| Poll |
| Who is teh sexiest OBBA star? |
| The Duke |
|
49% |
[ 26 ] |
| The Duke |
|
50% |
[ 27 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 53 |
|
Medon
Joined: Jan 28, 2015
|
 Posted:
Sep 10, 2015 - 23:45 |
 
|
Today the PSV Enthoven had to face the mighty Torpedo Wigan on the pitch. Torpedo played severly up in TV and might even have hired Morg 'n Thorg, but decided to spend the money on bribes, wizards and Zzargh Madeye instead.
Torpedo got the first offense drive. Zzargh Madeye took the ball. Besides the suspense of a fireball, there was now also the suspense of a hail mary pass in the air. They managed to KO wardancer Luc Nilis in turn 2. We tried to get some revenge by two turns of gang fouling on bull cnetaur Kir Rabalou, but the ref didn't like this approach and sent passer Andrés Guardado home. We tried some attacks on the cage but the dwarfs didn't want to get pow'd to the ground. In the end, the break tackle on the bull centaurs could advance the cage fast enough to score in turn 8. 0-1 behind!
Both catchers Kezman and Van Breukelen went to their position on the Line of Scrimmage in turn 8. The crowd got silent. Would there be the miracle of a 1ttd? The crowd got so excited that it got out of hand. A small fight between man and wife on the first row about who should get the next round of beers got worse and worse and the whole crowd started rioting. The ref put the clock back 1 turn allowing giving our team more time to score back. Hans van Breukelen and Ruud van Nistelrooij quickly ran towards Torpedo's backfield. Minotour Krnos tried to stop Van Nistelrooij from scoring, but experienced lots of skulls during his blitz action, allowing Van Nistelrooij to score in our turn 8. 1-1!
The second half started with a good offense drive from our side. Torpedo's team was scattered, the ball was secure and the scorers in place, and hobgoblin Koluz got killed by a good punch from Ruud Gullit. But then, the unthinkable happened. A sudden thunderstorm passed by, and lightning stroke directly at our star ball carrier Van Nistelrooij, badly hurting him in the process! Eye witnesses saw a strange cloaked guy with a staff, long beard and a pointy hat near the dug out at the time of the thunderstorm. Luckily enough, our apothecary could patch Van Nistelrooij up so he would be ready for the next drive again.
The attempt to stop the Bull Centaurs from approaching wasn't very succesful. Their break tackle dodges got them easily out of harms way. Our treeman rooted so he couldn't play a role either. We got so despaate we even started to throw -2D blocks at the bull centaurs. In the end, it didn;t help and Torpedo managed to score 1-2 in turn 7.
Game over... or so we thought! Again catchers Kezman and Van Breukelen went to the line of scrimmage. This time, a Quick Snap allowed Van Breukelen to snekily move one square into Torpeo's half. This would be just enough for him to reach the endzone with his 9 MA and sprint. Wilfred Bouma picked up the ball... he ran towards Van Breukelen and threw the quick pass... on target! Van Breukelen caught the pass and sprinted towards the endzone.... go for it roll [2] go for it roll [3] go for it roll [6].. HE MADE IT!! 2-2 in turn 8!
Game over! Or so we thought! Again a riot on in the crowd, giving torpedo 2 turns to strike back. The bull centaurs and Samiz the hobgiblin ran into my half. We gave all we could. Van Nistelrooij killed poor Samiz. All the lineelves gathered around the bull centaurs to stop them. And this time it worked! A misclick on a three dice block brought bull centaur Ferufezan to the ground. Game over! Really! |
Last edited by Medon on %b %11, %2015 - %09:%Sep; edited 1 time in total |
|
Throweck
Joined: Feb 23, 2013
|
| Posted:
Sep 11, 2015 - 00:02 |
|
'Here we are fans at the home ground of Peterborough Un-United, Blondon Road. As you can see the team coach is arriving and I am just about to try and get a brief interview with the Coach Throweck.'
*Bit of hussle and bussle through the three other people waiting for the coach*
'So Coach Throweck, after two successful games, what are you putting your success down to?'
'Well Jimmy, after a brief break from OBBA we decided to work hard and train hard. There really is no other way.'
'I see. No goals conceded yet against two formidable teams. Is there a chance that this could continue throughout the season?'
'No Jimmy, no chance at all. We lost Zakuani today and our new signing, Noel Luke. Zakuani will be a huge loss to the team. He will now be playing for Bury'd. Not sure if he'll be kept on as he was missing a limb.'
'Not good. Care to give us a quick run down of the first two games?'
'Sure Jimmy. Game 1was tough to get through. Some stalwart dwarfs hit hard. Our agility saw us through with a win.Game 2 was an interesting one. We had it in the bag in the first half. The plan was to play aggressively and it worked. Like I said, we lost a couple of players but we sealed the win with a 3rd TD.'
'Any thoughts about the future?'
'Well Jimmy, as you know we face Bristol Reavers next. Never an easy team to face when you are key players down. But we will hold our own. Gotta go Jimmy, Say Hi to the Mrs.'
'Well there you have it fans. Tune in next week for more OBBA coverage.' |
|
|
UngratefulDead
Joined: May 01, 2011
|
| Posted:
Sep 11, 2015 - 04:37 |
|
Conference South Week One Report
A rousing week of action at the bottom of the totem pole, as eight not-very-bashy teams vie for promotion to the still-not-very-big leagues. Most importantly, no sisters were kissed as all four matches ended with a decisive winner in regulation, though three squads did suffer the indignity of being held scoreless for the duration.
