ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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 Posted:
Mar 31, 2005 - 15:36 |
 
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Channel BB Is Back!!
Stay tuned for all the Season 9 action of the Southern Waste League!.
One of the early stories coming out of the pre-season preparations is that the Blue Mountain Dragons may not be as dead as previously thought!
The Dragons management have been speaking to the SWL Commissioner Mr Whippy and have been pressing for reinclusion into the Regional League. Mr Whippy was loathe to make such an allowance considering the size of the Dragons payroll, but it is wildly rumoured that Dragons Management may cut 8 season veteran and team captain Vladim Oslobahn from the team roster!
Given that Vladim was inducted into the SWL Hall of Fame just this week, that is a bitter blow for such a proud warrior of the Astrogranite (tm).
No word yet though on all time SWL Legend and leader of the Career Twahnlow Tally Blax Landric. It is reported, that the Dragons have been able to close a deal with him and League Commissioner Whippy to ensure that Blax suits up for a record 9th season!
If so, my early tip is for the Dragons to take the Regional Leagues by storm!!
Signing off,
Ray Blusterton |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 11, 2005 - 05:59 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
Greetings Sports Fans, Carbine here again with the Latest Game Reports from the Breweries.
First Up we have the Tie Vs Gumbeast United! Man are those Mummies scary! Tenacious defence and a lot of Re-Rolls used by Carroll helped the Breweries hold up United until the End of the Half. A lot of Knock outs helped the Breweries Do a lot better in the second half, having to stall slightly at the end to get the Tie and not need to face the scary Mummies on the LOS again. We now Cross to Pookey, Spokesman for the Breweries for an Important Announcement
Pookey: Thanks Carbine. We have a Sad Announcement to make. Due to an Unfortunate involvement with a Certain Star Player preached against by Gumbi, Walter Wallis Has contracted a HIV. We Urge All teams to follow that wonderful Example of the Southern Mothers Association in Boycotting This star player, and helping to end her String of Drugs, Alcohol and Rock and Roll. Thank you.
Carbine: Old Gaffer's Geriatric Piperswere the next team to take up the Challenge. A nice Kick set up the First touchdown on Turn one, with a Throw Team mate Result. The Breweries then proceeded to knock about the Flings, scoring 4 times, with Lucifer running in with a Double. Another TTM and the Game was sealed.
Brad |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 13:30 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
Greetings Sports Fans. Carbine here to report on Another few matches from the Castlemaine Breweries
First up, The Tiparary Trasheaters. Hack made the normal Annoyance, collecting 8 spps with a Interception and a Touchdown. Warren Earnt the MVP and a Casualty from the Match, making him top Spps Scorer for the Match for the Breweries Although Chew and Cough were seriously injured for the Rats, they managed to take the Game out 3-0
Next game on the Calandar was one Everyone Fears, against that Perfection of Beardedness, Southside Stone Smashers. A lucky Break for the Brewers saw Hargis Heavyhand Go down to a Block at the Start of a Drive around the middle of the Game, but the Dwarves evened the score with the Death of Lazy ivan to a last turn Foul. Ivan looks no different to normal, he still looks asleep.Congrats to Nurrin Stoutlegs for his 2 Touchdowns.
Third Game was Against King's Park Rangers. A Rather Lazy start by the Breweries gave the Kings an Easy start, but they woke up just in time for the Second Drive.Pegging it Back with a Score late in the first, Breweries Added a Niggle along with it. A late TD put the King's 1 in front at the Half. A fumble By Clay in Turn 3 2nd half allowed a quick pass to the endzone. Even with a Slightly Unaccurate pass, the bounce was kind and Kings were up by 2. Another Bad ball handling play gave the ball straight to Dancing Toonie, but the Touchdown was Prevented until the end of the Match.
Thats it For this Update Sports Fan, See you Next time
Brad |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 09:11 |
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Coach Chunknanimous steps up to the podium.
Good Evening Ladies and Germs (pauses for applause, but hears only Uncle_Smed in the crowd yelling Clear!)
