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 Issue 16 - May 26th 2515
Obituaries

Greeda Stinkbreath
by The Great Gobbo

R.I.P 20/01/15 vs Smuff

Killed when veteran blitzer Jennix came in an blindsided poor Greeda with a blow to the back of his head. Tragically Doc Eadcase had already used all of his medical supplies saving the life of another player and there was nothing he could do to stop Greeda's brains from spilling onto the pitch.

At the time of his death Greeda held the following records:

#3rd greatest goblin player, and best lineman ever with 286SPP's
#2nd most touchdowns scored by a goblin player, and most for a lineman with 61
#25th most passes completed by a goblin player, and #18th for a lineman with 14
#2nd most MVP awards for a goblin player, and most for a lineman with 15
He was the oldest goblin player ever with 221 games
#14th most rushing yards by a goblin player, 3rd most by a lineman with 670 paces

The Great Gobbo says:

"Well wot kan yer say? Ee wuz simply der greatest gobbo ter evva play der game. Most of iz rekordz will nevva be broken, espeshully by a lineman, an wen yew remember ee played in a gobbo lineman only teem den yew start ter realise just ow gud ee reely woz. Der new staydeeum bein built by KO! Magazine where der Tide will be relokatin to will be kalled der Greeda Stinkbreath Memorial Field in iz onor. A true legend".



Fallen Sammiches
by Kam

It is with deep sadness that the Sammiches announce the death of their former team mates, fallen on the pitch.

Never forget. Never forgive.

And bring muffins to the funeral.

