Covertfun
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
|
 Posted:
Jul 04, 2005 - 07:39 |
 
|
Our story tonight - Black Boneheart vs Briana Ardrason: Bad Wight Boy Wrap!
The Citadel Ancients vs Wicker Men match was keenly anticipated, especially amongst the community of necromancers, most of whom would remember Mort Lludson or his old buddy from the Necrolympiad Gifted and Talented program (for kids with Braaa-ains).
Even the players line-up reads like a "who was whom" of the Dark Arts! No doubt quite a few remember Snagglespleen and were disappointed not to see him take the pitch.
Despite the match scoreline, a thrilling 3-2 victory to the Wicker Men, and despite the last second heroics of the Ancients doggedly pursuing a draw, the thing many fans will remember is the obvious sparking of a rivalry between two of the fastest wights in the swl. The two soul-suckers stared each other down from opposite sides of the pitch, and each could be seen rewarding team-mates for making hits on the enemy. As it stands, Briana has the upper hand in this contest, having narrowly escaped an ego-dashing draw.
Fans of the 24-game Boneheart, however, insist that his best is yet to come, and that after next match, he could emerge better than ever, raising the stakes yet further.
We can but sit and watch as the already violent rivalry intensifies between these gifted undead, whose profiles are a much-needed boost for the often dry realm of Beyond The Grave BloodBowl. Up until today's match, BTGBB has been a little lacking in personalities, and even moreso in what we might call "human drama" (no offense to other emotion-feeling races intended); perhaps as their stories grow, the NBC media will be entranced by the heady fumes of Wight-wash!
**JaHosh's Betting Tips were spot on about this match - keep up the good work! |
|
|
Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jul 04, 2005 - 10:32 |
|
Welcome back sports fans, JaHosh Gawwad here again to give you the Betting Tips for Round Four. There were a few surprise results last week, and I'd like to apologize to those who lost money off my 'tips' but I won't, cos nothing in life is guaranteed, except death and taxes of course.
First up will be the Fraudsters Conference.
Angry Asgardians (1/2/0) vs Citadel Ancients (1/0/2)
Neither of these two teams have had the start they wanted, and will need a win here to stay in contention. The Asgardians have had a reasonable start, and this game could be the one that puts them into second place, or it be the start of a series of defeats for them. It all depends on how much damage the Ancients can cause to the lightly armoured norsemen. the Ancients desperately need a win here to get off the bottom of the Conference, but I dont think they have what it takes this season. Asgardians by 1.
Minor Deities (1/1/1) vs Wicker Men (2/1/0)
This looks like a make or break game for the Deities, a loss here could see them drop into relegation, or a win could put them back into contention. The Wicker Men will be after a win here to keep up with and maybe get ahead of the Bogans. the Dieties are missing one of their catchers, and while not a key player that lack of depth could prove fatal for the team this week. The Wicker Men on the other hand have an almost full squad for this game, and will be looking to take advantage of their numbers by causing a mess amongst those elves. Personally I think that if the Wicker Men can contain the Dieties catchers they can easily win this one. Wicker Men by 1.
Bogan Yobs (3/0/0) vs SWL Losers (0/0/3)
A clash between the top and bottom teams here this week, and with the Bogans current form I cant see the Losers being much of a challenge. This will be an interesting game only to see the kind of score the Bogans can rack up. Bogans by at least 2.
And Now it's time for the Mammalians Conference.
Falling Apart Together (0/2/1) vs Good Old Days Return (0/1/1)
Both of these teams have had a disappointing season so far, and are yet to pull off a win. the GODR still have a game outstanding against the BrisVegans but I dont that will have much impact on this game. With the FAT missing both of their werewolves for this match, they are gonna have real problems pulling off a win here, and I think the Humans will have a field day here today. Oldies by 1.
Darkest Sides of the Suns (2/1/0) vs BrisVegans (0/1/1)
The BrisVegans still have their Round 3 game still to play, but that won't matter cos the Darkies are still gonna walk all over them, the only question will be if the Lizards actually turn up to the game. Should be a good practice game for the Elves this week. Darkest by 3.
Soft n Fluffy (2/1/0) vs Mr Whippy's Donut Boys (1/1/1)
This could well be the match of the round, with both teams looking to leap-frog the teams ahead of them onto the top. The Donut Boys had an easy win against the Pestilent Freaks last week, but they have a tough game here against the orcs of Soft n Fluffy. The orcs should make a big mess of the Donut Boys this week, and walk away with an easy victory. Softies by 2.
