“Why I Hate Vampires
by Elliott the Lame

With the agility of an elf, the strength of a chaos warrior, and the stubborn knack for not dying, coupled with the ability to hypnotize their opponents, these foul creatures can put you in the middle of a bad day. Vampire teams do not need to differentiate positions, such as thrower, or blitzer, and catcher, because the vampires can do it all. The Thralls are just there to tie up your team in tackle zones while their masters choose a leisurely path to take into the endzone, as well as providing the occasional snack.

With that in mind, we came into this game playing D, knowing that the vampires needed to be contained. 3 turns later, they had passed to an open thrall in the endzone. After that, we came at them hard, tying up the vamps, bashing and dodging through the thralls, and fighting our way across the goal line. During the second half, we flanked hard, and kept pressing, putting enough distance between the ball and the defense, for the go ahead touchdown. The final defensive drive was a serious push to keep possible receivers in check, while not allowing the vamps easy access for a rush or a pass. The team came together and held them off.

My respect to coach Bighappyschropfer for putting up a fight throughout this game; a game plagued by crappy rolls, for both sides.

Lastly, so long, Number 5, we will always remember your failed attempt to Go For It, which resulted in your death. We watched the instant replay about a thousand times.”