“'Twas on a simmer's afternoon,
A wee afore the sun gaed doun,
A lassie wi' a braw new goun
Cam' owre the hills to Gowrie.
The rosebud washed in simmer's shower
Bloomed fresh within the sunny bower;
But Kitty was the fairest flower
That e'er was seen in Gowrie.

To see her cousin she cam' there;
And oh! the scene was passing fair,
For what in Scotland can compare
Wi' the Carse o' Gowrie?
The sun was setting on the Tay,
The blue hills melting into gray,
The mavis and the blackbird's lay
Were sweetly heard in Gowrie.

O lang the lassie I had wooed,
And truth and constancy had vowed,
But could nae speed wi' her I lo'ed
Until she saw fair Gowrie.
I pointed to my faither's ha' -
Yon bonnie bield ayont the shaw,
Sae loun that there nae blast could blaw: -
Wad she no bide in Gowrie?

Her faither was baith glad and wae;
Her mither she wad naething say;
The bairnies thocht they wad get play
If Kitty gaed to Gowrie.
She whiles did smile, she whiles did greet;

The blush and tear were on her cheek;
She naething said, and hung her head; -
But now she's Leddy Gowrie.


Revenge will be ours.
The Lass O'Gowire, fairest Ogress of them all, and beloved of Lucky Country, was cruelly slain today. She will be remembered by all, but especially Gumbiliscious, who will miss many games due to any injury she caused him/her/it shortly before her death. May Gumbiliscious play on evermore to serve as a living memorial to the Lass O'Gowire's perfection, beauty, and other cliche` positive qualities. A senseless act of violence by the Dark Elf "Gumbinator", the motive of the attack is as yet unknown, and it is doubtful one will ever be found, because if the boyz from Holes get their hands on the little weasel, his life will be forfeit. Having bashed the worthless pointy eared monster to near death for fun twice previously, Lucky Country was quoted as saying "The ice on the field was nothing compared to the winter in my heart" and is now an Ogre on a mission of vengeance. Drunken vengeance.

The first half was almost identical to last games opening: Holes recieved the kick, and succcesfully drove the ball downfield. Crown put Delaney in the casualty bin for the rest of the game, and once again Empire stood with an open goal in plain sight, bottle of Blunderberg Rum in one hand, and ball in the other. Once again he took the alcoholic's option, forgot about scoring, drank Blundy, and wet himself. 0-0 at the break.

After halftime, the hours of drinking Blundy with the Ogres began to catch up. They began to stumble, slur, repeat themselves, and stumble. Their Coach was powerless to stop them as they first threw the ball to the feet of the boyz, and then threw it straight to one of them. Cambridge, finding the ball wedged in his armpit, remembered that Coach promised a magic cigar for any Ogre who could carry the ball over the line at the end of the field(End, not side! End, not side!). Remembering he liked the magic cigars, he began wandering merrily toward the line. Each time Holes had been in this situation in previous matches, it seemed the Gumbinauts captain Chris had stripped the ball from the Ogre's grasp. Not today though. Chris had not only been drinking all game, but had secretly joined the Holes "warm up" session as well. Needless to say by midway through the second half, he was little use to his coach, and spent alot of the time falling down. To his credit, he never spilt his drink. Cambridge ran the ball over the all important line late in the second half, and justifiably recieved the MVP for winning the game for Holes. Sadly, their first win over the Gumbinauts will always be overshadowed by Lass' death, also a first for the team. Faced with the fact they're not actually immortal, it may be interesting to see what effect this has on the mentality and mindset of Holes in future matches.”