Creepers (2/1/0) vs Pestilent Freaks (0/0/3)
Well the Pestilent Freaks are having an awful season, and that will continue this week as they play the Creepers. The Creepers will be looking to clear the rest of the pack, while the Freaks just want to survive. Another game that will just be a test of how high a score can be racked up, a bit disappointing really. Creepers by at least 2.
Well that's all for another week, this is JaHosh Gawwad tellin you to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF!!! |
|
|
ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jul 14, 2005 - 10:32 |
|
Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well dear readers...the ugliest game EVER in the SWL! The evil that is Wicker arived on the padock...and by the time they shuffled off there had been a combined total of 12 CAS!!!
Gone had spoken quietly of a premonition of destruction coming...and he couldn't have been more right!
A early mistake by the Band-Aids saw BoomersStory blast a ghoul, pick-up and scamper away for a TD. And that was that. Nothing but pain was to be found after that.
A quiet ceremony was held after the match for the dead but not departed Conspiracy. His death was the low point of the match. To make matters worse the Apoth failed to bring him back...and we all watched in horror as the Necromancer raised him as a zombie. To se our strong man reduced to a shambling hull of what he was brought many tears. Sadly though he still semed to retain his strength memorey as all atempts to free him from the evil failed. We can only hope he finds happiness with his new team.
Lions has penned a new song in rememberance. STRONG MAN, SOFT HEART Available now in all good music stores.
Black Crowes 1 - 3 Wicker Men |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
|
ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jul 17, 2005 - 08:39 |
|
Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well dear readers it is finished. This will be the last article ever from Herd and Hoof. Season 10, and with it the Black Crowes, is done. As a swansong to Gone it was a worthwhile season. He finally moved into the HoF to seal his legacy as one of the greats to play the game!
But now it must end. I imaghine they mey get together for the occasionial fringe match for a bit of fun...but this reporter won't be there to cover it. I, like the team, am retireing.
It has been an honour and a privilage to plot the rise and fall of this glorious bunch of hard horns..but all good things must eventually come to an end. With the sun setting over the paddock I shall put my feet up, crack open a fine beverage and listen to Lions album one more time! So many memories my friends...I wish you well.
May you never meet the GREAT UNSEEN.
Black Crowes 1 - 2 Angry Asgardians |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
|
Symmetrical
Joined: Jan 15, 2005
|
| Posted:
Jul 17, 2005 - 21:50 |
|
An Ogre cannot live on violence and alcohol alone. Well he can, but then he'd be denied an opportunity to make little Ogres, if you catch my drift.
Sunday night was a great opportunity for the boyz to show their tender side, during a meet & greet with the Bangkok Katoeys. Things started well, with the Holes behaving themselves, buying the girls drinks, and generally being gentlemen. It was quite some time before Ducks Nuts noticed a peculiar bulge at the front of the skirt of the "girl" he was dancing with. The great oaf pondered this with both brain cells, standing scratching his head, and furrowing his mono-brow.
"Girl with skirt bulge isn't girl!" he eventually cried, and being the open minded accepting Ogre he was, he immediately punched Mam in the face, forcing "her" to retire for the rest of the night to adjust her makeup, nose, and lower jaw.
Things rapidly deteriorated from there: Charlie Chan grabbed his date, Mint, by the hair, swung her around his head twice, and launched her sailing off toward the horizon. Cambridge looked closer at his own companion, and finding more than he cared to, vomited heavily upon Fon, almost drowning "her" in his distaste.
Northern Star had noticed the vibe change at the party, but had failed to comprehend exactly what was going on. All he knew was that he was dancing with a girl he liked, Nat, and it seemed she also liked him. Ignoring the anarchy surrounding him, he moved in closer, and started mauling Nats breasts. Not being used to slight Amazonian frames, his attempts at affection were overzealous, and he actually tore Nat's breasts off. Recoiling in horror and looking up, he expected the girl to be dying before him. Instead he saw a young man of questionable sexuality running for his life, and when Star opened his hands instead of bloody flesh, he held naught but tissues...
The night taught the Watering Holes many things, most of which they had forgotten by the time they got home. One lesson that will remain with them forever though, is if you find yourself having feelings for a woman, make sure you grab her on the crotch early in the piece to confirm she's a "she". It might save you, and her, alot of pain and suffering.
Coach. |
_________________
The people's champion. |
|
ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jul 18, 2005 - 08:12 |
|
Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
STOP THE PRESSES! Holly Hollerin' Horns dear readers! A massive change of heart in the upper management has been discovered and with it HOPE springs eternal! The BLACK CROWES will PLAY ON!!!
the GREAT UNSEEN has decreed that ever since his qpool experiments were cancelled he needed a new challange...and taking a team all the way back to regionials to see if he can bring them back up to premier was too good an oppertunity to pass up.
