the match of course!
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Do you know that gnomes are a rather avaricious lot? So, when Grimle Glodglitter returned home from the Bloodbowl final between the Chaos All stars and the Naggaroth Nightmares, one of his mates said, 'Was it a big gate, Grimle?'
'It was that,' he replied. 'One of the biggest I've ever had to climb over.'
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Anyone of you has suffered from bad weather rolls? Well, the weather at the historical match between the Champions of Death and The Dwarven Warhammeres was simply atrocious. The pitch was hardly visible at all - it had been raining, for about three days, and the ground had been turned into a sea of mud and water. Added to this was a strong wind blowing diagonally across the field. The two captains looked at each other glumly. 'Well,' said the one who had just lost the toss, 'which end would you like?' 'I think we'll play with the tide,' said the other.
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DID YOU KNOW?
The captain of the Brave Golddiggers. gnome team, once lent the referee a coin for the toss and demanded his whistle as security.
Well.. I think I can make up also some kinky ones. But for now I'll stick to the "politically correct".
Cheeri-o!!!! |
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