wintergreen13
Joined: Apr 10, 2011
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 Posted:
Mar 28, 2024 - 21:16 |
 
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NBFL Season XXXII Week 5
Welcome to week 5! I hope all our coaches are feeling as refreshed and reinvigorated as I am after a relaxing week off! I take it last week’s DoTW was very normal and in no way unhinged? Very good. Now forward with the news! The big takeaway is that we had the kindest, gentlest week of the season, with 10 fewer SI/RIP than our weekly average. Seems like those hitters are getting a bit worn down from all the carnage!
Dead of the Week
''Manservant'' Pete Dreamer: Chic’A’Ghost thrall; Dirty Player
Griffin Staban: Trans-Fat Crisco ogre; Guard, Block, Stand Firm, Grab
Jeremiah Brinn: Trans-Fat Crisco lineman; no skills
Rosy [IVCC]: Brew More runner; +MA, +MA, Block, Tackle, Side Step
Oats [CU]: Detroit chosen blocker; Block, Dodge, Break Tackle, Guard
Death of the Week: 
A representative from Brew More also prepared the following statement for their fallen runner:
We wur o' th' opinion trans-fats coaching warkers wis unfit tae kip wi' swine, bit efter that ower remarkable display o' coaching 'n' execution - pardon th' pun - we noo ur o' th' opinion that maist o' thair gang 'n' coaching warkers ur worthy o' thair barn yaird kip fellows
Translation:
We were of the opinion Trans-Fats coaching staff was unfit to sleep with swine, but after that rather remarkable display of coaching and execution - pardon the pun - we now are of the opinion that most of their team and coaching staff are worthy of their barnyard bedmates.
Maimed of the Week
Raymond BAMMMM Lewis: Baltimore khorngor (-ST); Block
Mike "Shieelds" Degory [UF]: Deadlanta flesh golem (-ST); Block, Guard
Edgar Allan Poe: Baltimore lineman (-AG); Block
Juan "Speedy" Gonzalez [SMU]: Detroit beastman (-AV); +ST, Block, Sure Hands, Sure Feet, Side Step, Dodge
Borel Gwydion: Pittsburgh lineman (-PA); Dirty Player, Sneaky Git
Total NI this week: 13
Total MNG this week: 13
Total stat busts this week: 5
Total deaths this week: 6
Total SI/RIP: 37 |
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wintergreen13
Joined: Apr 10, 2011
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| Posted:
Apr 05, 2024 - 19:17 |
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NBFL Season XXXII Week 6
Now this is a satisfying return to form! 10 deaths marks a high point for the season, the first time we’ve managed to break into double-digits. As the saying goes, “Blind ref, all pows, can’t lose,” and it seems like the framed cross-stitches of that very phrase that were handed out to all players last year by NBFL management as a year-end bonus have finally started to pay dividends, especially when considering how likely it is that players have only now, in week 6, been able to puzzle their way through all 6 words.
Dead of the Week
Randy Mansmushen #66 (G): Brew More longbeard; Mighty Blow, Guard, Stand Firm
Punka Nacho: Los Angeles lineman; Wrestle, Tackle
Oscar Styrix [TEX]: HEnnessey blitzer; Mighty Blow, Frenzy, Juggernaut, Dodge
overly familiar: Vampa Bay thrall; Wrestle, Frenzy
Wormouth: Keen Play pestigor; Block, Juggernaut
Cody Latimer: Witchington lineman; Block, Dodge, Guard
Carlos "Predation" Barraza [PSU]: Witchington lineman; Wrestle, Dodge, Guard
Andjort "VOIP" Cisco: Jakesonville lineman; no skills
Lisa Abrams: Baltimore marauder lineman; Dirty Player
''Butler'' Swiss Jonah: Chic’A’Ghost thrall; Wrestle
''Manservant'' Pete Dreamer: Chic’A’Ghost thrall; Dirty Player
Death of the Week: This was the week of dead workhorse players: blodge guard elf linemen, MB/G/SF dwarf longbeards, Dirty Player thralls. While a lot of useful players were lost, only one really stands out as extra special: HEnnessey’s Oscar Styrix. Mighty Blow on a high elf blitzer isn’t exactly rare, but this one had a bit more pizzazz, with both Juggernaut and Frenzy to round out his skillset. The team will certainly miss Oscar the next time they set up for a one-turn TD or when an opponent tries out a sideline cage. For some reason Chet has written here in the margins “Skryllex rulez!” though it’s not clear if he has misspelled the name of the player or is referencing something else entirely.
Maimed of the Week
Dar'el Rivets #24 (CB): Brew More blitzer (-ST); no skills
''Snazzy'' White: Chic’A’Ghost vampire thrower (-ST); Block, Dodge
Jayceon Malley: Kansas City catcher (-AG); Sneaky Git, Dirty Player
Damian Winius: Kansas City lineman (-MA); Wrestle
Robot Santa Claus: New New Orleans ogre (-AV); Block, Guard, Stand Firm
Earl da Pearl: HEnnessey lineman (-AV); no skills
Total NI this week: 18
Total MNG this week: 19
Total stat busts this week: 6
Total deaths this week: 10
Total SI/RIP: 53 |
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wintergreen13
Joined: Apr 10, 2011
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| Posted:
Apr 11, 2024 - 16:48 |
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NBFL Season XXXII Week 7
There was a midseason wrap-up show tonight; if you missed it you should go check it out. Did you notice the lack of an exclamation mark? Are you asking yourself why are we not more enthused over here at DOTW? Yes, I am aware that our esteemed publication received a nice shout-out. And honestly we were extremely excited at the start of the cast when ex-con said he could talk about vampires for the entire hour. But then he didn’t talk about vampires for the entire hour! So we are giving the cast a very generous 3/5 stars, needs more vampires. Now: on to the dead!