Lizapool FC 1 - IpsWitch Town 0
Two teams with a little bit of experience, having played friendlies prior to the season's debut, were able to mostly nullify each other. The Amazons kicked first and were able to take the ball away by their second turn, seemingly poised to score, although the best they could manage was knocking out most of the skinks and getting the ball thrown in to their half of the field where the Saurus Lovren picked it up and scored. With all the living Skinks returning to action in the second half the Lizards were able to play a successful defense and the ball spent the last few turns of the game sitting only feet away from the equalizing touchdown.
Wimbledon FC 3 - FC Ratzelona 0
What moves faster, a rat or a halfling? Depends on who's throwing them! After a fumbled pass left the ball deep in Ratzelona territory, halfling Clive Goodyear went flying through the air courtesy of a Treeman and picked it up for a first turn score. Things were all downhill for the Skaven from there as a turnover-to-touchdown put them down 2-0 at the half and a nice man advantage allowed the flings to foul their way down the pitch removing rats and taking a dominant 3-0 victory.
Ratalanta BC 2 - FC United of Middenheim 1
The most experienced team in the division, the elves from Middenheim, fall just short in their season opener as speedy Ratalanta play to the crowd by scoring dramatic turn 8 touchdowns at the end of each half. Stormvermin Boukary Drame has a big game, collecting two casualties and a key block to set up the go-ahead score, while the elves show their agility with a nice patching touchdown in the first half.
Hellas Verdona 2 - Gobbo Vallecano 0
It's amazing they could find a referee for this game as two Goblin teams set up to tear one another apart with little regard for the rules. These sorts of games often turn on the opening coin flip and Verdona won the right to receive and took over from there as Troll Rafael killed a Goblin on their first block of the match to set the pace for a grinding 2-0 victory over the Troll-less Vallecano side. Star Player Fungus the Loon, slumming it in the minors, even made an appearance in the first half, collecting some fairly inconsequential blocks with his trusty ball and chain.
R.I.P.
Txapi Ferrer - Rookie Lineman - Fouled to death by Vinny Jones
Sylvester Goldsnake - Journeyman Skink - Ripped to pieces by the crowd.
Rawl Bravo - Rookie Goblin - Smashed flat by Rafael |
Last edited by UngratefulDead on %b %11, %2015 - %20:%Sep; edited 1 time in total |
|
pythrr
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
|
| Posted:
Sep 11, 2015 - 18:30 |
|
^^ very nice round writeup, sir!
a nice model for others to follow! |
_________________
 |
|
flydd
Joined: Jul 29, 2014
|
| Posted:
Sep 11, 2015 - 20:10 |
|
The crazy gang are top of the conference south. Lets hope it lasts  |
|
|
DaCoach
Joined: Jul 22, 2004
|
| Posted:
Sep 12, 2015 - 11:12 |
|
Premiership – round 1 analysis
First round is complete and it has been as brutal a round as always.
In the most anticipated game of the round, residing Champs CA Bloca Juniors took on last seasons surprise runner-ups Accrington Stanley Originals
The game quickly showed why Blocka Juniors home turf is feared by opposing teams.
Set in sweltering heat, Blocka Juniors received and slowly brought the ball forward. Originals had several hits on the ball, but unable to take the ball carrier down. An early score in turn 6 left a small window of opportunity for the Khem side to equalize before the break. But no, the speed and agility of the necro side meant they stopped the drive dead with a successful blitz on ball.
Halftime: Juniors 1 Originals 0
The valiant defence in the sweltering heat had taken it’s toll on the Originals, and a star throw-ra Thomas Dixon, along 3 other team mates were unable to take the pitch, things looked grim for the khem side.
As soon as the whistle blew, their worst fears became reality, as the raving lunatics known as ‘Blocka Junior Ultraz’ stormed the pitch, leaving 3 Originals players stunned.
Needless to say, Accrington Stanley Originals couldn’t recover from such setback, and soon lost the ball and the game nil to two.
Final score: Juniors 2 Originals 0
The second game of the round saw Watford Hornhits take on their long time rivals from Swampsea.
Hornhits won the coin toss and opted to receive.
One of Watford’s hallmarks are their agile bulls, but normally sure-feeted Luther Blissett IV, perhaps suffering from start-season nerves, tripped while carrying the ball to safety, leaving an opportunity for Swampsea to turn the game around.
Swampsea legend Michel Vorm went in for the ball among friends and foes, and after a bit pushing a shoving, and Blissett unable to take him down, could escape with the ball towards the Watford Endzone. Feeling the heat as Ross Jenkins III went after him, he opted safe play and scored.
Feeling the pressure Watford tore down one side to equalize in turn 6, leaving Swampsea 3 turns to chase a lead before halftime.
Watford kicked deep, but in an impressive manner, Swampsea managed to not only retrieve the ball, but to set up star catcher Wilfried Bony II up for a comfortable score.
Then came the decisive moment of the game, as a Bony with little support left opted to score in turn 7, tripping in the EZ with the ball. Last turn he got a second chance, where he, much to the coach’s dismay, after having secured the ball, opted to GFI again, rather than to risk the 3+ dodge with a reroll into the EZ. Needless to say he tripped again.
Halftime: Watford 1 Swampsea 1
Swampsea brought the ball forward, but at halftime the pressure from Watford was showing, 3 Swampsea players already having left the pitch. In a desperate attempt the ball was passed forward, to a waiting Vorm, who didn’t manage to catch.
