Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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 Posted:
Jun 20, 2005 - 17:34 |
 
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Written, pre-match response from Snorriheim....
We sincerely hope Klaus Von Crap finds his sausage....
(ooc: Naturlich! - After those essays on the previous page, fumbbl decides *now* would be a good time to break the flow and start a new one!) |
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PLATYPUS
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Jun 21, 2005 - 06:20 |
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Okay, just finished my first game report for the Colorado Avalanche. Hope you like it.
On the footsteps of the Maniac Mammalians II
Two months ago PLATYPUS left the SWL Premier Division VI winner and went to Colorado to train the till then unknown Avalanche. To acknowledge PLATYPUS’s merits with the Mammalians he was allowed to start with his new team in the SWL Conference. And he didn’t let the SWL down.
Even though some teams tried to intimidate the young players they went their way and managed to end up second in their conference. The title was close, especially after their outstanding 6:2 performance against the conference champions Vanguard of the Southern Ark. But the mighty, world famous Zen Adepts destroyed their hopes with a last minute victory.
The Zen Adepts were the perfect opponent for their first Premier appearance. One of the greatest teams in the SWL would be the right test, if the Avalanche are ready for the Premier League. And then there was the close lost from lasts season which needed fixing.
The Avalanche started with a firework. Peter Forsberg, who scored 6 TDs in the seasons close-down, continued his great performance and scored the first TD after a few minutes. The Adepts were shocked.
But never count out a Chaos Dwarf team. A terrible kick brought them back into the game. Jakushitsu who is suspected of taking drugs (medical investigation is still on its way), made his way heavily guarded to the end zone. The Avalache were patience and waited for a hole in the defence but there wasn’t. Great team efforts of the Adepts. Halftime 1:1
Second half started like the first with a shock for the Adepts. The Avalanche were able to secure the ball deep in the Adepts territory and Joe Sakic III showed that he is well again after his injury. 2:1
This time it took a while for the Adepts to recover. Disciple Shariputra proved again how unreliable trolls are and destroyed any hope for a quick 2:2. The third catcher of the Avalanche showed that the woodelves are not an one man show and scored the preliminary decision. [3:1]
A nice catch of the Bull Centaur was only a result correction.
3pts: Jakushitsu: One TD and lots of blocks. All ways a pain.
2pts: Chen-tao: He tried. He tried so hard to hurt an elf without success. But then he played like an elf himself and it worked. His pass turned into a TD. Well done.
1pt: Mitra Concentration: I have to honour his catch. The rest of his performances was rather poor. |
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Symmetrical
Joined: Jan 15, 2005
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Jun 21, 2005 - 19:50 |
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On the morning of September 1st, 1939, the good and honest folk of Poland woke to find Germany had invaded, shrouding their country in a dark pall. Today the good and honest folk of Snorriheim awoke to the same nightmare.
Grüße sports fans! Klaus Von Crap here, back from Snorriheim with all the news from the Round 2 Premier clash between the Vanguard of the Southern Ark and the German Vermin.
Season 9 was abismal for the German Vermin. Many players were retired due to injury or old age, accusations of criminal behaviour haunted the team off the field, and poor performances haunted them on it. In fact, out of an otherwise forgettable season, what the Vermin remembered strongest were the Vanguard of the Southern Ark...
"Albert Einstein has just been pole-axed in a crunching tackle by Hopp'n Mc'Cauldron, and he's not moving..."
"...and thats seals the worst loss in the history of the German Vermin..."
"Here are your winners, the SOuthern Conference Champions of Season 9, Vanguard of the Southern Ark..."
"The Silver Star goes to, Hopp'n M'Broomstick..."
No, they hadn't forgotten.
Leading up to the match, Coach had ordered the Rats participate in the wholesale slaughter of orphans, puppies, and unicorns to rekindle the killer instinct that had seemingly been lost over the last season or so. Meadows were emptied of freakish horses, orphanages were relieved of their burdens, and the GSPCA suddenly found they had a home for all their lovable dogs. The results were sickening in their efficency.
For 76 minutes skulls were crushed, throats slashed, and bodies broken. The record crowd fell eerily silent as it became apparent that this wasn't football, or even war - it was slaughter. Children screamed, women were sick, and grown men cried as body after body piled up. By the time the referee called time, there were many empty seats, fans having gone home early, shaken to the core by the horror they had witnessed.
Rather than list those injured, it takes less time to list those Dark Elves that remained standing at the end: Hopp'n Mc'Cauldron & Dormant Seer. Primarily responsible for the carnage were Claudia Schiffer(serious concussion to Blind Navigator) and Graf Zeppelin(crushed Ice Warden's skull in a foul, RIP).
