Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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Jul 20, 2004 - 13:37 |
 
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From the Hoof of Rolf Breakfast
Lord Aceticus, I remember you very well - does that hoof imprint on your head still hurt when its raining?
I wasn't sorry to hear about the Reagent's demise, but I must admit I like having one person left to relive old glories with - we retired players live for that. Pity that my old team mates have also all passed on to that great training ground in the sky, but you get that in Blood Bowl!
As far as the use of Haceldama Stadium goes, Coach Elan is rumoured to accept significant bribes. Perhaps he can persuade Dastardly (Captain of the Dastardly Dorfs and Chief Executing Officer of the Stadium) to hear your request. CEO Dastardly has a thing about Zara at the moment - so if you can pay Elan, and then line Dastardly up for a hot time with the babe, he may open the stadium for you!
Of course, once that is done, you have to ask Twahn nicely (he likes gold nipple rings I hear) to move the match. Given it is end of season, you should only have to buy him the usual 3, but of 18 carat, with ruby inserts.
Good luck to you and yours, and save some wood elf for me - I have a new recipe I want to try out. |
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Covertfun
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Jul 18, 2004 - 15:56 |
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From the Pen of Lord Aceticus:
Dear Rolf Breakfast,
It's Lord Aceticus here, you may remember our teams having some tough and well-paid games in seasons gone past... I then captained the Prince Reagents, but a debilitating injury has put me in the role of assistant coach and financier of the team.
I am delighted to see that you, too, have managed a graceful retirement from the bloodied pitch, maintaining a practice in journalism I never believed you capable of! Give my regards to Rolf Harass and Atta Fuel if the opportunity arises, I remember them both being exceptional players also. To avert a possible faux pas I must just remind you that all the other ex-players of the Prince Reagents died on the pitch, so please do not enquire as to their well-being. How are the kids/calves?
But enough chit-chat. I am writing to ask a favour. Would you please put me in touch with the people who can organise a change of venue for my team's next game? The last few matches have not been going as well as they might, and frankly the team will surely soon lose morale if something is not done. Who do I need to talk to?
If you could foreshadow to the relevant people that I wish to arrange the next match against the Maniac Mammalians in Haceldama Stadium, I would appreciate it.
The upcoming game between my irked and proud warriors and the desperate Wood Elves will hopefully be full of all the things you and your old team would appreciate - we have them outmuscled, and I can guarantee that my team is about ready to cut loose and smash some flesh, since they were virtually unable to really make a dent on the half-naked humans playing last game!
Frankly, if you could organise this, I'd be grateful, and will of course return a favour - if one of your calves shows promise, he or she is always welcome to a sporting scholarship at the Royal School of Alchemy, where I am on the School Council.
I look forward to sitting in the stands of Haceldama Stadium with you, watching some Wood Elves being mangled, smashed, ground, beaten, maimed and humiliated. Since that human child lost an eye they've banned pinatas so Wood Elf bashing is really the only relaxation we get. I am currently pressing buttons in Council to continue trading in my Sweet-Filled, Beatable Wood Elf Dummy, with Realistic Screaming (tm), since it is free standing, and therefore not a pinata.
By the by, the less contact I must have with dwarves, the better - your giant-hat-wearing ex-teammates an exception, of course.
Yours sincerely,
Lord Aceticus |
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Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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Jul 18, 2004 - 09:12 |
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Rolf Breakfast reporting LIVE!
Amazing scenes here at the new Haceldama Stadium, as Division 4 leaders the Adminsters of Funk were toppled by fourth place Dastardly Dorfs in an violent near end-of-season turn around!
The Khemri team picked by many commentators as the team most likely to brutalise everyone in the League was itself brutalised by the little fancied Dorfs in their first game in their new stadium, the name for which transalates as the "Field of Blood".
And boy did those Dorfs get stuck in today - in twelve games the Adminsters had not suffered a single casualty but here they were forced to concede with five players down to the ferocious Dorfs before the finish of the first half!
