| Poll |
| KPL |
| Oh, yeah, Iam in. |
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46% |
[ 70 ] |
| Iam outta here |
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17% |
[ 26 ] |
| PIE: is this a pointless poll or what? |
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36% |
[ 54 ] |
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| Total Votes : 150 |
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PainState
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
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 Posted:
Mar 18, 2015 - 22:14 |
 
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North America Coaches
Season #4 is loaded up and ready to go.
I WILL NOT FORFETIT the first round. Due to uneven teams and so forth. The KFC is scheduled for 11 rounds and the NFC is scheduled for 9 rounds
That means we have a BYE for one team in the KFC.
I would like for both conferences to play a 9 game schedule but that might not be a reality because of this. So any forfeits will happen once the majority of teams hit the 9 game mark. Then there will be 2 rounds were two teams will have to play 10 games. |
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PainState
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
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| Posted:
Mar 18, 2015 - 22:27 |
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Throne Room of Tomb King Settra
Settra has called in all the coaches of the KPL for one last coaches meeting. Rah-ma has informed the king that the inducement money for cards only option is still BUGGED and BROKE.
Settra stands before them in all his majesty, giving each of them his steely eyed gaze.
Coaches of the KPL we stand on the brink of the kick off to season #4. It has come to my attention that the overseer Kalimar has failed in his duties. He told me in the back channel forums that the Inducement money for cards only was handled and taken care of by himself, well he has failed in epic fashion.
I have consulted with that low down scum of a Prophet and he is in agreement with me that this is how we are going to handle the global event for season #4.
It is going to require you to read, comprehend, understand and sigh, implement the right steps to make this happen. Iam taking a huge leap of faith that you knuckleheads do not blow this and cause all kinds of problems.
Are you ready? Serious, are you ready?
Here is how it is going to work for season #4
Each team will receive 100K in inducement money.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT
#1 The TV favorite CANNOT TRANSFER MONEY TO PETTY CASH. IF the Favorite transfers money to petty cash it is bugged and replaces the 100K for the underdog with what every value the over dog has put in. SO the TV favorite CANNOT TRANSFER MONEY TO PETTY CASH.
#2 BOTH TEAMS are required to buy two cards. NOW DO NOT RUSH THROUGH THE PREGAME LIKE YOU NORMALLY DO. I know deep down most of you just click right through that do you want to purchase cards screen….. DO NOT DO IT!!!!! DO NOT CLICK “NO” WHEN IT SAYS DO YOU WANT TO PURCHASE CARDS.
I suggest both coaches talk to each other when the match starts to make sure everybody reminds each other that both of them need to purchase two cards.
If you ignore your fellow coach who is telling you that you must purchase cards, you just blow right through that purchase cards screen. THEN YOU LOSE YOUR 100k. You click OK on the inducement screen and leave the 100K on the table. It is the only fair way to do this. IF you are the underdog and by some miracle also fail to purchase your 2 card minimum, then you must leave 100K or more on the table and click OK after you have spent the remainder of your balance.
This requires you to think and communicate with your opponent about setting up the match. I know you guys can do it but I also realize the epic failure that could result from years of just clicking through the purchase cards phase.
Here is a step by step breakdown on what will happen.
#1 The confirm match screen appears. You both hit start match.
#2 The TV Favorite will have a pop up that says do you wish to transfer money to petty cash. YOU HIT NO, Heck NO!!!!!! The TV underdog will have a screen that pops up and says do you wish to transfer money to petty cash, YOU HIT NO. Why? because I have not tested to see if that is bugged also. Now of course if both coaches are felling a little frisky you can be a lab rat and have the underdog transfer money and see what whacky thing the client does so that we all know if it is safe or not to eat that flower with the red dots on it.
#3 IMMEDIATELY the TV favorite will have a screen pop asking if you would like to purchase cards? YOU HIT YES, DAMMIT, YES!!!!!!!!!
#4 You then go to the purchase cards screen and purchase one magic item and one Dirty trick or 2 cards of the same deck, (more on that later)
#5 Then the TV underdog will suddenly have a screen pop up that says do you want to purchase cards? You hit YES, you better believe I do, YES.
#6 The TV underdog is allowed to purchase 2 OR MORE CARDS. (More on that later)
#7 The inducement screen shows up and the TV underdog spends the remainder of his money on inducments.
Got it? Good.
IF this becomes an issue with the season I will simply disable the 100K and we move forward with out added inducement money for cards.
