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[R] Knights of the Dinner Table
Brian van Hoose
#11
Bull Centaur Blitzer
MA
7
ST
4
AG
2
AV
9
R
0
B
0
P
0
F
0
G
7
Cp
0
In
0
Cs
3
Td
2
Mvp
0
GPP
12
XPP
0
SPP
12
Injuries
 
Skills
Sprint
Sure Feet
Thick Skull
+MA
The almost perfect phrase to describe Brian van Hoose is "idiot savant" - minus the idiot bit. A young lifetime of devotion to his computer hobby has instilled in Brian the precision required to make him what he is today - a walking, talking, nearly perfect, unstoppable, organic HackMaster™ machine, living and breathing The Game.

Brian's early computer hobby developed into running his own Internet connected BBS, a hobby that helps support him. His other means of financial support comes from the - again, very precise - hobby/business of miniatures, painting and selling. Mindful of the economics of the situation, a van Hoose painted miniature comes in three styles of increasing quality and price: Slop-N-Go, Table-Top and Museum Qualities. Other hobbies include his beloved Fantasy and Science Fiction TV shows and novels (note the Babylon 5 mural painted on his van or his Green Lantern T-shirt). Then again, he also claims to have been abducted by aliens. Which way the therefores go on that one, nobody is sure.

His personal life obviously reflects the flaw points that balance his otherwise precise life-style. Outside the Knights, personal expression is one of Brian's weaker points. Brian himself is a quiet, withdrawn man, apparently barely capable of stringing three words together into a clear sentence. For that matter, Brian also - in spite of a decent tenor singing voice - appears to be so unnerved by the idea of having to sing he breaks out in hives. Brian's Armor of Reticence, however, has its weaknesses. Once shattered, the resultant explosion is terrifying - and usually leads to the table being picked up and flipped over in a mad rush of blind rage. Brian is also quick to defend himself - when B.A.'s 82 year old grandfather had a flashback and attacked Brian "the Japanese sniper", Brian defended himself admirably... or at least it was fairly admirable until Pappy Felton crawled from the room and Battle-Rage Brian dragged him back in by the ankles. And all the gawds in all the heavens help you if you mention something like Alexis to him now (Alexis was his make-believe girlfriend).

His home would be declared a biohazard if ever inspected by the appropriate health authorities - scary, furry green things growing in the refrigerator, dust that scares asthmatics into fits and a bizarrely adhesive substance on the floor of the bathroom. Best not to ask.

Brian's devotion to and mastery of HackMaster™ is unparalleled, possibly superior to any other single person in the history of HackMaster™. Owner of what is probably the most complete collection of HackMaster™ manuals, articles and supplements outside the offices of Hard8™, the purpose of the manuals in Brian's case is simply to provide proof for others - Brian himself is an living, breathing encyclopædia, a repository for virtually every rule, line, table or piece of HackMaster™ information there is, down to the footnotes and page numbers, letter perfect. His calculations of remaining hit points, ratios, percentages, probabilities, experience or saving point values, body weights and statistics put Seymour Cray to shame.

In recent history, Brian has never been seen to act as a GameMaster. In spite of his astonishing HackMaster™ ability, his Third Place Award in the Saginaw RPG Tourney of 1978 and the fact that he himself introduced B.A. to HackMaster™, Brian underwent a terrible trauma at GaryCon'89, some terrible, mysterious event that caused him to actually give up role-playing for almost a year. Fortunately for the institution of role-playing, Brian recovered and went from strength to strength from there - except for the fact that Brian never acts as a GM anymore.

Brian's training is, of course, supplemented by his attendance at the 1987 and 1993 HackMaster™ camp (at which he attended the same ten-day demi-human culture classes and was awarded a badge for his Orc-speak prowess. His other great service to the world of HackMaster™ was his proposal of the Gamer Achievement Awards, a concept he is now developing with the help of Bob and Dave. Brian proposed the GAA to the Gary Jackson Academy of Role-Playing, designed to be worn beneath convention nametags and at other formal gaming events.

But Brian's phenomenal mastery of HackMaster™ isn't the only feature that makes him a terrifyingly good player - the other factors are his ruthlessness, tactical cunning and his ability to exploit any shoddy rule.

Examples of Brian's frightening cunning include the times he:
o Killed the Vampire lord Vardania armed only with a wooden stake, sacrificing himself to save his comrades - whilst being a first-level character
o Saved the entire crew of the HackCruiser Warmonger from untimely death at the hands of space-pirates with his knowledge of mass-transporter systems and explosives
o Saved the party from being slaves of Rot Gut the Swack-Iron Dragon by tricking it into polymorphing into a dung beetle
o Tricked B.A. into running a HackMaster™ game when the party should have been playing SpaceHack™
o Took over the entire town of Muskeegie in CattlePunk™
o Rescued the entire party from imprisonment and execution with his Teleportation ring
o Created the Warmonger Science Officer

Brian's characters have included:
o Crimson Lotus, Black Lotus & Benny the Mage in the ongoing KODT HackMaster™ adventures
o Shotgun Billy and Big Jim Murdock in CattlePunk™
o The Leader of the Green Empire of Asia in Risque™
o The Warmonger's Science Officer in SpaceHack™
o Nigel Molenski in HackNoia™
o A Caped Crusader in Heroes And Zeroes™

This is the second character for Brian in this campaign. After a glorious fight against some noble elves ("They tried to speak to us!!! They sure were planning something!!!") in which he racked most of the spps, he found a potion in one of the corpses and promptly drank it before someone else could reclaim it. Unluckily, it was a "Potion of Early Aging" and Brian's character was weakened to the point of being almost useless to the group. That was even more clear when he couldn't even show up in a fight against some Ugly rats, so Brian scrapped the character and remaded it like the first one claiming he was the twin brother of his first character.
Match performances
Date
Opponent
Comp
TD
Int
Cas
Mvp
Spp
2003-07-28
-
2
-
-
-
6
2003-09-20
-
-
-
2
-
4
2003-11-28
-
-
-
1
-
2