andycapp
Joined: May 26, 2004
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 Posted:
Mar 09, 2005 - 03:02 |
 
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"We, the German Vermin accept this challenge. Rats of the native country, combine, in order to crush these humans, who ruin our economics, use it in camps and use THEM in OUR experiments!"
(or something similar - especially towards the end)
Babel Fish works wonders... 
cheers, andycapp |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 05:29 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
Carbine: And here we Have the Latest game from Castlemaine.
First up is the Gobbo's From Vladim Oslobahn's Bastard Kids. The goblins did more Injury than the Trolls, but we won it 2 nil. Revenge was had on a Goblin who Dropped Daniels AG, with a RIP
Next up was the Thrashing of Wood Be Nice. The Score of 5-2 would have been alot different had Cuddles not spent most of the Match in the KO box, only showing up for about 3 turns before Returning. Rumour has it he Broke a nail and couldn't find a Manicurist. Will we see one join the coachin staff in Future? Only time will tell
Judge Best Opposing Player in the 2 Matches was the Elven Thrower Santa. Performing Feats of Agility Unsurpassed he carried his team on his shoulders and Allowed them the 2 TD's the scored
Brad |
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DoubleSkulls
Joined: Oct 05, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 06:08 |
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I didn't realise this was a Bavarian league.... |
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Ian 'Double Skulls' Williams
Eucalyptus Bowl |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Mar 09, 2005 - 06:34 |
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Led by the infamous Bob Borc (head honcho at Channell BB), the bombastic Twahnlow's Bash is back in town!
For those new to the SWL, the Twahnlow's started out as a tradition in the early days of the league, immortalising the most heroic (and also most notorious!) players in the SWL. Unfortunately its traditions were lost on walkabout for a couple of season's, but they found their way back in Season 7 and now in Season 8 they're a little more familiar to everyone. Most will know what the Golden Boot is all about!
(Bob Borc) As usual, we start da awards wif the dead 'ard blokes before they get too drunk and destroy the party.
(Bob Borc) This year the Golden Fists are awarded to Kahn Rockarm of the Southside Stone Smashers. The Silver Fists go to Claudia of the German Vermin with an amazing 4.75 and 3.6 blocks/casualty ratio respectively! Kahn really showed the allrounder he was this season, while Claudia in the little time she's been on the pitch has shown herself to be the undisputed queen of the kills.
(Bob Borc) For the brawlers of the league with the most casualties racked up in their name we have many knuckles to go around this season. With 4 casualties apiece, a set of Golden Knuckles are awarded to both Kahn Rockarm and Crasx Ironhead of the Southside Stone Smashers. The quiet achiever Darren from the Warlizards also makes his mark and picks up a set. In the conferences, tied on 5 casualties apiece the Silver Knuckles go to Claudia from German Vermin, Beast Master Lucius from Beasts of Bowl and Big Gordo from the Broncos!
(Bob Borc) For the most number of blocks, the coveted Golden Shield is to be awarded to Darren of the Warlizards with 71 blocks - finally getting his kudos for a dead 'ard career! In the conferences, an unlikely tie at 65 blocks apiece sees three of the best vying for posession of the Silver Shield. The three standout workhorses being Big Gordo of the Brisbane Broncos and both Frozen Taurus and Rudi van Winkle of the Angry Asgardians. Im not sure how much Rudi will enjoy being the meat in the beef sandwich there!
(Bob Borc) To celebrate the most infamous of the league, the award for excessive fouling in the premier division, the Golden Boot goes to an unexpected Armorica of the Black Crowes. With 16 fouls he's managed to sneak away with this most distinguished prize from right underneath the noses of the notorious celebrities in the Smashers and Wickermen! In the conferences, Baldur Thorsen from the Angry Asgardians runs away a clear winner of the Silver Boot wiith an obscene 21 fouls for the season!
(Bob Borc) In premier we actually have a recipient for the Golden Glove this season! Awarded to the best interceptor Srrts from the Slumbering Skink managed to get in the way of an inaccurate pass and found the ball stuck on one of his saurii spikes as the siren blew. Meanwhile, in the conferences a whole crowd of nominees stuck their hand up for the Silver Gloves (pardon the pun!). So many of 'em there ain't enough drinks to keep me going through that list! You can check 'em out in the Twahnlow Annals.
(Bob Borc) A new award this season goes to the thrower with the highest yardage/completion ratio - the Golden Arm. Together with the Golden Boomerang (most completions) and the Golden Arrow (most yards gained from passing) they make up the three throwing awards for the premiership division. All three this season go to Konundrum from the Karaz Krasherz - a clear winner and undisputed elf of da prem!
