Blood Bowl - The Background Story
Part one - Skaven:
Hello fans, and good day to all of you faithful readers. This is Rick "Dreadclaw" Maarschalkerweerd reporting in. Most people know what race does what, and what their strength and weaknesses are.... but how much does the average Blood Bowl player know about fluff and background? To help all of you ignoramusses we decided to start an extensive research on all the races. For this issue we will discuss the speediest of the speedy teams... Skaven! We apologise about the language of the Skaven we interviewed, but we preferred to keep it as close to the real thing as possible! Skaven in Blood Bowl are fast and fragile. Lacking the agility of elves on most players, and having no real armour to protect them, they might seem weak to the untrained eye. Experienced players know otherwise. These lightning fast vermin can score faster than you can say stop that Gutter! To gain more insight into the Skaven race we decided to find one of the Skaven stars in a successful Skaven team. After several attempts we found one on Warlord Xone's team Trespassing Prohibited, while they were traveling underground to their next match. Not wanting to hear the coach's side, who would probably just blabber on about the greatness of his team, we decided to interview one of the players, Nartik "Styzz" Squeekfur, to give us some inside information.
GLN: Hello, might i ask you who you are?"
Vermin: Neek neek man thing reek reek yeeesssss you be from Blooooood Booooowl no? Yessssss I am Nartik Squeekfur neek neek! Call me Styzz yesssss... I am the great star star of the Tresspassing Prohibited yes yes!
After this we had to wait about two minutes as he showed off his speed and agility once too many, finally one of our employees made a diving tackle on his VERY VERY long legs, and when two others started lugging at him he finally stopped and we managed to continue the interview.
GLN: So could you tell me something about your background? Where did you come from?
Styzz: Yess yess I can! I am a proud Gutter Runner yesssss I am from the brave clan Eeeeshiiiin yessss. Eshin is based in a secret location in Cathay... we are the assassin clan yesssss. We are the fastest, most agile and best best skaven in the entire world yessss.
Nartik Squeekfur in action!
GLN: You mentioned clans.... what clans are there?
Styzz: Aaaaah too many to name yesss...
GLN: What clans are the biggest then?
Styzz: Aaaah then weee have 4 clans yessssss.... First we have Eshin of course... the assassins, and Gutter Runner clan yesss... Then comes clan Moulder... they are the great mutatorssssss they make new beast beast every day. They breed large nasty things for fighting yesssss.... Of course we should mention clan Pestilensssss They are are the evil plague ridden rats... they are foul and allways looking for more and new diseases. Finally we have Clan Skryre... the technoclan of the skaven. They make craaaazy weapons from WAAAARPSTOOOONE!!!
GLN: Can you tell us more about warpstone?
Styzz's eyes go glazed, and he looks at us in a weird kind of hunger. We almost got our rather sturdy bodyguards to pin him down again but luckily the rat regained his faculties.
... aaaaaaaah... Waaarpstone is what created usssss, we cannot live without waaarpstooone... Neek neek! Warpstone makes us mutate, yesssss, Waaaarpstone gooood. Skryre use the waaarpstone to make their evil weaponsss of war yes yessss. Pestilens makesss plaguesss and diseasesss with the waaarpstone, and moulder usesss the warpstone to mutate their beastss into ever more lethal beingssss yess... minimal risk yes yes! Look at my legsss yes yes... i got them longer thanks to the waarpstoooone. I run so much more quick quick!
Styzz almost wanted to start running around to demonstrate his great speed again, but a firm headbutt made him stay in his place, dazed but conscious.
GLN: You mentioned that skryre used it to have their evil weapons, and minimal risk???
Styzz: Yesss Skryre have many evil weaponsssss. Minimal risk isss almost never a casualty... nono wee know what wee do!?
GLN: So what kind of weapons do the four clans use?
Styzz: Clan Eshin usessss assassins and guttersssss. Assassins have weeeping bladesss poisonous warpstone blaaadesss capable of wounding a man by merely hitting it yessss...
Clan Skryre hasss a lot lot of weaponssss: first they have poisonwind globadiersssss warpstonesphere lobbing ssssskaven; second there are the Jezzailsssss, small warpstone firing cannonssss; furthermore they have Waaaarplightning cannonssss who are reaaaaally scary for the opponents yessss.... of course wee have warpfire throwersssss, warpflaaaame belching flamethrower teaaaamssss. Finally, they have the Ratling gunssss, yesss, they are very very dangeroussss shooting lotssss of bulletsss into the enemy. They used to have a dooooomwheeeel but then they deecided they were too unstable to be uuuused... A machine made by them, but uuused by the grey seerssss, the Skaven master wizardsssss is the screaming bell... it can destroy entire cassstles with itsss ring yessss! Neek neek!
Clan pesssstilenssss uses waaarpstone to make putrid diseasessss. They have plaaague monks... very tough tough! And they have censssser bearersss too! They are ssstrong, yess yesss, and have lethal vapourssss coming from their flaaailssss..... Weak man things die die from fumes... skaven tough tough!
* * * Did you know...
One of the most famous skaven players ever is Highway to Hell
, a storm vermin who plays for Angus Chucks Da Cheese
. The fearsomeness of his appearance is legendary, causing many opponents to have to stop what they're doing and throw up on the field. However, this got the famous vermin in trouble once, when he happened to look in a mirror in the changerooms before a game. Several hours later, Highway to Hell woke up in hospital, having only just survived a nasty case of choking on his own vomit!
GLN: You mentioned Grey Seers as master wizards... care to elaborate?
Styzz: Yessss Skryre hassss warlockssss the lesser wizards, see see? Grey seerssss are the master wizardsss, the rulers of all clanssss, but servantsss at the same time... they report only to The Council yessssss!?
Styzz: Yesss yess The Council! The Council of Thirteen! They rule all of usss. They are 12 ancient ratssss, the thirteenth is symbolised by our god... is that good enough now yesyes?
By now Styzz started to twitch his tail nervously, as the rest of the team started to leave, and he feared of being alone we suspect as all Skaven have that in common,which we learned from encountering lone skaven before we found the team.
GLN: One final question: What is your god called?
Styzz: The Great Horned One!
GLN: By Sigmar! Thank you for this interview, and good luck on your next game!
When Styzz heard the word Sigmar he hissed angrily, probably because Sigmar defeated the Skaven so many years ago during the great plague. Styzz turned tail and ran off with lightning speed to catch his team...