Do you guys think you can handle this? Is this to much for you to remember?
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT SO READ THIS SECTION 3 TIMES IF NECCESARY TO UNDERSTAND AND COMPREHEND HOW THIS WILL WORK
Both teams will get 100k in inducement money to purchase cards only. You will have 2 choices on how to approach this.
#1 You can pick one magic item AND one dirty trick. During the course of the match you can use both cards.
#2 You can pick 2 cards of the same deck BUT can only use one of them during the match. You get to pick which one BUT YOU CAN ONLY PLAY ONE CARD if you take two from the same deck
Let me repeat that.
#2 You can pick 2 cards of the same deck BUT can only use one of them during the match. You get to pick which one BUT CAN ONLY PLAY ONE CARD if you take two from the same deck.
The TV underdog is allowed to purchase more than 2 cards if he so desires BUT one of them must be a magic item. If you forget this rule then you can only play one card from the same deck that you took multiple cards from. EXAMPLE: you buy 4 dirty Tricks and no Magic Items you can only play one dirty trick
What happens when a coaches breaks this rule?
#1 If it was deemed a honest mistake, well we let it go and move on. Honest meaning the coach realized the errors of his way after playing a second card that he could not and does not take advantage from that card even though it is in play.
#2 If a coach has a second violation it is either a -5 point penalty on tie breaker points or forfeit of the match. The court of Settra will determine that punishment.
#3 repeat offenders: Well, lets hope we do not get to that point.
IF this concept is too much for your feeble brain to handle, here is some advice. Take one Magic Item and one Dirty Trick and you will be able to play both cards and not worry about violating the rules of picking two cards from the same deck.
Got it, Good.
Rah-Ma notices a few coaches with glazed looks on their eyes
Any questions from the peanut gallery before we kick off season #4? |
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cowhead
Joined: Oct 22, 2006
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| Posted:
Mar 19, 2015 - 23:41 |
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The Prophet was seen to cast his gaze around the arena, where the hint of a smile could be seen behind his steely gaze. The 'Blood of the Prophet' had served him well this night.
Murmurs could be heard through the crowd
"First blood goes to the Prophet it seems."
"This Prophet may be more than Settra bargained for."
"All hail the Prophet, the one true king!!!" |
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pythrr
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
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| Posted:
Mar 20, 2015 - 01:37 |
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what are these "cards" things?
they sound unholy. |
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pythrr
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
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Mar 20, 2015 - 23:36 |
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mah rd1 opponent FEARS me! 5 days off line and counting! |
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pythrr
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
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| Posted:
Mar 22, 2015 - 18:04 |
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Scheduled against wallenstein's Numas Outlaws (Seen 7d ago).
 |
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WhatBall
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
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| Posted:
Mar 22, 2015 - 18:08 |
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Get with it, the Bedouin have already played two games.
...press release to follow. |
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pythrr
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
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| Posted:
Mar 22, 2015 - 21:43 |
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oi, KFC coaches.
Here's a plan!
STOP LETTING WHATBALL WIN!!! |
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Mossbeard
Joined: Jul 03, 2005
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| Posted:
Mar 23, 2015 - 01:59 |
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Pffft, Whatball is luckiest of the lucky, you cannot stop him winning.
Try to kill his best players then at least he can pay the price for winning in blood. |
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WhatBall
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
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| Posted:
Mar 24, 2015 - 01:52 |
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As the sun sets in the deep desert, the last burst of light on the horizon illuminates the KPL championship banner as it is hoisted up beside another. The home crowd goes crazy and the Bedouin charge out onto the pitch.
Illumination orbs surrounding the statement come to life and an eerie artificial light covers the pitch. The KPL rookie team, Sons of Dracul, take to the pitch in their premiere match against the reigning champs. League pundits are not sure how this match up was decided upon, but it doesn't look favourable. Despite a huge pile of gold to spend, they choose no wizard, but stock up on two extra apothecaries, stars Helmut Wolf and Igor, and an assortment of other oddities.