I have called this press conference to announce our intent to become the Scourge of Premier League next season. With the excellent dead already mentality of my players, they are actually looking forward to playing the toughest teams in the SWL, in the hope that they will be able to fulfil the teams destiny, that is to die a wonderfully gruesome death on the Bloodbowl pitch.
Unfortunately the teams patron does not want this to happen in some obscure offseason tournament (I personally dig any tourney with my name on the cup). This means we will not be giving away any matches against our fellow Premier sides away for free. Any and all other challenges are welcome however.
In conclusion, I would like to point out that despite winning our conference, no Bash D player won any sort of individual award. Truly tis team is without ego or hubris, and functions as a well oiled machine. You may take out some of my players, but unless you get them all they will still function, for no-one is so vital to our success that we cannot afford to lose them. I attribute this completely of course, to my masterful skills as a coach, long wasted on the primadonnas of I-House, who were loth to listen to my wisdom. This team have embraced my teachings, and the results speak for themselves.
Of course if any team has a richer offer, I would be only too happy to consider bringing my teachings to them.
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Irite Stuff here, well you all just saw the press conference held by Chunknanimous. The word on the street is that the pompous human called the press conference in a thinly veiled move to leverage a better contract after leading Bash D to the promised land of Premier Division. After being in the crowd, I add my firm assertion that I believe this is true. Whether or not the enigmatic figure known only as the Emissary of N'Sha will agree to it is well beyond the ken of this reporter. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Mar 09, 2005 - 06:34 |
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Led by the infamous Bob Borc (head honcho at Channell BB), the bombastic Twahnlow's Bash is back in town!
For those new to the SWL, the Twahnlow's started out as a tradition in the early days of the league, immortalising the most heroic (and also most notorious!) players in the SWL. Unfortunately its traditions were lost on walkabout for a couple of season's, but they found their way back in Season 7 and now in Season 8 they're a little more familiar to everyone. Most will know what the Golden Boot is all about!
(Bob Borc) As usual, we start da awards wif the dead 'ard blokes before they get too drunk and destroy the party.
(Bob Borc) This year the Golden Fists are awarded to Kahn Rockarm of the Southside Stone Smashers. The Silver Fists go to Claudia of the German Vermin with an amazing 4.75 and 3.6 blocks/casualty ratio respectively! Kahn really showed the allrounder he was this season, while Claudia in the little time she's been on the pitch has shown herself to be the undisputed queen of the kills.
(Bob Borc) For the brawlers of the league with the most casualties racked up in their name we have many knuckles to go around this season. With 4 casualties apiece, a set of Golden Knuckles are awarded to both Kahn Rockarm and Crasx Ironhead of the Southside Stone Smashers. The quiet achiever Darren from the Warlizards also makes his mark and picks up a set. In the conferences, tied on 5 casualties apiece the Silver Knuckles go to Claudia from German Vermin, Beast Master Lucius from Beasts of Bowl and Big Gordo from the Broncos!
(Bob Borc) For the most number of blocks, the coveted Golden Shield is to be awarded to Darren of the Warlizards with 71 blocks - finally getting his kudos for a dead 'ard career! In the conferences, an unlikely tie at 65 blocks apiece sees three of the best vying for posession of the Silver Shield. The three standout workhorses being Big Gordo of the Brisbane Broncos and both Frozen Taurus and Rudi van Winkle of the Angry Asgardians. Im not sure how much Rudi will enjoy being the meat in the beef sandwich there!
(Bob Borc) To celebrate the most infamous of the league, the award for excessive fouling in the premier division, the Golden Boot goes to an unexpected Armorica of the Black Crowes. With 16 fouls he's managed to sneak away with this most distinguished prize from right underneath the noses of the notorious celebrities in the Smashers and Wickermen! In the conferences, Baldur Thorsen from the Angry Asgardians runs away a clear winner of the Silver Boot wiith an obscene 21 fouls for the season!
(Bob Borc) In premier we actually have a recipient for the Golden Glove this season! Awarded to the best interceptor Srrts from the Slumbering Skink managed to get in the way of an inaccurate pass and found the ball stuck on one of his saurii spikes as the siren blew. Meanwhile, in the conferences a whole crowd of nominees stuck their hand up for the Silver Gloves (pardon the pun!). So many of 'em there ain't enough drinks to keep me going through that list! You can check 'em out in the Twahnlow Annals.