Germany's attention now turns to the Colorado Avalanche, who have suddenly become favourites to win the Premiership in Season X. Last time these two teams met, Colarado suffered massive casualties and Germany were easy winners, but if the Avalanche's recent form over Gumbeast United is anything to go by, this game will be anything but easy. Danke', and auf wiedersehen. |
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DaemonicLazoth
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
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Jun 22, 2005 - 14:58 |
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Greetings all you blood hungry funs out there, this is Xanatos Bloodhoof reporting for the upcoming team Falling Apart Together.
Last night they play Bartgoon's lizard team the BrisVegans who had suffered some minor set back in previous games but the necros well, they had missed an enitre season and they were hungry for blood.
For the first half their profarmance was a bit rusty, Lupis bearly even scratched the armour of the skinks needless to say at end of half time its was 2-1 in favour of the reptiles.
Then at the beginning of the second half the necro boys just exploded and started tear the lizards apart killing Morningside but the reptilian medics got him back on his feet but then it seem there was no stopping the werewolves. Lupis himself causing 4 cas and scoring a td. Wolfen determined not to be in Lupis' shadow went into a rage and killed the saurus Valley who then was raised to join the necros much to the horror of his former team mates. At full time the score was 2-2 thanks to a last minute TD
In the end Lupis had killed Morningside and Boondai, seriously injuring Moogil and badly hurting Murrarie. Bringing his total to 14 casualties
Not much remains of those poor lizards and their future remains in doubt.
Next up FAT play Clayfinity's Mr Whippy Boys stay tuned for this killer of a match. This is Xanatos Bloodhoof signing out |
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Never mess with a invisible immovable rod at groin height |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Jun 22, 2005 - 17:07 |
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Kami reporting from a pretty despondant locker room that now resembles something akin to a slaughter house.
Well, the Vanguard finally met their match. If you can call a string of practically unskilled linemen armed with little more than a boot a match. All the talent in the world means nothing if just a few individuals can drop half the team in under three turns. And da ref! Well, who cares about the ref these days - if you've got enough players and dp's to burn, stuff him. The rest of the game was a cleanup operation for the lethal claws that suddenly emerged and with only at most five elves on the field, it was probably the most futile effort ever managed at Snorriheim.
Not much more to say for the lads really. Cept I think the biggest casualty is morale. Twilight Veil was heard ranting post match - "What point or glory is there in trying to continually compete with a bunch of practically skillless linemen armed with nothing but claws and boots. If winning a title is simply about hoping and praying you can survive the three turn onslaughts at the start of every game, well that ain't the challenge we signed up for."
As for da Coach...well I ain't surprised - the dark side beckons him. But I dinna reckon Coach Snorri is interested. I heard him talking about gardening the other day.
German Vermin 6 vs 2 Vanguard of the Southern Ark
Kami signing out. |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jun 23, 2005 - 05:04 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well dear readers....in a quiet moment of simple pass and catch Gone slips into the HALL of FAME and SWL immortality! It could't have come in a more uneventful match. The Elves were too good with their speed and agility! Every time the ball hit the deck, they picked it up and scored! But on the second kick off...Gone went back to his days of qpool innocence. Grabbing the rock and whipping it to Amorica and his legacy was complete!
To celebrate this moment in Crowes history Lions has penned his latest hit...
Gone To Amorica
Available in a special HoF edition now!
Black Crowes 1 vs 4 Minor Deities |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jun 23, 2005 - 05:13 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
A big Elf double header here for the Herd..and Gone turns in a real HoF performance! Culminating in a length of the field run to score the decider on the bell! A great win to lift the spirit of this once mighty squad! Could it be the turning point in their season? Only time will tell!
Black Crowes 2 vs 1 SWL Losers |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Jun 23, 2005 - 14:16 |
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HI sports Fans, JaHosh Gawad here again to give you my Bettin Tips for Round to of the MC.
Falling Apart Together (0/1/0) vs Mr Whippy's Donut Boys (0/0/1)
Neither of these two teams had a great first round, with FAT scraping in a draw and the Donut Boys losing to the Creepers, both teams will be looking for better results this week. The FAT boys will be looking to feast on 'flings in this match, with Lupis and Wolfen having a field day amongst em. This is gonna be a tough game for Whippy's boys, and I don't give them much chance of winnin this one, they'll be too busy tryin to stay alive. FAT by 2.
