“Murder in the Watchtower, more like light slaps in the laundry room. Absolute crap, crap crap. Dodging - the biggest pile of shite I've ever seen. Wooden leg city. Hitting - I've taken stronger breath in the face. Passing - don't be an idiot you've got to be able to pick up the bloody thing first. Picking up - are you taking the piss, Vlad gets side-tracked if he sees anything shiny. Any opposing player running at him with a false eye and he's bedazzled until they take it out throw it to the side and he runs after like a dog with a stick. Where's the ball, oh who gives a shit about that. I've got a nice shiny glass eye to play with. Right up to the point where the player comes to get it back beats the shit out of him and leaves miserable and wondering what happened to his lovely shiny toy.
All in all this was a stomach-munching, gut churning, bowel-burning aweful affair. I could have rounded up 11 300lb gingers, with chubby fingers, 6 inch glasses and severe dysentery and they still would have put up a better performance than these bags of shite.

As for the game don't let the luck fool you it was far worse than that. Oh by the way did I mention -Light Slaps in the Laundry Rooms.”