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Official Dreadpeak's Delusionals Fanzine
Official Dreadpeak's Delusionals Fanzine
We were a little bit dazed because of the mushrooms but we had to carry on and visit our second coach. Nearby in a cave, we went into the darkness and found coach Vlaedi, head coach of the Khainite Assassin team the “Spite Reach Corsairs”. This is how it went:
Klavlak: so you are head coach of the assassins, we all here like your style. But what's your main focus during a game?
Vlaedi: well, can't say I really have one main focus other than staying on the pitch. for some reason it's really hard to win if you don't have players...
Strigsits Phart (always the idiot shaking in fear): so you care for your own players safety, right?
Vlaedi: only in so much as they do their job. I mean, you stand around in the corner of the pitch away from harm and I'll stab you myself, but as long as you are marking what needs marked, stabbing those that need stabbed, and in general making life hell for our opponent, I want you to be as safe as we can make you
Klavlak: we can say that stabbing is an art, but what about the art of fouling? Do you use it and which is best? A kick in the face or just stomp bellies?
Vlaedi: well, we have a specialist fouler on the Corsairs. Greymist has been beaten up his share and honestly the results have always been underwhelming, with Mario getting sent off for some weak little tickle. All in all though, my philosophy returns to if they don't have any players on the pitch, we'll win, and if fouling helps remove one or seven, we'll take it. My personal favourite is a chainsaw to the sternum, but most teams don't get the toys the corsairs have...
Goongol Nonose (holding a daisy): other coaches don't like daisies, do you like daisies? I do like daisies
Vlaedi: ummm... I like whatever you like big fella. just don't eat me
Goongol Nonose (troll): Can I give you this daisy? (Big smile)
Vlaedi: well, my wife, well, ex wife, well, it's complicated but she is one of the other Shadowblades has a distinct preference that I not take flowers from other sentient beings, so unfortunately I'm forced to decline
Klavlak (totally high at this point): talking about food, what's your opinion on eating mushroooms and being totally high on the pitch?
Vlaedi: I'm glad you asked. Now if these are the eastern red pepper mushrooms served with buttered garlic and a sprinkle of my deceased father's special seasoning... well they are to die for, even if you do need about 4 cups of water to be able to breathe afterwards. Aside from those, and the ones they make a Valabars with, the shrimp alfredo... yeah, long story short I'm a big fan of all kinds of mushrooms, and I'll go back to my point of if you're not doing your job on the pitch, I'll stab you myself as the general rule
Goongol Nonose (troll): Now I'm hungry, I like goblins and peaches, do you have peaches?
Vlaedi: unfortunately I'm fresh out, they're kinda hard to get in Spite Reach... wrong climate and all.
I do happen to have a wisecracking jhereg somewhere, it is bite sized though... he flew off when you arrived tho
Goongol Nonose: Huuuuh?
Klavlak (mushroom addict): Almost forgot... are you ok if we pay you in snotlings currency? Well they use little rocks or bugs...
Vlaedi: yeah, that's really not going to work for me. I need hard metals or shiny things. Although we might be able to work out a deal if we can create a large enough supply of your mushrooms...
Klavlak: fancy one? (blink)
Vlaedi: I'd happily accept!
Goongol Nonose: Ok bye bye funny man!
Klavlak: wait wait wait... (clearly high since he also eaten a mushroom) I need a number... gimme a number i need to play gobbo's lottery
Vlaedi: hhhhmmm.... I think the number is 0 but then again, games of chance aren't really my speciality
Klavlak: yeah 0 is a nice number, ok we'll let you know. Also about daisies and stuff.
Vlaedi: cool, it's been fun and regardless of the coach position, get back to me about a supply of those mushrooms...
Part 1 here and part 3 here