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Scribbl 04 Finished
Issue 4, Summer 2603, Round 4
From The Desk Of The Editor
"Hey Boss!" Carlos was waiting outside Grot's office. "How was your week off?"
"Fantastic", said Grot. "I didn't realise how much being known around the city can open doors for you. I had afternoon tea with River Wild, captain of the Tsunami Terrors. A most strange experience. Then Falandar of the Anglers took me on a private stadium tour and gave me several of their new jerseys. They'd even put blood stains on it especially for me, they know I like that. They smelt a bit funky too. And they said they wanted them back before their next game... hang on, did I just agree to do the Anglers laundry?"
"Strangers Things have happened," said Carlos.
"They have indeed," said Grot, "and we like Steve."
"Who's Steve?"
"Steve Grottybrook? You don't know about him?" Carlos shook his head. "The famous Grottybrook blood bowl dynasty? I met up with him a couple of days ago and he took me to the opening night of the musical they've made about his brother Alex."
Grottybrook: A Blood Bowl Musical. Tickets on sale now
Featuring the songs: 'Block Us All Away', 'The Pitch Where It Happens', 'Nuffle on my Side' and many more
Featuring the songs: 'Block Us All Away', 'The Pitch Where It Happens', 'Nuffle on my Side' and many more
"Anyway, what have you been up to since I've been away? Last issue go smoothly without me? You haven't made any stupid business decisions and sold the zine or anything like that ha ha ha ha."
"Um, no boss, everything went well, just one or two things we need to tell you about..."
The door to Grot's office swung open and the figure of F. Phoenix emerged. "Grot? What are you doing here? I thought one of the conditions of my takeover was that I'd never have to see your ugly smoosher in the office again, you're meant to work from home."
"Phoenix!!!"
Contributors: jdmickleburgh, Fanky, Datom, Rbthma, Nabster, Neubau, AutoAxpert, Sweep1212, chrisp241
Spotlight On... K'r'shh Sl'ppr'ss
Race: Snakemen
Active Since: Summer, Year 3
Games Played: 2
Record: (1/1/0)
Best Win: 2 – 0 vs Tartarik Kowaz (Orc)
Worst Loss: n/a
Highest TV: 1,060k, at present
Team Colour(s): Purple and Orange
Stadium: Ngkrrw-tt Sshp'r-ll (Angkorwat Spiral)
Team song:
Gg, K'r'shh, Gg!
sshl'thrr tthr-ghh th'mm'n'c'll 'r-nnd th'mm!
Gg, Sl'ppr'ss, Gg!
d'ncc'm-ngg th'mm'n'sshc-rr 'gg'nssht th'mm!
[translation]
Go Kuresh, Go!
slither through them and coil around them!
Go Slipperies, Go!
dance among them and score against them!
Did You Know? -
Interview with Coach Det
Interview by Bradrid Largegranite
I dismounted at the last stop of the Kuresh Express. Not many people venture this far into the jungle. For the last stretch of my journey my only companion was an old beastman. We had talked a little in the last hour and he was rather unimpressed with Blood Bowl overall. To each their own I guess.
The station was little more than a clearing in the thick jungle but served its purpose well enough. I looked around and saw a couple of snakemen with the characteristic jewels around their necks and wrists. One of them was holding a sign with my name. Well, not that there were many other female dwarves around, but it was nice nonetheless.
“H’ll m’sss Lrg’grn’t, pl’ss f’llw-m’, th’sss w-yy, qll!” said the one without the sign. I think I was meant to follow them so I did.
We took into the dense forest following a nicely cut passage. A couple of times the snakemen warded off something with a powerful hiss but other than that the walk went smoothly.
We arrived at an old temple-like structure with massive stone steps and wide halls, not far from the renown warpstone sites. The stadium is located on the side of a building, between a deep ravine covered in thick jungle and a high stone wall. The spectators sit in wooden structures hanging from this wall but now they were empty.
Entering the building I could see that the internal renovations were extreme. State of the art gyms and other training facilities were visible so it seems a perfect place to train new players and keep veterans fit and healthy.
Waiting for me in one of the rooms we visit is coach Det. He moves towards me.
Det: Good day to you Misssh Largegranite! I welcome you in our campuss! Qll!
BL: You speak common tongue? I’m surprised.
Det: Vzzz...I’ve been a traderr for the bessht part of my liffe actually. Pleass have a ssheat and exxcusse my heavy acccent!
We sit down, refreshments are brought and we start to chat.
BL: I thought that this was a brand new franchise you’ve started but these facilities look state of the art.
Det: Vzz...we’ve had sshome heavy invesstmentss from, let’ss sshay “privatt sshtakeholderss” and from the Kuressh Sshport Committee so we managed to resshtructure this huge temple to our needss. Sshnakes, and other beingss too, from all over Kuressh and beyond, come to train here. Qll! I’m actually only one of the coachess that llive here and although Blood Bowl is the primary sshport we train many athletess in other dissh’cipliness too.
BL: Uhm...private stakeholders? Beyond? Smelling something at play here…
Det: It’s no sshecret that various demonic and otherworlldly entitiess have an interessht for Blood Bowl...and there are rumourss of some kind of portal deep in the jungle…persshonally I’ve never ssheen the latterr norr spoken to the formerr, but the gold flow is sshure reall…Qll!
BL: Uhm...ok, we’ll leave the speculation for the readers then! Let’s talk some facts here, about your background perhaps.
Det: Sshure! I grew up in a group of traderss in warpsshtone, and moving from placce to placce I ended up in Sshylvania, interessht’ngly. Being nearr warpsshtone for sshuch a long time I had powerss of my own, and sshee’ng the vampss play I thought I could do the sshame. So I sshtarted playing a bit between tradess but eventually deccided to sshtop completely and become a ffull time playerr and after some time, ffinally, I got my ffirssht mutation. Wass really looking forward to it ssh’nce loadss of my ffriendss and teammatess, exx co-workerss and customerss received really useful perkss.
I got...no handss...well, that was sshometthing. I couldn’t even ffacepalm myself...Vzz...I mean! Yess. Let’s sshay I wasshn’t ecsshtatic...Vzzzz...Qll’ncss!!
I managed to reccycle myssh’lf as sshupport sshtaff for sshome vampss teamss and moved up to asssh’sshtant coach and then coach for sshome minort league teamss, mainly norsshe. After sshome time I decided to quit themm partly due to climaticc issshuess but mainly due to communicattion issshuess: it’ss hard when a teamm made of dim-witted drunken norsshemenn sshpeak a incomprehenssh’ble dialect and you have no handss to sshhow themm what you meann...usually in a blizzardd! Qll!
BL: And so you decided to go back to your roots?
Det: Vzz...it wasshn’t a sshtraightforward choice, no. I receivved vvariouss coaching offerss ffrom teamss like squigss and gnomess but the big offer came ffrom Von Carsshtein. Wass really pondering that offfer, it would have been real niccce to coach themm, they are a really sshtrong team, I new sshome of the lladz from way back too. I eventually declined the Von Carsshtein team offfer to go and coach my new home teamm after the Heroes dropped out. Part of this decissh’on actually sshtemss from my previouss exxperiencess as sshtaffer in vampss teamss...they tend to try and sshuck blood out of you more often than not, with the obviouss problemss with me being a cold-blooded sshnake, you knnow...doesshn’t quite work out. Qll.
BL: Well I can imagine! I’d be fairly uncomfortable myself! And the team? The team is new, right?
Det: Yess! The management decided to go for the long run. We took many promissh’ng young sshnakess and are building ffrom there. Mussht admit that I ffind theesse rookiess ffasshter than what sshnakemen playerss used to be in my time...niccce! My only gripe iss that we are lacking a bench at the moment, and sshome key sshupport sshtafff too...but hopefully we’ll ssholve theesse issshuess quickly.
BL: And who would you say are the players that we should watch out for this season? Who are you most impressed with in training?
Det: Vzz, I’m quite happy with Breeze’s performance. Really consshtant throughout all of the ttraining although Quick Tail hass had some exxtraordinary peakss himsshelf. I think both will be crucial for the team'ss sshuccesss. There is player who hass done great thingss but in the lassht month or so sshuffered a bit from the pressshure: Smart Eye, our mossht interessht’ng player. He’ll be even mmore crucial if things sshtart to go sshouth, I just hope he’ll be able to expresss himsshelf in the firssht game, that would give him and the team the confidence boost they need. Qll! The other memberss of the teamm are ssholid too, nice sshnakess, really dedicated, can’t complain at all, glad they’re on the team! I’m happy we have at lleast some musshcle too, guesss it’ll come in handy in more that a match!
BL: This brings us to the obvious “What are your hope for the season” question…
Det: Hmm, that’ss a tough one...we sshure need to prove oursshelvess on the ffield. We’ll sshee how the ffirssht ssheasshon goes overall. We don’t exxpect to win any major event right offf the batt but our aim iss to build a ssholid game and be a worthy opponent at leassht: we didn’t sshign up for CIBBL to be everyone’ss punching bag after all!
BL: Talk to me about what fans can expect on match day. The investment that’s been spent on the venue is obvious, is there any half time entertainment planned? Snacks and merch?
Det: Well, I personally had little do with it, but I sshaw a troupe of our bessht cheerleaderss running around the temple ffor sshome time now and sshome sshtrange looking robed sshnakess were wandering around too, alssho we did hire I tthink a notoriouss halffling cheff to help in the sshnack department, hoping he doesn’t become a sshnack himselff before the eventt!
As for sshpecial guesshtss, I know there are a ffew renowned sshtarss coming and I even had the honour to chat with the ghossht of the legend that iss Zzchhtrr, V'hnn Qllss...that wass sshomething! He wass quite pleassh’d with how the team iss coming along. Guesss you’ll ffind some of hiss 1:1 fframed-portraitss to buy at the entrancce. I heard rumorss that one ffrom way back, when he brought The Chaoss All Starss to victory in 67...limited edition and sshigned and all, iss sshtill in exxisshtence...awesshome! Can’t possshibly conceive it’ss value...a two thousshand year old artifact! Actually...I could sshee into it...sshuch a ffamed artwork would ccertainly boossht thiss place’ss value!
