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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: May 07, 2018 - 11:54 Reply with quote Back to top

Rakhak's Hoof (aka "The Hoof", "The Rakhak")

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Similar to SWL's Black Pearl (which they did away with - sissies), it's a bounty board for the freaks and bullies of the Leeg. The team who takes out one of DIBBL's 4 nominated players gets to hold onto The Hoof for a while.

Current player list:

Image The Spark: Flame Princess. Spurned for her old nomination as Mark, this darling had the popularity to top the list anyway. The supreme queen of DIBBL this Legend will continue to terrorise any foolish enough to cross her path. (4 votes)

Image The Rush: Chop. What a Legend! All time biggest star*, record rusher! Chop is guaranteed to be the Ogre with the ball, and I just dare you to stand in his way. (3 votes)

Image The Man: hired help. What prompts a coach to vote for his own player - twice! Could it be that a Hoof nomination is a magic talisman that invokes unbreakable protection? Or is it just pride in a player that is the team. A one man (err ape) team. hired help is indeed The Man. (3 votes)

Image The Mark: Marceline. Sweet lovely Marceline. Why would anyone choose this innocent flower? It must be the work of a vindictive child, targeting her chipped armour as a means to exact revenge. Her only crime is to be coached by the same person who gleefully danced upon the grave of Rakhak.

Two weeks into the season and already the knives are out for our wonderful nominees.
Flame Princes died! - apo'ed
Marceline a career ending -Ag, regen
Chop met a Bloodthirster followed by a swift boot! mng

* ok, there may be a wood elf who has more spp, but Chop will outlive that one


Last edited by ramchop on Jun 26, 2018 - 23:18; edited 2 times in total
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: May 11, 2018 - 12:01 Reply with quote Back to top

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The year is 2518 and the irrepressible Coach K is returning to his former fields of glory - the Great Southern Wastes - after a year-long sabbatical in Cathay,

Coach K had been approached by the Khorne, the Blood God, to launch a team on his behalf in the SWL.

Khorne was (understandably) upset that the Old World's greatest Blood Bowl league did not have a representative daemonic team. Surely this could be rectified, pleaded Khorne.

Coach K, not wanting to disappoint the God of Blood, assured him that he'd speak to the SWL's commissioner, Arch-Ghoul Luohghgra, and get a Daemons of Khorne team into the SWL for the upcoming season.

Coach K sauntered back into the Southern Wastes and was stunned to find that things had changed dramatically during his year-long absence.

The SWL as he had known it was no more.

According to the accommodating ladies at the Wenches of Beastwick bar and bordello, legend has it that every 30 seasons, an alien entity hidden deep within the Southern Sewers, awakens from it's slumber and possesses the current SWL commissioner, compelling him to dress as a clown while gutting the league of it's soul and ravenously feeding on the carcass of its history.

Apparently this really happened in the year Coach K was away.

The clown-commish then relaunched the league with radical new rules in place regarding player payments, etc.

Also, a sign was erected outside SWL HQ that read: "No Khorners".

A forlorn Coach K lamented this news and was worried about how an emotionally-fragile Khorne would handle it. Let the scribes transcribe that the Blood God wasn't happy...

Coach K suggested an alternative: why not see if we can launch a team in the SWL's vassal league, DIBBL?

Coach K had coached there before and insisted that Khorne consider this bush-league league as a viable, if somewhat underwhelming, alternative. The teams are much easier, Coach K proclaimed, and the blood and wins will flow freely and uncapped!

Khorne stamped on the deal, then slaughtered 40,000 SWL journeymen; he bound their bodies together with their many tendons that he would usually use as floss, creating a floating, bloating bridge between the Southern Wastes and the Deserted Isles.

The "North Scars" (so-named because they came from the north and were scarred) strode out, hoof and foot, over corpse and carcass, towards those blighted Isles and victory!

submitted by Karnov
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: May 12, 2018 - 01:27 Reply with quote Back to top

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Second Shield challenge of the Season 12, sees Hawkes Bay have another go. The Bay's champion Chorfs last held the Shield at the end of S10, this time sees some growing Apes come to Whaleington on the back of a fine win against Dark Elves. Three Hoof targets will be on display, Flame Princess, Marceline and hired help. Can all three survive?

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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: May 16, 2018 - 12:32 Reply with quote Back to top

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The Deserted Isles Blood Bowl Leeg is now into its 12th season. However, it seems little is known about the teams and their players. Reporter Ivan Bullhorn spoke to Massa Sovada of The bonesifeld Bakers to find out more.

The interview "room" is a cold dank cavern. The 4 Tomb Guardians sit on marble thrones. Massa Sovada stands a few feet in front of them, eerily still. Even his jaw. When he "speaks", it is through a small dark tear in the air above him.

<IB> Hi, sports fans. I'm here, talking to Massa Sovada, star Throwra for the Bakers. Rumours of you entering DIBBL have abounded for 2 seasons now, and now it has finally happened. Why the wait?

