“The high pitching screeching sound from the Scoundrels today wasn't because Avo Smash Toast's chainsaw needed maintenance, but frustration from their coach at another defeat - fresh from leading the Sussex Hedgeclipper Massacre to a 4-0 loss against Chaos Dwarves, for the Scoundrels to be sprawled on the Astrogranite while the Toughnuts romped home with an easy vistory was more than their coach could bear.

(Lonely Nigel was heard to mutter something about how coaches would do better if they concentrated on one job at a time, rather than a bit of this and that and everything else - "who does e think e is, Eilon Muskrat? It's not like Blood Bowl is rokkit science" but he was probably just upset after his only true friend, Vegemite Disaster, died during his first match beneath the callous, callused hooves of Kallous. Lonely Nigel is going to be a bit lonelier for the rest of the season, and it won't just be his feelings that are badly hurt.)

The litany of mishap was almost too much. Ladyshape Grumbleflick took an early KO (tripping over her own feet while rushing after a blitz) but came back to give as good as she got later on. Atishoo Blundertug was sent off for playing with fireworks, after almost blowing himself to pieces. Avo Smash Toast, the closest the team had to a star player at the beginning of the match, was out to a block from Grohr early on, tripping on his chainsaw on the way to the floor and having to be stretchered off, and Spindizzee Tick Tock was playing with all the wrong sorts of balls.

To try to salvage some self respect, at the end of the match, excited after gouging out the eye of Neecapz, one of the Toughnuts' hobgoblins, Shady Flimface tried hurling the ball to Ladyshape. As they say, there's no try, only do or do not, and Shady Flimface did not manage to pass the ball. Ladyshape probably deserves her MVP for avoiding smashing herself falling over her own bootlaces, but then the Ladyshape doesn't wear anything on her noxious feet anyway.

Still at the end of the day, they have to be philosophical - the Massacre lost 4-0 yesterday whereas the Scoundrels only went down by 3. At that rate of progression, they'll beat the fourth mob of Chaos Dwarves they face in the league.

Final words from Ladyshape Grumbleflick on being awarded the MVP for her team "oo, those beardy ones, them almost messed me nightie!"”