A undefined hissing is faintly heard
Det: Sshorry a sshecond...must be very important newss.
A junior snake enters the room clutching a piece of parchment. The snake bows, hands coach Det the note and backs out of the room. Coach Det reads it and smiles
Det: Do you know what I havve hhere Bradrid? Thiss iss my path to greatnesss this ssheasson! The ffixturess have been publisshhed and ffirssht round we are ffacing those drunken ffools the Centigor team Snurre Gunnars. They’re unreliable, barely trained boneheaded wild animals...let’ss hope we perfform adeguately...Qll!! The other teams in our round ssheam interesting opponents too...well, it’s sshtarting! Now iff you will exxcusshe me, I need to go and prepare my team...some pre-tourney sshnake sshpeak sshpeach is due! It’s been a pleasshure Missss!
BL: Best of luck with everything coach! And thanks for the interview, most interesting! Please keep me posted on your team’s efforts!
The two snakes that are summoned ar thee ones I met earlier and they happily (or at least I think so judging from the all the hissing going on) escort me to the clearing where the Kuresh Express is waiting.
---
It is almost a week later when out of the blue a junior Snake arrives at Scribbl offices. Apparently the K'r'shh Sl'ppr'ss are in town, spending the night on their way back from their match against Tartarik Kowaz. Coach Det has asked me if I would join him for dinner to continue our interview as the Sl'ppr'ss are now over halfway through their season. I gladly accept the offer.
Later that evening, I arrive at “The Staggering Boar,” the inn where the Sl'ppr'ss are staying the night. Coach Det is already seated at a table and stands to greet me.
Det: Nicce to mmeet again Misssh Largegranite! Ssince we werre sstopping by I thoughtt I could update you on our recent matchess.
BL: I heard the first match was really hard on your team but you seem refreshed after your second one, is that so?
Det: I mussht admitt that the game versshuss the Sshnurre Gunnarss lefft us cripppled. We did mmanage to tie it actuallly, and kkilled one of their centigorss too, but at what cossht! One off our sshidewinderss, Breeze, got a sshmasshhed collarbonne while Sshmart Eye sshufffered a ssheriouss concussshion. Breeze’s career iss ovver unffortunately and Sshmart Eye’s is not looking promisshing eitherr! Tthose damned ffouling gors...argh! Vzz Qll!!
The sshecond match we appproachedd rreally worriedd...much wass at sshtake: the teamm morale wass ratherr low, the management wasshn’t happy eitherr and I had doubtss of my own to...affter all orcss are not knnownn to be genntle and I coulddn’t ccount on my messhmerizing playerr nor on one of my two fassht ones, and we were going againssht the Tartarik Kowaz! They won againssht the Vvon Carsshtein teamm I could havve coachedd, ssho I wass a bitt worriedd, yess, more thann a bit! But we sshtarted rreally well, knoccking out sshome greensshkinss and ttying the ressht up real goodd. In the end we came out witth a 2-0 win, witth no casshualtiess sufffered...woah! Quick tail hass been ccrucial in botth gamess, sshcoring all of our touchdownss and the centigorr kill iss hiss alssho. I’m ratherr impressshed with himm! The ressht of the teamm perfformed well too...which givess us hopess ffor our nexxt game againssht the Ffollowerss of the Ffirssht Countt, a crucial game for our team.
Coach Det pours it all out in one breath, impossible to interrupt. I remain silent for a moment, waiting for him to add something on the subject but nothing is fortcoming. I get invited instead to the chaotic and funny celebration that is a snakemen party, with rather unusual drinks and much hissing. The things we do in the name of reporting. Cheers!
Interview by Bradrid Largegranite
I dismounted at the last stop of the Kuresh Express. Not many people venture this far into the jungle. For the last stretch of my journey my only companion was an old beastman. We had talked a little in the last hour and he was rather unimpressed with Blood Bowl overall. To each their own I guess.
The station was little more than a clearing in the thick jungle but served its purpose well enough. I looked around and saw a couple of snakemen with the characteristic jewels around their necks and wrists. One of them was holding a sign with my name. Well, not that there were many other female dwarves around, but it was nice nonetheless.
“H’ll m’sss Lrg’grn’t, pl’ss f’llw-m’, th’sss w-yy, qll!” said the one without the sign. I think I was meant to follow them so I did.
Our entrance to the stadium
We took into the dense forest following a nicely cut passage. A couple of times the snakemen warded off something with a powerful hiss but other than that the walk went smoothly.
We arrived at an old temple-like structure with massive stone steps and wide halls, not far from the renown warpstone sites. The stadium is located on the side of a building, between a deep ravine covered in thick jungle and a high stone wall. The spectators sit in wooden structures hanging from this wall but now they were empty.
Entering the building I could see that the internal renovations were extreme. State of the art gyms and other training facilities were visible so it seems a perfect place to train new players and keep veterans fit and healthy.
Waiting for me in one of the rooms we visit is coach Det. He moves towards me.
Det: Good day to you Misssh Largegranite! I welcome you in our campuss! Qll!
BL: You speak common tongue? I’m surprised.
Det: Vzzz...I’ve been a traderr for the bessht part of my liffe actually. Pleass have a ssheat and exxcusse my heavy acccent!
We sit down, refreshments are brought and we start to chat.
BL: I thought that this was a brand new franchise you’ve started but these facilities look state of the art.
Det: Vzz...we’ve had sshome heavy invesstmentss from, let’ss sshay “privatt sshtakeholderss” and from the Kuressh Sshport Committee so we managed to resshtructure this huge temple to our needss. Sshnakes, and other beingss too, from all over Kuressh and beyond, come to train here. Qll! I’m actually only one of the coachess that llive here and although Blood Bowl is the primary sshport we train many athletess in other dissh’cipliness too.
BL: Uhm...private stakeholders? Beyond? Smelling something at play here…
Det: It’s no sshecret that various demonic and otherworlldly entitiess have an interessht for Blood Bowl...and there are rumourss of some kind of portal deep in the jungle…persshonally I’ve never ssheen the latterr norr spoken to the formerr, but the gold flow is sshure reall…Qll!
BL: Uhm...ok, we’ll leave the speculation for the readers then! Let’s talk some facts here, about your background perhaps.
Det: Sshure! I grew up in a group of traderss in warpsshtone, and moving from placce to placce I ended up in Sshylvania, interessht’ngly. Being nearr warpsshtone for sshuch a long time I had powerss of my own, and sshee’ng the vampss play I thought I could do the sshame. So I sshtarted playing a bit between tradess but eventually deccided to sshtop completely and become a ffull time playerr and after some time, ffinally, I got my ffirssht mutation. Wass really looking forward to it ssh’nce loadss of my ffriendss and teammatess, exx co-workerss and customerss received really useful perkss.
I got...no handss...well, that was sshometthing. I couldn’t even ffacepalm myself...Vzz...I mean! Yess. Let’s sshay I wasshn’t ecsshtatic...Vzzzz...Qll’ncss!!
I managed to reccycle myssh’lf as sshupport sshtaff for sshome vampss teamss and moved up to asssh’sshtant coach and then coach for sshome minort league teamss, mainly norsshe. After sshome time I decided to quit themm partly due to climaticc issshuess but mainly due to communicattion issshuess: it’ss hard when a teamm made of dim-witted drunken norsshemenn sshpeak a incomprehenssh’ble dialect and you have no handss to sshhow themm what you meann...usually in a blizzardd! Qll!
BL: And so you decided to go back to your roots?
Det: Vzz...it wasshn’t a sshtraightforward choice, no. I receivved vvariouss coaching offerss ffrom teamss like squigss and gnomess but the big offer came ffrom Von Carsshtein. Wass really pondering that offfer, it would have been real niccce to coach themm, they are a really sshtrong team, I new sshome of the lladz from way back too. I eventually declined the Von Carsshtein team offfer to go and coach my new home teamm after the Heroes dropped out. Part of this decissh’on actually sshtemss from my previouss exxperiencess as sshtaffer in vampss teamss...they tend to try and sshuck blood out of you more often than not, with the obviouss problemss with me being a cold-blooded sshnake, you knnow...doesshn’t quite work out. Qll.
BL: Well I can imagine! I’d be fairly uncomfortable myself! And the team? The team is new, right?
Det: Yess! The management decided to go for the long run. We took many promissh’ng young sshnakess and are building ffrom there. Mussht admit that I ffind theesse rookiess ffasshter than what sshnakemen playerss used to be in my time...niccce! My only gripe iss that we are lacking a bench at the moment, and sshome key sshupport sshtafff too...but hopefully we’ll ssholve theesse issshuess quickly.
BL: And who would you say are the players that we should watch out for this season? Who are you most impressed with in training?
Det: Vzz, I’m quite happy with Breeze’s performance. Really consshtant throughout all of the ttraining although Quick Tail hass had some exxtraordinary peakss himsshelf. I think both will be crucial for the team'ss sshuccesss. There is player who hass done great thingss but in the lassht month or so sshuffered a bit from the pressshure: Smart Eye, our mossht interessht’ng player. He’ll be even mmore crucial if things sshtart to go sshouth, I just hope he’ll be able to expresss himsshelf in the firssht game, that would give him and the team the confidence boost they need. Qll! The other memberss of the teamm are ssholid too, nice sshnakess, really dedicated, can’t complain at all, glad they’re on the team! I’m happy we have at lleast some musshcle too, guesss it’ll come in handy in more that a match!