Next turn he was brough down, but Ross Jenkins didn’t succeed in controlling the ball. Swampsea swamps the ball and, in a show of agility, manages to secure the ball in 2 TZ, pass it to a waiting Bafetimbi Gomis III in the EZ, only to see him drop it.
He is then surfed and the ball securely in the hands of a bull, 23 squares from the Swampsea EZ, with 2 turns to go.
Swampsea fans cheer as Krox Flores manages to mark the bull, but in turn 8 he dodges away with ease, passes to waiting hobgoblin, and a Watford win is a reality.
Final score: Watford 2 Swampsea 1
A special mention also goes to Watford player Heidar Helguson II, who managed no less than 9 fouls, bringing his career total up to a whipping 125! Seems well on the way to beat his record-winning season 21 performance of 29 fouls.
In game three, Beitar Jerusalem took on the newly crowned cup winners from Barmbek Bloodletic
With enough inducements in hand to purchase the services of a wizard, the agile dark elf team is a force to be reckoned with.
Jerusalem recieved, and left a trail of destruction as they grinded slowly towards the dark elf EZ, in a rain of blocks and fouls. It was not pretty to watch, and by halftime, only 7 elves were left to receive the ball and try to the impossible.
Halftime: Jerusalem 1 Barmbek 0
What then followed in the second half was not the Premiership worthy. Having given up already, Barmbek retreated with the ball to own half, passing the ball between them for the full duration of the half, unthreatened, much to the dismay of this commentator, the travelling fans and not least the wizard, who didn’t even get to fry any wolves!
In game four, Tranmare Rovers took on newly promoted Scourgehampton.
If the latter are the new boys in class, it is hard to tell, as the Chaos side looks impressive, starting out as the strongest team (TW2190) of the Premiership. This also meant an impressive number of stars had joined the game, including Hack Enslash and Setekh.
Tranmare received and managed to send a few chaos players off permanently. However, once the ghoul made a break for it, he was taken down by a beastman, and even if the UD got the ball back in passion for a short period, little luck with dodges mean first half ended nil nil.
The moment of the match came early in second half, where zombie Graziano Pelle, who’d gotten hold of a bomb, in one action not only killed himself, but at the same time took out Monster Mino Dusan Tadic.
The game looked decided as the Chaos side slowly but securely removed UD players while advancing. However, the wizard hired for the occasion came through, blasting the ballcarrier, allowing Tranmare to mark the ball with 2 turns to go.
Seconds after it was down to Setekh to protect the ball, killing Ryan Bertrand in the process.
He was surfed and chaos managed to carry the ball in for a lucky last second TD.
What a game – 3 rips!
And lastly, new promoted Pro-Russia Dortmund vs Ragenham 'N Dedbridge
Once again undead were underdogs and got hire all sorts of stars. With the paperarmour of the elves in mind, Sinnedbad the stabbing skellie was hired.
The pro elves received and scored early. UD then responded with a perfect drive, avoiding the sneaky sidestepping blitzers.
1-1 HT
Another perfect UD drive and they win.
That UD team is really, really well coached and this commentator’s dark horse for a possible Prem champion.
2 more rips, bring the round total up to an impressive six. |
|
|
Apojar
Joined: Aug 05, 2006
|
| Posted:
Sep 12, 2015 - 18:02 |
|
QPR 1 - Green Bay Lady Packers 0
The game began with ominous undertones from QPR's last match, having double skulled or double skull/powed in all 16 previous turns. The staff were determined, however, to try to show whatever it could on the pitch in their 2nd ever OBBA stint. It wasn't going to be an easy match, however, as the 1-skill Chaos Pact squad was scheduled against the young Amazons out of Green Bay, in all their Dodging goodness.
The match began... quite similarly to the first QPR match, with a set of double skulls rolled by Ogre Karl Henry. A double skull/pow set arrived also in turn 2.
That's when the Coaching staff "got the hint".
The Head Coach began barking out orders to the players on the pitch. "Pressure them with less! Just put bodies in front of 'em!". On the 19th turn of their OBBA career, QPR played their first skull-free turn! The coaches were ecstatic, and their happiness became infectious!
From there on in the first, the Rangers began getting in front of the Ladies. They tried not to let anyone get behind them. A break in the Green Bay front line, however, allowed Dark Elf Renegade Rob Green to get into the backfield to pressure Ladies' ball handler Alison Rodgers. The plan was just to harass her enough to keep her from heaving that ball down the pitch. With a little help from Goblin Renegade Tyler Blackwood, the Rangers managed to keep the Ladies bottled up for the entire duration of the first, dealing with any Linewomen that had any opportunity to make it to the End Zone.
That left QPR's offense to control the 2nd half, which they've showed little desire to try thus far. The Rangers caged in the backfield on turn 1, with Rob Green once again handling the ball for the beginning.
Once again, the offense stalled at midfield, unable to clear any holes for the ball to spurt through. It was beginning to look grim, but the dice were much less favorable for the Ladies in the 2nd. A few rerolled dodges and early on, they were down to just 1 reroll. It was then that Tyler Blackwood decided to take the game into his own hands.
Having been knocked down the turn before, he deftly dodged out of a tackle zone, picked up a ball within another tackle zone, and scampered forward next to Karl Henry. He tugged on the Ogre's bootstraps and begged him to "give'm a ride". Henry was all too happy to oblige. With a mighty heave, Blackwood was sent careening down the pitch deep into the Ladies' backfield. It was now a "hope and pray" scenario. QPR knew a blitz would come, but with only 1 reroll remaining, and no Amazon Blitzer available to act, it came down to a Linewoman against Blackwood.
