“FUMBBL Cup XIII - Round Two

"I heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: 'Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears. 'But doctor...' he says, 'I am Pagliacci.' Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
-Rorschach

This matchup had all the hallmarks of an epic battle from the outset. Fleetfoot's Revenge is loaded with intimidating stat freaks and all kinds of damage potential. Watchmen Philosophy has been built to face exactly this type of team.

Malmir won the coin toss and elected to receive on the opening kickoff, while the coach of Watchmen Philosophy opted to bring Morg n'Thorg, a wizard and a single Bloodweiser babe to the party. A halfling chef had been suggested by JimmyFantastic, but Watchmen Philosophy tends towards the things that are more guaranteed to produce results.

The game opened with a kick neatly fielded by Fleetfoot's Revenge deep in their own half. The blocking along the line of scrimmage was relatively weak, and Mike Kabam finished off turn 1 with a boot to Dollar Bill's ribs. Mothman rushed in to respond to the aggression, but even landing on top of John Slaughterhouse left the black orc laughing at the futile effort.

Fleetfoot's Revenge sped up the left side of the pitch, the ball securely in the hands of Trevor Harm with Chandler Crunch in scoring range. James Crumple lived up to his name as he tried to dodge free to foul the downed Mothman - and then things turned ugly in a hurry for the greenskins.

Dr. Manhattan lit up Mike Kabam for a quick casualty right out of the gate. Morg n'Thorg pushed Diggory Fistcruncher into position and Mothman leapt to his feet for the second casualty of the turn. Not to be outdone, The Comedian folded Huitzilihuitl in two and sent him to join his teammates in the locker room. Sally Jupiter finished off the devastation by knocking John Slaughterhouse out of the match.

Suddenly the tide had turned and Fleetfoot's Revenge no longer had the option to stall things out for the remainder of the half. After another knockout, this time of Arnold Thug, Chandler Crunch took the easy score and put Fleetfoot's Revenge ahead on the scoreboard for an early lead.

Watchmen Philosophy 0, Fleetfoot's Revenge 1

Only eleven players remained on the side of the orcs, so defensive decision making was a little more elementary than usual. The orcs took the line of scrimmage against a buff rowdy chaos side looking to get things started in earnest. Rorschach lined up deep to receive and Fleetfoot's Revenge set up in their infamous Mooncup Defense.

It was a good thing they did, because the blood was about to flow.

Walter Rock was knocked out, James Crumple was badly hurt, and Graham Dunk was knocked out right off the line of scrimmage. Colin Charm also took a shot to the jaw and was knocked out for the remainder of the half. Suddenly there were only seven defenders against the chaos onslaught.

Rorschach fumbled the pickup, however, and there was an opening for the orcs to exploit. Chandler Crunch charged forward into the fray, pressing the action as Daniel Crippler and Simon Kapow covered both lines.

This action left Chandler badly exposed however, and Sally Jupiter hit him hard for a niggling injury - which the apothecary mercifully managed to salve so he would only miss the next match. Rorschach would not fail the pickup a second time and he pulled the ball neatly into a defensive cage. Dr. Manhattan finished off the turn by adding another casualty to a growing total, as George Smash limped off wondering what had hit him.

Five brave defenders continued to do their best, but they were no match for the blessings of Nuffle. Daniel Crippler made a heroic last stand near the goal line and popped the ball loose from Rorschach's hands, only to have Dr. Manhattan snatch it out of midair. The icon of the Watchmen rumbled into the endzone at the end of the first half to level the score at one touchdown apiece.

Watchmen Philosophy 1, Fleetfoot's Revenge 1

Seven resilient defenders managed to take the pitch for Fleetfoot's Revenge in the second half as they kicked off to a waiting Rorschach. As soon as the ball was sent deep to Rorschach, the killer chaos went back to work. Graham Dunk was killed on the line by Sally Jupiter and the tandem of Colin Charm and Simon Kapow were sent to the KO box to recover. Four orcs remained at this point.

The orcs retreated towards their own goal line as Watchmen Philosophy advanced in an imposing Megabunker(tm). Eventually Daniel Crippler took one last shot at springing the ball free, but he was tripped up in the effort by the collective effort of the Watchmen. To ensure that no mistakes were made, Big Figure continually laid the boot into Daniel until he was carted off in turn seven by the medical staff. Daniel would move considerably slower from this point forward.

Rorschach crossed the goal line in turn eight to the delight of the Watchmen fans and the jeers of the orcish following. With a very difficult matchup successfully behind them, the members of Watchmen Philosophy are looking ahead to round three and hoping to continue the incredible run of luck they've enjoyed so far.

Watchmen Philosophy 2, Fleetfoot's Revenge 1

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I wish I could claim tactical brilliance this time around, but this was really just good fortune on my part. Only one of the nine casualties was caused by piling on. Six of them were caused by a straight claw/mighty blow combination, and one was caused by a blocker with no damage modifying skills. The last casualty was just the result of a good old-fashioned foul with dirty player.

Malmir was incredibly gracious throughout the match and a good sport at the end. I'm hoping our next match evens out a bit on the luck.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL4mckgLN-0&feature=youtu.be”