(Bob Borc) A new award this season goes to the thrower with the highest yardage/completion ratio - the Golden Arm. Together with the Golden Boomerang (most completions) and the Golden Arrow (most yards gained from passing) they make up the three throwing awards for the premiership division. All three this season go to Konundrum from the Karaz Krasherz - a clear winner and undisputed elf of da prem!
(Bob Borc) In the conferences, it was a different story. Potential winners kept popping up throughout the season, but in the end it was a survival of the fittest as many of the best candidates found a good resting place before the end of the season! The Silver Arm is taken by Mannfred von Richtofen of the German Vermin, while Valgard Greycloak from the Fyord Frollikers snaps up both the Silver Boomerang and the Silver Arrow.
(Bob Borc) The Golden Slipper (for the most yards gained carrying the ball) as usual was dominated by the skinks in Premiership. This season it goes to Xies-ler-aym of the Slumbering Skinks. His efforts also saw him run away with the award for the most touchdowns, the Golden Ball and the award for the most number of star player points, the Golden Star.
(Bob Borc) In the conferences, the Silver Slipper, Silver Ball and Silver Star were also dominated by one player! The emerging Tragelaphus Strepsiceros from the Maniacal Mammalians II. They'll need him to fill the void left behind by their old stars in the coming seasons.
(Bob Borc) And last but not least! The award for best and fairest in the premiership division this season, the Twahnlow Medal (named after our illustrious founder!) is tied between Redd'n Roll'n of the Karaz Krasherz and Kahn Rockarm of the Southside Stone Smashers!
Congrats to all who made it to the pinnacle of the SWL this season! You can find all the grim statistics in the Twahnlow Annals.
P.S. Dont forget to boast to the world about your player's trophies in thier players bio's! |
Last edited by Snorri on %b %09, %2005 - %14:%Mar; edited 1 time in total |
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DoubleSkulls
Joined: Oct 05, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 06:08 |
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I didn't realise this was a Bavarian league....  |
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Ian 'Double Skulls' Williams
Eucalyptus Bowl |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 09, 2005 - 05:29 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
Carbine: And here we Have the Latest game from Castlemaine.
First up is the Gobbo's From Vladim Oslobahn's Bastard Kids. The goblins did more Injury than the Trolls, but we won it 2 nil. Revenge was had on a Goblin who Dropped Daniels AG, with a RIP
Next up was the Thrashing of Wood Be Nice. The Score of 5-2 would have been alot different had Cuddles not spent most of the Match in the KO box, only showing up for about 3 turns before Returning. Rumour has it he Broke a nail and couldn't find a Manicurist. Will we see one join the coachin staff in Future? Only time will tell
Judge Best Opposing Player in the 2 Matches was the Elven Thrower Santa. Performing Feats of Agility Unsurpassed he carried his team on his shoulders and Allowed them the 2 TD's the scored
Brad |
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andycapp
Joined: May 26, 2004
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Mar 09, 2005 - 03:02 |
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"We, the German Vermin accept this challenge. Rats of the native country, combine, in order to crush these humans, who ruin our economics, use it in camps and use THEM in OUR experiments!"
(or something similar - especially towards the end)
Babel Fish works wonders...
cheers, andycapp |
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Sp00n
Joined: Feb 03, 2004
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Mar 09, 2005 - 02:55 |
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translation anyone?  |
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Symmetrical
Joined: Jan 15, 2005
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Mar 08, 2005 - 18:16 |
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Miyuso,
Wir, die deutschen Schädlinge nehmen diese Herausforderung an. Ratten des Vaterlands, vereinigen, um diese Menschen zu zerquetschen, die unsere Wirtschaft ruinieren, einsetzen sie in Lager und benutzen SIE in UNSEREN Experimenten!
Symm |
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The people's champion. |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 08, 2005 - 12:23 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
C: This is Carbine, Reporting Live from the Change rooms of The Castlemaine Breweries. With me I have Captain Travis Tvarn
T: Glad to be here Carbine.
