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vorner



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 19:50 Reply with quote Back to top

This is a little article to educate and advise those of you that are not cool coaches. Written by myself, clearly the coolest coach in Fumbbl, it is an appraisal you can trust.

Those that disagree with any part of the code, will just have to come to terms with the fact that they are just not very cool!

First a few facts:
They reckon that only 1-37 babies are born cool. This figure increases to 1-25 while growing, and then plummets at teenage years to 1-268. Most of us in our twenties, that is to say 1-14 will have regained our coolness. Unfortunately with the advance of middle age the figures become worse and people are increasingly unable to maintain their coolness. I won't depress the older Fumbblers with these figures.

The Cool Code of Coaching.

1)Cool coaches welcome an opponent to the field. They always wish an oppo luck. If its an oppo they know well enough, they wish them a slow and painful death instead.

2)Bad dice rolls are funny. And the lower your luck rating tumbles the funner the game. This doesn't translate to your oppo. So laughing at him isn't that cool. Unless he concedes in which case try and get in as many (lol) as possible before he disconnects in a huff.

3)Concedes are very very uncool.

4)A cool coach will thank someone after a match. Even if he is imagining setting their face on fire and trying to put out the blaze with a fork. The uncoolest of coaches just disconnect. Have a chance to congratulate the oppo and talk a little. The game isn't just about scores its about making friends.

5)If you can't make friends, make enemies! Better to be known for something than nothing!

6)1 turners. Very uncool. Blitz,.... score. Boring! Play the game with a little variation in mind. I mean use a little skill to score, not just 1 blitz and 1 GFI.

7)Fouling is cool.

8)Fouling after the 6th turn of the second half, is uncool.

9)Fouling when you have nothing to gain in terms of scoring, or targetting players in the dying minutes.... is very very uncool. Don't mash someone's team for the sake of it? How would u like it if someone came into your room and smashed up your girlfriend?... I mean PC. Just cos they wanted to? Not cool.

10)Fouling 1 turners in the closing minutes though... is obviously cool.

11)Calling your PC your girlfriend... not cool.

12)Dirty players are cool.

13)Piling on players are cool.

14)12 dirty players and 12 piling on players in a team ain't cool. Look it this way, too much of something good just makes it crap. 2 boobies are lovely. But imagine 7 on the same woman... see where I'm coming from?

15)Pushing players into touch. How can some people not think this is cool?!?!? A famous player torn to shreds by his own fans desperate to have some of their favorite player's clothing/body parts. What could be funnier or more in the spirit of BB?

16)Complaining. Not cool. So you had -20% luck. So you couldn't even sucessfully block a snotling with a 250 spp treeman. Do you think anyone in chat cares? I can assure you they don't. Don't mistake interest or sincere consolation in your loss or bad luck. They're really sat at their PC laughing their ass off. And its entirely at you, not with you!

17)If you want to complain go with your Granny to play bingo once a week.

18)Grannies... as hard as they try, not cool.

19)Leap skill. Cool.

20)Leap skill on a player with ag5 or higher. Not cool. Why? Cos it then becomes too damn good is why. Don't argue I'm writing this.

21)Wild Animals. Cool. They're crazy ass creatures to play with. A massive liability that always manages to do loads of damage! They lose as many games as they help win. And are for the truely crazy coach. So it stands to reason they must be cool.

22)Cool does not equate to good.

23)Which is why gobbos are cool.

24)Halflings are even cooler! Why? Because they are even worse!

25)Picking holes in any part of the Cool Code of Conduct. Just about the most uncool thing you could do.

26)Not setting up a player because you're scared he'll get hurt is uncool. If you've got enough players not to pick him thats fine. But if you set up with less than 11 men, just to keep him warm and safe..... hang your head in shame and go stand in that corner!

Well thats the cool code of conduct. Feel free to add suggestions to the code, but it is unlikely I will amend them, because its equally unlikely that you are as cool as me.

Hope people like this, and feel free to use it as an acid test of your own coolness.

Cool Coaches Unite!!!!

Vorner


Last edited by vorner on Apr 03, 2003 - 21:56; edited 1 time in total
r3



Joined: Aug 02, 2003
Location: Raleigh

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 20:14 Reply with quote Back to top

It's rare that someone can eloquently put down what defines greatness among a certain group of people, and even more rare when discussing the less-than-elovated game of BloodBowl. Unfortunately, though a valiant effort on vorner's part, he was unsuccessful, as clearly evidenced by rules 6 and 10. vorner is a bitter, bitter man.