(Bob Borc) In the conferences, it was a different story. Potential winners kept popping up throughout the season, but in the end it was a survival of the fittest as many of the best candidates found a good resting place before the end of the season! The Silver Arm is taken by Mannfred von Richtofen of the German Vermin, while Valgard Greycloak from the Fyord Frollikers snaps up both the Silver Boomerang and the Silver Arrow.
(Bob Borc) The Golden Slipper (for the most yards gained carrying the ball) as usual was dominated by the skinks in Premiership. This season it goes to Xies-ler-aym of the Slumbering Skinks. His efforts also saw him run away with the award for the most touchdowns, the Golden Ball and the award for the most number of star player points, the Golden Star.
(Bob Borc) In the conferences, the Silver Slipper, Silver Ball and Silver Star were also dominated by one player! The emerging Tragelaphus Strepsiceros from the Maniacal Mammalians II. They'll need him to fill the void left behind by their old stars in the coming seasons.
(Bob Borc) And last but not least! The award for best and fairest in the premiership division this season, the Twahnlow Medal (named after our illustrious founder!) is tied between Redd'n Roll'n of the Karaz Krasherz and Kahn Rockarm of the Southside Stone Smashers!
Congrats to all who made it to the pinnacle of the SWL this season! You can find all the grim statistics in the Twahnlow Annals.
P.S. Dont forget to boast to the world about your player's trophies in thier players bio's! |
Last edited by Snorri on %b %09, %2005 - %14:%Mar; edited 1 time in total |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 09:11 |
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Coach Chunknanimous steps up to the podium.
Good Evening Ladies and Germs (pauses for applause, but hears only Uncle_Smed in the crowd yelling Clear!)
I have called this press conference to announce our intent to become the Scourge of Premier League next season. With the excellent dead already mentality of my players, they are actually looking forward to playing the toughest teams in the SWL, in the hope that they will be able to fulfil the teams destiny, that is to die a wonderfully gruesome death on the Bloodbowl pitch.
Unfortunately the teams patron does not want this to happen in some obscure offseason tournament (I personally dig any tourney with my name on the cup). This means we will not be giving away any matches against our fellow Premier sides away for free. Any and all other challenges are welcome however.
In conclusion, I would like to point out that despite winning our conference, no Bash D player won any sort of individual award. Truly tis team is without ego or hubris, and functions as a well oiled machine. You may take out some of my players, but unless you get them all they will still function, for no-one is so vital to our success that we cannot afford to lose them. I attribute this completely of course, to my masterful skills as a coach, long wasted on the primadonnas of I-House, who were loth to listen to my wisdom. This team have embraced my teachings, and the results speak for themselves.
Of course if any team has a richer offer, I would be only too happy to consider bringing my teachings to them.
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Irite Stuff here, well you all just saw the press conference held by Chunknanimous. The word on the street is that the pompous human called the press conference in a thinly veiled move to leverage a better contract after leading Bash D to the promised land of Premier Division. After being in the crowd, I add my firm assertion that I believe this is true. Whether or not the enigmatic figure known only as the Emissary of N'Sha will agree to it is well beyond the ken of this reporter. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 13:30 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
Greetings Sports Fans. Carbine here to report on Another few matches from the Castlemaine Breweries
First up, The Tiparary Trasheaters. Hack made the normal Annoyance, collecting 8 spps with a Interception and a Touchdown. Warren Earnt the MVP and a Casualty from the Match, making him top Spps Scorer for the Match for the Breweries Although Chew and Cough were seriously injured for the Rats, they managed to take the Game out 3-0
Next game on the Calandar was one Everyone Fears, against that Perfection of Beardedness, Southside Stone Smashers. A lucky Break for the Brewers saw Hargis Heavyhand Go down to a Block at the Start of a Drive around the middle of the Game, but the Dwarves evened the score with the Death of Lazy ivan to a last turn Foul. Ivan looks no different to normal, he still looks asleep.Congrats to Nurrin Stoutlegs for his 2 Touchdowns.
Third Game was Against King's Park Rangers. A Rather Lazy start by the Breweries gave the Kings an Easy start, but they woke up just in time for the Second Drive.Pegging it Back with a Score late in the first, Breweries Added a Niggle along with it. A late TD put the King's 1 in front at the Half. A fumble By Clay in Turn 3 2nd half allowed a quick pass to the endzone. Even with a Slightly Unaccurate pass, the bounce was kind and Kings were up by 2. Another Bad ball handling play gave the ball straight to Dancing Toonie, but the Touchdown was Prevented until the end of the Match.