BL: This brings us to the obvious “What are your hope for the season” question…
Det: Hmm, that’ss a tough one...we sshure need to prove oursshelvess on the ffield. We’ll sshee how the ffirssht ssheasshon goes overall. We don’t exxpect to win any major event right offf the batt but our aim iss to build a ssholid game and be a worthy opponent at leassht: we didn’t sshign up for CIBBL to be everyone’ss punching bag after all!
BL: Talk to me about what fans can expect on match day. The investment that’s been spent on the venue is obvious, is there any half time entertainment planned? Snacks and merch?
V'hnn Qllss:
coaching advice from beyond?
coaching advice from beyond?
Det: Well, I personally had little do with it, but I sshaw a troupe of our bessht cheerleaderss running around the temple ffor sshome time now and sshome sshtrange looking robed sshnakess were wandering around too, alssho we did hire I tthink a notoriouss halffling cheff to help in the sshnack department, hoping he doesn’t become a sshnack himselff before the eventt!
As for sshpecial guesshtss, I know there are a ffew renowned sshtarss coming and I even had the honour to chat with the ghossht of the legend that iss Zzchhtrr, V'hnn Qllss...that wass sshomething! He wass quite pleassh’d with how the team iss coming along. Guesss you’ll ffind some of hiss 1:1 fframed-portraitss to buy at the entrancce. I heard rumorss that one ffrom way back, when he brought The Chaoss All Starss to victory in 67...limited edition and sshigned and all, iss sshtill in exxisshtence...awesshome! Can’t possshibly conceive it’ss value...a two thousshand year old artifact! Actually...I could sshee into it...sshuch a ffamed artwork would ccertainly boossht thiss place’ss value!
A undefined hissing is faintly heard
Det: Sshorry a sshecond...must be very important newss.
A junior snake enters the room clutching a piece of parchment. The snake bows, hands coach Det the note and backs out of the room. Coach Det reads it and smiles
Det: Do you know what I havve hhere Bradrid? Thiss iss my path to greatnesss this ssheasson! The ffixturess have been publisshhed and ffirssht round we are ffacing those drunken ffools the Centigor team Snurre Gunnars. They’re unreliable, barely trained boneheaded wild animals...let’ss hope we perfform adeguately...Qll!! The other teams in our round ssheam interesting opponents too...well, it’s sshtarting! Now iff you will exxcusshe me, I need to go and prepare my team...some pre-tourney sshnake sshpeak sshpeach is due! It’s been a pleasshure Missss!
BL: Best of luck with everything coach! And thanks for the interview, most interesting! Please keep me posted on your team’s efforts!
The two snakes that are summoned ar thee ones I met earlier and they happily (or at least I think so judging from the all the hissing going on) escort me to the clearing where the Kuresh Express is waiting.
View of the stadium complex from above.
---
It is almost a week later when out of the blue a junior Snake arrives at Scribbl offices. Apparently the K'r'shh Sl'ppr'ss are in town, spending the night on their way back from their match against Tartarik Kowaz. Coach Det has asked me if I would join him for dinner to continue our interview as the Sl'ppr'ss are now over halfway through their season. I gladly accept the offer.
Later that evening, I arrive at “The Staggering Boar,” the inn where the Sl'ppr'ss are staying the night. Coach Det is already seated at a table and stands to greet me.
Det: Nicce to mmeet again Misssh Largegranite! Ssince we werre sstopping by I thoughtt I could update you on our recent matchess.
BL: I heard the first match was really hard on your team but you seem refreshed after your second one, is that so?
Det: I mussht admitt that the game versshuss the Sshnurre Gunnarss lefft us cripppled. We did mmanage to tie it actuallly, and kkilled one of their centigorss too, but at what cossht! One off our sshidewinderss, Breeze, got a sshmasshhed collarbonne while Sshmart Eye sshufffered a ssheriouss concussshion. Breeze’s career iss ovver unffortunately and Sshmart Eye’s is not looking promisshing eitherr! Tthose damned ffouling gors...argh! Vzz Qll!!
The sshecond match we appproachedd rreally worriedd...much wass at sshtake: the teamm morale wass ratherr low, the management wasshn’t happy eitherr and I had doubtss of my own to...affter all orcss are not knnownn to be genntle and I coulddn’t ccount on my messhmerizing playerr nor on one of my two fassht ones, and we were going againssht the Tartarik Kowaz! They won againssht the Vvon Carsshtein teamm I could havve coachedd, ssho I wass a bitt worriedd, yess, more thann a bit! But we sshtarted rreally well, knoccking out sshome greensshkinss and ttying the ressht up real goodd. In the end we came out witth a 2-0 win, witth no casshualtiess sufffered...woah! Quick tail hass been ccrucial in botth gamess, sshcoring all of our touchdownss and the centigorr kill iss hiss alssho. I’m ratherr impressshed with himm! The ressht of the teamm perfformed well too...which givess us hopess ffor our nexxt game againssht the Ffollowerss of the Ffirssht Countt, a crucial game for our team.
Coach Det pours it all out in one breath, impossible to interrupt. I remain silent for a moment, waiting for him to add something on the subject but nothing is fortcoming. I get invited instead to the chaotic and funny celebration that is a snakemen party, with rather unusual drinks and much hissing. The things we do in the name of reporting. Cheers!
Behind The Scenes Staff
CIBBL is not only about Stars and Mega Stars, there a lot of hard workers that give their contribution to make CIBBL great. Let's meet them!
Garion has been missing since 2602. Any information leading to his return, preferably unharmed would be appreciated. This portrait shows his last known appearence and is being placed on every carton of his favourite drink,
Zoat Milk, in the hope he sees it.
Zoat Milk: gluten free, lactose free, flavour free.
Zoat Milk, in the hope he sees it.
The Mushy Middle
By Tyan Cruelwind
By Tyan Cruelwind
Blood Bowl. Many see it as a promise of a brighter, richer future. Few, however, live to see that dream come true. Lots of stories of starry-eyed young players end with a sickening crunch on a mud-covered pitch, soon to be forgotten after the cheering has ended. The other side of the coin it’s the history of champions, rising up from humble origins to become icons and have their name sculpted in the mind of those that love this beautiful sport, getting into golden retirement and having their career told time and time again.
The same can be said about teams. The ones that fail spectacularly and the ones that soar are always remembered. Just as the Reikland Reavers and the Chaos All-Stars are known all across the world, the Dragon Princes and the Greenfield Grasshuggers can claim the same fame due to how infamous their story is.
But what about those that fall in the middle? What about the humble linemen, the reserve throwers, the kickers with a busted ankle? What about the veterans that decide to call it a career before death or glory come? And what about the teams that go out not with a bang, but with a whimper? These are the story that I will narrate you in this segment from now on. Welcome to The Mushy Middle.
There are multiple roads to failure. Some teams may face financial crisis due to the cost inherent in constantly replacing players or building bigger stadiums, while others may decide to stop playing after a particularly brutal season. But can a team fold because of boredom?
To answer this question, I travelled to the Isles of Elithis to talk with Serpentin, a former player of Pleasure Principle. This Slaaneshi team was one of the founding members of CIBBL, and played a full season in the league, reaching a respectable Silver autumn berth. Although the team was prone to very swingy games, to the point where their last game against the Dragon Hawks ended 4-0 for the Tileans, and despite the fact that the physical game was, for lack of a better term, a constant pain for the team, which ended with -14 CAS and a 50% winrate, it wasn’t the sting of defeat or the pain they suffered that ended their career.
Serpentin
“If anything, suffering is part of pleasure, so it was an incentive to come back on the field and experience other new wonderful sensations” tells Serpentin, who follows now a more laid-back attitude towards her worship of the Prince of Excesses and lives in an Hekartian commune on the Island of Sunset. “The problem wasn’t the humiliation of defeat, either, as it was a thrilling sensation on par with the joy of victory. You see, shame and happiness are both really strong feelings, and feeling is the point of a Slaaneshi lifestyle. The problem, rather than withdrawal, is repetitiveness”. Serpentin recounts the days she passed travelling on the Pleasure Barge from one pitch to the other. “Of course, it was fun, and it was an opportunity to get more gold, which in turn we spent on even more ways to get fun – drugs, alcohol, prostitutes, you name it. I still remember the time I scored the first touchdown”. She quivers, lost in her pleasurable memories. “That was a good day. Many, many accomplishments are really thrilling on the Blood Bowl field. Scoring, dodging, hitting, killing…” she recalls, getting visibly excited, “…however, when you did it once already, experiencing it again gets rather pointless after a while. Game after game, we just couldn’t find the spark anymore. One day, we just looked each other, and we all felt the same: we needed to find new, exciting opportunities elsewhere. I’m sure there are people out there that can find satisfaction in that career, but that wasn’t the case for us”.
She invites me in the front porch of the house, a rather decadent hut on the beach, drinking a cocktail called She-Who-Thirsts, a mixture of a long list of narcotics, spirits and fruit. Her eyes become foggy, both from memory and intoxication. “Of course, getting back to the old life wasn’t as easy as we anticipated. We got addicted to a certain lifestyle and a certain kind of entertainment. I know many of my teammates didn’t adapt back well, and many fell in a spiral of self-destruction. My good friend Hypex, for instance, had a ‘spiritual awakening’ and got caught in some kind of cult of Sigmar or some other boring god. She is now a nun, I think – can you imagine a worse fate? Others luckily kept their head on their shoulders better. Personally, I was over with my Pleasure Barge phase and moved, open to new experience. You must maintain a certain control on excess, or you might end up burning out. And I don’t mean it as actually lighting yourself up on fire. That might be fun.”
“Getting back to play Blood Bowl? I think that ship has sailed a long time ago. I do miss those simpler times, though, so who knows. Slaanesh means never saying never” she concluded.