As the ball arched through the dusk evening sky, the pundits were quickly proved right. Despite the Sons of Dracul pulling off a sneaky blitz, the Bedouin almost immediately began to lay into the hapless thralls and stunned vampires. Players were being carted off left and right, and despite the team bringing no less than three apothecaries, it was clear very early they were there only to help the vampires, as half a dozen players writhed in pain and begged for help. Helmut Wolf was taken early down by Jurti al-Alaldinaseehim, who shattered his femur, then Igor fell shortly after, neither to return. The Bedouin boots were in full effect as well, including one particularly blatant foul, only slowed by the occasional need to score a touch down, or by the half time riot, with restless Bedouin fans displaying their displeasure at the massive mismatch, feeling their money would have been better spent watching them play the practice squad. Amongst all the maimed thralls, one particularly ingenious player decided his best chance to join a winning team was to offer himself up for "recruitment". He was gladly accepted and put on line of scrimmage duty.
In the end it was an academic 3-0 win for the Bedouin, who looked almost embarrassed to have it gone so perfectly. In the post game scrum, coach WhatBall was reportedly overheard talking to rival coach Nightbird, insisting that there should be more parity for new teams, promising to speak with Rah-Ma, or if possible Settra himself. Had the Sons of Dracul aligned with the false prophet, he may not have been so generous.
For the Bedouin it was the ideal start to the new season, for the Sons of Dracul, Ka-Sabar has a great intensive care ward, hang in there. |
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Last edited by WhatBall on %b %24, %2015 - %03:%Mar; edited 1 time in total |
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WhatBall
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
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| Posted:
Mar 24, 2015 - 02:01 |
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The Bedouin's second match of the season was the one most eagerly anticipated by the fans. A true inter-city rivalry between sworn enemies. To add to the animosity, after the Bedouin had pledged their allegiance to Settra, it was almost certain the Conquerors would follow the false prophet, and they did. Extra security was on hand to keep the players and fans alike safe from each other and themselves. Both Settra and the false prophet were in attendance for the match. Everything was in place for a classic KPL match.
The Conquerors came in to the match with their regular daunting squad of mummies, their fierce skeleton Semempses, and of course, the agile wight captain Fadil. In addition, they brought a zombie armed (literally) with grafted stakes and one of the most talked about drafts ever, the "voodoo doll". In response, the Bedouin hired a wizard and happily took their two allotted cards. Knowing the Bedouin's nasty ways, the prophet had armed Fadil with a magic codpiece, possibly his own personal athletic support, possibly unwashed. Fadil grinned that he would not have to endure the boots of his rivals.
The Bedouin won the toss and elected to receive. They decided to stick to what worked last game, and every other game for them. Bash and kick as many opponents as you can. It proved effective as Conqueror players began to fall. First one mummy was badly hurt, then another, a massive over-sized behemoth, was killed by a zombie who put his foot right through the wrappings and skull in one swift stomp. Depending on which side you supported, you were happy or displeased when they were both able to regenerate and make the second half. Meanwhile, the Conquerors hunted team captain Jurti al-Alaldinaseehim and the Bedouin chainsaw. They tried to get the voodoo doll involved, but he seemed confused and out of place for much of the first half. As the ranks of the Conquerors thinned out, Fadil became exposed and Husqu al-Manshar ran him down, severing his neck in one huge arc of the saw. The team staff rushed him back to the dugout for immediate attention, but it looked grim. He was never going to be the player he once was, and the smell from his cod piece was also becoming intolerable. Rumours abound that the long-standing captain and star has been forced into retirement. And with that, the Bedouin walked in the ball for a 1-0 lead at half.
Then for the second game in a row, the Bedouin's stadium erupted into a riot. Unlike the apathy-induced riot of the first game, this was a full out brawl, with rival fans attacking each other over claims that both sides were throwing illegal blocks and blatantly vicious fouls. Then it looked to become an all out war over opposing ideologies from each side's supporters. It took all of the security forces and some of Settra's own elite guard to quell the uprising.
The extended break gave all of the Conquerors time to rally from the KO box, and vowing revenge for Fadil, they started the second half down only 11 to 10 in players. They then quickly thinned out the Bedouin team, gaining an advantage and slowly moving the ball forward. The voodoo doll began to find his way, tying up players and knocking others down. They had the ball secured by their other wight in a strong cage fronted by the tentacled voodoo doll. That is when the Bedouin sprung a surprise that Settra himself had purportedly "cooked up". They hit the voodoo doll with a custard pie, which scouting reports had found he was highly allergic too. He became confused and disorientated. The Bedouin saw walked into the cage and stunned the ball carrier with piercing thrust. The ball popped loose and the Bedouin ghouls tried to encircle it. Still down too many players, the Bedouin could not keep the Conqueror's wight from regaining his feet, and importantly the ball. Husqu al-Manshar tried to be the hero yet again, but the saw kicked back and cut off his head for a third time in his career, killing him it seemed. Team trainers rushed him back to the bench and were thankfully able to completely reassemble him, having got his neck not quite right the last two times. Practice makes perfect it seems. Meanwhile on the pitch, it was time for the second nasty surprise, and lighting smote the wight, stunning him again. He was not getting up for the rest of the game. The Conquerors' last chance lay with a rookie zombie collecting the ball and then getting it to the star draft pick, the voodoo doll to score. Miraculously, the zombie recovered the loose ball, but still enraged by the custard pie, the voodoo doll could do nothing but scream in rage.