Sam Hotpot, Tally Burgerling, Arktorling the Foul, Rabe Dorfling, Captain Bologno, Pipin Rageling, Dan Burgerfling, Sam Hotpot, Captain Bologno, Bandobras Goodbarrel, Sam Hotpot, Phil Burgerling, Sleepling in Necrofling, Sleepling in Necrofling, Dave Gobling, Bob Bobling, Sam Hotpot, Barnodat Peperfeet, Tom Frogerling, Frodo Redemptling, Thirty Kay, Rabe Dorfling, Arktorling the Foul, Bertha Nurgleface, Zedinette, Melron Goodweed, Mr Punching Ball Jr, Penderfel Drunkenling, Bertha Nurgleface, Mr Punching Ball Jr, Kam " Coaching Skills? None", Bertha Nurgleface, Meredrin Gunflinger, Bandobras Goodbarrel, Kam " Coaching Skills? None", Bertha Nurgleface, Meredrin Gunflinger, Bandobras Goodbarrel, Mr Punching Ball Jr, Flemdo Fancypant, Bertha Nurgleface, Bertha Nurgleface, Pimpernell Strongpot, Meriadoc the Foul, Meriadoc the Foul, Gorin Spicypot, Zedinou, Van Halfling, Arktorling Spikyboot, Pifendel Minorling, Hildigrim Snotslayer, Phil Nurglefoot, Rabe Dorfling, Pimpernell Strongpot, Pipin Nufling, Bob Gunflinger, Arktorling Spikyboot, Len Luckling, Tom Nurgling, Pipin Piethrower Jr, The Sage, Bob Berserkling Jr, Dal the Helfballer, Pipin Berserkling, Mr Treesomy, Rabe Dorfling, Khor Tisone, Lipton Iced Tree, Alf Butcherling, Rondo Tzijfoot, Bob LoreFling, Alf Butcherling, Qaz Buur, Fred Nurglefoot, Mr Punching Ball, Sam Spikyboots, Mr Punching Ball, Tom Berserkling, Merry Butcherling, Merry Butcherling, Beerlo XIX, Lord of the Flings, Jock Happycake, Bob Ratling, Don Midgeto, Van Halfling, Flemdo Coffin, Zed Secondling, Van Halfling, Van Halfling, Don Midgeto, Sam Wich McFly, Bill Donkling, Rupert Nurglefoot, Van Halfling, Flemdo Coffin, Flemdo Coffin, Bill Goodwed, Tom Gunflinger, Dan Longpipe, Don Midgeto, Dave Fineweed, Carlo Fouling, Van Halfling, Bob Rastafling Jr, Don Midgeto, Tom Berserkling, Sam Butcherling, Bill Gunflinger, Van Halfling, Sam Butcherling, Phil Nurglebreath, Sam Butcherling, Flyn Strongpot, Phil Nurglebreath, Halvin Zedling, Dal Finedice, Sam Throwling, Bob Rastafling Jr, Garion Winling, Dimplecheeks Winegarner, Twinklewink Pepperbottom, Bob Strongroots, Tom Boozling, Smeagol Baggins, Phil Nurglebreath, Amy Bloodberry, Wood Socks, Jan Sammichmeister, Dave Fineweed, Sam Butcherling, Tom Goodshrooms, Franz Ganjameister, Tom Piemeister, Bill Gunflinger, Beerlo XVI, Lord of the Flings, Meriadoc Strongpot, Tom Piemeister, Beerlo IX, Lord of the Flings, Tom Boozling, Van Halfling, Van Halfling, Malween Cheeseheart, Smeagol Baggins, Bill Gunflinger, Fred Nurglefoot, Malwyn Cheeseheart, Bill Cherrypicker, Flyn Nurglebreath, Van Halfling, Amy Bloodberry, Malween Cheeseheart, Amy Bloodberry, Bob Rastafling Jr, Amy Bloodberry, Bob Rastafling Jr, Beerlo XI, Lord of the Flings, Sam Goodshrooms, Melvin Cheeseling, Melvin Cheeseling, Halvin Flyingfling, Smeagol Baggins, Flyn Nurglebreath, Tom Boozling, Merry Gunflinger, Pipin Piebasher, Tom Gunflinger, Van Halfling, Van Halfling, Bob Rastafling Jr, Tom Gunflinger, Tom Boozling, Bob Rastafling Jr, Smeagol Baggins, Bob Rastafling Jr, Van Halfling, Bob Rastafling Jr, Sauron Piestealer, Smeagol Baggins, Flyn Dirtypie, Sam Goodshrooms, Sam Goodshrooms, Merry Piebasher, Smeagol Baggins, Bob Berserkling, Van Halfling, Melwyn Cheeseheart, Bob Piebasher, Flyn Nurglefeet, Smeagol Baggins, Malwyn Cheeseheart, Richard Clumsyfield, Van Halfling, Tom Boozling, Pipin Piethrower, Phil Goodweed, Bill Winespiller, Beerbo, Lord of the Flings, Sam Resign, Mornyn Piethrower, Sigmar Drunkenponey, Malot Nurglefoot, Gordo Goodweed, Dalwin Gunflinger, Garfin Strangewine, Melron Treelove, Delin Bloodweiser, Merlot Underhill, Forlo Redale, Pippin Fullfling, Peplyn Fairbrew, Ted Goodale Jr, Ernst Greenale the Third, Ornst Diehard, Jorg Redcheese, Ted Goodale, Otto Longfeet, Franz Chouffe, Hanz Blackbread, Willow Bender




The passing of a brain chomping legend
by akaRenton

Hello dudes!

Way back on 22nd August 2013 I'd come to the decision that I needed a new project. My one and only legend player, Buckminster Briar had exploded in a shower of tiny limbs and entrails under the angry stomping feet of a filthy ogre. The 'flings were still fun, but I'd had a taste of ridiculous players getting close to being the greatest of their kind ever.

At the time their was a lunatic coach playing an all rotter line up. We'd faced off a few times and not only had I had lots of fun, but the whole concept looked a laugh. I had a scout around and realised no one was enough of a dude to be playing an all zombie roster on a regular basis. There was one or two teams of note, who had pretty much thrown in the brain matter encrusted towel when LRB4's beautifully overpowered fouling was gimped in CRP.

Looking at the top lists it was obvious that there was little competition for building the greatest zombie ever. Dirty Cranberries were born, unapologetically punning obscurely, with the sole aim of producing the highest scoring zombie ever.

Initially we ended up with Seymour Kouriatchev as our main ball carrier. He'd picked up a double roll in his first few skills and opted for Dodge to help him avoid getting bashed off teh ball quite so easily as we ambled up the park. But then, in a shower of stat rolls came the one and only Howie Makepeace stole the duties and the limelight.