<MS> Hi Ivan. As you know, our primary profession is baking. That's early wake ups and early bedtimes. It was just too hard to fit bloodbowl in with such a schedule. But pressure on our supply lines meant we simply had to fit some games in to complement our business. Have you sampled our wares? Please do.

A platter with a strawberry cake-cube covered in coconut floats across the room.

<IB> Thanks! Looks delicious! So how is the team shaping up?

<MS> We are finally making progress. We had some issues finding suitable guardians. Some were suffering from a bit of tomb rot - they just fell apart on the field. Our current Guardians are hard as nails and ready to harvest.

<IB, wiping icing from his cheek> Mmm, this cake is delicious! A bit flaky on the top, but so moist in the middle. What is this jam? You've got a cult following of fans. Small but vocal. How do you keep them interested in your grindball style of play?

<MS> Fans ... fans ... What does this mean?

<IB> you know, the people who cheer for you

<MS> ...

<IB> The ones who run up to you after the game.

<MS> Ahh, yes, they are good if the takings are low in the game. They bolster our supplies when needed. Would you like some more cake?

<IB> Uhhh, OK. Sure! Who is funding your endeavours here on the Blood Bowl pitch? Who foots the bill?

<MS> Our baked goods stores and food trucks. Once you've tasted our buns filled with the finest bratwurst, you will never eat a Big Moot Sandwich again. Oh, and you Deserted Isle people eat this thing called a ... pie? ...

<IB> Yes, meat in pastry. Steak and kidney is the best.

<MS> Kidney. Interesting. We will release a new range of this ... pie ... soon.


<IB> At the rate you are losing players, you are going to need quite a few replacement players - where are you recruiting from?

The floor glows and a 10 foot square pit opens, revealing a mess of bones. At least 100 skulls are visible, tucked amongst ribcages and femurs in a disorganised jumble.

<MS> Good players are here. All ready to go. No good for baking, though. You need fresh ingredients if you want quality results.

<IB> Wow, that is impressive. Thanks you so much for taking the time to talk to us here at Cabalvi ... wait, what do you mean fresh ingredients? Good for baking? Wait, are you using your opponents in your BAKING? What is in this cake???

<MS> Of course we are. Why else would we play this ridiculous game? We used a few corpses, Skaven mainly, in our first venture called "Muzza's Pies" about 20 years ago, but when the press found out, no one would eat them any more. We went out of business.

<IB> And the same will happen again! The people will hear about this!

<MS> No. They won't. Do you really think we wanted to talk to you? We are gathering you and your kind, you ... reporters ... for our production line. You cannot talk if you are doing real work. Skeletons are great for rough stuff, lifting and the like, but that fine detail work - it really comes off better when done by a human hand. Dampfnudel, take him to the belts. He can push down the lid on the pie crust.

Thank you Ivan, you may even find some of your old friends down there.

submitted by PlantingLemur
Klazam



Joined: Aug 01, 2015

Post   Posted: May 18, 2018 - 11:44 Reply with quote Back to top

Injury Time!!! division match recap:

OMG won 2-0 over Whaka Warpfire

This game was unspectacular. OMG elected to kick, but stole the ball off the Warpfires in short order, while sending a load of rats to the dugout in the first half. There were a few dramatic moments, but the half ended with Ram-Bo (Berserker) handing off to Rock Johnson (Ulfwerner) inside the end zone for the cheeky score.

In the second half, Man With No Name (Thrower) received the ball, hanging on to it for most of the second half (taking a big hit from a daredevil, but getting up and recovering.) Tragedy struck in the middle of abusing the rats on the field, when one of them took a heroic blitz to kill Car Gasoline (Runner). Dr. Apartment (Apo) couldn't save him. The half ended when Man With No Name strolled in the endzone unopposed.

-----

OMG currently sits at the top of the Injury Time!! division standings. Can they keep up their dominance in the faces of the legendary Don Marino's Blackwater Sting and the Harauki Horrors after that?
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: May 28, 2018 - 09:33 Reply with quote Back to top

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It's been nearly three years since the Bay of Plenty last challenged for the Lambhurly Shield. And they won it too! Can they do it again? With a whopping 1,130k tv gap, they'll be bringing some Big Stars to help have a decent crack.