So look out all you regionial squads....HoF Champion and Twahnlow medalist Gone is bringing the Herd to a paddock near you come Season 11
Not all the Crowes will remain of course. Lions has decided to focus on his music full time. "I just didn't have my heart in the game anymore man. I was always hoping that someone would die out there so I could write another song...and that just isn't good for the team ya know?"
His retirement song SINGER WITHOUT A BAND Available now in all good record stores.
And Amorica, the QB turned Golden Boot winner has called it a day as well.
"I am just too old and too slow to carry on. I wish the kids all the bast...I will be in the stands watching."
And of course this news has seen the stocks of Herd and Hoof skyrocket! So I shall delay my retirement. I will be on the boundry at every match with all the news and reports that a true Crowe fan needs!
Here's to Season 11 |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
|
ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
|
| Posted:
Jul 22, 2005 - 16:39 |
|
SWL's First Legend!
Although the Blue Mountain Dragons retired from the SWL at the end of Season 8, they live on in the SWL Fringe Festival Leagues and in a "friendly" match tonight, they defeated the Almost Alcoholics 2-0.
This match however was significant because 10 season veteran Blax Landric became the SWL's first Legend and has now moved onto 180 career Twahnlow points.
And he racked up the milestone in fine style with 2 touchdowns and a brutal casualty against the hapless Alco's.
After the game, it was revealed that Blax has picked up a niggling injury and perhaps he may be considering retirement. Dragons management seemed non-commital at this stage and simply said the final decision will be up to Blax.
Many pundits believe that if a new rookie can be found soon to partner the developing Jelli Beenpoole, then Blax may give the game away.
Signing off from Mount Victorious,
Roy Blusterton. |
|
|
Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jul 25, 2005 - 14:19 |
|
This is JaHosh Gawwad reporting from the Back o' Bourke where the Platinum Division of the Lil Leeg is being played, and over the past few weeks I have witnessed the domination by the Goblins of Oh Bugger.
With one game left to play they have scored 11 touchdowns and are yet to concede one all season. Their 5-0 thrashing of the much feared Friggin Striggins showed the strength and speed in these gobbos. And with only one game remaining in their season, against the Glitter Gals, they are so far ahead on the table that almost all they have to do is show up to the game to win the trophy.
It'll be great to see if they can continue their winning ways in their final game, and into next season. This is JaHosh Gawwad, tellin you to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF! |
|
|
Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
|
| Posted:
Jul 26, 2005 - 11:15 |
|
Carbine here, with the Story that the
Boncos Hit 50
The Loveable Norse (Depends on your interpretation of Loveable) from Brisbane have finally made it to the Fifty game Mark. This has come after many long seasons among Pool, Conference, Regionals, Chunkathon and Numbered Divisions.
Unfortunately, the Milestone was marred by the Death of Motu Tony, one of the 4 Remaining Founding Players. His spirit lives on in the hearts of Bonco Fans, and on the playing list of Food For Thawt. At least his loyaltys still lie with us, after he Took a dive and will refuse to play next game.
The Loss this game means the Highest the Boncos can finish is 3rd last, with the other results to decide if they slide lower. Rumours have been heard that the Boncos may not continue next season, but only time will tell.
Carbine, Signging Out |
|
|
DaemonicLazoth
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jul 26, 2005 - 12:17 |
|
Xanatos Bloodhoof here reporting on the back to back matches of FAT 1 vs 2 Creepers and FAT 2 vs 1 Pestilant Freaks
The first match against the Creepers so a very understrength squad take the field and all paused for a moment to honour Lupis who was killed last match. It started off well with the necros scoring fast but was just hammered again and again. Wolfen having feasted on many slaves to boost his powers (scored the knuclkebusters and iron man handicaps) He was hiting players left right and centre then dodging out again. in the end it did nothing as the Creepers were just to powerful. The Creepers were so afraid of Wolfen that he had to revert to the cowardly crowd push but the fans were to afraid of the nasty werewolf that he came back on in the next drive. At the end of the match the festing had left Wolfen has a greater agilty rivaling that of Lupis.
In the final game of the season for FAT and the freaks saw a vastly understrength skaven squad take the field. From the start it was clear what the out come was going to be with the necros hitting the skaven time and time again. In the end the rats was left with 6 players on the field with Bloody Flux getting a really bad headache. Bits Box the flesh golem finally gain enough spp to gain his first skill after 14 games It aslo saw Soth gain a unquenchable bloodlust.