The blitz did come, and managed only a push.
Blackwood dodged out of her zone, and sprinted into the End Zone for the go-ahead goal.
On the following kickoff, the Ladies set their receivers down the pitch, forcing the Rangers to spread out and cover, which is not their strength early in their career. Their efforts, however, almost went for naught, as Rodgers broke down the sideline on turn 7, reared back, and heaved with all her might to a streaking Blitzer. Her pass was not on mark, however, as it sailed over the side line, and was thrown in to the defending center of the pitch. QPR surrounded the ball laying on the pitch, which was enough to hold on for the 1-0 win.
"That's quite an effort from the boys today", said Head Coach Jits Hamsey after the match. "We could only go along with where Nuffle was guiding us. We couldn't play a real physical match, as the boys just didn't seem to have it in them again. We'll be working on that in Training this week... again..."
QPR's next opponent will be the Crusaders from Cardiff. This is not an enviable task for the Rangers.
"They're quite similar to the Ladies in that they're tough to keep in front of you. We were fortunate today, but we'll have to redouble our efforts for our next match. We DO like to hug our opponents, so that's something we'll try to keep in our favor. They seem to be germophobes, hoping to keep anyone and everyone away from them".
Once again, QPR's player of the match turns out to be Goblin Renegade Tyler Blackwood, for scoring the club's lone goal for the second straight match. |
|
|
krytie
Joined: Aug 16, 2007
|
| Posted:
Sep 13, 2015 - 11:39 |
|
OBBA League One Round 1 Summary:
The first two matches in League One kicked-off simultaneously and ended with similar results, even if they came about it a bit differently.
PSV Enthoven TV 1730k Wood Elf v Emirate Stadium Swingers TV 1630+100k Simyin (2 babes)
This opening match of the League One season started with what appeared to be a set-piece from PSV Enthoven. Knowing the apes affinity with the forest, they presented Frits Ent in the midfield and kicked deep. Half of the Swingers made straight for Frits and continued to tree-hug long after Ruud Van Nistelrooij tackled Jack Wilshere off the park to win the ball for Enthoven. Per Mertesacker came out of nowhere to flatten Rene van de Kerkoff but he recovered to place a perfect through ball to Jan Heintze who strolled in for the opener.
With not long till the break, a good team move from the Emirates bore fruit - Koscielny opened space for Podolski to deliver the ball to Wilshere who did not squander the opportunity.
HT: 1-1
All level at the break, Enthoven began the second half unsure of the best tactic. True to form, they chose the all out attack! A mazy run from Hans van Breukelen ended in a pinpoint pass to Mateja Kezman who simply could not fail to score. Now it was down to the defence to hold on to the points.
The Swingers made a decent attempt to get even via Jack Wilshere but once more Ruud van Nistelrooij had his number and that was the end of the Emirates threat. A cheap late hit from Lucas Podolski on Nistelrooij may have given some satisfaction but ultimately changed nothing. A late threat from Memut Ozil was quickly snuffed out by PSV and the points were theirs.
FT: 2-1
With both teams a scoring threat this match could have gone either way but the elves were just too strong for the apes on this occasion. I expect both teams to feature in the promotion race this season.
---------------
At the same time, Underhacking travelled to Eyerocks stadium for the first time to open their season against Glassjaw Strangers.
Glassjaw Strangers TV 1610k Nurgle v SpVgg Underhacking TV 1510+100k Underworld (2 babes)
Strangers took an early lead in the numbers game removing a player per turn early on whilst twinkle-hoofed Kenny Miller plodded upfield with the ball. Betentacled Felix Rumi put paid to all his running around shenanigans before Jozef Welsmuller nicked the ball off him. After a bit of a stramash and a bit of crowd surfing, Dean Shiels secured the opening goal for Strangers on the cusp of half-time.
HT: 1-0
In the second half, Underhacking's stunties made short work of the Glassjaw defence despite once more losing a player per turn. Strangers did what they could to knock the ball free, but a seemingly endless sea of rats and goblins eventually led to the equaliser by Max Bauer.
With a quarter of the match remaining, it was now Glassjaw who were under-manned. Some aggressive defending from SpVgg almost secured the ball but some equally ferocious counter-attacking regained the ball for Strangers. One scything tackle from behind courtesy of Pascal Kopke and Ray Wilkins was on a stretcher, and the ball was free. With Ulrich Taffertschofer goal-hanging there was a chance for Underhacking to steal a last second victory from this hard-fought match. Benjamin Schwarz was obviously thinking of the headlines rather than the hulking frames of Stuart McCall and Nicky Law. One face-plant later and the headline writers were quickly scribbling re-writes. With no Strangers in scoring range the game was over. Or was it !!? As coaches and staff made for the exits, some razzle-dazzle from Strangers involving some intricate pushing more often seen on a rugby field as well as some intricate ball-play, resulted in Stuart McCall running in an unbelievable winner for Strangers as the ref blew up for full time. Surely an early candidate for goal of the season!
FT: 2-1
Both teams will be pleased to carry no permanent injuries into round two but Coach Candlejack was understandable distraught with the unexpected finale whilst coach krytie was seen hours later still staring at the pitch giggling hysterically. The club medic assured us all will be well before the next match, as he left for the dugout brandishing a large mallet.
------------------------------
One day later, Wigan travelled to Elverton. On this first meeting between the clubs it seemed likely to be a battle between the beautiful game and rough-house.