C: I understand your team has made a Rather Interesting Challenge, Care to tell us about it?
T: Sure. While most teams in the Chunkathon are only Challenging one Team or 2, mainly those from the Lofty Premier League, We have something more Special In mind. As of now, Castlemaine Breweries Challenges Every team in the Chunkathon to a Match.
C: (In Shock) Everyone?
T: Yep, No matter the TR or STR, we will play you.
C: Have you Begun on this Momentous Task?
T: Indeed, we’ve played a rather bland 1-4 loss to Good Old Days Return, and a Foul-a-thon 0-2 loss Vs The Glanlode Journeymen.
C: This is Carbine, Keeping you up to date with the Chunkathon, and I’ll be back with more news from the Breweries Heirachy soon
Brad |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Mar 01, 2005 - 14:47 |
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League Announcement From Your Favourite Commissioner, Mr Whippy
Heya all my fine SWL readership! 'Tis I, Mr Whippy esquire, your fine Commissioner and Team Owner of the one and only Mr Whippy's Donut Boys.
Hang on a sec.... excuse me, can you pass me that Donut please.... yes that one, the Choc Ice... thank ya kindly....
**munch * munch **
Ah, yes where was I... yessir...
Yes, I wanted to take a few moments here on Channel BB to make a couple of importent announcements....
Firstly, I am humbly proud to announce a new batch of donuts, erm I mean coaches to the SWL. Season 8 has been somewhat of a boom year in terms of recruiting, and I am sure that the new temptations of a few sticky buns and lemonade has seen the fine establishment of the SWL attract like Halflings to the Donut Box a number of new coaches.
So a big Donut Welcome to Doubleskulls, foolwholaughsatdeath, bartgoon, Flipper170, savsta, Dravaal, eganra, kiwi and Symmetrical. If I have inadvertantly missed anyone, my humblest apologies and a box of Donuts to you and your kinfolk.
Secondly, I know it has been said by that good samaritan charity group the Southern Mothers Association, but welcome to additions to the SWL fold in the form of offspring in Zara Dane and Ava Mae Ozjesting! Relax Ozjesting, rumours of me signing up the little tackers for the Donuts are totally untrue... I'd wait at least they were 2 feet tall, not one foot long before I did that... a SWL Commemorative Box of the finest Donuts is on its way to you and your exploding family as we speak.
Thirdly, as Season 8 is drawing to a close, I would like to pay tribute to the adminsitration staff on hand here at the Donut Shoppe with Snorri and Toonie joining young chunky04 doing an admirable job. Many thanks and Donuts to you fine upstanding members of the Fling Community.
A reminder, for those keen viewers of SWL's Channel BB that the Chunkathon is soon upon us. We here at SWL headquarters hope it is a time to let off some steam, relax from the competitive stresses of the Premier and Conference Leagues and really take time to get to know your fellow coaches in the SWL. By all means as well, take the time and the opportunity to kick the Vanilla Custard out of someone you cant stand as well! This is what the Chunkathon is for, and as a starter, I am offerring to challenge the final winner of the SWL Season 8 Premier League, who currently remains unknown, with the Donut Boys.
It will be a match one would not want to miss!
Well thats it, I believe I have said enough, and those scones over yonder are calling me, so have a pleasant evening and may all your dice be Pows.
Mr Whippy esq,
Commissioner - SWL
Team Owner - Mr Whippy's Donut Boys
SWL Business Franchisee of the Year - The Donut Shoppe Emporium |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Mar 01, 2005 - 13:13 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
APPALLING!!! That is all we have to say about the recent Round 6 forfeit by the Wicker Men. Not including the honourable season long forfeits of Carlton United THIS mob of semi-wrapped Undead have commited the ONLY forfeit of Premier League Season 8! BOO we say to them and BOO again! In what was shaping as a decider for the Black Crowes chances, the Wickless Minis, most likely out of spite for their round 1 DEFEAT to the Herd, simply decided to stay in their crypt instead of face the Warlizards...thus handing them a free pass into Season 9. The hope is gone Herd fans...but in his fury at such blatant manipulation of the standings the GREAT UNSEEN has sworn vengeance against the Undead and as such will seek them out during the Chunkathon. Thats right Wicker Men..YOU HAVE BEEN NAMED! The VOID is all a swirl with its vitrol and your bandages will not be enough. Season 8 is over...but the WRATH HAS JUST BEGUN!