Thats it For this Update Sports Fan, See you Next time
Brad |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 11, 2005 - 05:59 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
Greetings Sports Fans, Carbine here again with the Latest Game Reports from the Breweries.
First Up we have the Tie Vs Gumbeast United! Man are those Mummies scary! Tenacious defence and a lot of Re-Rolls used by Carroll helped the Breweries hold up United until the End of the Half. A lot of Knock outs helped the Breweries Do a lot better in the second half, having to stall slightly at the end to get the Tie and not need to face the scary Mummies on the LOS again. We now Cross to Pookey, Spokesman for the Breweries for an Important Announcement
Pookey: Thanks Carbine. We have a Sad Announcement to make. Due to an Unfortunate involvement with a Certain Star Player preached against by Gumbi, Walter Wallis Has contracted a HIV. We Urge All teams to follow that wonderful Example of the Southern Mothers Association in Boycotting This star player, and helping to end her String of Drugs, Alcohol and Rock and Roll. Thank you.
Carbine: Old Gaffer's Geriatric Piperswere the next team to take up the Challenge. A nice Kick set up the First touchdown on Turn one, with a Throw Team mate Result. The Breweries then proceeded to knock about the Flings, scoring 4 times, with Lucifer running in with a Double. Another TTM and the Game was sealed.
Brad |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Mar 31, 2005 - 15:36 |
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Channel BB Is Back!!
Stay tuned for all the Season 9 action of the Southern Waste League!.
One of the early stories coming out of the pre-season preparations is that the Blue Mountain Dragons may not be as dead as previously thought!
The Dragons management have been speaking to the SWL Commissioner Mr Whippy and have been pressing for reinclusion into the Regional League. Mr Whippy was loathe to make such an allowance considering the size of the Dragons payroll, but it is wildly rumoured that Dragons Management may cut 8 season veteran and team captain Vladim Oslobahn from the team roster!
Given that Vladim was inducted into the SWL Hall of Fame just this week, that is a bitter blow for such a proud warrior of the Astrogranite (tm).
No word yet though on all time SWL Legend and leader of the Career Twahnlow Tally Blax Landric. It is reported, that the Dragons have been able to close a deal with him and League Commissioner Whippy to ensure that Blax suits up for a record 9th season!
If so, my early tip is for the Dragons to take the Regional Leagues by storm!!
Signing off,
Ray Blusterton |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Mar 31, 2005 - 17:13 |
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copy of a memo sent to the GREAT UNSEEN from the GREAT UNHEARD
can you believe this?!? here we are sewing together time and space to make sure the Black Crowes stay in Premier and the once mighty champions of Blue Mountin Dragons are bleediing themselves out to scrape into Regional. REGIONALS for gods sake! DON'T let me down...for regardless of what happens, YOU will never see another game lower than Premier ever.
and don't forget to stop by the lab...a couple of things we need you to look through in the Blue vials. |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Apr 02, 2005 - 02:21 |
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After a Long and Illustrious Career, Big Gordo Is calling it a day. He Hasn’t decided what day, but that’s just him. This Block, Claw, Dodge, Tentacles, Guard Monster has been a Stalwart of the Brisbane Boncos for many a game and, while the opposition might be Happy to see him go, The Fans Certainly Aren’t.
This is Carbine, Signing out |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Apr 04, 2005 - 13:15 |
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Coach Chunknanimous takes the podium.
"We're going to show those puny minions of the Great Unseen exactly why he is unseen. It's cause he's got nuthin. He's a pencil-neck geek hiding in some basement pretending to be a big shot. He knows if he ever does get seen, those idiot Crowes will finally realise they've been duped and murdalise the kid. They may be stupid, but they ain't that stupid. I still don't know how they're in this Premier league - geez, even those soft bastards I-House managed to beat those guys.
Oh, and by the way, I still have the TER up my sleeve, and I've made some adjustments to it. Not that it could affect any of my players, since we have none of those gloryhound Twahnlow winners, but it now only affects the opposition. First it took care of jealousguy, and now its time for Amorica to go down hard.
There's only going to be one worthwhile Chaos representative in this Premier division after this game, and I'll give the final say on the matter to ByPI:
ByPI says in a low raspy drawl "Nothing matters" then walks away.