Dead of the Week
Runolf Thorvidsson [WAS]: Szeattle blitzer; Dodge, +AV, Catch, Side Step, Guard, Defensive
Kareem Hunt [KCT]: Jakesonville storm vermin; Mighty Blow, Guard, Side Step, Tackle, Frenzy
Slow and Horrible: New New Orleans lineman; Wrestle
Jack "Adderrlyy" Skittles: Deadlanta wraith; Guard, Tackle, Mighty Blow
Ed Norton: Baltimore lineman; Dirty Player
Nash Jensen: Carolina bloater; no skills
Devil Coleman [UI]: Detroit beastman; Block, Dodge, Tackle, Side Step, Mighty Blow
Joe Goesboom: Los Angeles lineman; Dirty Player
Braxton Baxter: Trans-Fat Crisco ogre; no skills
Doug Williams II: Witchington lineman; Block, Dodge
Maat 'Carpal' Elmahdy: No-Skincinnati blitzer; Guard, Mighty Blow, Tackle
Death of the Week:
Sure, there were other good players who died. But none whose deaths were as funny, satisfying, and consequential to their team as Runolf Thorvidsson. So we bid you adieu. May your soul be haunted by Buffalo forever!
Maimed of the Week
Raymond BAMMMM Lewis: Baltimore khorngor (-ST); no skills
Dawson Mudon: Carolina rotter (-ST); Guard, Stand Firm
Terry Cummings [DPU]: Szeattle blitzer (-MA); Dodge, Sprint, Side Step, Sure Feet, +AG, Kick
''Valet'' Thierry Quinn: Chic’A’Ghost thrall (-MA); Wrestle
''Dayteller'' Georg Flinch: Chic’A’Ghost thrall (-MA); Wrestle
Brickbone Upshaw: Deadlanta ghoul (-AV); Block, Tackle
Ullie Narween]: Las Fangas thrall (-AV); Wrestle
Julius Lewis (CB) #24 [TCU]: Manglesota ghoul (-PA); On the Ball, Block, Catch, Side Step, Diving Tackle, Fend
Total NI this week: 9
Total MNG this week: 18
Total stat busts this week: 8
Total deaths this week: 11
Total SI/RIP: 46[/url] |
Last edited by wintergreen13 on %b %11, %2024 - %20:%Apr; edited 1 time in total |
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Nelphine
Joined: Apr 01, 2011
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| Posted:
Apr 11, 2024 - 18:47 |
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Runolf did everything... ultimate support player. |
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wintergreen13
Joined: Apr 10, 2011
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| Posted:
Apr 29, 2024 - 20:30 |
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NBFL Season XXXII Week 8
It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks.
Okay, it was mostly just the best of weeks: we had at least 3 players killed who I can GUARANTEE had their own InstaSlann accounts chock-full of dubious product endorsements and problematic stances (I say “at least” because we all know Hanford Dix was involved in the dark web somehow so he probably posted under a hacked account). The part where it was the worst of weeks comes from making our staff choose between three killed legends, two of which were legendary not just for their skills, but for the mark they’ve left on the league over the seasons. Woe is us!
Dead of the Week
Fred Taylor [FU]: Trans-Fat Crisco blitzer; Tackle, +ST, Pro, Mighty Blow, Juggernaut, Frenzy
Shy Tuttle: Carolina rotter; Wrestle
Sam Ball: Indianapolis blocker; no skills
Benjas Darrama [UNAM]: New York blitzer; Mighty Blow, Block, Tackle, +AG, Dodge, Grab
Garrett Hughesss [CAL]: Cleaved Land chosen blocker; Dodge, Block, Guard, Mighty Blow, Claws, Stand Firm
Hanford Dix: Cleaved Land chaos troll; Guard
Death of the Week: 3-Way Showdown Special: Enter the Trianglegon
In this corner: the corpse of defending superbowl champion BenJAAAAAAS DarRAma!, frog blitzer with a heart of steel! New Yorkers everywhere fall to sleep beneath posters of this legend, who did it all with grace and style: lending assists in cages, knocking out teeth, and even scoring TDs! While Benjas was showing his age, picking up -MA recently, he was still an integral piece of the frog puzzle pie.
In corner #2: the corpse of Garret HughESSS! Former team captain and ring-bearer for Cleaved Land, this chosen blocker holds a Triple X against Carolina and survived in the NBFL for a staggering 121 games! Garret, too, had picked up a few injuries over the years, ending his run with both -AG and -AV, but made a name for himself even on a team stacked with legendary players.
In corner #3: the corpse of Fred TAYlor! The anchor of Trans-Fat Crisco’s defense, Fred was truly a beast on the pitch and the only legend to die this week without any other battle scars holding him back. Truly, he was cut down in his prime, something SINN readers love to see!
So who is DEATH OF THE WEEK? After tossing the three corpses at each other for a solid 45 minutes, the judges have declared a winner! While Garret has been around the longest, he has fallen off in recent years due to injuries and has been overshadowed by his more famous teammates. And Fred, while showing incredible promise, just didn’t have a chance to make his name reverberate across the league before perishing. Which leaves us with our winner: BENJAS DARRAMA!
Maimed of the Week
WCF's Shambling Corpse: Detroit beastman (-ST); Guard, Block, Stand Firm
Isaiah Tethran: Trans-Fat Crisco lineman (-ST); Wrestle, Pro, Strip Ball, Tackle
Shaq Mason: Orcston lineman (-MA); Dirty Player
Total NI this week: 16
Total MNG this week: 17
Total stat busts this week: 4
Total deaths this week: 6
Total SI/RIP: 43 |
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