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TK3179



Joined: Jan 12, 2018

Post   Posted: May 28, 2018 - 11:50 Reply with quote Back to top

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The rookie rats in their inaugural season offered little in the way of resistance in the Lambhurly shield match against the much more experienced Transfusion Time. Even Glart Smashrip and Headsplitter couldn't do much to help the Whaka Warpfire. The halfling master chefs served up a cracking after match meal though. Any observers from the Bay will quickly be disowning Warpfire. However in this reporter's oh so unbias opinion Warpfire were architects of the best TD ever seen in DIBBL history! Unfortunately the Cabal Vision camera goblins were being brutally murdered at the exact moment it happened!
Transfusion ran in just the 4 TDs against their lesser opposition and perhaps Wellington residents will be hanging their head in shame at such a low scoring return. Skaven fans were singing "You've only scored four, you've only scored four, you're nothing special, you only scored four!" It is fair to point out that a lot less clan rats left the stadium than went in. Do vampires drink skaven blood?
Klazam



Joined: Aug 01, 2015

Post   Posted: Jun 18, 2018 - 08:34 Reply with quote Back to top

Injury Time!!! division match recap:

OMG defeated Blackwater Sting 2-1

During the season, the OMG coaching staff was eyeing Blackwater Sting with dread because of their legendary Blitzer, Mickey "The Don" Marino. Now they finally come to play this game. Pregame, Coach Klazam promised a bonus to whoever was able to take down Mickey permanently.

On the first half, the Sting gave up multiple opportunities for hits on Mickey, but his skills pulled through, and the Sting was able to burn some time on the clock and have Andrew Andretti-Armani (Blitzer) walk in for an easy score. Man With No Name (Thrower) tried to orchestrate a quick return score, but failed to throw the ball into coverage from Andrew.

In the second half, OMG went for the quick score, having Ram-Bo (Berserker) land a hit on Mickey that had the entire stands on their feet, wondering if Mickey would ever get up again. After the Sting's Apothecary showed up and administered some dubious treatment, Mickey popped up being no worse for the wear. Ram-Bo was pissed that he missed out on the Coach's bonus, but life goes on. Man With No Name scored soon after this. On the Sting's return drive, Damien DeNiro (Blitzer) slipped and fell, giving OMG an opportunity to get Brian Jogger (Runner) nearly to the ball. Mickey tried to do some fancy dodging, but tripped, allowing Brian a free touchdown run. On the third kick this half, Dan Capelli (Blitzer) developed a unfortunate case of fumbleitis, failing to pick up the ball multiple times. Mickey got free, and went to the end zone on the last minute remaning in a desperation bid for the tie score, but Ripley Weaver (Berserker) was having none of this and introduced Mickey to his loving fans. They smashed his ankle. The Sting failed to score, and OMG won this game.

On to the Horrors, and a potential first place in the division with a win. As a side note, Klazam refused to give Ripley her bonus, because according to him, it was the fans who hurt Mickey, not Ripley.
ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Jun 18, 2018 - 23:28 Reply with quote Back to top

Congratulations to Tararuas Krox the first Lizardman team to take the Cup. And also to OrcCleaver the first coach to lead different champion teams.

And well done to the lower tier winners, DIBBL Kids (Plate) and Overly Refined (Boot)
Klazam



Joined: Aug 01, 2015

Post   Posted: Jun 21, 2018 - 01:37 Reply with quote Back to top

Sorry for the late match reports.


Injury Time!!! division match recap:

OMG drew with Harauki Horrors 1-1

This game meant a lot to OMG. A win here meant that OMG was probable to claim the top spot in the division, a draw meant second place, and a loss meant OMG was out of contention for the Cup. Good ol' 'Murcian pride meant that OMG were gonna play as hard as possible for the win here. Coach Klazam scouted the opposition beforehand, and discovered they were a bunch of undead. One of his contacts was a star player named Zara, but OMG was short 20k, so Klazam went to a shady goblin banker by the name of Gnotsfield (one of the movers to benefit off the collapse of the SWL). Gnotsfield agreed to loan the 20k necessary, but in exchange for conducting experiments on one of the demigods. Ripley (berserker) bravely volunteered. Nobody knows what happened, including Ripley, who came back with a case of amnesia, forgetting how to guard opposing players.

The first half was a tense affair, where Zara the Slayer earned his keep through stabbings of ghoulies. Bart Recycled (Runner) was able to score a defensive touchdown, after a huge melee in the middle forced the Horrors to take a risk and expose Merani Mayhem (Wight) who was carrying the ball. Zara and some other demigods was able to take him down and steal the ball.

In the second half, Man With No Name (Thrower) fumbled a pass that would have allowed OMG to score and go up two. The OMG line stood up to the Horrors' assualt, allowing Man With No Name to grab the ball and go it again, passing to Bart Recycled, who saw daylight, and ran for the endzone, but he neglected to check for the endzone tripwire the devious Horrors coaching staff installed the night before. The Horrors recovered and easily scored with Cliffton Clinger (Zombie) stopping Ram-Bo (Berserker) from being a hero and taking down Third of First (Ghoul). Third of First scored, then the time ran down. It was a 1-1 draw! OMG qualifies for the Cup playoffs with their second place in the division.

Tickling Cup playoff match recap:

Wild Ex-Pacts SMASHED OMG 2-0

The first playoff that OMG entered, and it's the top tier playoffs for the prestigious Cup.

What?

Its over already?

What happened? Nobody knows much, except that everyone woke up the next day feeling violated.... Worst off is Ram-Bo and Bart Recycled, who'll need to sit out the beginning of the next season.
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