“A riot delayed the start of the game - some of the fans unhappy with the beer prices took matters into their own hands. Glassjaw Gary scooped up an early fumble and raced down the field, bouncing off tacklers and scored a touchdown. The ensuing kickoff resulted in a scrum, more than ten players scrambling for the loose ball! No one was able to gather the bouncing ball before the half ended, but Johnny Boy Dupe was found at the bottom of the pile, quite dead.

Overconfident coming out of the lockerroom, Eleventeen failed to notice when the kickoff was made, and the Smashers blitzed, knocking a hole in the line and flinging Freddy Fingers into the crowd. Splurge looked to be on the way for a touchdown, but tripped and coughed up the ball four paces from the goal. Bart Starwell recovered the lost ball, and hurled it to Kamikaze Ken. Ken stayed on his feet after Smashers' ogre Boogarian blocked him, and managed to hand the ball to Gary who rushed for his second touchdown.

Another bad kick got the Smashers' beastman Spanky in behind the defense with the ball. Gary and Ramu combined to dispossess Spanky five paces from the endzone. Gary picked up the ball and ran for his life, but seeing Boogarian in front of him he catapulted the ball down the field. Beastman Spike grabbed the ball, but while turning back up the field, twisted his ankle and the ball squirted loose. Gary evaded Boogarian and raced forward to win the ball, and danced into the endzone to complete the hat trick.

During the post-game interview, Gary said "No, I have no idea how the pigskin got soaked in dishsoap. Yes, these are sure-grip sink scrubbing gloves. Yes, quite the coincidence, next question please." ”