Don't even think about the fans rioting - they did not even get a chance as thier team rampaged through a bewildered Khemri line, finishing this game so fast even the Umpire did a double take as the white towel flew out of Coach Sp00n's dugout before the first half finished.
The quick concession was probably a good move by Sp00n, as his team was being decimated and his shocked comment "that team is more bashy than mine!" reflected some huge hits and injuries in the opening seconds of the game - that includes the permanent death of notorious Dirty Player Skeleton Francis Forde, smashed into the turf and powderised by Bilious in the second drive!
Bilious had a damn fine day, having brutalised mummy lead player Harold Holt to the point where even his reknowned regenerative ability failed, being badly hurt in the first drive!
The secret to the Dorf success may have been the unexpected appearance of poster girl Zara on the pitch, but despite staking mummified ex-PM Bob Hawke, she was actually pretty quiet, with the Dorfs apparently falling over themselves to put the boot into the much fancied Khemri.
This is certainly a turn up for the books with a grimly satisfied Coach Elan stating only "Cop that Jimmy" when asked to comment on his opponent Coach Sp00n's defeat.
Team Captain Dastardly said only "dey run away, we wus gunna go evun 'arder inna minute". How this could have occured with only two surrounded skeletons on the pitch in the fifth drive is unclear, but that is when Coach Sp00n threw in the towel.
Whatever it is about this new stadium, opposing teams will be nervous when they come here from now on, I can see it is going to have a gruesome reputation!
Now, I guess I am going to have to go make stock out that pile of old bones in the dugout, cause I can't see anything else for dinner around here .... hey was that a Donut? GET THAT FLING!!!!!! |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Jul 17, 2004 - 02:14 |
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I-House keep the dream alive!
In a fantastic display of Blood Bowl prowess today, I-House defeated the Lords of War 3-2 in a hard fought contest.
From the kickoff, Lords of War began the trend of advancing the ball down the sidelines. I-House moved to block the path, and also knocked out star Dragon Warrior Lord Malice with a timely boot. The Lords were able to clear a path however, and the first TD went to Lord Forbidden.
I-House soon lined up to reply, and formed a pocket close to the sideline, with their new catcher holding the ball within. Lords attempted to surround the pocket, but I-House soon blitzed a gap, and Richie III was in for the first of hopefully many TD's.
Lords second drive began with another attempt to drive it up the sideline, but Lord Brutal failed to pick up the ball! I-House positioned it's players, and then sent Cannon in for the blitz, but he failed spectacularly! Lord Brutal then managed to pick up the ball and pass it after some more manouevering by the elves, but Helm'ron, strainging to get away, fell flat on his faceand the ball came lose! From here I-House used Richie III's mobility to get the ball to Micky Ellem, whose Nerves of Steel thwarted the attentions of the two elvish defenders marking him. He then dodged and took off, before throwing a perfect pass to Cannon, who had been left alone after his unfortunate blitz in the Lords backfield. Despite being knocked over by the Lords near the endzone, the elves were simply not quite quick enough after being caught out of position, and in one of the elflike displays of agility he is famous for, Cannon was able to dodge, pick up the ball and plant it in the endzone.
Lords began their next drive with a more successful surge down the sideline, forming a tight pocket. I-House however, had learned from their mistake the first, and were able to cover the move well, preventing the Lords from scoring before the half-time bell.
Lining up to receive the ball in the second half, I-House were quietly confident that there hard work in the first half would pay off. This complacency was paid for however, as Lords caught the humans offguard with a Blitz! Boots'ron went through the weakside defence of I-House to catch the ball. Unfortunately, the rest of the Lords were positioned too far back to take full advantage, taking up strong position along the line of scrimmage and hoping Boots'ron Blodging abilities would help him stay upright till help could arrive. This was indeed correct, as I-House failed to knock over the wily elf. However, they put into practice their back up plan, surrounding the elf and preventing help from getting to him. He would need something special to get out of the trap I-House had set for him. Moving up to support, Lords did manage to turn it into a one on one block for Boots'ron. However, after a pathetic attempt at the block that left no-one fazed, Boots'ron decided to go for a more typical elven solution and dodge, which with the heavy attention of the I-House defenders failed. I-House cleared out around the ball, and star thrower Camo was able to grab the ball and walk into a loose pocket formed by his teammates. Meanwhile the world's most underrated player, Micky Ellem snuck forward in the hope of receving a pass in the following turn.