Not realising the top lists were failing to capture a lot of records from older rulesets this challenge initially looked like a cakewalk! After being pointed in the direction of the true record holder I realised the target was more than three times what I had originally thought. A flurry of Ian McShane in Deadwood style language and I decided that I'd finish what I started.

After a worrying -Ag injury early on, and while still short of the record of 69 touchdowns held by Osanne Dionysios of Stoned City Slowwalkers I opted for the unusual decision of burning a precious potion on him to keep him running long enough to get that 70th TD and batter his way into the records.

It paid off (in my eyes anyway, I'm sure some are still questioning my potion usage), and by game 107 Howie had got the record!

So what now? Having achieved his goal, I was briefly unsure what to aim for. A quick look at the top lists showed that Howie could possibly have a shot at the all time top scorers chart with a bit of luck.

So I just kept going. And going. And going. This zombie just would not die! With an insane 14 lightning strikes and 4 regen's from death it felt like nothing would stop him.

Around the 200 game mark we lost Seymour, the only other legend zombie on the team and with Howie the last remaining original member of the squad.

At almost 1000 SPP and 243 TD Howie took on the infamous Flying Sammiches, who made a crazed tree blitz early on and hit Howie so hard he lost -MA.

Much to the bemusement of all, I potioned hi again. All potions gone, and just two key goals remaining. Get 1000 SPP and be only the 10th FUMBBL player to do so, and also outscore that stinking cowardly elf Golradir.

Howie Makepeace finally got splooshed right at the end of this match when the result was already beyond us. Would have been nice to at least have some opponent gloating at his passing, but it went oddly unremarked :D

It was a brutal match for us. As anyone knows, Ogres kinda suck without dice rolling kindly. But boy did they roll kindly! I also played quite badly, which didn't help :D

3 zombies died in this game, and the greatest zombie of all time one of them.

It was a blast having Howie, watching people gangfoul, lightning strike and generally gun for him every outing was all part of his charm for me. I burned 2 potions on him to keep him going for more records. When I first made the team the only idea was to get the highest scoring zombie of all time. He thrashed that. So here's a list of his records and achievements. Not bad for an AG2 player :D

Top list standings at time of death

UNDEAD ZOMBIE ACTIVE IN RANKED #1 Top Scorers #1 Top Stars (most SPP) #1 Highest Rushing #1 Most Blocks #1 Highest Casualties (Top Blockers) #1 Most Valuable Player #1 Oldest Player #2 Highest Passing

UNDEAD PLAYER ACTIVE IN RANKED #1 Top Scorers #1 Highest Rushing #2 Top Stars (most SPP) #2 Most Blocks #2 Oldest Player #6 Top Blockers

ALL RACES ACTIVE IN RANKED #2 Highest Rushing #3 Top Scorers #4 Top Stars #4 Oldest Player

ALL TIME IN RANKED (CRP era) #2 Highest Rushing #5 Top Scorer #9 Top Stars (most SPP)

ALL TIME, ALL DIVISIONS #1 All-Time Top Scorer undead #3 All-Time Highest Rushing #6 All-Time Top Scorer

Achievements

1st ever to complete LRB6 badge - Horde Mentality - Score 3 touchdowns with Zombies in a game (Still the only zombie ever to achieve this, and has done so 6 times)

1st undead zombie in ranked to reach 30, 40, 50, 60 TD

1st zombie ever on FUMBBL to reach 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120, 130, 140, 150, 160, 170, 180, 190, 200, 210, 220, 230, 240, 250 TD

1st zombie ever on FUMBBL to reach 400, 450, 500, 550, 600, 650, 700, 750, 800, 850, 900, 950, 1000 SPP

8th Ranked player (CRP era) to reach 200 TD

5th Ranked player (CRP era) to reach 250 TD

10th Ranked player to reach 1000 SPP

Howie regen'd from dead 4 times!

Howie survived 14 lightning strikes!

Stats at his death were

Games:283
Rushing: 4887
Blocks: 1676
Passing: 20
Fouls: 4
SPP: 1019
CP: 7
TD: 252
In: 1
Cas: 82
MVP: 18

So farewell Howie, and it's time for the Cranberries to build a new ballcarrier :D

Make yourselves a novelty team, you'll be suprised how much fun they can be!

 
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