Good Old Days Return (0/1/0) vs Soft n Fluffy (1/0/0)
This looks like the game of the round, with both teams lookin for a win to get em ahead. The humans managed a draw last round, and will be looking to improve, will the Softies are hoping their punishing hitting from last round continues into this one. These two evenly matched teams are gonna pound each other into the turf until only one is left, and I reckon it'll be the Orcs on top at the final whistle. Soft n Fluffy by 1.
Darkest Sides of the Suns (0/1/0) vs Pestilent Freaks (0/0/1)
Well this game should be an easy one for the Darkies, the Freaks got pounded last round by Soft n Fluffy and their season and maybe their career is probably over already, but they won't let that stop em from putting in a good show for the fans. Both sides are carrying injuries into this match, but the skaven will feel the loss far more then the elves will. I reckon the Dark elves have this game practically in the bag. Darkest by 3.
BrisVegans (0/1/0) vs Creepers (1/0/0)
The BrisVegans are another team that got pounded last week, they got done by FAT, while the Creepers had a comfortable win against the Donut Boys. This is another game this round that is going to be a walkover, with the Vegans too shorthanded to do more then slow the Creepers down, there should be a pile of touchdowns for those Undead to enjoy. Creepers by 3.
Well, that's it from me for this week, this is JaHosh Gawwad tellin you to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF!!! |
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DaemonicLazoth
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
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Jun 26, 2005 - 15:10 |
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Xanatos Bloodhoof here reporting on the Falling Apart Together vs Mr Whippy's Donut Boys at the Halfling home ground.
Boy was it a up and down game with Hilbo Tippins scoring in the opening minute after getting thrown by his friend Rootstrong Ironbark. After seeing how easierly the little guys scored the necro boys didnt quite seem able to understand their opponets could do leading to several mistakes early on in the match. Although it didnt escape the attention of Wolfen who kept his eye on Hilbo waiting to take him down and during a fumbbled pass Wolfen sprung and gave Hilbo a serious wound which left his out of the game.
Lupis had no troubles cleaning up the ball left behind by the injuried halfling but a donut left behind by Hilbo tripped lupis up as he tried to go for the blitz on Liam Supperman. While he was on the ground the flings lept to try and send him off the field but they only left him stunned. The ref then caught Gwenda Jiggletop trying to get the boot into Lupis again sending the fling off the field. In all that excitement the necros forgot one thing a sneaky fling had made off the ball and was about to score!
After the teams lined up again the necros were desperate to score and draw blood or even some sap from those trees. To the great delight of the crowd (well those that supported the necros) Bits Box slammed Deepwood down sending the treeman off for the game.
Then in the dying minutes of the half the flings crowed round Lupis trying to stop him fom getting in the endzone but working with Felina Wildcharm they tore through the flimsy roadblock allowing Lupis to get clear into the zone. Scab seeing Lupis in the clear and ready to score rushed to the half way mark and hurled with all his might and threw it dead stright into the waiting claws of Lupis for a last second TD. Clays response? "Bah"
With the opening kick of the second half the necros exploded into action knocking the flings everywhere and even managed to fell the last tree on the field. Scab having scooped up the ball ran it up looking for another clear pass to Lupis who had sprinted down field looking to score again. With the way clear Scab again showed way he was chosen for the team with another great pass to the wolf. Then a deperate blitz by Merry Dilpickles failed to stop the mighty wolf who proceded to dance on the poor halfling before scoring.
As the teams lined up again it seemed that the flings were needing a mircle to stop the onslaught of the necros. Desperate the flings decided to go for the flying fling tactic with Hilbo and to the suprise and delight of everybody (on the fling side) Merry Dilpickles landed and ran for his life into the endzone to level the scores with a little bit more then quater of the match left.
After the kick off the necros really annoyed that they could do nothing to stop that last TD they decided that to stop it from happening again then they will have to do sumthing about that tree and the flings. With this in (whats left of his mind) Nobby layed the smack down on Jelpo Bigpockets badly hurting him and Felina slamming Samwise Jambo fracturing his leg.
Down to 4 flings and a tree the Whippy boys were getting extremely desperate with Merry going for the solo blitz but Scab was content to let the fling push him back. With the other flings scattered or injured the necros swarmed the tree pulling on branches and anything they could get hold of so that when Wolfen blitzed him he went down with a mighty boom.