Lords were able to clear a path to Camo, and Lord Malice soon stepped up to the plate for a Blitz! I-House had this plan pre-empted however, as Camo soon dumped the ball off to the ever aware Robby. After some careful positioning of his teammates, Robbie then dodged away from the despairing elves, handing off the ball to Micky, whose Nerves of Steel allowed him to ignore the feeble attentions of Lord Revenge. Micky then dodged away, and ran, straining to reach the endzone, and despite almost stumbling he made it! I-House up 3-1!
Lords needed to score quickly in the following drive, but their plans for a quick strike down the sideline were thwarted when Coach Chunknanimous perfectly predicted the formation, and I-House switched their defense to compensate at the last minute! Lords remained calm however, masterfully switching the axis of their offense to the other end of the field. Despite some strong attention, Lords were able to break out, and using the abilities of their very own Iceman Lord Revenge, who promptly dodged away and scored the equaliser!
Halfway through the second half, and one more TD for I-House would seal the game, but if Lords could get through for an equaliser, it was unlikely they'd get a response. I-House again formed a strong pocket down the flanks of the pitch, but this time young Richie III let his rookie nerves get the better of him, dropping yet another perfectly aimed pass form Camo, but the ball was still well protected. Lords responded with a strategy of containment, being contend to put tackle zones on many I-House players, but only one on the ball. I-House soon pushed him away, and after the double team of Cannon and Jez gave themselves some room, Camo grabbed the ball, and handed it off to Cannon. Lords repsonded by shuffling the I-House players around with some well placed blocks, and then Lord Malice stepped in with a brilliant blitz, knocking over his human counterpart, and the crowd threw the ball back onto the pitch in I-House's backfield, where Helm'ron failed to pick it up! I-House then cleared him away from the ball, protecting it heavily, while positioning the rest of their players. Then Camo stepped in picked up the ball, and rifled a pass to Robby, who while all alone was a long way from any elven defenders. Lords responded by knocking him over, leaving the ball free in the Lords backfield, and running Lord Revenge towards the endzone, hoping for another touchdown at the last second. After almost celebrating too early, Coach Chunknanimous' timely reminder that there was infact time left allowed I-House to blitz Lord Revenge, the only one close enough to score, and this threat was finally averted when Camo put in a well timed boot. Coach Chunknanimous even prevented Camo from being sent off, keeping him in the running for the Twahnlow medal this year.
In a surprise note at the end of the game, I-House's favourite simpleton and punching bag, Coach Chunknanimous' retarded nephew Chunky, finally learnt something after 19 games! Future opponents beware of his ability to Block!
This has been Irite Stuff, reporting on a champagne game of blood bowl! |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Jul 15, 2004 - 08:13 |
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<b>The Kami Kazi Kombo! </b>
It's been a kouple of games now, but da little goober Kami is missin' is mate Kazi from the Karaz Krasherz. Kazi finally kicked the bucket after rip'ing 3 games in a row and usin' up all Dok Feelgood's clag glue in the process. Kami on the other hand, has leapt into the bowl with such heroism he's puttin' those damn elforcs on his team to shame! Often the only one left standing after the boyz have fluffed, or finding himself marked by three guys at once trying to deal with his sidestepping, he's bekome a bit of a team mascot. Which can't be a bad thing - maybe it'll remind 'iz mates how to be orky once again... |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jul 13, 2004 - 08:23 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
It's a big time SCOOP here today readers! In a monumental shakeup from the Shadow Void it appears that the GREAT UNSEEN has been SACKED!!! After a draw to rivials I-House and then consectuve losses to Tenebrae and the Warlizards it seems the deeper powers that be are quite upset with the coach! While none of this has been confirmed it is rumoured that the GREAT UNSPOKEN has had quite a bit to say to the GREAT UNHEARD about the
mis-fortune of the boys and what plans they have to get things up and winning again. We will of course be following this story closly and let you know as soon as we do about what happens next. With only the Southside Stone Smashers left to play it could go a whole lot of ways.