SatrophineAs Serpentin alluded, many of her teammates didn’t adjust as well as she did. Hulkdust died of erotic auto-asphyxiation trying to find a new limit to sensations. Even sadder, Hypex not only entered a convent but also currently endures all kinds of self-imposed privations after taking his vows. I tried to reach her for an interview but unfortunately, she also took a vow of silence, so she wasn’t available. Most of the players though are simply bitter about that time in their life: “I can’t remember a most boring period. I didn’t find any enjoyment in watching Blood Bowl ever since” says Satrophine, who was a redshirt lineman in the Principle roster. Born in a Slaaneshi family, Satrophine found the career of a Blood Bowl player exceedingly dull. He now works as a sculptor at Centigenitals Inc., an enterprise specialized in making precision replicas of exotic races penises. “It’s a living, at least I can now get a good look on many unusual private parts. Back then, it was just running back and forth and back and forth. The CIBBL rules were made to stifle creativity at every corner. No weapons on the pitch. No penetrative action during game time. No nudity, for the Masque’s sake! What self-respecting Slaanesh worshipper can bear with all these kinds of limitations? At least now I can make something that fills me with pride and accomplishment.”
He then shows me a collection of his work. I will omit the description for your sanity. “Quite impressive, eh? The Zoat model is probably my masterpiece. Anyway, back on topic, I’m not surprised that Serpentin is much more mellow on her judgement – after all, she was given all the fun things to do by our coach. I, on the other hand, and many of our old companions were stuck in the routine. You had the hope that maybe some muscular hunk would punch you very hard, but that seldom happened. Most of the times it was just moderately painful – and I wasn’t in for moderation at all! The payroll could buy you something, but there are cravings that not even snorting warpdust can satisfy… Would I go back? Not for all the money in the world.”
Most of the players and staff members of Pleasure Principle share Satrophine’s jaded view on that period. Coach jdmickleburgh, after a hiatus, went back to coaching Blood Bowl and is now in charge of the latest Moulder Clan experiment.
PsychonHe refused to take the interview with us but has stated that “even if that was possible I wouldn’t do anything differently”. However, some never gave up on the Pleasure Barge founding ideals and can still be found there. Psychon, a Slaangor of ambiguous gender who was an early star of the league still sails the Northern Seas with his/her harem. Between a coitus and the next one, he/she was able to exchange a few words with us. “MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK. BERSERKER! WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MAKING BANJO? BERSERKER!!!”.
So, what does giving up Blood Bowl mean? For some, it’s an opportunity for renewal. For some, it’s the end of a passion they never had to begin with. For others, it’s just a bump on the road to a dream.
But all are stories worth telling.
The same can be said about teams. The ones that fail spectacularly and the ones that soar are always remembered. Just as the Reikland Reavers and the Chaos All-Stars are known all across the world, the Dragon Princes and the Greenfield Grasshuggers can claim the same fame due to how infamous their story is.
But what about those that fall in the middle? What about the humble linemen, the reserve throwers, the kickers with a busted ankle? What about the veterans that decide to call it a career before death or glory come? And what about the teams that go out not with a bang, but with a whimper? These are the story that I will narrate you in this segment from now on. Welcome to The Mushy Middle.
There are multiple roads to failure. Some teams may face financial crisis due to the cost inherent in constantly replacing players or building bigger stadiums, while others may decide to stop playing after a particularly brutal season. But can a team fold because of boredom?
To answer this question, I travelled to the Isles of Elithis to talk with Serpentin, a former player of Pleasure Principle. This Slaaneshi team was one of the founding members of CIBBL, and played a full season in the league, reaching a respectable Silver autumn berth. Although the team was prone to very swingy games, to the point where their last game against the Dragon Hawks ended 4-0 for the Tileans, and despite the fact that the physical game was, for lack of a better term, a constant pain for the team, which ended with -14 CAS and a 50% winrate, it wasn’t the sting of defeat or the pain they suffered that ended their career.
Serpentin
“If anything, suffering is part of pleasure, so it was an incentive to come back on the field and experience other new wonderful sensations” tells Serpentin, who follows now a more laid-back attitude towards her worship of the Prince of Excesses and lives in an Hekartian commune on the Island of Sunset. “The problem wasn’t the humiliation of defeat, either, as it was a thrilling sensation on par with the joy of victory. You see, shame and happiness are both really strong feelings, and feeling is the point of a Slaaneshi lifestyle. The problem, rather than withdrawal, is repetitiveness”. Serpentin recounts the days she passed travelling on the Pleasure Barge from one pitch to the other. “Of course, it was fun, and it was an opportunity to get more gold, which in turn we spent on even more ways to get fun – drugs, alcohol, prostitutes, you name it. I still remember the time I scored the first touchdown”. She quivers, lost in her pleasurable memories. “That was a good day. Many, many accomplishments are really thrilling on the Blood Bowl field. Scoring, dodging, hitting, killing…” she recalls, getting visibly excited, “…however, when you did it once already, experiencing it again gets rather pointless after a while. Game after game, we just couldn’t find the spark anymore. One day, we just looked each other, and we all felt the same: we needed to find new, exciting opportunities elsewhere. I’m sure there are people out there that can find satisfaction in that career, but that wasn’t the case for us”.
She invites me in the front porch of the house, a rather decadent hut on the beach, drinking a cocktail called She-Who-Thirsts, a mixture of a long list of narcotics, spirits and fruit. Her eyes become foggy, both from memory and intoxication. “Of course, getting back to the old life wasn’t as easy as we anticipated. We got addicted to a certain lifestyle and a certain kind of entertainment. I know many of my teammates didn’t adapt back well, and many fell in a spiral of self-destruction. My good friend Hypex, for instance, had a ‘spiritual awakening’ and got caught in some kind of cult of Sigmar or some other boring god. She is now a nun, I think – can you imagine a worse fate? Others luckily kept their head on their shoulders better. Personally, I was over with my Pleasure Barge phase and moved, open to new experience. You must maintain a certain control on excess, or you might end up burning out. And I don’t mean it as actually lighting yourself up on fire. That might be fun.”
“Getting back to play Blood Bowl? I think that ship has sailed a long time ago. I do miss those simpler times, though, so who knows. Slaanesh means never saying never” she concluded.
Satrophine
He then shows me a collection of his work. I will omit the description for your sanity. “Quite impressive, eh? The Zoat model is probably my masterpiece. Anyway, back on topic, I’m not surprised that Serpentin is much more mellow on her judgement – after all, she was given all the fun things to do by our coach. I, on the other hand, and many of our old companions were stuck in the routine. You had the hope that maybe some muscular hunk would punch you very hard, but that seldom happened. Most of the times it was just moderately painful – and I wasn’t in for moderation at all! The payroll could buy you something, but there are cravings that not even snorting warpdust can satisfy… Would I go back? Not for all the money in the world.”
Most of the players and staff members of Pleasure Principle share Satrophine’s jaded view on that period. Coach jdmickleburgh, after a hiatus, went back to coaching Blood Bowl and is now in charge of the latest Moulder Clan experiment.
Psychon
So, what does giving up Blood Bowl mean? For some, it’s an opportunity for renewal. For some, it’s the end of a passion they never had to begin with. For others, it’s just a bump on the road to a dream.
But all are stories worth telling.
Stars In Your Eyes
Edmund Highnose sits down with Diegi Maratona
Edmund Highnose sits down with Diegi Maratona
EH: Diegi, you're know for your dynamic running, your frenzied wrestling and your high energy levels. What is it that makes your performance so enhanced in these areas?
Diegi: I have a personal commitment to expanding my talents, and an excellent support team to make sure I have all the tools to really develop my physical abilities. Oh, and speed. I have a lot of speed.
EH: You mean in terms of movement?
Diegi: Yes, if you like.
EH: Until you turned out last week for Zlatlan against the treeman, we hadn't seen you in six games. Some are saying you were serving a lengthy ban for taking the banned substance Ephedrine?
Diegi: Listen, it's all a conspiracy from those that seek to keep the skinks down. When I travelled to the New World, I picked up a drink called R.I.P. Fuel, and unbeknownst to me... well, let's just say it was the perfect excuse for this CIBBL bureaucrats to throw the book at me, the hero of the people.
EH: You yourself claim you had taken time out of the game to concentrate on family life. How is that going? Busy?
Diegi: Not too bad. My legitimate kids are quite quiet and respectful. I don't count the ones that are a product of my money or my mistakes.
EH: Charming. Finally, any more reflections on that great six-block game against the Drinking Horns that announced your arrival on the scene?
Diegi: A game like that, well.... it's a little bit of the hand of Nuffle, a little bit of the hair of Maratona.
Shooting Star Watch
Premier Edition - Page 1
Premier Edition - Page 1
Star players; the professionals, the glorious, the sought after, the kings of the Blood Bowl. Many aspiring fans and athletes alike join the league in an attempt to reach the heights of stardom, few make it to the big leagues, fewer still make far enough to wear the out the tread on their Orcidas boots, and even amongst the grizzled and hardened bunch that could be called ‘veterans’ of the sport, there are only a scant handful that have the potential to break into the heights of Blood Bowl fame.
Starting from this issue, I will be introducing this new feature to the pages of the SCRIBBL to catalog the 1% of the 1%, we aren’t talking about the journeymen that gets stomped out on the pitch and is dumped unceremoniously into the trash behind the stadium, or the lineman that gets a career ending injury that isn’t treated because the coach forgot he even had an Apothecary on standby, we’re talking about the players whose very presence on the pitch is a problem for their opponent, who can single handedly turn games around for their teams, the heart and soul of the big league teams. This issue we catalog the newly emerged Star players, and the players who are on the cusp of becoming Star players!
Starting from this issue, I will be introducing this new feature to the pages of the SCRIBBL to catalog the 1% of the 1%, we aren’t talking about the journeymen that gets stomped out on the pitch and is dumped unceremoniously into the trash behind the stadium, or the lineman that gets a career ending injury that isn’t treated because the coach forgot he even had an Apothecary on standby, we’re talking about the players whose very presence on the pitch is a problem for their opponent, who can single handedly turn games around for their teams, the heart and soul of the big league teams. This issue we catalog the newly emerged Star players, and the players who are on the cusp of becoming Star players!
