Hello all! This is Rachet Axelbender Niklotz, thanking you for joining the latest GLN report.
We are currently reporting to you from the stunning city of Luccini in the south of Tilea, a city founded upon the ruins of an Elven colony by legendary twins Lucan and Luccina. According to legend, these two got into an argument and one killed the other.
However, that was during a time when the Old World had not yet learned the joy of Blood Bowl! Surely, had Blood Bowl already existed, the two would have been great Blitzers on the same team and the history of this bright Tilean city would have been quite different.
I am not here to teach you a lesson in Tilean history though, but to pay a visit to the legendary School of Cheering and General Inspiration for the Improvement of Blood Bowl Enjoyment. As Altdorf is known for its Altdorf Referee School of Exquisity, so is Luccini known for teaching cheerleaders the ropes. As the advertising shows, the School welcomes all kinds of cheerleaders to apply. After all, their cheer is: “No Matter How Shy/ No Matter How Timid / Guaranteed To Turn You Into Something Adequate!”
Apparently, their cheer used to promise much more, but was toned down after complaints about the quality of cheerleaders coming from the School...
The School of Cheering, as it's usually called, consists of many small buildings, some pitches with stands next to them and one big administrative building. Cheerleader theory is usually explained and tested in small classes in the small buildings. The reason for the classes being small is because all kinds of races from all over the world end up in Tilea every now and then, and they wouldn't want to have a Dark Elf in the same class as a High Elf, or a Rotter in the same class as someone else! Theory alone won't get you there completely though, so theory is being put into practice besides the pitches where matches are often played between amateur teams. I hear one is being played right now. Let's have a quick look, shall we?
You can see how crowded the attendance to this match is, even though it is a match between an amateur Halfling team who heard there was something to eat here and an amateur Human team called Young Lavino Fighting Hellfishes. Truth is, it seems as though... Ouch, that's got to hurt! That Halfling was just launched five meters up into the air by that nasty block. I'm not sure if that is even legal – this would have never happened with a proper referee around! Well, there is a referee here, but he seems to be staring at the cheerleading squad in training – that is certainly not a proper uniform that goblin cheerleader is wearing. Anyway, I was going to tell you that... Ack, that Treeman just stepped on that lineman! I think I just heard his spine snap into little pieces! This is surely something you don't see every day. And that referee is still not paying any attention – but who can blame him? I think that cheerleader over there is actually a Daemonette. And she is certainly making some movements as if personally instructed by Slaanesh!
Well, you can certainly see why these matches are so well attended. Spicy, attractive cheerleaders in the making and violent Blood Bowl! This is certainly almost as good as a normal professional Blood Bowl match. Looks like the Young Lavino Fighting Hellfishes are winning this one with ease. The Halflings – they don't even have a proper team name, I think – are either getting torn apart or just walking off the pitch to grab a snack... Let's steal an iced bun here and move on to take a sneak peek in a theory class!
Ouch! Ack! Stop that, I am just... Alright, alright, you can keep your damn food! Stupid Halfling...
As I said before, Tilea is a nation where many races can be found – it is a land where coin counts the most, so everyone can be found here. The result is that here at the School of Cheering, very specific courses can be taken by students, from something mystical like Cheerleader Magic 101 – Chanting A Spell to Proper Elven Etiquette. There are even obscure and bizarre courses like How To Deal With A Rotter On Your Cheerleader Squad and How To Please All Four Of The Chaos Gods At Once. Right now however, these courses are unfortunately not open for visitation. We can try and take a look at Ale And Runes, the course for those occasional Dwarven cheerleaders. We'd better not though, there have been rumors that most Dwarven applying cheerleaders have actually been male. The difference is hard to see sometimes, you know. It must have something to do with the free ale offered after class.
We can take a look at the Building A Living Pyramid course! This is an advanced course, for when the basics have been finished. Cheerleaders learn how to build a living pyramid with a big group here, which is always a sure hit with the fans and gets the crowd going if done properly. It is important to learn how to done properly of course, for who can forget the legendary Minotaur incident a few years ago when the cheerleaders were facing the wrong way? With the red color on their uniform facing the fans instead of white, two Minotaur fans wreaked a total havoc, killing many cheerleaders that day! Right now, it looks as of we have the cheerleading squad of an Ogre team training. There you can see the four female Ogres standing at the bottom, and the Goblins forming the rows on top of that. Ah, these are trained well – that will make the crowd cheer for sure!
Oh, well... It seems as if one of the Ogres just forgot what she needed to do. That Bonehead sure is a problem off the pitch as well as one the pitch! That's the sound of a crashing living pyramid, and it ain't pretty...
Well, this was Rachet Axelbender Niklotz reporting for the GLN at the School of Cheering here in the south of Tilea! Remember, a healthy supply of cheerleaders will please your fans, and we all know how important a properly thrown rock is!