Stay tuned readers! |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Jul 12, 2004 - 15:38 |
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Channel BB's Expose on the Donut Boys!
by Channel BB Reporter, Fling Dadung
A long stalwart team of the SWL is not a ferocious band of orcs... nor is it a gracefull and highly skilled team of Wood Elves... it is but in fact a hardy band of Halflings sponsored by the famous Halfling entrepreneur Mr Whippy who has made fame and fortune with his delicious jam filled donuts.
His team, the self titled Mr Whippy's Donut Boys has been in the SWL almost since its inception.
In that time, the Donut Boys have played 28 matches for an impressive 14 victories and 5 draws! Considering that they have been pitted against teams well versed in smashing 'flings, this is a fine achievement. At the time of this story, the Donut Boys currently sit a respectable 7th in the [urlhttp://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=group&op=view&group=647]SWL Regional Championship[/url] and are pushing for a second attempt at the SWL's Gentleman's Picnic.
Today, I have caught up with the famed Mr Whippy and his star player Isumbras Underhill who is the only player to play all 28 Donut Boy matches and has amassed a staggering 26 touchdowns including a team record 4 in one game during the last start against the
Blitzing Banditos.
Fling Dadung: Mr Whippy, thanks for your time today. How does it feel to be the man behind the Donuts behind the team?
Mr Whippy: Thanks Boy! No problemo at all! I be lyin' if I ain't damn excited about me Boys here... Damn straight, they make me as proud as a Blueberry conserve in spring!
FD: That's great Mr Whippy. You've been a strong player in the behind the scenes in the SWL board rooms. How does a man get to that elite position at the right hand of Commissioner Twahn whilst in charge of a team that many regard as well... um... not expected for greatness....
MW: It's simple boy! Donuts is what made my millions and Donuts is what made me the corporate tycoon I am today. Well lookee here at my star filled roster! What do they want from me? Fame? Fortune?? Oh no, they want custard filled strawberry creams with buttermilk swirls and lashings of lemonade! Thats what makes a team!
FD: Pardon? What do you do?
MW: I pay my players in sugarry sweets! Yes boyo, there's nothin' finer than seein' a 3 foot stunty racing between the kneecaps of a rampaging Minotaur whilst I wave a Choc Iced Donut in the end zone to entice the little fella... and if he's holding the ball, well thats all the better!
FD: I see.....
MW: Well lookee here at my boy Isumbras Underhill.... He's a fine exponent of the art of the 'fling toss and has managed to get such a big arse from all those donuts, he's managed to get his chubby cherub cheeks to my endzone 26 times in 28 outings! If he breaks even in TD's to games ratio, he gets a bonus of 12 dozen of my finest delights! Now doesn't that make you want to rush into the teeth of a cage of Chaos Dwarves!!
FD: Um, yes well, I am sure it is good for them.... sure.... Now Isumbras, surely you must want to play for gold crowns and the ladies like Vladim Oslobahn does for the Blue Mountain Dragons?
IH: gobble... munch... gobble-gobble Pardon?
FD: Fame! Fortune! Hairy-footed women!! Surely thats what motivates you!
IH: Nah, I play better if I know that after the game that I'll be gettin' some sourdough devilcake donuts with marmalade and icy cold chocolate milk!
MW: That's my Boy! And you keep scoring them TD's, there's plenty more to fill your big belly my boy!
FD: Ok.... well I see... Mr Whippy, do you think you can win the SWL Regional Championship, and what would you do with the prize money?
MW: Why, I think those barbarian Norsemen from the Blue Mountains who you mentioned earlier could do with some culture... I may open a franchise of Mr Whippy's Donuts right there in Mt Victorious! Get that Vladim all fat and like!