Scab then decided to insult the flings and threw it to Wolfen who had no troubles catching the ball. With no flings to worry about and lots of help Billy decided now would be the best time to try and take this tree out with a kick to the head and the tree already dazed by the wolf's blitz was KO'd but was spotted by the sharp eyed ref then when the necromancer tried to argue the call the ref turned around and banned him from the game along with the zombie. Then with great ease Wolfen just walked it in with a minute left on the clock.
As the two team line up for the final time there was only 2 flings standing on the front line a far cry from the horde at the start of the game. Just as the kick off got underway a rock thrown by disgruntled Whippy fan stuck Arthus and knocked him stright out. With so many zombies and unfriendly creatures in front of them the flings decided to run away and play flip the donut to see who will walk up and try to kick that nasty wolf in the nuts but as they decided who it was the bell went ending the game with a 3 all draw.
All in all a very enjoyable match with Lupis surviving despite attempts on his life when he was down and with those 2 TDs he reached the 51 spp mark and finally learnt how to dodge out of the way from most hits and unfriendly creatures. |
_________________
Never mess with a invisible immovable rod at groin height
Last edited by DaemonicLazoth on %b %26, %2005 - %15:%Jun; edited 2 times in total |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Jun 26, 2005 - 15:18 |
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Mr Whippy - Press Announcement
Whilst my boys played well, and we were happy with the draw and the fact that we got $100K worth of Donuts, we (because I am the Commish!) will be investigating the management of "Falling Apart Together" as we have received a very serious complaint from the Donut Boys trainers.
It seems that, ahem, faecal excrement has been found on our lovely field and that one of the Treemen report that one of the Falling Apart wolves, ahem, "cocked his leg" during play.
Now, people die and people lose limbs playing this great game, but the SWL will not tolerate such vile behaviour!
Lets just say that the Falling Apart team did not get any post-match Donuts. |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Jun 27, 2005 - 08:26 |
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Hi there sports fans, and welcome to JaHosh's Bettin Tips for Round 3. I'll start with the remaining games for the CFC.
Citadel Ancients (1/0/1) vs Wicker Men (1/1/0)
Both dead teams go head to head here this week, and they'll be looking to dig up a win to keep up with the leaders. The Wicker Men have plenty of depth ine thier squad, and will be looking to soften up the Ancients early on before piling on the points. The Ancients will also be looking for early casualties, and with their greater speed they should have an easier time scoring then their dead counterparts. This should be a vicious, bloody game, but I see the Wicker Men coming out on top. Wicker Men by 1.
Bogan Yobs (2/0/0) vs Women Who Wear Little (1/0/1)
This could well be the game of the round, with the Bogans after their third win in a row, while the Wimmin will want to hit back after their loss to the Wicker Men. Not alot of depth in either team, and a few early casualties could decide the course of this game. The Bogans will probably struggle to deal with the Wimmin's natural agility, and that could be the factor, but the Bogans will probably prove too strong for the Wimmin. Bogans by 1.
And Now the Mammalian Conference (MC)
Falling Apart Together (0/2/0) vs Darkest Sides of the Suns (1/1/0)
The FAT had a disappointing game last round against the Donut Boys while they made a big mess of the halflings they could only manage a draw on the scoreline. The Darkies however are the only unbeaten team in this conference. They are also missing their star thrower for this match, along with one of their blitzers, and that will leave the elves with only a small chance of beating these Deadies, who have butchered every team they've played so far. The FAT will play this game like they played the two previous ones, bashing everything that moves and then givin em another bash just to be sure. I think this will be the game that the FAT show their ability to score, not just their ability to make a mess. The FAT by 2.
Good Old Days Return (0/1/0) vs BrisVegans (0/1/0)
Both of these teams still have their Round 2 games outstanding, but with the condition of the BrisVegans it won't have much impact. This should be a good game to help the humans recover from the pasting Soft n Fluffy will probably deliver. The only thing in real doubt for this game will be the scoreling, but the Good Old Days do seem to be returning. Good Old Days by 2.
Soft n Fluffy (1/0/0) vs Creepers (1/0/0)
These are the other two teams with games outstanding, and that makes it difficult to call this game. The Orcs and the Undead will be pounding the crap out of each other all game long, and I think the natural toughness of the Softies will see them through against the Creepers. Softies by 1.
Mr Whippy's Donut Boys (0/1/1) vs Pestilent Freaks (0/0/2)
This game should be a gentle one, with both these teams already beaten to a pulp in previous weeks. This will be a test of skaven speed vs airborne halflings. The skaven might try to thin the opposition at first, but they will have to rely on their skills to pull this game off, but then again, those rats might just manage it. Freaks by 1.