With their season at an end the future of FAT is in doubt as with the loses suffered they may bow out or they may stay on setting their sights on the permeirship only time will tell.
With Pro Bowl II looming ahead will Wolfen star in the conferance team just as Lupis stared in the Fringe dweller? Who knows but stay tuned for more news.
This is Xanatos Bloodhoof for the necro lads Falling Apart Together signing off |
_________________
Never mess with a invisible immovable rod at groin height |
|
theopacman
Joined: Jan 26, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jul 27, 2005 - 15:03 |
|
The room was buzzing with conversation mumblings and excitement as the Necromancer entered
"Cut this nonsense talk about Premiere event or league or whatever your babbling about we have....... whats that Snagglepleen ? They are , are they" The Necromancer looks at his troops , a new found vigour in his eyes . " Its on to Premier boys , we've finally found Carlton again and that defiler they call the Duke can join his friend Flash" The Necromancer breaks into hideous laughter as a slight flicker of recognition registers on the remnants of the once great Gordon 'Flash' Lau. |
_________________
Is that a Hoof on your head.....Zzoing |
|
Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
|
| Posted:
Aug 04, 2005 - 18:08 |
|
Everybody's favourite grunt Bob Borc bashes down the doors to kickstart another season's Twahnlow Party!
What a season folks! From top to bottom it was a roarin' spectacle! For the first time in yonks we see da big boys in Prem playin' some blood bowl instead of dat uther thing they do....wot was it - celebritising! A full 7 rounds played with nada a forfeit in sight! The peasants dey loved it! And down at the bottom we had quite a rangy group of ragtags scurrying through their regionals games so fast I hear da specs are quite upset - they couldn't keep up the schedule. All in all a fantastic season - good job one an' all!
So..before we start clinkin' and start doing da all important buildup for the night da Twahnlow medal is presented (since of course it deserves no less than at least a couple of days of drinkin' in celebration of what is our most prestigious award!) we have da long list of awards for the Twahnlow trophies that need doin while we are still standin'.
The Golden Awards
Quite deservedly our premiers, the Colorado Avalanche dominated the golden awards, only just pipping the Vanguard's elves for alot of the throwing awards in their final clash! Claudia Schiffer again shows she's the business end of bashing, but ironically this time has to share her awards with an elf - Frost Warden from the Vanguard! I bet dat one will be remembered for a very loong time
The Silver Awards
What a group! Records broken in almost every department. I dunno whether it means the lads are picking up their game as the competition in the Conferences gets fierce or if the stars in the group are playin' like the one man teams we see dem become! Here the Angry Asgardians showed once again who's boss in da bashy department with Rudi Van Winkle pitching in with 111 blocks for the season! That's over 16 blocks a game! The other real standout was the ghoul Scab from Falling Apart Together who threw the gauntlet down to the elves an average of 7.44 yards per completion! Gone of the Black Crowes was indeed long gone, with 162 yards for the Slipper.
The Bronze Awards
Interesting little group with some emerging stars coming through...and some emerging stars biting the dust already! Particularly the throwers of the group...Noisy and Ahern were the two standouts but both left their marks *permanently* on the swl pitches in what is quite the fatal fashion these days. That threw the throwing awards wide open to a couple of almost unheard of names who find themselves extremely lucky owners of a Twahnlow!
Well, dat is all from da Twahnlows Party for da moment....stay tuned!
Dis has been Bob Borc now in urgent need of some rafreshments!
(OOC Dont forget to reward your player's efforts with an accounting of their accomplishments in their bios!) |
|
|
Faulcon
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
|
| Posted:
Aug 07, 2005 - 03:12 |
|
It should be noted that saurus Ssnln held up the flag for the traditional pounders in the premier knuckles stakes. This powerful saurus also equalled the feats performed by Claudia Schiffer and Frost Warden though in his case it was more attrition than precision hits as he slammed in half as many again hits as the other two winners. |
|
|
Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
|
| Posted:
Aug 11, 2005 - 18:54 |
|
Well folks, BoB Borc here again bringin' to a close da Twahnlow's Party so the players can get 'ome and sober up for the new season!
And to finish, as always, we do so wif da presentation for da Twahnlow Medal!. This season we had two strong contenders, Beast Master Lucius put in a valiant effort to keep his team together after their initial pasting and if we could give two medals, he'd be takin' one home!
But despite his effort, we had another young lad who showed ya dont have to be a celebrated legend to lead your team from the front! This season, da Twahnlow Medal goes to Mitra Concentration from the Zen Adepts!
A big huzzah also to all the teams who contributed to one of the best premiership seasons yet!