FD: And what of your players, what will they get from the victory!
MW: Why more donuts of course! And I may even let the Tree's have a few! As long as some of my rookie players don't take to 'relieving' themselves and the like on them after too much ginger beer and profiteroles!
FD: mmm, thank you Mr Whippy, its been a pleasure.
MW: No problemo my good boy! Anytime!
FD: And thank you Isumbras Underhill, good luck next week
IH: gobble, gulp, munch, slurp.... Pardon? Do you want that donut?? |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jul 10, 2004 - 05:10 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Holy Dodgeing Dark Elves Beastman, what a match we had this week readers!!! Not a result the GREAT UNSEEN will look on with favour but for lovers of Blood Bowl excitement this game had it all! This reporter simply lost track of how many times Tenebrae broke into Riverdance mode and tipped and toed all around our glorious goats.
The buzz words all week on the paddock were "Do it for JealousGuy!" But I think from the opening kick it was more like "Do it LIKE JealousGuy" In honour of our fallen friend the opening blitz was a simple pushback (JG never could start strong) and another shot on the ball carrier in T 2 was just as weak to allow the quick score Tenebrae 1-0.
Copper Slipper MorningSong looked back to his rushing best in the ensuing kick. A quick scamper up the right led to a classic Crowe reverse to the left behind strong (but hurtless) blocking on the line. But if you don't knock these Darkies out they just get up and keep dancing! Out and around and POW they didn't miss a hit on our ball carriers all day! But in T8 of the 1st half our boys showed they have a bit of arse on them as well. HoeseHead intercepted a long pass in the middle of Crowe territory, scampered up to the LoS and threw a perfect spiral pass to Taller who walked across for the equliser! 1-1 at the half.
The second half bears little repeating. A lot of blocking from us that hurt no one. A lot of dodges from the Elves...another rash of big hits on Beasty ball carriers and it is 2-1 to them and that is that.
While this reporter always hurts when his valient horned ones get beat it is hard not to cherish a display of pure elven shennanigans the like of which we haven't seen in a very long time. So well done to you Tenebrae. Div 2 just got that much tighter for this result and the next 2 matches look to be BLOCKBUSTERS!!!
Stay Tuned readers. |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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theopacman
Joined: Jan 26, 2004
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Jul 09, 2004 - 17:25 |
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SHOCK RETIREMENT
RIP Slasher werewolf of the Citadel Ancients has decided to follow his brother into retirement after Ancients management decided not to agree to his demands for more pay(an extra halfling for the aftergame BBQ).
RIP : I see Rage sittin in the commentry box chewin on fling legs and I's down here i think me was a bit silly so finish on top
(ed: he scored a TD and 2 CAS in his farewell game)
Necromancer : Werewolves AAAghh who needs em..ball hogs never count on em in crunch time ..then he wants an extra fling and i said no way there isn''t enough left after we use them to patch up More Blood and More Guts.
RAGE : hehehehehehe now Rolf gotta sit between two wolfies heheheeh now he be careful what come out of that stunty mouth. |
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Is that a Hoof on your head.....Zzoing |
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Sparticus
Joined: Jan 31, 2004
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Jul 08, 2004 - 03:47 |
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ImaGanaBeGot here with head coach of the Sewer Pipe Dream, Sparticus
"a very costly win over the black tide can you recover?"
"ya damm right it was, players like Black Stealer are unreplacable, and will be sorely missed. hell yes we can come back we got a season to finish."
"you would you care to comment of the strange occourance with Bashitz Tabitsis and what really happend there?"
" well seems the secrets out, we actualy hold the warp stone... so a few changes in time and we "fixed" the situation, worked suprisingly well thou"
" are the rumours that within the stealer family their was a marrage between a Black orc and a Gutter runner founded?
"NO COMMENT"
" is it true the dream refused to eat the players at the end game BBQ?"
"HELL YES its true would you put that philthy orc in your mouth?, we got no idea where hes been"
"with all the new blood in that will have to be comming into the "Dream" would you say that you are rebuilding?"