Coach Chunknanimous is seen shaking his head then shrugging his shoulders as he walks off. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Apr 04, 2005 - 14:14 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
I apoligise dear readers for the lack of Premier style printing...it shall be rectified shortly. The offices of Herd and Hoof were destroyed in a rampageing fit by the GREAT UNSEEN after thinking he and the Crowes had been relagated to Conference play. But it appears some nefarious spell casting by THE BOARD has set things right. We hope to have more on that story soon.
The BIG news in Crowe land is the recent press conference held by Coach Chunknanimous earlier this evening. For all the indignity faced by our brave kidz NEVER has anyone spoken out directly against the GREAT UNSEEN. Especially in such a crass and untawdry way! It is one thing to question tactics...but direct insults?!? Pencilneck geek?!? Oh man how I fear for the beasts of Bash D come tomorrows game! AND they have made a direct threat against Golden Boot holder Amorica! So many insults against a proven squad...from an upstart band of beasties who have arrived in Premier through possibly the SOFTEST conference in known history!
But lest we are seen to be commiting the same sin of disrespect we shall but wait and see what transpires tomorrow. That is 9pm (ish) AEST for those of you with tickets to the game.
And keep your eyes peeled...you just mat be able to make out the glimmer and swirl that announces the arrivial of the GREAT UNSEEN...he will be taking notice! |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Apr 05, 2005 - 15:03 |
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[21:11] <chunky04> The Crowes will be missing Nebakanezer for todays game - he is out with a groin strain, but reports indicate he hsould be fine for next weeks game
[21:11] <chunky04> and we have reports coming in that Byundead is on the juice
[21:12] <chunky04> Not really a surprise given the leniency the administration has shown to the elfroids epidemic
[21:13] <chunky04> The Crowes look set to begin with a very strong defensive formation
[21:13] <oz|Premier> So true chunky...for a league that is trying to control the bashiness the drug problem seems to be getting worse
[21:14] <oz|Premier> Happy to see that Amorica stayed on the bench for the opening drive...moral high ground from the Golden Boot
[21:14] <chunky04> There'll be no controls on the bashiness tonight oz, both teams look primed for mayhem and murder tonight
[21:15] <oz|Premier> And we're off! Another short kick from HardToHandle...he has been very accurate as late
[21:17] <oz|Premier> Mmm..maybe the drugs weren't as good as we thought.Misses first injury roll!
[21:17] <oz|Premier> But DP swoops!
[21:17] <chunky04> and Bash D target WiserTime with a ground and pound play, and successfully neutralises him for this game
[21:17] <oz|Premier> and OUCH...new claw OUT for the game
[21:17] <oz|Premier> (and the next)
[21:18] <chunky04> Unfortunately oz, he's also out for the next game as well - Bash D would have preferred him to play that game and cause their rivals some problems
[21:21] <chunky04> The Crowes come back with a Claw of their own and KO byundead
[21:22] <chunky04> Then I-House up the stakes, tearing the groin of HardtoHandle, who lives up to his name as the apothecary fails to fix the problem
[21:22] <oz|Premier> I-House? Must be a time warp problem here folks...we will try and adjust.
[21:23] <chunky04> we return to your normal broadcast - these games in the Chaos Wastes can really get strange sometimes...
[21:23] <chunky04> Bash D take up a strong position on the top flank of the pitch
[21:24] <chunky04> They're really finding little trouble with the armour of the Crowes
[21:25] <chunky04> The crowd pauses in anticipation, wondering how the Crowes will escape from this seemingly dire position
* /msg: insufficient parameters
[21:26] <chunky04> Looks like we're still having some problems with our telecast, either that or those juvenile necromancers are once again trying to hack into our station and send messages
[21:26] No such nick
[21:39] <chunky04> You would think that people who live practically forever would get over such childishness - everyone knows there is no nick here
[21:40] <chunky04> It appears that temporal warp rift has returned, with HardtoHandle temporarily returning to the pitch
[21:40] <chunky04> Some enterprising fan has taken the opportunity to throw a second ball on the pitch
[21:40] <chunky04> It appears to be a temporal ball however, as only half the fans watching can see it
[21:43] <chunky04> The Crowes scramble to recover
[21:47] <chunky04> On both sides, players continue to be taken from the pitch, there have been 4 players knocked out already during this match
[21:50] <chunky04> Both teams are playing very carefully right now, trying to protect their biggest assets
[21:50] <oz|Premier> Claw is a killer friends...just say NO to warpstone!