Twahnlow Medal SWL10 |
|
|
Fool
Joined: Sep 16, 2004
|
| Posted:
Aug 12, 2005 - 23:56 |
|
Greetings Sports Fans! And welcome to the inaugural edition of Betting Fool's very own, can't be beat,... Guide for the Wise. That's right the ultimate resource for those of you seeking firm footing on the path to financial fortune. I'll be demonstrating this season how to turn your measly paycheck into a lifestyle of the rich and famous. And the best part is, you don't have to do anything, you just follow my advice, watch the games, and watch the Moolah come flooding in.
This season, I'll be tracking my sure-fire inside knowledge to the ultimate test, by
putting my own money up. I'll be keeping track of what I make and lose here for your own enjoyment. So you can see with your own eyes that my system really works. I’m starting the season with 1000 brass kazoos. Stay tuned to see those kazoos skyrocket!
Here are my bets for Round One in Commissioner Twahn Memorial Regional League XI :
Da Gutz Bruva's at Subterranean Slavers
The Ogres have drawn a near impossible first match, as the well trained Chaos Dwarves should handle them mightily. It will be a victory-of-sorts if the Gutz Bruva's even make it to the game, as they are sure to lose this one. Dwarves will contain the goblins agility and soak up the Ogre's blows, while the Bull Centaurs and hobgoblins will run rampant on the field. Only remains to be seen of one of them big guys can break free and maim a hobgoblin or two. Subterranean Slavers by AT LEAST 2 - I BET 200 Kazoos
Celtic Warriors at LACrows
Although the foul appearance and accompanying stench of the LACrows should do much to dampen the Warriors potent passing attack, the Celtics Warriors should have this game in hand. Under the leadership of Murrough and Ferris, they should be able to eke out a sufficient running game, and use short passers to over come the Rotters. The LACrows have a tough first game, but with a little luck, or if the Warriors should eat some bad chili, they could possibly overcome the High Elves, but don't bet on it. Celtic Warriors by AT LEAST 2 - I BET 100 Kazoos
Autumns Fall at Good, Bad, Furry
The Rats are playing shorthanded here, but they still have the tools to bitch slap Autemns Fall all around town. Wine Connoisseurs would be smart to TIVO this game, because the vintages that are sure to be flowing as the Wood Elf coach starts to lose his cool as the touchdowns stack up. Look for Pestilence and Elbow to kill some tender elves to really piss him off. Hopefully this game will not be forfeited, because it sure looks fun to watch. Bring your splatter guards if you decide to sit in the stands. Good, Bad, Furry BY ONE (and many casualties) - I bet 150 Kazoos
Black Crowes at Pestilant Freaks
We're all looking forward to watch what should be a pistol of game. The esteemed Black Crowes, ancient and revered, are making a comeback tour ala INXS or Motley Crue. What these two-bit middle-age has-beens are capable of is debatable, but Coach Oz Jesting has vowed that he will return them to Premiership Glory. Should be fun to see him eat his words.
Pestiilant Freaks are also a well storied team, and despite having their team recently gutted, still have many fearsome players, including standout Blood Flux. Luckily for the humans, he's out injured this game. Black Crowes BY 1 - I bet 100 Kazoos
Brisbane Boncos at WyvernTail Stingers
The steroids-popping trio of Shane, Bazza, and Leon have every opposing player in this league shaking in their boots. Until the Commissioner keeps his promise and cracks down on illegal growth pills, those three will continue to dominate.
The Stingers are being welcomed to the League with an impossible first game. Getting through it with all their players in tact, let alone a victory on the scoreboard, will be a win for them. Brisbane Boncos BY ONE - I bet 150 Kazoos
SWL Losers at Fast Fossils
What should have been an easy game for the esteemed SWL Losers becomes a serious challenge due to the recent massive budget cuts and layoffs for the team. Only 9 Losers remain, and the most promising of them, Lion Warrior Gumbi III, niggled himself in what he described as "a nocturnal experiment to produce sticky fluid to help him handle his balls". Lord knows what he is talking about, but fans of the team will recall his chronic ball dropping antics in season 10 and will be praying that he brings some of that fluid to bear for the new campaign.
The Fast Fossils are a young but battle ready crew, thanks to their coach, ArtaXerxes, but despite their enthusiasm they probably have bitten off more than they can chew. If the Losers can keep 9 men on the field, they will take this game handily, any less than 9, and it's a toss up. SWL LOSERS BY 1 - I BET 100 kazoos
SO, What are you WAITING FOR!?!?! Get yourself to the city of Lost Wages and make some MONEY! |
|
|
|
|
| |
Gnomes are trash
Search
