GLN: The NBFL has shown steady growth since you've taken over as Commissioner... it even has a small waiting list of coaches hoping for a franchise. What is the reason for the immense popularity surge for the NBFL?
eisen: Ah a softball eh?
GLN: Thought I’d take it easy on you first…
eisen: I'd like to take all the credit for myself but I think there are several factors. The amazing league page and custom team logos created by ryanfitz are right at the top of the list. Also the league has been around for more than 6 seasons now, stability in [L]eague isn't easy to find
GLN: ryanfitz heads the branding of the NBFL, does he?... He was instrumental in the look of Kalimar's LRB6 client too, no?
eisen: Yep that's him. Professional art design for free? Can't really go wrong there.
GLN: Each team gets a custom logo made by him?!
eisen: All free of charge! He even takes requests and sometimes makes logos for coaches that get kicked out of the league two weeks in!
GLN: You are an enigmatic figure. Your commissioning decisions can often be polarizing. Describe your philosophy and the style with which you run the league.
Checks his watch...
eisen: I think the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my management style was.."eisen is a downright heartless sonofagun" You have to rule with an iron fist or things just fall apart. I've been in so many leagues that disbanded or stagnated due to missed games, or waiting on one or two slackers. If you want to play, then play, if not take a hike.
GLN: You've had to kick quite a few coaches... was that difficult for you personally?
eisen: Are you kidding? That's half the reason I started the league. Booting slackers gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all over.
GLN: There are rumors you are evil. Are you?
eisen: An evil person would rarely ever admit to being evil.
GLN: That’s the best answer I’ve ever heard to that question. Now you've let some coaches back into the league after being kicked... what did those coaches have to do?!
eisen: It's true. I have granted pardons to some after a booting. Almost always it comes back to bite me and the league. But we've had some success this season with readmissions. Most coaches don't think they'll actually be kicked midway though a season, sometimes giving them a second chance produces good results
GLN: It seems you may not be evil to the core...
eisen: No comment
GLN: Let's talk about the history of the league a bit… What are some of the more famous franchises?
eisen: Wow, I could go on and on about this one... The Kansas City Vampire Lords, coached by the famous Azure, won Superbowl I… severely under strength at a TR of 164. Buffalo Billy Goats Gruff, coached by Jeffro, are known for being a very deadly team although they've fallen on hard times after their Superbowl 2 win. There are several others of note. ryanfitz's Atlatl 'n' Falchions haven't won a Superbowl but regularly manage to win games…
GLN: Like the upset of Detroit in the NFC Championship season 2...?
eisen: That was a loooong time ago and I'm sure I don't remember that game …sounds of a chainsaw starting up and chewing through metal and plastic…
GLN: I believe they were down to 2 players in OT against a full squad of Orcs and somehow ended up winning...
eisen: Sadly all the game footage of that match was lost in a freak chainsaw accident, so there's no way to confirm the results
… chainsaw sound stops abruptly…
GLN: Let's talk about the structure of the league. Some coaches are allowed an NFC franchise and an AFC franchise. How do you determine who gets what and how many?
eisen: Typically a new coach is allowed only one franchise to start. Once proven reliable that coach is able to expand to an open team in the other conference. Naturally exceptions are made if we're ever short a team, or a coach is able to come up with a respectable donation to the league office.
GLN: You have two franchises - Detroit and Cinderfall. Are there ever any questions of fairness?... the commish also being a coach, I mean...?
eisen: I think anyone asking questions of fairness simply has to look at the records of the teams in question. It isn't pretty
GLN: Cinderfall lost a Superbowl by throwing an interception to a Dwarf.
How does that make you feel?...
GLN taps incessantly on the table with his pen...
eisen: I can't deny I put a sledgehammer through my computer. However the coach that stole Superbowl 3 from us is no longer with us, so things even out.
GLN: I see....
GLN smells evil...
What's that smell?
eisen: I don’t smell anything different…
GLN : Never mind...What's your favorite cheese?
eisen: Ah so many to pick from! Today's variety is the Green Beard Hackers, but most of our cheese related teams get booted or petulantly quit during the playoffs.
(*NB* Since this interview, the Green Beard Hackers have, indeed, been booted for slacking.)
GLN: If you could eat the kidneys of any player in the NBFL, who would it be and why?
eisen: Child, please! I'd eagerly consume the kidneys of Chad Ochocino, the fastest rat ever to grace the pitch. Thus I could gain a portion of his legendary speed!
GLN: Like other minor daemons, you were spawned by defecation... how hard is it to find shoes that fit to cover your hooves?
eisen: I’m still searching for a shoe endorsement deal.
GLN: Let's get back to the league setup. There are no AFC vs. NFC matches except for the Superbowl... will that ever change?
eisen: I hope so. I try to model the game structure on the real NFL as closely as I can. But sadly without having additional options in the L system this just isn't possible right now
GLN: The new client has changed a few things, hasn't it?
eisen: Ho ho. You bet it has
GLN: How have Inducements compared to Handicaps and the league's previous use of GP's?
eisen: GP (Or Gridiron Points) were a way to even the odds in the old client. With the new client the Journeymen system largely made this a fluffy but useless system.
GLN: How about Inducements vs. Handicaps?
eisen: It's a wash, in my humble opinion. Handicaps were designed to punish the stronger team, whereas Inducements reward the weaker team.
GLN: I forgot to ask this before... you run the league with an iron fist and ryanfitz does the branding and number crunching... What the hell does Jeffro do?
eisen: Hrmmm you know I never really figured that one out. Maybe it looks bad if a league only has two admins?
GLN: Some say he's basically a powerless "yes-man"...
eisen: He does yell at people to play their games on occasion. I suppose that's a useful quality.
GLN: What's in store for the future of the NBFL?
eisen: I have a number of things on tap. Gold rewards, total elimination of spiraling expenses and accurate NFL scheduling. All of these things require changes to the L system, so it's unlikely we'll have them before next season.
GLN: Ever think about a *Fantasy* Fantasy Football League based on the players of the NBFL...?
eisen: Sweet Nuffle no. The administrative upkeep on that sort of thing would be insane
GLN: How about a Minnesnowta ViQueens calendar?!
eisen: A ViQueens calendar would be killer! That is assuming we can get their coach to stop slacking and put it together
GLN: Despite the popularity of the league, the Superbowl has had a decline in viewership the past couple seasons. You, yourself, have not attended the last two. What can you do to remedy ticket sales for what should be the biggest game of the season?
eisen: The decline was related to a time zone issue between the two coaches, both times. I made the mistake of being too nice and allowing the coaches to set their playtime. Can you believe it!?!?! For this year's main event I'll take over scheduling directly so all our fans can count on the availability of many primetime tickets for the biggest event on FUMBBL!
GLN: Excellent plan. Thank you for your time.