Emerging Star to Star
With an entire season to catch up on, here is the short list of every new rising Star to appear this season, and there is an extensive selection to go through so without further ado.
With an entire season to catch up on, here is the short list of every new rising Star to appear this season, and there is an extensive selection to go through so without further ado.
Anubis
TON (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 1, vs Eternal Ecstasy)
If you were to take a look at the Tower of the Necromancer’s roster the first thing that would immediately jump out at you about this Wight, is that out of the teams combined 37 casualties amongst all living players, Anubis accounts for nearly a good half of that amount. After a performance against the Eternal Ecstasy doing what he does best, it’s clear that they aren’t going to be stopping their rampage any time soon.
TON (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 1, vs Eternal Ecstasy)
If you were to take a look at the Tower of the Necromancer’s roster the first thing that would immediately jump out at you about this Wight, is that out of the teams combined 37 casualties amongst all living players, Anubis accounts for nearly a good half of that amount. After a performance against the Eternal Ecstasy doing what he does best, it’s clear that they aren’t going to be stopping their rampage any time soon.
Calico Jack
SBF (Y3 Lesser Dragon Grapple Round 1, vs Grand Celestial Delegate)
On a lot of teams with mostly blanket AG3, a player with +AG is an invaluable piece, able to slip through the defenses of your opponent. On teams with average ST3, a player with ST4 or above (with no negatraits) is often the best player to blitz with on the team. So a player that is ST4 and AG4 and more casualties than both Ogres combined is a very dangerous player to be up against. This pirate isn’t some armchair admiral, he leads his team directly from the frontlines.
SBF (Y3 Lesser Dragon Grapple Round 1, vs Grand Celestial Delegate)
On a lot of teams with mostly blanket AG3, a player with +AG is an invaluable piece, able to slip through the defenses of your opponent. On teams with average ST3, a player with ST4 or above (with no negatraits) is often the best player to blitz with on the team. So a player that is ST4 and AG4 and more casualties than both Ogres combined is a very dangerous player to be up against. This pirate isn’t some armchair admiral, he leads his team directly from the frontlines.
Daugdhag
BGB (Y3 Styles Clash (B) Round 1, vs Secret Cult of Shiamoto)
Traditionally Ungors in a lot of Beastmen societies are the absolute runts of the litter. Tiny horns, weak in stature, beneath contempt to their more monstrous kin. But not this one, this reedy runt is one of the team’s best scoring threat, able to slip through the gaps and snatch the ball right from under the opponent’s noses.
BGB (Y3 Styles Clash (B) Round 1, vs Secret Cult of Shiamoto)
Traditionally Ungors in a lot of Beastmen societies are the absolute runts of the litter. Tiny horns, weak in stature, beneath contempt to their more monstrous kin. But not this one, this reedy runt is one of the team’s best scoring threat, able to slip through the gaps and snatch the ball right from under the opponent’s noses.
Count Jurij
TON (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 2, vs Brothers of Malice)
In any Vampire based team, the Vampires themselves are quite easily the most important players on the strength, and in this team it’s no exception. Count Jurij joins Yaroslav and Igor as the top rated Necrach’s on the team, not even a serious concussion could put a stop to him.
TON (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 2, vs Brothers of Malice)
In any Vampire based team, the Vampires themselves are quite easily the most important players on the strength, and in this team it’s no exception. Count Jurij joins Yaroslav and Igor as the top rated Necrach’s on the team, not even a serious concussion could put a stop to him.
Morlana
MMM (Y3 Styles Clash (A) Round 2, vs Eye and Arrow)
Out of most players in the game at large, there are only a few that are considered to be ‘kill on sight’ right out of the box. Wardancers are one of those, you start with the one of the only few players in the game that starts with MA8 and ST3, combined that with latent blodge and leap and you have a player that can be a challenge to deal with at all team values. This one is no different and she joins her sister as the most developed and dangerous players on the team.
MMM (Y3 Styles Clash (A) Round 2, vs Eye and Arrow)
Out of most players in the game at large, there are only a few that are considered to be ‘kill on sight’ right out of the box. Wardancers are one of those, you start with the one of the only few players in the game that starts with MA8 and ST3, combined that with latent blodge and leap and you have a player that can be a challenge to deal with at all team values. This one is no different and she joins her sister as the most developed and dangerous players on the team.
Raja Raja Chola
BHR (Y3 Greater Dragon Grapple Round 2, vs Grasparossa B.B.C)
Many stars come into the spotlight gradually through an overtime acclimation of experience, but some stars explode onto the scene suddenly, as if almost out of nowhere. Raja Raja Chola leapt into the spotlight when during his match versus the Stone Prince’s Men in round 1, he cleaved through 5 members of the opposing team, the highest number of casualties inflicted by a player in single game. After that, it only required a single MVP award the game after to cement his place amongst the stars.
BHR (Y3 Greater Dragon Grapple Round 2, vs Grasparossa B.B.C)
Many stars come into the spotlight gradually through an overtime acclimation of experience, but some stars explode onto the scene suddenly, as if almost out of nowhere. Raja Raja Chola leapt into the spotlight when during his match versus the Stone Prince’s Men in round 1, he cleaved through 5 members of the opposing team, the highest number of casualties inflicted by a player in single game. After that, it only required a single MVP award the game after to cement his place amongst the stars.
Tristan Tirasse
KNV (Y3 Lesser Dragon Grapple Round 2, vs Sartosa Black Flags)
Marie de l'Esclat
(Y3 Lesser Dragon Grapple Round 3, vs Grand Celestial Delegate)
To say that the Lesser Dragon Grapple was a little heartbreaking for the Knightly Virtues would be an understatement. After being a single game away from taking the prize and ultimately tripping over the last hurdle (Or rather being smashed with the last hurdle repeatedly), the team saw the retirement of Super Star Katherine de Vienne and Emerging Star Ramon de Vry due to their injuries. But all is not lost, for although we are sad to see these stars leave, more rise to carry the torch. Tristan Tirasse and Marie de l’Esclat, now finding themselves to be the most developed players on the team will be the future Super Stars of the league to be sure!
KNV (Y3 Lesser Dragon Grapple Round 2, vs Sartosa Black Flags)
Marie de l'Esclat
(Y3 Lesser Dragon Grapple Round 3, vs Grand Celestial Delegate)
To say that the Lesser Dragon Grapple was a little heartbreaking for the Knightly Virtues would be an understatement. After being a single game away from taking the prize and ultimately tripping over the last hurdle (Or rather being smashed with the last hurdle repeatedly), the team saw the retirement of Super Star Katherine de Vienne and Emerging Star Ramon de Vry due to their injuries. But all is not lost, for although we are sad to see these stars leave, more rise to carry the torch. Tristan Tirasse and Marie de l’Esclat, now finding themselves to be the most developed players on the team will be the future Super Stars of the league to be sure!
Pantheon Bane
MAC (Y3 Styles Clash (B) Round 3, vs Blood-Ground Blackhorns)
There aren’t many players that get talked about /after/ their death, especially not when they were merely one of the many rookie players who was on the wrong side of a bad block, or an unfriendly boot. But Pantheon Bane started as a player on the Crimson Skull, and ended his first career against the Curators bleeding out on the pitch. But he was risen from the dead to play once more on their side and 19 games and 20 casualties later, his second chance has set the foundation for his rise to stardom.
MAC (Y3 Styles Clash (B) Round 3, vs Blood-Ground Blackhorns)
There aren’t many players that get talked about /after/ their death, especially not when they were merely one of the many rookie players who was on the wrong side of a bad block, or an unfriendly boot. But Pantheon Bane started as a player on the Crimson Skull, and ended his first career against the Curators bleeding out on the pitch. But he was risen from the dead to play once more on their side and 19 games and 20 casualties later, his second chance has set the foundation for his rise to stardom.
Harbart Kallath
RKM (Y3 Greater Dragon Grapple Round 3, vs Stone Prince’s Men)
Fun fact, the Reik River Kicking Mules have the most star players on their team of any other team in the entire league at 5 players at 51+ SPP, matched only by the currently in hiatus Crimson Skull team. That is until Harbart Kallath successfully ticked over the threshold after a long 27 games of service to the team, he joins the roster as the 6th living star player for the Half-Elves! Who might be next? Keep an eye on his brother Aimar Kallath currently at 41 SPP, he may be joining his sibling very soon.
RKM (Y3 Greater Dragon Grapple Round 3, vs Stone Prince’s Men)
Fun fact, the Reik River Kicking Mules have the most star players on their team of any other team in the entire league at 5 players at 51+ SPP, matched only by the currently in hiatus Crimson Skull team. That is until Harbart Kallath successfully ticked over the threshold after a long 27 games of service to the team, he joins the roster as the 6th living star player for the Half-Elves! Who might be next? Keep an eye on his brother Aimar Kallath currently at 41 SPP, he may be joining his sibling very soon.
Nirghux Stormpaw
BGB (Y3 Styles Clash (B) Round 3, vs Malignant Curators)
This season is just the one for firsts. The first 5 casualties inflicted by a single player in one match; the first Troll to reach Super Stardom, the first time some teams have won a tournament. And now I shall introduce, the first player to ever get TWO +ST stat-ups in the entire league. And the fact that it’s on a player that not only is ST4 normally - and thus is now officially stronger than a lot of the strongest players on other teams - but it also comes on a player with Horns meaning the Blackhorns have someone who can throw 2DBs on the blitz versus almost every single player in the entire game barring Bloodthirsters, Fanatics, Deathrollers, and certain star players by himself. Watch this goat, he is going to get extremely dangerous very quickly if left unchecked.