That said, every thing else he's said here is truly inspired. I am proud to have beaten him soundly on the pitch.

-r3-
Christer



Joined: Aug 02, 2003
Location: Stockholm, Sweden

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 20:33
FUMBBL Staff
Reply with quote Back to top

Brilliant post Vorner.

When does the CoCCC group/league start?

-- Christer
BadMrMojo



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 20:45 Reply with quote Back to top

Christer wrote:
When does the CoCCC group/league start?

Once he comes up with an acronym that people can pronounce without blushing.

"Yeah, I'm a CoCCC lover."

See what I mean?

_________________
Ta-Ouch! of BloodBowl
Condensed Guide for Newbies
AsperonThorn



Joined: Aug 02, 2003
Location: Sacramento, CA

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 20:47 Reply with quote Back to top

I believe that using rules 7, 12, 13, and 21. You can conlude rules/addendums:

26)PO, RSC, WA's are cool.

27)Fouling and killing a PO, RSC, WA is even cooler. (Cooler still, if it just PO'd and didn't manage to cause a cas.)

Or just use them as an addendum to said rules.

Asperon Thorn
kaan



Joined: Aug 02, 2003
Location: Denmark

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 21:07 Reply with quote Back to top

so this makes me very cool, in an uncool way
Frankenstein



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 21:28 Reply with quote Back to top

26) Playing against vorner is very cool. Gate: 128 k. Need I say more?
And one of the best matches I've ever played, too.

"Vorner's just the guy, ye know?"

Cool Cool Cool
Frankenstein



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 21:29 Reply with quote Back to top

26) Playing against vorner is very cool. Gate: 128 k. Need I say more?
And one of the best matches I've ever played, too.

"Vorner's just the guy, ye know?"

Cool Cool Cool
vorner



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 21:51 Reply with quote Back to top

I refer R3 to rule 25.

And also draw his attention to a new rule 26!

I'm not bitter either... at least my girlfriend says I don't taste like that.
Is there something you know that she doesn't?!?!??!?

And for everyone that doesn't know R3 is a nice guy. I would even go so far as to call him cool, as soon as he drops that 1 turner of his of course. Very Happy
Mr-Klipp



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 22:32 Reply with quote Back to top

Hmmm. 7.... I'm sure I could think of a creative way to handle that situation.

_________________
Looking to get your minis painted? Look no further.

The Finishing Touch
Sigellius



Joined: Aug 02, 2003
Location: UK

Post   Posted: Apr 03, 2003 - 23:02 Reply with quote Back to top

27. Playing vorner's orc's twice in a row and intentionally (ahem) losing in the second match does not, apparently, make me cool, even in spite of the 32 turns' worth of learning experience imparted upon vorner's cerebrum.

28. Apparently stabbing someone that thought #27 was cool in the eye with the fork is, in fact, cool.

29. Sigellius is too perfect to be cool.
Mnemon



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 04, 2003 - 00:10 Reply with quote Back to top

Oh deary me. 23+24 gave me bonus points for sometime I guess. The occasional nr. 16 gives a big malus though again turning me into my old sucky, boring me in the end.

I am posting pointless stuff on top of that Smile.

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Frostwriting.com - short fiction and poetry.
vorner



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 04, 2003 - 05:02 Reply with quote Back to top

For those that might be interested, Korhil suggested starting a group where fouls and various other things were not allowed.

Something like the Valiantly Amazing Great Irrepressable Nofoulers Alliance.

That would obviously be run using and no doubt tightly incorporating the CoCCC.

I think the more CoCCC we can squeeze into it the better.
PM Korhil if you're interested.
Artagas



Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Apr 04, 2003 - 08:42 Reply with quote Back to top

1) One turners not cool right...till u dont get one on ur team they are not
2) ag3 leap might be a hell of a lot cooler than ag5 leap but your players will still break their neck (i know...probably breaking their neck is cool too:)
3) setting up my favourite player when i dont need to and wont even have a chanche to move him: coolest thing on earth, but will never happen:)
4) telling others what is cool: aint cool.
Twisted Evil
Mezir



Joined: Aug 02, 2003
Location: Brussels, Belgium

Post   Posted: Apr 04, 2003 - 10:43 Reply with quote Back to top

One turners are very uncool. Unless they are goblins.

Helmut is the definition a cool player.

Mezir is a whiner and therefore as uncool as they come.

Skaven with Horns are cool.

Ice is cold. Do not confuse!

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I am a Munchkin and I will do anything to win.
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