Elverton BBC TV 1500+50k Elf (1 babe) 3-0 Torpedo Wigan TV 1590k Chaos Dwarf
As the game kicked off, it was clear that in fact Elverton BBC were going for the rough-house tactic - within moments they had fractured the arm of Wigan's key playmaker Dahsa. With Wigan still reeling, a quick passing move involving Tim Howard and Romelu Lukaku led to an easy score for John Stones.
And they weren't done there. A number of Elverton players seemed offside at the ensuing kickoff but the ref waved play on. A surprised and annoyed Wigan defence tried desperately to cover the ball but when Ferufezan tripped over his own hooves it was a simple task for Leighton Baines to tap-in the second goal for Elverton.
Still only halfway through the first half things looked bad for Wigan, but they rallied well and controlled the ball confidently for the next portion of the game. With the ball secure, midfield became a battleground. First Ashdarem flattened Baines, then Stones replied by fracturing the skull of Dhanamet! Just when it was looking like Wigan might get themselves back in the game, Phil Jagielka came out of nowhere to knock Feelon into next week (funny name for the South stand here at Elverton). There was a brief scare as Pienaar looked certain to score on the break but Krnos did just enough to put him off preventing any further scoring this half.
HT: 2-0
Torpedo Wigan began the second half outnumbered by the elves. That's something I didn't think i'd be writing today! Wigan strode forward confidently but with elves dancing around them like fireflies it was only a matter of time before the ball popped loose. Kevin Miralles weighed in with the first key tackle and James McCarthy scooped the ball back into Elverton territory. Jagielka played it out to Pienaar on the wing who ran home the third and final score of the day. Even as Krnos tried a late consolation he ran out of steam and collapsed on the goal-line. Not Wigan's day indeed.
FT: 3-0
This was a brutal display from Elverton (in more ways than one) and I see them as strong title contenders this season. Wigan have the tools to compete for promotion but will need to improve their ball control.
------------------------------
The fourth League One match of the season took place a few days later, high in the Tyrol mountains as Red Zharr-Hellgrade made the arduous trek to take on Nainsbrück.
FFC Tyrol Nainsbrück TV 1370+220k Dwarf (+Star player Grim Ironjaw) 1-0 Red Zharr-Hellgrade TV 1600k Chaos Dwarf
Whilst these teams have never met before there did seem to be an air of tension in the ground. It obviously meant a lot to FFC Tyrol Nainsbrück as they drafted in local hero Grim Ironjaw for the occasion. They began with a strong stonewall defensive line which repelled everything Red Zharr could throw at it. Not many people are fans of the flat-back-six formation but it is certainly effective!
Having possession must have seemed like a curse to the Red Zharr-Hellgrade players - whoever held the ball was destined to be flattened seconds later by the Tyrol defenders who had found their feet from the start and were landing their hits faster and harder. Anguibik was the first to leave the field, courtesy of Horfsteier. When the ball sprang into the hands of Grim Ironjaw his team-mates cleared a path for him to run through on goal. The only Hellgrade player in range with enough strength to stop him was Kostik. Unfortunately he didn't have enough leg and tripped on his beard at the crucial moment.
HT: 1-0
At the start of the second half, Hellgrade made a decent effort to attack the ball, Džajik and Toplakh herding the play into the path of Viddik whose well-timed tackle sprung the ball loose. Mitrovik then played a hopeful long pass behind the Tyrol defence for Džajik and Toplakh to chase. However it was not to be. Vachmann and Killger were on the ball in a flash, whilst their comrades were all over the onrushing Bulls.
The rest of the match was mostly crowd control with Seifler holding the ball in the corner playing out time. As the ref raised the final whistle to his lips K'planovikh was taken out by Ironjaw and will likely miss next week's game. Simultaneously an off the ball incident between Killger and Džajik required the intervention of the Hellgrade medical staff.
FT: 1-0
Rumours of Džajik's demise have been greatly exaggerated by other members of the press, though they will surely miss the presence of playmaker Dordi K'planovikh in next week's game in Sheffmeadow. Tyrol are looking very organised and will be a tough team to beat this season, even if they don't score many themselves.
------------------------------
We had hoped to bring you the match report for the eagerly awaited fixture between Sheffmeadow Monday and Naoned Olympic Spiked Shoe but it seems there has been some trouble on the Albion-Bretonnian border lately which may have hindered their travel plans. We will bring you an update as soon as we know more. |
_________________
There are three types of people in this world -- those who can count and those who cannot! |
|
DatMonsta
Joined: May 27, 2009
|
| Posted:
Sep 13, 2015 - 22:07 |
|
Those are some damn impressive matchreports from league one! Well done! |
|
|
awambawamb
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
|
| Posted:
Sep 14, 2015 - 02:35 |
|
OBBA Championship Season 23 - Round 2 match reporrrrrt
now with vitamins!
IpsWitch Town 2-1 Hellas Verdona
Firrrst outside trip for the tiny green basterdz and as expected, they felt a bit uneasy on a field that wasn't properly rigg... ahem, properly well cut by the efficient gob gardenerz, that is.
And what do we get? BOOBZ!
HOLY BALLZ, BOOBS!
'ZON BOOBZ ALL OVER THE PLACE! BOOBZ ON THE FIELD!
13000*2=26000 that reads TWENTY SIX THOUSANDS BOOBZ SPECCING!
...and barely 3000 greenies supportes. THAT'S WHY WE LOST, that is!
But we put up a bloody fight, that is... bloody for the girlz, as they saw one of them leaving the earthly realmz at the hand of Rômulo.