BGB (Y3 Styles Clash (B) Round 3, vs Malignant Curators)
This season is just the one for firsts. The first 5 casualties inflicted by a single player in one match; the first Troll to reach Super Stardom, the first time some teams have won a tournament. And now I shall introduce, the first player to ever get TWO +ST stat-ups in the entire league. And the fact that it’s on a player that not only is ST4 normally - and thus is now officially stronger than a lot of the strongest players on other teams - but it also comes on a player with Horns meaning the Blackhorns have someone who can throw 2DBs on the blitz versus almost every single player in the entire game barring Bloodthirsters, Fanatics, Deathrollers, and certain star players by himself. Watch this goat, he is going to get extremely dangerous very quickly if left unchecked.
Gwoftirbnewfg
BMB (Y3 Exotic Creature Challenge (B) Round 5 vs Crimson Fins)
Gorf Smorgasbord is the only Giant on the entire team to have one touchdown. Is this his only notable trait? It most certainly is not, he also is the only Giant with an improved stat (+MA) and Block. And anyone in the league knows that the moment a big guy gets block he is suddenly much more effective to throw blocks with, and much more dangerous to throw blocks against. It’s no wonder therefore that a lot of the MVP awards have gone to him as a result.
BMB (Y3 Exotic Creature Challenge (B) Round 5 vs Crimson Fins)
Gorf Smorgasbord is the only Giant on the entire team to have one touchdown. Is this his only notable trait? It most certainly is not, he also is the only Giant with an improved stat (+MA) and Block. And anyone in the league knows that the moment a big guy gets block he is suddenly much more effective to throw blocks with, and much more dangerous to throw blocks against. It’s no wonder therefore that a lot of the MVP awards have gone to him as a result.
Vlad Vladovich
WOD (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 5, vs Everlasting Vultures of Settra)
As mentioned previously, most Vampire teams tend to have a lot of SPP piled in on the namesake players, and only a handful of points here and there on everyone else. And here is no different, Vlad isn’t the primary touchdown scorer like Igor, nor is he the first class player slayer quite like Draco, but he is still a Star level Blood Dragon vampire with the skills to pay the bills.
WOD (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 5, vs Everlasting Vultures of Settra)
As mentioned previously, most Vampire teams tend to have a lot of SPP piled in on the namesake players, and only a handful of points here and there on everyone else. And here is no different, Vlad isn’t the primary touchdown scorer like Igor, nor is he the first class player slayer quite like Draco, but he is still a Star level Blood Dragon vampire with the skills to pay the bills.
Serrek of Nathrezzar
EVS (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 4, vs Clar Karond Black Widows)
The problem with low agility big guy pieces getting to the heights of stardom, is that their avenues towards this are rather limited compared to other players. You can’t reliably pick up the ball, you are incredibly slow to begin with and that leaves only casualties as your main source of experience. The solution to this issue? Get more casualties than any other player on your team, just like Serrek with 23 casualties and counting.
EVS (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 4, vs Clar Karond Black Widows)
The problem with low agility big guy pieces getting to the heights of stardom, is that their avenues towards this are rather limited compared to other players. You can’t reliably pick up the ball, you are incredibly slow to begin with and that leaves only casualties as your main source of experience. The solution to this issue? Get more casualties than any other player on your team, just like Serrek with 23 casualties and counting.
Shooting Star Watch
Premier Edition - Page 2
Premier Edition - Page 2
Star to Super Star
MIstress of Lust
PLS (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 2, vs Clar Karond Black Widows)
General rule of thumb, any players that reached Star level or higher will more often than not have a selection of awards to their name. Especially when that player has +ST. Especially when because that player has +ST she is as strong as an Ogre, with Blodge and Sidestep. These things tend to turn an effective player into an incredibly dangerous player.
PLS (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 2, vs Clar Karond Black Widows)
General rule of thumb, any players that reached Star level or higher will more often than not have a selection of awards to their name. Especially when that player has +ST. Especially when because that player has +ST she is as strong as an Ogre, with Blodge and Sidestep. These things tend to turn an effective player into an incredibly dangerous player.
Falandar
TAA (Y3 Styles Clash (A) Round 4, vs Modryn’s Midnight Meddlers)
The Tor Anroc Anglers have quite the varied response amongst the followers of CIBBL, some fans love them, some fans despise their very existence. What even the most fervent hater can agree on though is that they deserve their top spot in the league for a reason, they have access to a lot players like Falandar here, highly developed, equipped to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And once again, +ST player gets the most development, it’s almost as if it’s worth investing in them or something.
TAA (Y3 Styles Clash (A) Round 4, vs Modryn’s Midnight Meddlers)
The Tor Anroc Anglers have quite the varied response amongst the followers of CIBBL, some fans love them, some fans despise their very existence. What even the most fervent hater can agree on though is that they deserve their top spot in the league for a reason, they have access to a lot players like Falandar here, highly developed, equipped to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And once again, +ST player gets the most development, it’s almost as if it’s worth investing in them or something.
Igor Igorvich
WOD (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 4, vs Tsunami Terrors)
When thoughts about the Way of the Dragon come to mind, it’s usually about how much they crush their opposition into a fine paste with their brute force bashing tactics and that’s all well and good. But it pays to remember injuries might help win games, but they don’t /win/ you games by themselves, you will still require a player to go out there and score the TDs for you and that’s where Igor is fitted snuggly in his role on the team. The power of +AG on a mostly AG3 team allows for a great deal of maneuverability and makes options that would otherwise be risky a great deal safer. The player himself intends to keep his record for the highest scoring player on his team for all eternity, and I wholeheartedly believe him.
WOD (Y3 Vile Cauldron Round 4, vs Tsunami Terrors)
When thoughts about the Way of the Dragon come to mind, it’s usually about how much they crush their opposition into a fine paste with their brute force bashing tactics and that’s all well and good. But it pays to remember injuries might help win games, but they don’t /win/ you games by themselves, you will still require a player to go out there and score the TDs for you and that’s where Igor is fitted snuggly in his role on the team. The power of +AG on a mostly AG3 team allows for a great deal of maneuverability and makes options that would otherwise be risky a great deal safer. The player himself intends to keep his record for the highest scoring player on his team for all eternity, and I wholeheartedly believe him.
Zhorthix Swiftfoot
BGB (Styles Clash (B) Round 4 vs Bigwood Tree Shmashaz)
If Daugdhag mentioned earlier in this article would be considered one of the teams better players to handle the ball, Zhorthix here could most certainly be characterized as the muscle. He might not be the strongest, that goes to the other new Blood-Ground star Nirghux, but out of any other players on the team he has the most casualties and is given the most MVP awards as a result. The other Bestigors have more stats amongst them, but Zhorthix has the most skills of other players on the team, the most equipped to deal with any problems that you can’t just butt against until they go away. And at the end of the day having more tools than your opponent gives you a distinct advantage.
BGB (Styles Clash (B) Round 4 vs Bigwood Tree Shmashaz)
If Daugdhag mentioned earlier in this article would be considered one of the teams better players to handle the ball, Zhorthix here could most certainly be characterized as the muscle. He might not be the strongest, that goes to the other new Blood-Ground star Nirghux, but out of any other players on the team he has the most casualties and is given the most MVP awards as a result. The other Bestigors have more stats amongst them, but Zhorthix has the most skills of other players on the team, the most equipped to deal with any problems that you can’t just butt against until they go away. And at the end of the day having more tools than your opponent gives you a distinct advantage.
Soso
GRK (Y3 Explosion’s Edge Round 5, vs Londonium’s Lunatics)
Earlier in the article I pointed out how the power of putting Block onto a big guy can turn them from a strong piece with flaws into an incredibly effective and dangerous piece, with flaws. And so in the team described as one of the most ‘perfectly developed’ teams in the entire league, with many key and desired skills on many of its players, and an incredibly competent coach at the head it’s no wonder that the addition of a Troll with Block wouldn’t go amiss. In fact after getting a hold of all the necessary skills that any Strength Piece would want in the first place, the only thing missing to make this player perfect would be the addition of Pro. There’s still time for that yet though and until then, Soso is hands down the best Troll in the entire league.
GRK (Y3 Explosion’s Edge Round 5, vs Londonium’s Lunatics)
Earlier in the article I pointed out how the power of putting Block onto a big guy can turn them from a strong piece with flaws into an incredibly effective and dangerous piece, with flaws. And so in the team described as one of the most ‘perfectly developed’ teams in the entire league, with many key and desired skills on many of its players, and an incredibly competent coach at the head it’s no wonder that the addition of a Troll with Block wouldn’t go amiss. In fact after getting a hold of all the necessary skills that any Strength Piece would want in the first place, the only thing missing to make this player perfect would be the addition of Pro. There’s still time for that yet though and until then, Soso is hands down the best Troll in the entire league.
By The Numbers
Rounding off our break down of this seasons newest rising stars, we will close off by listing the players you might just be seeing in this article real soon.
First of all, our season nears to a close with three players on the merest fraction of an inch away from the tipping point to attain Stardom. Whether or not the Crimson Skull returns for this coming autumn, every player on this list barring Nomgulg Prattlehead is a single MVP away from Stardom. Watch this space, because it’s going to start filling up real fast as soon as the next season starts!
Not currently visible on the chart but still worth a mention, the most SPP earned this season currently by a player goes to Bakeon of the Springbok Sprites, with a whopping 29 SPP earned in 5 games. At only 8 games played total in his career so far, that averages out at around 4 SPP per game, and 5.8 SPP per game for this season. Well done Bakeon we will be sure to see you on the chart very soon!
It should come as no surprise that of the teams seen here that have Super Stars in the making, most of them are teams that are most likely to be placed in this year’s CIBBL Autumn Gold Division. In fact the Secret Cult of Shiamoto, the highest TV in the entire team at large has two players featuring on the list, including one who is a single vanity pass away from leveling up! Can an already scary team get even scarier? You’ll find out soon enough.
And finally without further ado, the top 10 highest SPPs in the entire league at large! Such sights we have to show you including,
>The Sheikh’s continuing exponential progress as the league’s first Mega Star towards becoming the league’s first Legend player. Only 25 SPP to go!