"yes , and i would like to take this time to introduce you to the newest addition to the team Faith Stealer yes quick suprisingly strong and we look forward to him opening up the running game for the team,"
"and the team witch doctor failed to show up for todays match, are those rumours true?, and where is he now? is he availble for comment?
" yes he idnt show for todays game, and we have to eat something at the BBQ didnt we, hes currently useing the warp stone to grow back all of his limbs"
(background) Bashitz Tabitsis " DID YOU WANT THE LEG COACH????"
"Well i have to get back to the team"
"well there you have it folk's comments from both teams opon what has got to be one of the bloodiest games in SWL history with a record 6 Deaths in the game, and surely there will be no love loss between theses two teams, With the picnic to come and another chance for theses 2 teams to meet again i think the gentelmen will be left in the reserves box."
reporting for Channel BB! ImaganaBeGot
I |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Jul 07, 2004 - 15:55 |
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It is with a sad and heavy heart that we here at Channel BB! have to bring you the following news.....
Earlier tonight, at 8:57 Rushem, jersey number #5 for Kano's Black Tide, Orc Blitzer, Executive Chef and presenter of the one and only greatest post game BBQ show Surprise Meat! was killed in a tragic sporting incident.
It was still mid way through the first half when Rushem stepped forward and flattened the Sewer Pipe Dream Rat Ogre Bashitz Tabitsis and crippled him, then there was sudden swirl of fog, and when the scene cleared once again Rushem stepped forward only to this time see Bashitz hit the green sward without injury. The vile filthy creature then leapt to its feet and struck our faithful presenter and smashed him to the ground, driving his helmeted head two feet into the ground with the force of the mighty blow.
A stunned crowd was hushed and silent as the teams doctor rushed forward in a desperate attempt to save Rushem only to find he had used his last vial of healing potion on The Black Tides Troll Duh Watt's!
Rushem was stretchered from the field and pronounced dead at the post game BBQ where he was ceremonially cooked and eaten along with Sewer Pipe Dreams #3 Garthrkon, #9 Black Stealer and #10 Light Stealer and the Black Tides #7 Smushem.
Rushem was a three season veteran of the SWL with a career tally of 19 games, 2 TD's, 17 Casualties, including one opposing player fatality in his last game as he was gathering meat for the post game BBQ that he eventually became a part of, 3 MVP's, earning 55 Star Player rating points, status as a Star Player of the SWL, and was twice a Copper Knuckle Winner. His team, his fans, and his avid viewers will sorely miss him.
Both teams are reported to be saddened by their losses but very well fed, although the standard of the post game food was nowhere near the usual quality Black Tide opponents have come to expect.
In Honour of Rushem we will be having a 48 Hour Marathon of all his cooking shows on Channel BB! this weekend.
Coach Kano was asked for his comments but declined to make a statement as his mouth was full at the time...... |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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neverborn
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Jul 07, 2004 - 14:34 |
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Some news from a very dissapointed chaingang camp, who managed to snatch a draw from the jaws of victory against the adepts this week:
"It is with great glee that I am announcing the death of our teams physician, Dr Kevorkian, he had commited suicide by shooting himself in the head 24 times after stabbing himself in the chest some 45 times and exposed himself to a long beating before hand. His incompetence of late was seen as a motivation for his suicide.
His replacement is yet to be named." |
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SonofSharkboy
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
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Jul 07, 2004 - 14:19 |
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Iron, team mogul for the Western Sydney Wonders walks up to the podium...
Ahem. As spokeself for the up and coming swl shining star team, the Western Sydney Wonders, it is my undue honour to speak for the team at this press conference. I have with me a prepared statement created with the assistance of team lawyers, coaching staff, and apothecary squad. It is our intention, and more so hope, that what I am about to say before you is fully understood along with any ramifications that may result from it now and in the future. Furthermore, if there should be any confusion by ANYONE at ANY time, not just from now until our round 4 match, but throughout the future of the Western Sydney Wonders and including all matches played and the time before, during, and after said games, then said persons, beings, greenskins, mammals, things, and etcetera should immediately contact the legal representatives of the Western Sydney wonders for immediate clarification and open communication in order to clear up any indescrepencies or misunderstandings.