One memorable moment of the match was when one of them was lying down... a group of greenies srrounded the poorly (and barely dressed) zon and Rafael jumped in the gang shouting "THE RAPE TRAIN HAZ NO BRAKEZ!!!!" and delivering her a fatal blow with his knee.
Unfortunately, lately we discovered that Rafael had severly crippled his kneecap in the process and we had to send him into a ZPECIAL KLINIK where he will stay until we'll have enough moniez too fre... emh to pay the final cheks, yes.
Emil also had his quarter of hour of fame when he disappeared inside the mouth of the troll who just had to use him as a living projectile... but luckily after the match we earned enough GOLDIEZ to buy the Doktah and pay him a special extra fee to pull out the poor Emil before he would have been digested. Emil suffered a little amnesia in the extraction process, but now he says he's ALL FINE.
Yet we... couldn't win. But had great fun with the 'zons, eheh...
AND WE GOT TWO HEADS!
...ONE BY THE GLORIOUS WAY OF GANGFOUL! (that against 'zons...)
FEAR THE GREEN!
FORZA OBBA! |
_________________
"la virtù sta nel cielo e nella terra, ma anche nelle nuvole e nelle stelle"
 |
|
pythrr
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
|
| Posted:
Sep 14, 2015 - 04:37 |
|
great write-ups sirs!
Round 2 deadline, 20th Sept!!
FORZA OBBA |
_________________
|
|
Village_Idiot
Joined: Mar 09, 2009
|
| Posted:
Sep 15, 2015 - 09:31 |
|
MLS Week One Report
First week of MLS action on the proper continent!
And it quickly demonstrates why its worth paying for your tickets to an MLS game: only two teams failed to score, and a whopping seventeen goals have been scored! That completely outscored every other league that had 5 games scheduled.
Let's hope it's not a fluke, but the start of a trend.
FC Edmonton 0 - Columbus Death Crew 3
The fresh team from Edmonton got to face off against the veteran Columbus squad, the MLS East champion in the 20th season of OBBA. It wasn't just the bookies who noticed a slight disparity, and the inducements for the Edmonton lineup included a wizard, HacknSlash and two mercenary zombies.
The Eddies were off to a good (chainsaw powered) start, but got themselves mired in the putrid swamp that is the Crew. With both flesh golems on the ball carrier, desperate measures backfired, and the ball ended up in the waiting shovels of Bernardo, one of the golems. The score was secure, and both teams settled in for a couple of turns of fouling whichever idiot stayed on ground too long, but the ref was right on top of that, spoiling everyone's fun. Various bans and injuries made the 2 mercs valuable, but still the Edmonton squad was only able to field 9 on the kickoff. They went for a completely legitimate foul, but the ref still wasn't having it. The Crew responded with a glorious gangfoul. Man, I haven't seen that many talentless deadbeats diving on top of a disease-ridden body since the last time pythrr's mom was in town. Even the Ref held back the red card out of respect.
Second half, and an inspired rush by Ben Peas was met with a lightning bolt with no appreciation for ghouls. It failed to prevent the second score. Apparently they had more ghouls. An inspired push by the lone Edmenton wolf stalled out, resulting in the third score by Chad Barkson, which may suggest that the team won't be favoring Hector for a change. Time will tell.
Don't get discouraged, Edmonton! You showed some proper fouling, that'll get rewarded in the long run. Well, it's good for some laughs at least.
Seattle Pounders 3 - Timisoara Dragons 1
The Timisoarans haven't had a great run yet, despite the talent of Wallenstein. Meanwhile, the Seattle Pounders have proven themselves a highly skilled and consistently dangerous bunch of cold blooded scum. Mostly evenly matched, the Dragons bought themselves a snack for Wallenstein.
The Vampires set up for a grinding advance, and attempted to switch sides when they got too many lizards in their face. This might have worked, but Wallenstein apparently was a bit distracted at the prospects of his new snack, and augered himself in to an ancient ballista bolt that hadn't been cleaned off the field. (Note to self: who uses balista's, and why haven't we yet?) The Dragons managed to make the score happen anyway, but with Wallenstein and Masterlich both needing more than regulation time to heal back up to fighting trim, things weren't looking good.
The Pounders waste little time, and despite some skilled hypnosis, managed to rush through a 2 turn score via a skink handoff. Don't you hate it when the little bastards don't fumble every ball contact?
Second half, and the Dragons are 10 vs 11. The Seattle side feels cocky, and tries to have Alex Casque do a pickup. That blodgey Saurus is built like a Krox, and is about as graceful. The Dragons smell blood (err, well, more than normal) and lunge at the dropped ball, only to have those pesky lizards run around their thinned lines. Matters worsen when Casqua blitzes off Hoehoffzefflinger's torso. Apparently that only counts as a 'Badly Hurt' for vampires, and the guy with the excessively long name shows his colleagues how regeneration works. The Dragons simply don't have enough meat left on the pitch, and after a sportsmanlike bout of fouling back and forth, the second Seattle score becomes a fact.
The Dragons move to tie the game up with the remaining time, and things look good when a crappy kick goes wide and high, enabling Zubirikai to get under it for a catch. He proceeds to pass it to the vampire who can regen, but apparently not catch. The ball dribbles towards the Seattle team, which goes bonkers, swarming the Dragon line and making the pickup. Their only hope is a tricky dodge by Zubirikai, but the nearby Krox does what we all hate, and trips him up with its tail. The subsequent playtime holds few surprises, (many Thralls beaten off the pitch), though Marc-Rex Hahnemaniac spends a moment delighting the crowd by slowly exploding the merc's anatomy all over the nearby Sauruses. The final score is made by a rookie Saurus.
