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WARNING WARNING WARNING

This match report may contain language that you find distasteful.

If you are easily offended, sensitive, have no sense of humour, or have had something tragic happen to yourself or a loved one then look away now in case you have a reaction to something in the report.

The following terms may or may not be used in the following match report:

Assault
Bad coaching
Bad luck
Bash
Block
Bloody
Crap
Crud
Death
Dice
Dice rape
Hit
Kill
Lucker
Lucky
Murder
Smash
Splatt
Unlucky
Useless
Whiner
Whining
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Handicaps were:

I Am the Greatest
It Wasn't Me (on a 62 SPP Lino with Blodge Guard Tackle Sidestep)
Buzzing
Bad Press
Knuckledusters

Valdrek failed his niggle roll and did not play
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Yeah a dice rape game. Lots of 1s and snake eyes. In fact, I made just one pass the whole game...

First turn started with weak blocks and little penetration, followed by a 1 on the pick up (rerolled) then a 1 on the pass.

Ball was dropped. Opponent swooped, but my AG6 Thrower was able to recover and effect a score.

On my opponent's offence, I apply the pressure, but he gets a RIP on my Witch (apothed) and then badly hurts my Str4 Lino. I have a chance to steal the ball with my Str4 Leaper. Leap is failed, rerolled. One dice blitz is a Skull and I am badly hurt. Of fu.king course...

Second half, more ones. My opponent gets a 2-1 lead.

My offense is crap again thanks to a lots of.... 1s. I get nowhere. I have a chance to score on turn 6 with my 70 SPP Lino (3x 2+) but decided to try and score with someone else instead.

More and more of my players get stunned and KOd. Finally, I have one last chance to score on Turn 16. A two dice blitz pushes my Witch out. She has a 3+ and 2+ Dodge (with Dodge skill) and then a GFI to reach the end zone.

I run forward with my Thrower, a 2+ hand off to my Lino. He makes two GFI to be in short pass (3+ range). The pass is good. The catch is.... snake-eyes.

What a waste of 90 minutes of my life, especially with my Witch Elf getting to 76 spp and age niggling (of fu.king course).

At least my opponent - a sporting coach I have played twice before - had a fun game.”