“The plan for the game before it hard even started was to put the boot into the highly skilled, dancing, dodging and side stepping elves. After losing the ball from a cage early on this became even more important to the team's plan. 1-0 down, not a great start.

With a well payed ref Dum Dum made the most of his immunity and and had a good go at trying to turn a dark elf from a star player into a dirty rotter. He got close but the apothecary stopped this joyous moment.

With a last turn touchdown in the first half from the Dieties it was not looking good for the Flies (2-0). They had a chat at half time and decided that if they got just one touchdown then they could see it as a moral victory.

The second half was a pretty one sided affair, mainly one side of the pitch as the Dieties made the sideline their 12 player. The Flies could not do much to get to the ball so made the most of finding lone Elves and giving them a good kicking. The Dieties scored again making it 3-0 so a real victory was impossible but remember, a moral victory was still on the cards.

The front line of scrimmage disappeared into a ball of filth. Bono must have started singing to drain the souls of the opposing players. The pestigors picked up the ball, handed it off to Jodie Marsh who ran in for a touch down. The last remaining Elves were seen hiding in the corner of the pitch. They were probably hiding from Piers Morgan's smug face who was currently claiming to the camera that 1-3 was basically a win. ”