At least the Dragons have a bye week to refocus.
Milan Gladiators 3 - D. Cong United 3
The Milan team had an impressive season last year, and the DC team was eager to prove that it belonged in the MLS. What followed was a draw game that was more than worth watching!
The game started with the kind of speed and precision you normally only see from Skaven teams, with the Gladiators putting a 1 Turn touchdown on the books right out of the gate, despite a deep kick.
The shifty United coach (known for his extensive disregard of personal hygiene) reminded his team that this was for realsies.
Some monkey business in the backfield left Steady Eddie with the ball, but a failure by the DC coach to close up his front line allowed a brace of gladiators to rush in for a sack. The chimp proved slippery, but was finally brought to his knees in a puddle of his own blood by Abbiati, the beast of Abbiategrasso.
A series of lucky and dirty plays by the apes put them back in to contention for the ball, but Whistler successfully broke some bones on Attakora to get things heading back in the direction of soccer justice. It doesn't last long as the ball bounces oddly in to Barebum's hands. Abbiati is not amused and beats the gorilla back to the bench. Ambrosini, who's a bit like a sharp Elf, lobs a long range pass, resulting in the second score.
9 on 11, two gorilla's down, two chimps out, with only one that might come back. It aint looking good, which is just the way DC fans like it, for some reason. Sultan opens strong by shoving his bucket-sized fist directly inside some rookie's eyesocket, but Chestwell continues the DC legacy of suck by blitzing directly in to Silva's waiting fist. The apes get swarmed again, but a skillful pass by Pongo provides some monkey relief. Still, he wouldn't have gotten far if Nocerino hadn't slipped over some monkey turds. 2:1 and the apes are feeling like they matter.
The Gladiators seems to focus on monkey pain the next kick off, and pummel whichever apes they can catch, forcing a quick monkey score. 2:2.
The fifth drive starts encouragingly as Ambrosini demonstrates how one kills an Orangutan on the field. He's so versatile. Adiyiah reminds the monkeys how a 1 turn score works. We all know they'll never be able to pull one of those off. 3:2
10 on 9, and the United team knows it's in trouble. They lack the speed, they lack the talent, they lack the leadership, and surely they've burned off all that luck they didn't deserve by now? Unfortunately, the monkey brain has an answer for these kinds of problems: beat on em until they get carted off the field. A series of ferocious hits manages to remove several key Milan players off the field, with the biggest injustice made manifest when Perry Gibbons KOs the Beast. Chestwell follows up by breaking Nigel de Jong's arm, and the apes have a legitimate breakthrough. Pirlo makes him pay for it a little, but Whistler and Onyewu fail to close the door sufficiently, leaving a path so easy to follow even a monkey can do it. 3:3.
But with time left on the clock, can the Gladiators pull off a third OTS? An unreasonable amount of KOs and SIs leaves them with 5 players to try it against 8 flea-infested apes. Things start off well when Ambrosini drops Chestwell, and all that's needed for the 7th score of the game is a short pass by Onyewu. Some random ape had greased up the ball, resulting in a fumble. The ref wouldn't hear of tampering, which left the score at 3:3.
But with two monkey pelts to their name, the Gladiators made the DC monkeys pay for their draw in blood. Shame the Philly Orcs have left, as that would've netted them a hefty 100k bounty from the greenskins!
Chimpanzee United 0 - Vancouver WHITE Walkers 1
The chimps [Edit: Winners of the Season 22 MLS Division] and their entourage of other apes went to face the veteran squad of White Walkers, who somehow were awarded a wizard to even things up. I smell corruption, it's almost as if the Vancouver coach has some kind of special relationship with the commish.
Those who wanted their share of shocked monkeys but couldn't make the Milan-DC game would certainly get their share in this grinding grudge match. Things were off to a solid start when Rumsfeld got himself escorted off the field following an entirely illegal interaction with Modoo Kah's extra-sharp boot. Shortly after, Walker, the Orangutan who thinks he can dodge, is perforated by Mattocks' "regulation" boot cone. The score seems secure when Groomz somehow manages to get right near the ball-carrying Mane, which permits "Tricky" Dicky Chimpy to drop the guy and pick up the ball. Mane retaliates by shoving Dicky in to the crowd. The chimps are pressed now, and "Big" Billy Chimpton tries to dodge his way to the thrown in ball. Modoo Kah's hooked boot is apparently good at more than de-spleening a Gorilla. And it can apparently also smash collar bones, just ask Aperto. Man, those monkeys really didn't enjoy their stays on the ground, and the ref with eyes was at the Edmonton-Columbus game.
The United team needs something amazing. Like a Silverback that can dodge, double GFI blitz that Reo-coker monster. Which they apparently have. Gorillowitz thinks ST5=AG5, and tries to duplicate the feat. No such luck.
The Walkers recover the ball and secure it in scoring position against the depleted Ape team. Koffie adds insult to injury by breaking Gorillowitz' leg. This leaves United with only 1 Gorilla, and 1 Chimp. Not good. By rights, what should follow is 2 more scores by the Walkers.
A brave breakthrough by Ookbama earns him a visit by Neo-Coker who brought a KO. Coker's next destination is Donape, who had just gotten done putting Bug in for a surf. The apes still almost pull off a score courtesy of a dodgey pass by Orangetan, but Tricky Dicky decides that he doesn't want the ball. The Walkers are out of position and know it. They zap Tricky, but it's still not over! Out of nowhere, McApe rushes forward to KO Neo-Coker off the ball. Lots of sprinting zombies "rush" backwards. Additional flailing stalling tactics, and the harsh inevitability of (lack) of mass ensure the Walkers keep the ball surrounded and inaccessible. They even try (and fail) at a zombie pass in the end.