I'd ask that after this statement all questions be immediately forwarded to the legal team we've assembled just through the foyer here. Do not hesitate for a moment if you have even the slightest twinge of concern, doubt, or incomprehension.
*clears throat*
"We are not rats. Thankyou." |
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Twahn
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Jul 06, 2004 - 13:36 |
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And now... here's a Special Report, brought to you by the good people at Carlton Breweries, from our Crowdside Sportsman, Paul Thamdown.
This week he's been roving the 1st Division, getting the low down on where they're sitting as we start to get into the meat of the season...
Paul Thamdown: Greetings to all you Sportsfans out there!
Well, what a jolly good season this is turning out to be in the first Division for all you lovers of good Bowl and good Beer!
Offhandedly and uninspiringly dubbed the 'zombie division' at the start of the season, on account of the swollen masses of living dead that seem to fill half the teams competing, this division has seen a great number wishing, I would think, that they were truly dead! Yes sir, the first couple of round have really rattled a few bones!
Now as sure as we all know that the best cold beer is a beer from Carlton, we all know that the best damn Bloodbowl team is from Carlton too, and I must say, the boys are really putting on a show for us this season!
Fronting up for a 3 match slog against the armies of darkness, those stern, hard men have really buried a few bones to finish off round 3 with an 8-1 Touchdown record, a clear winning record, and a well deserved spot on top of the ladder. I caught up with SWL Superstar Duke Snakefield in the rooms after their latest match...
Duke Snakefield: "Sure Pauly, I got a few words for the fans.
One sec Zarz baby, just gotta do the PR thing, then we'll do the other thing yeah?
So yeah, we been doing pretty good stuff against these undeads you know. I think if the team can play good Bowl and score lots of Touchdowns we'll be looking good to bring this season home and get back into the Premier again. Scoring Touchdowns is the key to winning the game I think... yeah."
Oh yeah, and... ahh... Can you smell what the Duke is Drinking? Yeah."
Paul: Indeed. With Carlton signing on the bountiful talents of Zara the Slayer for both their games against their latest two Mummy loaded opponents, Carlton now bid her a sad farewell. A couple of their biggest stars are rumoured to have become quite attached to the little ball of stake giving death.
Next up for the current table toppers are former Premier League rivals Slumbering Skink. I don't know what kind of brew they're drinking in the land of Slumbering at the moment, but it sure ain't gonna be one of the fine brews from Carlton, available in a bottleshop near you, and so I won't bore you by Sports Fans out there by dwelling too long on their season to date. Suffice it to say that they are also apparently unbeaten and many are saying that it looks to be a First Division top spot playoff that we've got coming our way when these two meet in the next round!
Personally I think that those Lizards have got about as much chance as an alcoholic nymphomaniac in a room full of Carlton Beer Babes(tm) giving out free bottles of their latest brew, ThickSkull(tm), but hey, everyone's got an opinion eh?
Anyway, that's the wrap on the SWL's up-and-comers from the First Division. Our broadcast will continue after a quick break for a word from our sponsor, the good people at Carlton Breweries.
Well that's it from me. I'm Paul Thamdown, and I say when you get them down, kick 'em!" |
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Founder of the Southern Wastes League
DonTwahn's Dungeon = Cheap Miniatures! Check it out... |
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SonofSharkboy
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
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Jul 06, 2004 - 03:30 |
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HFC Wins!!!
In a stunning display of elfball excellence, HFC shows their continued upswing as a powerhouse in division 3 with a strong win over the less than lucky Western Sydney Wonders. Proving many spectators wrong, HFC sure got the blood flowing early with an attempted execution of an up and coming Wonder Lineman. While Luck may have been a factor, it was Zeroalpha's excellent coaching in the end that won him this great game! Does the excitement ever stop!!??? |
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Gnomes are trash
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