In the end the single touchdown held up for the win, in what was a painful loss for the Conquerors and the false prophet they chose to follow. |
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pythrr
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
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| Posted:
Mar 24, 2015 - 02:25 |
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argh, the gloating words, they burn my eyes!!! |
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WhatBall
Joined: Aug 21, 2008
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Mar 24, 2015 - 03:04 |
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The Bedouin have invested heavily in a Propaganda Department. They get paid by the word. 
And play your game before you forfeit! |
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PainState
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
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| Posted:
Apr 03, 2015 - 17:47 |
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Rah-Ma enters the throne room of Tomb King Settra. He walks before the dais and notices that Settra has an ancient scroll on his lap. Oh, crap, this could be bad, Rah-Ma thinks to himself.
“Ah, Rah-Ma you have arrived. I have been going over this ancient document called the dead marsh Scrolls. It speaks of a sport lost to the ages, it was called Nuffle Hack en Slash Hockey. This is fascinating stuff man. 5 minute major penalties, slashes, fore checks, penalty boxes, eye gouges and game misconducts. Too bad this sport has been lost through the ages. It sounds like this is right up my alley.”
Rah-Ma thinks to himself that he needs to be very gentle with his next few words or else disaster for the KPL might just strike.
“Yes my King, the Sport of NHL was lost in a bygone age. The ancient dead marsh scrolls are all that is left of its memory. I would like to point out my King that the scholar who found this scroll was insane. On top of that some scholars believe that this NHL was all a fantasy, a set of variant rules for Blood Bowl.”
Settra looks at Rah-ma with his penetrating gaze. Reaches over and picks up the scroll.
“Well, Rah-Ma the KPL is always looking to the past for inspiration for the future, in order to improve and enhance the KPL. We live in the present but strive for greatness in the future.”
“That is a most wise outlook on life my King.”
“I think we will form up the rules committee in a few weeks to discuss some improvements to the KPL that I think should be looked into.”
Settra looks up at Rah-Ma to see if he is fidgeting in his robes, touching the Tome of NUFFLE, waiting to make another excuse of why his most awesome ideas always get shot down. But blasted, he is just standing there waiting for me.
“First I think we need to look into the point system allocation found in the NHL. A win in regulation is worth 2 pts and a loss is worth 0. But if the match goes into Over Time then the winner of the match gets 2 pts and loser gets 1 pt.”
Settra looks up to see if that gets a reaction, nothing, what in da hell, this guy is made of stone or something.
“Second, I think we should look at introducing a D league into the KPL in order for new teams to get ramped up to play with the big boys in the KPL.”
Settra gives Rah-Ma a quick glance, nothing.
Settra reaches over and grabs another scroll.
“I have received this communication from the jungles south of Rasetra. It seems that the lizardmen are looking to petition the KPL to let one lizardman team into each of the Conferences. They want to renew their ties to the throne of Khemri. According to their new slann priest he is concerned about the rise of the Prophet and the influence of Nagash in the Lands of the Dead.”
Settra looks up and sees Rah-Ma walking off.
“What, who, were in the hell are going?”
rah-Ma does not even stop, keeps walking and says over his shoulder.
‘My King, I will form up the rules committee to review your proposals for rule and structural changes for next season in a few weeks. Please send over your executive summary to me tonight.”
Settra sits there mulling this over. Insolent twit, priest of NUFFLE or not, my god, when was the last time somebody just walked off while I was speaking to them? I did not even get to my other 2 points I wanted to bring up. |
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PainState
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
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| Posted:
Apr 07, 2015 - 04:33 |
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It seems some coaches are having issues with hitting, YES, I want to buy 2 cards please.
Settra is not amused at your lamentations of ignorance. |
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