Real Salt Ape [OBBA] 1 - Temper Bay Mutiny 2
The rookie Mutiny got to face off against the veteran Real Salt Ape team. They attacked the problem with a halfling chef, Bulgrot, and some extra APOs to keep their brand new squad in fighting trim.
Everyone was prepared to see the Apes run a clinic on the Chaos Pact team.
Pfft.
Yeah.
Everyone apparently forgot that Nuffle looooves the flavor of coach Village_Idiot's tears.
Things got off to a nice start when Mangee fouled the Silverback a nice fresh KO with staying power. Which was impressive, since the OBBA regulation footwear was nowhere to be found, leaving both teams with normal steel-clad footwear, and hardly a spike in sight. A bunch of back n forth ensued, with neither team being able to reliably hang on to the ball. Though the action was all on the Salt Ape side. Bulgroth was in rare form, and it took until the 5th turn before the Apes could remove him. Matters were decided when Old Man, the elf, found it within himself to pass the Hearteater. 1:0.
Real Salt pushed hard, looking for a halftime tie score, but Old Man once again dug deep and pushed Aplata next to Chris House, who figured out a way to beat Aplata back to the bench. The apes smash old man on the ball, and the throw in is not unfavorable. However, Aperon decides that picking up the ball is not part of his day. Fortunately, the river troll rewards him with a KO. The score is prevented, and we start the second half with only 1 out of 4 KOs waking up on the Real Salt side.
The Apes start strong, and make a rush for a swift score. 1:1. 5 turns to go.
Apenandez the silverback continue to sleep off the turn 1 foul, and the halfling chef absorbed all but 1 RR off the Apes. It's looking dire. A breakthrough move is thwarted by yet another crafty pass by Old Man. The Apes have to dig deep to make a difference, but a feeble block by Olape results in him getting his collar bone smashed in by the River Troll. The ball is now out of reach of the apes. 2:1. The game ends with some collegiate turn 15 and 16 fouling, and a notice to all MLS teams: these rookies need to be taken seriously!
Well, more seriously than Real Salt Ape. Or DC United; they suck.
GREASING THE GOGS OF BLOODBOWL (and war)
Skeezy McBlackwater - Random Merc Thrall - Ripped in to component parts by Marc-Rex Hahnemaniac
Lewis Peal - Scumbag Lineape - Lobotomized by Thiago Silva's sharp fist
Jairo Arrbelieta - Incompetent Apey Ballchucker - Beat to death with his own arms by Massimo Ambrosini
[Edit: Realized I goofed and failed to give the Chimps proper credit. Editted in.] |
Last edited by Village_Idiot on %b %16, %2015 - %03:%Sep; edited 1 time in total |
|
amen0
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
|
 Posted:
Sep 15, 2015 - 18:51 |
|
Sorry for my English, but there are the reports:
League Two - Season 23
Round 1
[OBBA] Monstar Zrinjski vs. Silver Wardens FC
The elf team scored quickly and tried to steal the ball in the first half. The team of Pact defended well against the pressure exerted by the Elf team, but could not avoid losing the ball finally. This made couldn't get a draw.
In the second part, the team of Pact tried to break through doing some causalty, but the premature death of one of his players destabilized the team morale and lost the ball.
In the final moments of the match, the team of Pact recovered the ball, but at the last moment the elves prevented the score.
In the end, 1-0 for the elves.
Hajduk Blitz vs. Real Club Celta de Vigo
Bad start for the team a Blitzer (with guard) was injured in the first moments. The elves were a veteran team, they knew how to play and do well. The objective of human was to defend ball at all costs and make casualties, touchdown was secondary. The tactic worked and made a touchdown.
The elves scored quickly in the second half.Clearly they wanted to steal the ball as soon as possible and win the match. An "Blitz" helped them get into the opposite field. Humans handled the situation well, the casualties suffered by the elves began to be felt, too many holes in the defense. Humans took advantage of this and managed to score the 2-1.
2-1 for humans!
BilboKaos Football Club vs. AFC Hell-Mouth
Match canceled by forfeit.
Doncaster Belles vs. Tots 'n' Ham Hotspur
Amazons vs... monkeys!!! oh my dog! really are monkeys? and play bloodbowl? and they do it well.
The monkeys began their attack well, but the Amazons would not going to get easier. Amazon pressured enough and put in trouble the team of monkeys, they defended themselves as they could, but they ended up losing the ball and it was recovered by the girls. The wrong positioning of the girls at the time to retrieve the ball he could not defend against monkeys and ended up losing the ball and having a touchdown.
The wrong positioning of the girls after retrieving the ball made that could not defend itself against monkeys and ended up losing the ball and having a touchdown against.
In the second part the girls started hard, wounding several players and scored quickly. After this the monkeys tried to score early, but the girls stole the ball and they made the game-winning touchdown.
2-1 for amazon's team. |
Last edited by amen0 on %b %16, %2015 - %21:%Sep; edited 1 time in total |
|
DeZigma
Joined: Aug 21, 2011
|
| Posted:
Sep 15, 2015 - 18:58 |
|
|
Royston
Joined: Dec 05, 2008
|
| Posted:
Sep 15, 2015 - 19:28 |
|
Poor girl in the first pic clearly has the mightiest of all wedgies.  |
_________________
 |
|
|
|
| |
ramchop takes on the...
Search