>Carol I ending the season at a single MVP award away from Mega-Stardom himself. The Sheikh might have had a head start, but Carol I keeps getting closer with every game he plays.
>With the retirement of Katherine at the end of the Lesser Dragon Grapple, Igor Igorvich makes the list at number 10, and Glicees the league’s most successful AG2 ball handler takes her spot at number 7.
After this issue we will be winding down the Summer Season and preparing for Autumn and thus this feature will be going on a temporary hiatus, but once the first round of the Autumn ends we will be officially returning, to bring you more of the latest about the greatest.
Until then, reach for the stars!
Rounding off our break down of this seasons newest rising stars, we will close off by listing the players you might just be seeing in this article real soon.
First of all, our season nears to a close with three players on the merest fraction of an inch away from the tipping point to attain Stardom. Whether or not the Crimson Skull returns for this coming autumn, every player on this list barring Nomgulg Prattlehead is a single MVP away from Stardom. Watch this space, because it’s going to start filling up real fast as soon as the next season starts!
Not currently visible on the chart but still worth a mention, the most SPP earned this season currently by a player goes to Bakeon of the Springbok Sprites, with a whopping 29 SPP earned in 5 games. At only 8 games played total in his career so far, that averages out at around 4 SPP per game, and 5.8 SPP per game for this season. Well done Bakeon we will be sure to see you on the chart very soon!
It should come as no surprise that of the teams seen here that have Super Stars in the making, most of them are teams that are most likely to be placed in this year’s CIBBL Autumn Gold Division. In fact the Secret Cult of Shiamoto, the highest TV in the entire team at large has two players featuring on the list, including one who is a single vanity pass away from leveling up! Can an already scary team get even scarier? You’ll find out soon enough.
And finally without further ado, the top 10 highest SPPs in the entire league at large! Such sights we have to show you including,
>The Sheikh’s continuing exponential progress as the league’s first Mega Star towards becoming the league’s first Legend player. Only 25 SPP to go!
>Carol I ending the season at a single MVP award away from Mega-Stardom himself. The Sheikh might have had a head start, but Carol I keeps getting closer with every game he plays.
>With the retirement of Katherine at the end of the Lesser Dragon Grapple, Igor Igorvich makes the list at number 10, and Glicees the league’s most successful AG2 ball handler takes her spot at number 7.
After this issue we will be winding down the Summer Season and preparing for Autumn and thus this feature will be going on a temporary hiatus, but once the first round of the Autumn ends we will be officially returning, to bring you more of the latest about the greatest.
Until then, reach for the stars!
CIBBL Catch-Up
With Carlos Tuffjaw
With Carlos Tuffjaw
It must be nice, it must be nice to have
Nuffle on your side
It must be nice, it must be nice to have
Nuffle on your side
Every action has its equal, opposite reactions
Thanks to Nuffle's luck, our team is fractured into factions
Try not to crack under the stress, we’re breaking down like fractions
We block each other on the pitch, and mistime all of our actions
I get no satisfaction witnessing coaching fits of passion
The way they primp and preen and behave without any compassion
Our poorest teams, our flings, our gobs, live ration to ration
As CabalVision robs ‘em blind in search of chips to cash in
These suits are askin’ for someone to bring them to task
Somebody gimme some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask them
I’ll pull the trigger on them, someone load the gun and cock it
While we were all watching, they got Nuffle in their pockets
It must be nice, it must be nice to have
Nuffle on your side
It must be nice, it must be nice to have
Nuffle on your side
[If it's copyrighted, this is parody, if not parody then fair use, if not fair use then you'll never catch me mwahahah - Carlos]
[You still live with your mum, everybody knows that, she brings your lunch in everyday - Grot]
Youngbloods XI
Mushroom Scramble
Youngbloods Scramble
Cup of Ancient Knowledge
Styes Clash A
Explosions Edge
Styles Clash B
Exotic Creature Challenge B
Vile Cauldron
Exotic Creature Challenge A
Greater Dragon Grapple
Lesser Dragon Grapple
Youngbloods XII
| Help. I lost my boot on the pitch when my team, the Lycans, played the Four Colour Knights. The boot is a soft brown leather with the three stripes of Orcidas down the side. It's my lucky boot as my ma gave it to me before she passed. Also it's got my foot in it. Please help - Bloat of the Lycans | Masterchef is back. The best old world chefs compete head to head to find out whose tastebuds are worth the apoth. Shows are broadcast daily with daily repeats. Only on CabalVision 2. |
| R.I.P. Jeffery Delacroix - star player of the Athel Loren Sunshines. He danced through tackles, scored touchdowns with ease, lept into cages... but leaping into bed with his coach's wife was worse for his career than going for it in the snow to score. | Still staying strong. Oh lord, it's so hard. |
| 01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110010 01100001 01100011 01101011 01100101 01110100 00101110 | 01010011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01110010 01111001 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101100 01100101 01100101 01110000 00101110 |
| If you have any good recipies for quiche, I'd love to hear them | Last chance to catch the farewell tour of Smelton' John, coming soon to a stadium near you. All the hits guaranteed: Bombaa Man, Bestigor Rock, Passing in the Wind and many many more. Maybe 2 more. |
| I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts There they are all standing in a row Big ones, small ones, all are aimed at your head | |
Ahead of the Curve
With Conan the CIBBLarian
With Conan the CIBBLarian
“Don’t have time to catch all the CIBBL action? Riddled by the standings? Let Conan the CIBBLarian tell you what is good in life and stay Ahead of the Curve! Here are some of his top matches that you shouldn’t miss coming up in the CIBBL Summer tournaments! Don’t forget to subscribe to Cabalvision Rewind™ where you’ll never miss a match!”
Grasparossa B.B.C (6 pts) vs. Montetriste Noblemen (6 pts) Round 5 Greater Dragon Grapple
One of the few summer tournaments left without someone confirmed in the top spot, this will be the match to watch. This is also the first meeting between the two teams, so let’s hope the coaches have done their Cabalvision Rewind™ homework. Top coaches for both of these teams, so I’m expecting a classic. I can hear the lamentation of their cheerleaders now!
Trantio Dragon Hawks (6 pts) vs. Reik River Kicking Mules (4 pts) Round 5 Greater Dragon Grapple
Trantio is also in the fight for the top spot, but that doesn’t mean that the Mules won’t be stubborn and kick up a fuss -it’s all about that precious prestige! Again another first meeting between two teams - is this a chance to see a grudge forming in its infancy?
K'r'shh Sl'ppr'ss(4 pts) vs. Followers of the First Count)(2 pts) Round 3 Summer-Youngbloods XII
“Snakes, why does it always have to be snakes?”
A win for the unpronounceable Snakemen here would put them on top of this tournament, but the Vampires also can make a move with a win to get out of the last spot. Every league needs fresh blood so to speak and It’s always fun to catch the teams before Nuffle has stomped any optimism out of their hearts! - go youngbloods go!
Grim Queens (6 pts) vs. Gardeners of Nurgle (3 pts) Round 5 Mushroom Scramble
The Springbok Sprites have put their mark on this tournament and it’s out of reach to catch them for both teams here. Still, the Grim Queens have a shot to move into second and the Gardeners can improve their position too. Will the Grim Queens charm their opponents into submission? Or will they in turn get their limbs pruned by an overzealous arborist?
Nurgle Plaguebearers (4 pts) vs. Doom Glade Demons (4 pts) Round 5 Vile Cauldron
The Vile Cauldron finally boiled over last round and no-one can catch theTower of the Necromancer but there’s still some bubbling going on as these teams jockey over where they’ll sit once everything settles down.
Bear Clutchers (4 pts) vs. Shroomwood Attercops (4 pts) Round 5 Exotic Creature Challenge (B)
Both teams have a shot at improving their position and pushing the plummeting Giants into dead last. Ferocious mini-bears and roos vs. giant spiders and savage orcs...it will be...uh...exotic?
Grasparossa B.B.C (6 pts) vs. Montetriste Noblemen (6 pts) Round 5 Greater Dragon Grapple
One of the few summer tournaments left without someone confirmed in the top spot, this will be the match to watch. This is also the first meeting between the two teams, so let’s hope the coaches have done their Cabalvision Rewind™ homework. Top coaches for both of these teams, so I’m expecting a classic. I can hear the lamentation of their cheerleaders now!
Trantio Dragon Hawks (6 pts) vs. Reik River Kicking Mules (4 pts) Round 5 Greater Dragon Grapple
Trantio is also in the fight for the top spot, but that doesn’t mean that the Mules won’t be stubborn and kick up a fuss -it’s all about that precious prestige! Again another first meeting between two teams - is this a chance to see a grudge forming in its infancy?
K'r'shh Sl'ppr'ss(4 pts) vs. Followers of the First Count)(2 pts) Round 3 Summer-Youngbloods XII
“Snakes, why does it always have to be snakes?”
A win for the unpronounceable Snakemen here would put them on top of this tournament, but the Vampires also can make a move with a win to get out of the last spot. Every league needs fresh blood so to speak and It’s always fun to catch the teams before Nuffle has stomped any optimism out of their hearts! - go youngbloods go!
Grim Queens (6 pts) vs. Gardeners of Nurgle (3 pts) Round 5 Mushroom Scramble
The Springbok Sprites have put their mark on this tournament and it’s out of reach to catch them for both teams here. Still, the Grim Queens have a shot to move into second and the Gardeners can improve their position too. Will the Grim Queens charm their opponents into submission? Or will they in turn get their limbs pruned by an overzealous arborist?
Nurgle Plaguebearers (4 pts) vs. Doom Glade Demons (4 pts) Round 5 Vile Cauldron
The Vile Cauldron finally boiled over last round and no-one can catch theTower of the Necromancer but there’s still some bubbling going on as these teams jockey over where they’ll sit once everything settles down.