Stay tuned dear readers... |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 01, 2005 - 03:05 |
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Barbara Bandages has rushed back from the retreat to attend to new mother Mrs Ozjesting. She made this release from the Ozjesting household.
‘The Gumbeast United squad has fully recovered after their shock loss to Bash D, so I have taken up my other duties. I was asked to help with young Mrs Ozjestings transition back to the real world after her hospital stay, with great joy I accepted. There is nothing more important to the Southern Mothers Association than the mothers themselves.
The recently named twin amazons are known as Ava Mae and Zara Dane. Both are beautiful but the SMA has taken an interest in Zara, who has taken an early interest in bloodbowl making heaps of friends in a recent training session with the Red Crowes, who are coached by her father. Rumour has it she scored her first completion for that valuable SPP. The SMA is proud that she is interested in the passing and agility aspects of the game and hopes she will be the anti-Zara, to show what good parenting can achieve compared to the drug & sex addicted nemesis of the SMA.
Let us not forget young Ava Mae who im sure will succeed in bloodbowl using her ArmourValue and MovementAllowance to take herself to the top.
Of course tier 3 membership has been extended to Mrs Ozjesting on the birth of her 3rd child. Let us hope that one day she can reach tier 12 as I have - Tim, Ayesha, Alfie, Isabell, Julia, Wendy, Betty, Alexander, Ben, Simone, Thomas & Daniel are the most precious and rewarding things in my life.
Now, Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves in these special times .' |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 28, 2005 - 05:19 |
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Barbara Bandages faxed us this statement from the exclusive relaxation retreat & dayspa owned and operated by the Southern Mothers Association for tired mothers everywhere.
‘The brave and noble mothers of Gumbeast United are taking a well deserved rest after their beating at the hands of Bash D, this loss looks like it has dashed their chances of taking the title in the South Conference for season 8.
The caring khemri’s agility game was not at its usual best, possibly due to slippery fingers after preparing the half time snack before the game, with multiple ball handling errors and poor marking allowing Bash D to steal an early touchdown. An excellent passing play from Norbert Kardos saw Mauri Roukala slip in for a touchdown late in the first half. Mauri adds 'What a great touchdown, one straight from the Gumbeast United playbooks! It was like watching my young Ted score his first touchdown in little league'.
The chaos squad had obviously been attempting to emulate the performance of the Gumbeast United squad. Their passing and dodging game was exceptional, providing them with an elfish second touchdown. Unfortunately despite getting most of the opposition off the field United were unable to score a second touchdown. The final score was 2-1. The mothers are shattered, the agile Norbert Hámos was heard sobbing 'I really thought we could take the conference out this year, I had even organised a babysitter and picked up a new outfit for the presentation ceremony, you just never get to let your hair down as a single mother'. I am happy to say Norbert has recovered well after a few days of pampering and mudbaths at the SMA retreat.
Injury wise we wish farewell to Will Balucinska-Church, who has retired to enjoy her grandchildren. Will was brutally scarred by a pack of the Chaos mutants. We welcome her spawn in the form of Balucinska-Church Jr. Several of the Chaos players were sent off the field by the Mothers for their poor behaviour. ByWoodies unfortunately was running around in a silly fashion, after tripping once he was rushed by the mother mobile to the team doctor who patched him up, but the second time there was little the doc could do to prevent a nasty back injury. ByRock suffered a fatal injury when a crowd member threw some shopping coupons onto the pitch, and a young mother fell on his prone form in the middle of a pack of Gumbeast United ladies.
It is good to see other teams embracing the passing and ballplay aspects of bloodbowl that makes Gumbeast United so entertaining to play. The Southern Mothers Association commends this attitude towards the game. A recommendation of the Bash D team is to look into some lavender for the KO box, its heavenly fragrance hits the spot when nursing a nasty headache.
Now, Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves.' |
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