Well that's it for another week, this is JaHosh Gawwad telllin you to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF!!! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Jun 29, 2005 - 17:49 |
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Kami 'ere, reporting from Snorriheim!
Unknown to us all, Coach Snorri has taken to another bunch of raw recruits - the Artesian Apparitions. We dunno much about them yet, but they drift in and out of Snorriheim as they hunt for games out there...on the fringe.
We been hearing bits and pieces comin' back on the grapevine, but this time they beat the news back - and it was better than the rumours! Champions of the Inaugural Dropoff Challenge! The first organised competition held out there in the fringe and they've run off with the trophy!
Coach was pretty happy after recent events here at Snorriheim Bowl, but quickly got back to business after some peasant down at the pub stirred things up with a rumour about the Apparitions only gettin' to an undefeated 14 game streak by bein' cherrypickers! Well, I don't imagine it will take Coach much to get to the bottom of it - apparently it was started by some hooligan out in the fringe called Clay. Probably workin' for the bitter losers of that Dropoff Challenge Final! Anyway, Coach gave the Apparitions hardly any time for celebration once that rumour took off. Despite the fact their history shows otherwise for anyone who cares to look, they've been ordered back out to the fringe to quash the rumour once and for all!
Kami signin' out from Snorriheim! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jul 02, 2005 - 14:18 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well dear readers what a silly end to what had been a promising game! Gone continues to show why he is a superstar, but a last turn collapse in the mental department has robbed us of a win! Gone was at his simple best..rushing the length of the field twice to score 2 TDs. But simple mistakes in defense were punished to the full extent. The Women must have had the the Herds horns in a dither as injuries were as rare as hens teeth. Twice we sent Taller into clean up a ball carrier and twice he failed. And a simple clock mistake on the last turn saw Gone playing defense when a simple pick up would have won the game. Ah well...it has always been about him..and thus it was.
Black Crowes 2 - 2 Woman Who Wear Little |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Jul 03, 2005 - 00:13 |
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| Smegish wrote: | Hi there sports fans, and welcome to JaHosh's Bettin Tips for Round 3. I'll start with the remaining games for the CFC.
Mr Whippy's Donut Boys (0/1/1) vs Pestilent Freaks (0/0/2)
This game should be a gentle one, with both these teams already beaten to a pulp in previous weeks. This will be a test of skaven speed vs airborne halflings. The skaven might try to thin the opposition at first, but they will have to rely on their skills to pull this game off, but then again, those rats might just manage it. Freaks by 1. |
Well, well Mr JaHosh, I guess there will be no Donuts for you as you were wrong once again! My Boys put on a high quality display at the Buffet table as we dined on Rat-On-A-Stick and thumped the Freaks 4-0
Kindest Regards,
Mr Whippy esq
Big Donut of the SWL |
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Symmetrical
Joined: Jan 15, 2005
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Jul 04, 2005 - 04:09 |
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Grüße sports fans! Klaus Von Crap here, with a special feature! Today I'm with the special conditioning Coach, and Mad Scientist for the German Vermin, Albert Einstein. Dr Einstein recently cracked the genetic code for Elves, and is looking forward to sharing his findings.
Klaus Von Crap: Dr Einstein, thanks for joining us. You previously played Blood Bowl yourself, didn't you?
Albert Einstein: Jah zat iz correct.
KVC: You were forced into early retirement though, is that true?
AE: Jah, I zuffered a zpinal inury in a game againzt ze Elvez of ze Vanguard of ze Zouthern Ark, compounding ze back problemz I already had.
KVC: And what prompted you to stay on with the team as a member of their coaching staff?
AE: In ze dayz following my retirement, I wondered about Elvez, their genetic makeup, and if zome of their genetic alterationz could be applied to other racez, zpecifically Zkaven. I ztudied for weeks on end, until making my firzt breakthrough.
KVC: Which was....?
AE: Ze Elvez have ze pointy earz, jah? Using the bodies of The Penguin, Ice Warden, Karliz Zkrastinz, and Zteve Konowalchuk (previously 4 of ze elfiezt elvez around), I have isolated ze gene that makez them pointy! With thiz knowledge, I will make many pointy clawz grow on our Zkaven brotherz, and we zhall rule ze world!!!
KVC: So your plan is to flood the German Vermin with Rats who have claws that somehow resemble elf ears?
AE: Jah. And Ztorm Vermin az ztrong as Ogrez, and Gutter Runnerz az tough az Treemen, and...
KVC: You sir, are an idiot. Klaus Von Crap signing off, and running away, with ears still attached. |
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