Bear Clutchers (4 pts) vs. Shroomwood Attercops (4 pts) Round 5 Exotic Creature Challenge (B)
Both teams have a shot at improving their position and pushing the plummeting Giants into dead last. Ferocious mini-bears and roos vs. giant spiders and savage orcs...it will be...uh...exotic?
Agony Aunt Column
With Nun the Wiser
With Nun the Wiser
Nun the Wiser says:
"Father Fanky is a fraud and a heretic!
The Congregation are misguided!
Do not be fooled!"
"Father Fanky is a fraud and a heretic!
The Congregation are misguided!
Do not be fooled!"
Can’t score on or off the pitch?
Is the wife turned off by your latest mutation?
Are you being picked on for supporting the Anglers?
If you are a CIBBL player, coach or fan with problems like these, or anything else, then write in to Nun the Wiser at this address for honest, wholesome advice.
Is the wife turned off by your latest mutation?
Are you being picked on for supporting the Anglers?
If you are a CIBBL player, coach or fan with problems like these, or anything else, then write in to Nun the Wiser at this address for honest, wholesome advice.
Dear Nun the Wiser,
The coach wants me to learn how to guard the other players better - a team role player he calls it. My ma used to say (Shallya bless her!) that roleplaying quickly leads down the path to vile demon worship and that I'll end up sprouting tentacles out me ears, n' screaming in the woods on Geheimenstag with a bunch of filthy cultists! What to do?
- Confused in Carroburg
Dear Confused,
You are right to not be blindly led down the garden path, take a step back and review the situation. First, there is a difference between looking out for your teammates on the pitch and performing satanic rites under a full moon. I advise taking stock of your coach; does he appear normal and to be simply asking you to be more aware of your teammates on the field and to help them out if need be? Or, on closer inspection, does he have horns, a forked tongue and seems to be constantly muttering devilish incantations? If he seems normal then I would probably just go with it. If not, then really, are tentacles the worst thing in the world?
- Nun the Wiser
The coach wants me to learn how to guard the other players better - a team role player he calls it. My ma used to say (Shallya bless her!) that roleplaying quickly leads down the path to vile demon worship and that I'll end up sprouting tentacles out me ears, n' screaming in the woods on Geheimenstag with a bunch of filthy cultists! What to do?
- Confused in Carroburg
Dear Confused,
You are right to not be blindly led down the garden path, take a step back and review the situation. First, there is a difference between looking out for your teammates on the pitch and performing satanic rites under a full moon. I advise taking stock of your coach; does he appear normal and to be simply asking you to be more aware of your teammates on the field and to help them out if need be? Or, on closer inspection, does he have horns, a forked tongue and seems to be constantly muttering devilish incantations? If he seems normal then I would probably just go with it. If not, then really, are tentacles the worst thing in the world?
- Nun the Wiser
Dear Nun The Wiser,
My alligator husband has supported the Mighty Isle Gators all his life and goes to all their games. I like the Gaters too - Go Gaters!
But, since I have birthed him a litter of baby gaters, he still intends to go to all the matches and expects me to stay at home to look after the snapping little critters by myself. When it is just me on my own they all bite me - I have already lost two fingers! What should I do?
- Trapped, in Albion
Dear Trapped,
It seems to me that the most obvious solution is that you take all the baby gaters to the game with you! We all know that one is never too young to start attending games and at all of the bigger stadiums they have concession stands where they sell bags of small stones for the kids to throw. My advice to your husband would be to just eat you, but that really is an answer to a different question. Go Gaters!
- Nun The Wiser
My alligator husband has supported the Mighty Isle Gators all his life and goes to all their games. I like the Gaters too - Go Gaters!
But, since I have birthed him a litter of baby gaters, he still intends to go to all the matches and expects me to stay at home to look after the snapping little critters by myself. When it is just me on my own they all bite me - I have already lost two fingers! What should I do?
- Trapped, in Albion
Dear Trapped,
It seems to me that the most obvious solution is that you take all the baby gaters to the game with you! We all know that one is never too young to start attending games and at all of the bigger stadiums they have concession stands where they sell bags of small stones for the kids to throw. My advice to your husband would be to just eat you, but that really is an answer to a different question. Go Gaters!
- Nun The Wiser
The Doctor's Surgery...
You'd better have insurance
as I sure don't
Full of urine and vinegar from his week at a Glorco Smith Khorne conference, he's back...
- 88 players badly hurt. Stop clogging my waiting room and come back when you have a real injury.
- 2 broken jaws, 3 broken ribs, 1 fractured arm, 7 fractured legs, 3 gouged eyes, 2 groin strains, 4 pinched nerves and 3 smashed hands. Stop clogging my waiting room and come back when you have a real injury.
- 1 broken neck. Stop clogging my waiting room and come back when you have a real injury.
- 3 smashed ankles and 3 smashed hips. Stop clogging my waiting room and come back when you have a real injury.
- 6 serious concussions and 3 fractured skull. Stop clogging my waiting room and come back when you have a real injury.
- 5 damaged backs and 4 smashed knees. Stop clogging my waiting room and come back when you have a real injury.
And now we come to the real injuries which, sadly, are dealt with by the coroner and mortician, not by me. Oh well, bottoms up and cheers clink
| Gone But Not Forgotten | ||||
| Name | Team | SPP at death | Skills at death | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Vuidun Nighteyes | Ravensloft Ravers | 0 | Jump Up | |
| Paul Whiteorc | Ravensloft Ravers | 0 | Jump Up | |
| Losh Zu | Court of Shu | 0 | Diving Catch Leap Very Long Legs | |
| Prignano sulla Secchia III | Grasparossa B.B.C | 2 | ||
| Durisoul Hammerheart | Edge of the World Climbers | 7 | Block Dauntless Frenzy Thick Skull Mighty Blow | |
| Heinrich the Corpulent | Seekers of Transcendence | 0 | Disturbing Presence Foul Appearance | |
| Quinluin | Charace Charioteers | 2 | ||
| Cthonic Jet | Lost Golems of Grugni | 2 | Stand Firm | |
| Kalsir | Eternal Ecstasy | 2 | ||
| Bodgnikk | Thirteenth Circle Abominations | 0 | Dodge Stunty | |
| Bjorn of the Hammer | Vostok Iron Head | 4 | Block | |
| Nick Foles | Ninja Warriors | 6 | Dodge Leap +MA | |
| Lauren Loth | Ninja Warriors | 21/td] | Block Mighty Blow Dodge | |
| Oronzo Galli | Trantio Dragon Hawks | 17 | Wrestle Fend | |
| Sozax | Gobskrav Alliance | 0 | Dodge Right Stuff Stunty | |
| Temple Guard Fuku-Shimo | Secret Cult of Shiamoto | 5 | Grab Stand Firm | |
| Burrgraf of Nuremberg | Strigos Elita | 49 | Dodge Block +AG Leader | |
The Weather
With Old Randy
With Old Randy
The in-depth and adrenaline packed weather report, complete with 100% accurate predictions, brought to you by the most interesting centigor we could find on very short notice who thankfully can’t read, Old Randy
So … errr … am I meant to be writing this down? … O, you’re writing it, well that’s a smart idea since I can’t hold a quill. Lucky I thought of that really, else we’d be in a real puddle.
The weather, you’re saying it’s been nice this week? Really, like a lot of the time? Doesn’t seem that way to me, and I’d know. Just seems to have been real boring most the time, we did have that hot patch though and then it was interrupted by that freak snow storm. Reminds me of a time I was fighting dessert snakes, me and the boys were tail to tail. Surrounded by 20ft tall creatures made of bones, yet in full control I tell you. We had fire in our bellies, Mountain Fire. It’s a special brew that’ll light up your insides hotter than a dwarves furnace. We had shared the last of it that morning, something proper teammates do, none of that silly blood bowl team stuff. We were strong, we were united, we were … err … strong!
There’s a tale that’ll put hair on your chest, but that’s me done for now … What there’s more to go on weather? Urgh, let me get my bottle.
He’s been gone 2 days, I’m stuck in here, please send help.
Right *hic* I’m back, just a quick nip out.
So the weatheeer, it’s going to be… phew, that was a corker! Based on that the weathers going to windy. It’ll be a week to hold pointy hats on, in fact why don’t everyone wear pointy hats then you can all hold them on. That’s it folks, the weather is pointy hats … errr I think someone should get a bucket…
So … errr … am I meant to be writing this down? … O, you’re writing it, well that’s a smart idea since I can’t hold a quill. Lucky I thought of that really, else we’d be in a real puddle.
The weather, you’re saying it’s been nice this week? Really, like a lot of the time? Doesn’t seem that way to me, and I’d know. Just seems to have been real boring most the time, we did have that hot patch though and then it was interrupted by that freak snow storm. Reminds me of a time I was fighting dessert snakes, me and the boys were tail to tail. Surrounded by 20ft tall creatures made of bones, yet in full control I tell you. We had fire in our bellies, Mountain Fire. It’s a special brew that’ll light up your insides hotter than a dwarves furnace. We had shared the last of it that morning, something proper teammates do, none of that silly blood bowl team stuff. We were strong, we were united, we were … err … strong!
There’s a tale that’ll put hair on your chest, but that’s me done for now … What there’s more to go on weather? Urgh, let me get my bottle.
He’s been gone 2 days, I’m stuck in here, please send help.
Right *hic* I’m back, just a quick nip out.
So the weatheeer, it’s going to be… phew, that was a corker! Based on that the weathers going to windy. It’ll be a week to hold pointy hats on, in fact why don’t everyone wear pointy hats then you can all hold them on. That’s it folks, the weather is pointy hats … errr I think someone should get a bucket…
We Want You!!!
Do you have what it takes to write for The Scribbl?We are always looking for new authors. If you have an idea for an article then contact the editor here. Do it now!!!
Next issue on sale: 16th March
Do you have what it takes to write for The Scribbl?We are always looking for new authors. If you have an idea for an article then contact the editor here. Do it now!!!
Next issue on sale: 16th March