Gobbo on Gobbo Action!
So, here we are again. I'm enjoying a well-earned massage when some silly messenger from the GLN runs in. Apparently some upstart goblin called Lupino has managed to score more TDs than I did! Bah! He must have cheated! He told me that I was supposed to interview him - I was about to refuse when he pointed out that they might stop paying me if I did not - so here I am.
Via Canada is the team for which he plays and to my great surprise it is not a goblin team at all - but an orc team. Yes. Foul play is afoot here. Following the screams of pain after arriving at the Via Canada stadium, I located the training field - and the git I was supposed to meet.
Lupino is a goblin like many out there - battered and bruised, carrying the injuries of a long Blood Bowl career. On face value he does not appear to be a great player. However, on the pitch one sees why he is a true scoring machine. He can run, dodge, catch and jump like the best elf out there. I met him after watching the training session, and asked a few questions.
Helmut: So, Lupino, what made you decide to start playing Blood Bowl?
Lupino: Well, I played basketball before, but my size limited me... So I decided a change was in order. I'm quick, agile and a great jumper, so Blood Bowl looked like a decent bet.
Helmut: Didn't you think that a sport that flaunts a goblin fatality rate of 99.9% was too dangerous?
Lupino: Yes, but I'm an optimist - and also a little crazy, I've been told.
Helmut: Is it true that you chose to play for an orc team instead of a true goblin team because you refused to take the field without your Black Orc bodyguards?
Lupino: The truth is that another crazy guy, coach Gary_Gygax, contacted me... He wanted me to partake in a special project - an orc team with flying goblins. I love to fly, and as I needed air-miles for my free tickets to Naggaroth, I accepted.
Helmut: The fact that you love to fly is indeed apparent - Via Canada has played 83 matches and you have been there for every single one of them! How do you manage that?
Lupino: Craziness, luck, bravery - and the team apothecary. chuckles Our apoth saved my life two or three times.
Helmut: True, apoths can be your best friend, as I know from personal experience. However, it appears that you have had numerous training accidents reducing your prowess on the pitch. Is it true that your team-mates frequently beat you up and call you a "filthy little grot"?
Lupino: Well obviously orcs don't consider me to be one of them, really, but my crazed state of mind and constant jokes got me a place in their midst eventually. The training injuries are really the ogre's fault - I often got slammed face-first into the ground when I was supposed to be lobbed towards the end zone.
Helmut: Ah, that would explain reports saying that you were injured by Aldonia.
Lupino: Exactly. Once, during a match, he even threw me straight into the crowd. I thought I'd had it for sure, but I managed to wriggle out before the fans could throttle me.
Helmut: A very nasty experience indeed.
Lupino: I survived.
Helmut: What motivated you to persevere despite all else to reach this all-time scoring high?
Lupino: First, I wanted to be the best goblin ever to play for an orc team. This honour was held by Greta - and by Undead Uberkiller in Division X. After that I wanted to surpass Dica in touchdowns - equalling your record was, in those days, a distant dream. But when I overtook Dica I started to think that maybe it was possible. I had many set-backs, however - I was starting to feel old. Both my youthful strength and agility left me, and the team's ogre died. Finally, though, I reached the record, and surpassed it! I can't believe I made it this far, and I'm still alive!
Helmut: What do you say when people tell you that no true goblins play for orcs - that you're no more than a slave to the larger greenskins?
Lupino: I'm not a slave, that's for sure, I'm a free spirit and free goblin. When I started to make my team win I got respect from the big monsters. I know that I'm a goblin, and should play for goblins, and that it's easier for me as I have the big boys on the field looking after me, but the risks of the trade are still very great. Flying down the pitch four or five times a match, risking bad throws and missed landings, or ending up by myself surrounded by eleven evil-smelling opponents all wanting to kick the living daylights out of me. However, I did survive, and here I am!
Helmut: Aye. Well, thank you for this conversation, Lupino.
Lupino has a shining career behind him, thanks to his personal skill and the efforts of his team. However, his injuries have lessend him considerably. One must always respect the tenacity of goblins who manage to play for more than fifty games, and I hope he will add fifty more.
This was Helmut, star reporter and still the nastiest goblin ever to bestride the pitch, writing for the GLN.