“Hello bloodsports fans! It is again I, your inscrutable blood bowl commentator, Verner Hishog coming to you live from the sweltering heat that is MoonLoonz stadium. Badness ungracious what a match we had tonight. With the top of the fixture (well at least before this game), everybody's favourite undeath metal shamblers, The Skabs, facing the relatively unknown MoonLoonz one would have thought the game a foregone conclusion. However, in an upset outcome, with judicious coaching from Felix17 the little green drug addicts managed to outrun AND outblock the Skabs.

I tried to approach the Chappedman to get (excuse the pun) to the bottom of this, but after a few PR disasters during the match he is now refusing all media requests. The Chappedman didn't even show his bare butt pitch side until well into the second half. Rumour has it that in the suffocating humidity he went straight to the bar to refresh himself with icy cold cocktails.

Without their necromancer to give them proper guidance The Skabs crumbled. Rather than rocking their past form The Skabs just went through the motions of blocking and slapped the gobbos ineffectually, and occasionally flicking a limp wristed devil horns salute. Early in the game Trevor the gobbo sent The Coffin off the pitch and without the Chappedman's puissance Alission Cooper suffered a serious injury.

The MoonLoonz on the other hand had worked themselves into a crazed frenzy and early in the first half, on The Skab's drive, Zub n' Cruncher were able to jump into The Skabs cage, take down Muscle of Love and pop the ball into the no man's land between The Skabs and the Loonz. The Skabs flailed trying to retrieve the ball and for a moment it seemed their mindless strength might be enough to wrestle control of the situation. The Loonz, led by Frother Da Fungus, had worked themselves up into a gibbering frenzy, laughing, crying, yelling things like 'What does this mean!' and 'it's almost a triple rainbow!', tripping over and chomping on their own teammates. Somehow Felix17 was able to direct this hot mess past The Skabs to score in the final seconds of the first half.

After this sweaty paroxysm the Loonz had taken more of their own players off the pitch than the Skabs. What's more the heat took its toll on both teams leaving only 8 a piece on both sides. The Skabs were going to have work hard to cover the pitch and keeping up with the Loonz. And then BAM! Wot? the stone troll blocked and killed Moss Lichgate with the same indifference that the inevitable heat death of the universe will eventually extinguish all life.

Do you like reaction videos? I personally find it hard to understand the endless fascination that many people seem to show for what generally amount to badly pronounced and half-finished sentences out of a stupid suburban novel, a cheap novel... This said though some cheeky Loonz fan managed to film the Chappedman's reaction to Moss' death and post it on Sneaky Snot. The video shows the Chappedman, having cornered two young women, intently explaining the finer points of coaching as a necromancer. Mid sentence one of the women interrupts to ask 'is that your zombie that just died on the pitch?'. The Chappedman starts choking on his garnish, drops his glass, and with his core convulsing evacuates his digestive system from both ends. Quite the predicament.

Soon after Moss's (and the Chappedman's dignity's) demise, he appeared back pitch side. But it was not soon enough to help stop the gobbos from scoring again. In the final drive the Chappedman found his Skabs outnumbered 8 to 7. Nonetheless, with what remained of his reputation and self respect on the line, he was able to summon the zombies to score in the closing minutes of the match to finish the game Loonz 2, Skabs 1.

With this loss, and The Coffin suffering a niggling injury that will see her miss the next game, could this be the end of the season for The Skabs?”