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 Issue 11- November 14th 2510
Dear Prinzka
by Calthor
Prinzka

Dear Prinzka,

I am the star thrower on my team, and every time we win, it is thanks to my individual efforts. All the other players on the team are second rate amateurs with no hope of ever having a real Blood Bowl career. But I can't get enough fame to move on to a better team, because even the star of a really bad team doesn't shine that brightly. I have tried to inspire them by telling them exactly what I thought, but they left me after the game tied up to the back of the stadium without my pants on.

What can I do to move on in my career and get away from my useless and ungrateful team-mates that are holding me back?

Sincerely,
Too Much Talent.

Dear Too Much Talent,

Seems like you're in deep problems - or, as I like to call it, you've tasted the brown mushroom. I assume your contract is nowhere near an expiration date, because then you'd be able to switch to a better team. That leaves just one other viable option.

Poison all those amateurs. Their lack of talent is as good a reason as any other. Either the team hires new players that are worthy of your talent or the team collapses and you're free to find a proper team. Either way, you've got what you wanted.

Dear Prinzka,

As a long running Longbeard with 2 MA, I've gained a long running fear of higher movement players dodging in, dodging out, walking away and ignoring me. The other players on the team have started calling me a useless tree and on one ocassion I found the Troll Slayer watering me with a can. Whenever I ask the apothecary what he can do he just shakes his head and walks away and I'm too slow to follow him. In a fit of rage I tried to be all I can be only to niggle myself on a GFI.

There's a meeting that I'm not invited to about the team's future and it looks bleak. Is there any way I can make the team?

Sincerely,
A double -MA Longbeard

Personally, I would've fired you a long time ago, slowpoke. But I guess we keep some objects around too long out of comedy value, or sentimental reasons.
For example, I still have the shrunken head of my favourite giant spider. He limped around because a few of his feet were shorter than the others and I think he was in a great deal of pain. It took a long time before I had the heart to cut out his heart and - mercifully - end his miserable existence.

So. Erm. My advice would be to talk to the Troll Slayer. Have a real good conversation with him. But - make sure to wear your finest troll costume...

Puny Prinzka!

We Orkzez be da biggest and da best! But stoopit cochez keep hatin us Orkz. Why dunt peeps rekon ur Greetness?

Mostly because you smell worse than Ogre earwax. It tends to put people off. Even us goblins.

Dear Prinzka

I would like to know what the secret ingredient in your turnip and bagged milk stew is. I've had my halfling chefs tirelessly (kind of) working on perfecting the recipe. We've chucked everything in the pot from Orcs to Werewolves to so-called-virgin priestess Amazons, and just can't get it right.
Your assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Yours hungrily,
Lord DustBunny of Moot-town

Dear Lord DustBunny of Moot-town,

Looks like you're awfully close to finding the secret ingredient, since you were on the right track when you were chucking in living ingredients.
But obviously turnip and bagged milk stew just doesn't taste properly without some grilled and diced halfling chef buttocks.

Remember that it also combines very well with bat droppings and squirrel tails on the side.

Dear Prinzka

Last match, my opponents seemed remarkably exceptional, making very few mistakes, though often he seemed to do things in an unusual order, as if the coach had foreseen the outcome, and called it right...

This seems to be happening more and more often nowadays, so much so that I am considering taking Cyanide to avoid it...

Your Oracle

When Death is already knocking at your door, it isn't really very wise to open it.

 
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