[21:51] <chunky04> Amazingly, bykhemri chooses not to put his well proportioned boot into Conspiracy
[21:54] <chunky04> MorningSong makes an outstanding dodge, seemingly taunting the Bash D players with his prowess
[21:55] <chunky04> Taller attempts to take out ByPI, but after muffing the job, trips over himself trying to get out of the way of the inevitable retribution and is out for the rest of the game
[21:58] <chunky04> Bash D seem to take tremendous confidence now that all of the Crowes Claw wielding options are gone, taking MorningSong out of the match, and then killing Angels
[22:03] <chunky04> Bythosedamnrats fools everyone with the old ball under the jumper play and play dead play
[22:03] <chunky04> but fails his dodge
[22:04] <chunky04> Byfoul ends up with the ball - he looks certain to score with the Crowes having only two players remaining on the pitch
[22:05] <chunky04> Byfoul scores right at the end of the half
[22:09] <oz|Premier> Nasty half indeed!
[22:10] <oz|Premier> 1 RIP, 2SI, 2 BH and 2 stay KO...only 7 left to start 2nd half! Nasty bizness indeed!!!
[22:10] <chunky04> Bash D have lost only two to KO, surely things look grim for the Crowes
[22:11] <chunky04> Will the only question after this game be - how long can the Crowes survive?
[22:13] <chunky04> It looks like the referee has been intimidated by the carnage of the first half and gone into hiding
[22:16] <chunky04> bynorse gets hurt by Golden Boot winner Amorical, who Coach Chunknanimous said would be targetted and destroyed before the game
[22:16] <chunky04> The Bash D apothecary seems capable of handling it however
[22:21] <chunky04> Bash D succeed in hunting down Amorical, but only manage to leave him with a smashed ankle
[22:30] <oz|Premier> Well what a turn around...Gone gets the ball back...survives the RR hit..and throws a short pass to Conspiricy. May be too little too late...but exciting to the end these kidz!
[22:32] <chunky04> The Crowes look at short odds to score and tie the game here folks
[22:32] <chunky04> If they succeed, it will be one of the most memorable and unlikely comebacks in SWL history!
[22:35] <chunky04> Bash D have pulled out all the stop to try and prevent the tying TD, will it be neough?
[22:40] <oz|Premier> NOT!!!
[22:40] <oz|Premier> Conspiracy pulls off the blitz/dodge with a little help from his Guard mate!
[22:41] <oz|Premier> But with only 8 defenders...can they hold on for the draw???
[22:41] <chunky04> And the crowd goes WILD!
[22:54] <chunky04> Bash D swarm up the field looking for the equaliser
[22:54] <chunky04> The Crowes knock off 3 out of the 4 Bash D players in scoring position, will that be enough?
[22:55] <chunky04> After ByOrcs blitzes the opposition away, bythosedamnrats throws a completion to byundead, who after a bit of a nervous stutter scores the winning touchdown!
[22:55] <chunky04> What a game!
[22:56] <chunky04> The Crowes looked gone for all money, but showed tremendous heart to storm back into the hunt
[22:56] <chunky04> Bash D showed a great deal of poise to coolly score the game winner
[22:56] <chunky04> This is what Premier League Blood Bowl is all about folks. |
_________________
chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Apr 05, 2005 - 15:34 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Holy Hollrin' Horns!!! Not only were the Herd unable to get fired up over pre-game insults...they gave the league every reason to believe they may be well passed their prime! This was a bashin the likes we have NEVER seen! Angels was killed, SIs to HardToHandle and Amorica, 2 BH and a slew of KOs. NASTY NASTY work from the new kidz on the block! All the faithful could do was watch in horror as the TER machine made it's nasty debut.
The only highlight was some clever blocking to push free late in the 2nd half...which saw a lovely pass from Gone to Conspiracy end up as a TD. But too little too late as an easy pass play on T16 saw a win for the BashD.
Where to from here?
Crowes 1 vs 2 BashD |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Apr 06, 2005 - 02:59 |
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Coach Chunknanimous erects his own podium. It seems he nows carries a portable one with him everywhere he goes.
"Well, we certainly showed those followers of the pencil-neck geek who the hard men of Chaos really are. They never even knew what hit em. If there hadn't have been a temporal warp flux caused by the interaction between the TER and the Chaos Watses, we'd have won a lot more handsomely. Still the thing proved its worth again, and Amorical will never be the same. Not quite the result we were hoping for, but it'll do.
Next up, we're going to show those stupid treehuggers what we do to Flitter Mice." |
_________________
chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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