Considering that the XXXL Commissioner was due to make an announcement, the stadium seemed eerily quiet. Long nets that were slung from the stands lay along the pitch, littered with burnt feathers and soft shards of some strange rubbery substance.
A lone Cabalvision reporter stood amongst the detritus, along with a wizard feverishly working his crystal ball, attempting to broadcast something, *anything*, to the home audience. It had been a long hard weekend for the Cabalvision crew. They had organised two thousand white doves to be released from cages as the Commissioner was approaching the central dias. Sadly they had packed them in the day before and overnight the groundskeeping staff had mistaken them for winged rats and had had a giant barbeque.

To make matters worse, the five thousand green balloons that were supposed to be released from nets after the announcement had disappeared. Rumours were flying that Coach MrCushtie had found out they could be used to stop Ladyshape Grumbleflick from getting in the family way again and he had stolen them all. The reporter had managed to drone on for a good hour about nothing in particular, but was having trouble stopping the rising panic that came with the realisation that the Commissioner would not be turning up to this pigsty.

He was just beginning to feel faint when he realised there was someone standing next to him. With all the casualness he could muster he turned to see a stunted, ugly Goblin with a huge belly. He vaguely recognised him as one of the Tailz coaches.
Suddenly his earpiece buzzed. 'Thats the coach of the Night Goblin Nasties™' Came a voice in his ear.

The reporter racked his brains. "Ahhh... Mr Amateur. Hello. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
The horrible little Goblin waved his hand in the negative. Fug yor qestionz! Da commishoner wanned me ta do a prevuw ov da upcumin compatiton dat iz batween da too sydes ov da disk! So i fort, wat kan i sae 'bout a cynikil cash graeb dat iz yet annuva exampel ov da commishoners massiv eego. Den i reelised dat it dussnt matta wat i sae cos probeblee nun ov da ova koaches can even reed, dey ar so dum!"
"Well, actually Mr Amateur, they won't be reading this as we are broadcasting live into everybody's homes on the Cabalvision."
The obese little green monster was too busy laughing to listen. "Wot a pak ov dumheds! Ha ha ha! Speshilly dos dumheds frum da heds siyd of da disk! Dey ar da bigges dumheds ov all. If der waz a kinge of dumhed land dey wuld all be to bissy tryyng to taek da dumhed krown to evin koach a Blud Bowl teem. Dat is how dum dey ar! It iz difrent for da koaches frum da taels siyd of da disk, bekos dey ar upsiyd down all da tyme so dat all da blud gos to der brayns an maeks dem reely brayne liek me. So if ya are finking of puttin' a bet on da gaemz between heeds and taels den yu shuld bet on taels bekos i am a taels koach. But da ova taels koaches are reely dum to. Dey ar allmos az big a dumheds as da koaches frum da heeds side. Ha ha! Wat a pak ov dumheds. An dey smeel funne to."

The reporter held back a sigh. "Well I appreciate your time Mr Amateur. Thank you."
The Night Goblins coach extended a finger as he trotted off. "Fug yu and fug yor dumhed kabilvishon!". He slowly picked his way through the netting and off into the dugouts.
Summoning up the last ounces of professionalism he had left the reporter fronted the camera.
"Well you've heard it here first on XXXL Cabalvision Broadcasting. There will be a new competition taking place within the league. On their bye rounds, one team from each division will take each other on for your viewing entertainment. North vs South! Headz vs Tailz! Who will be the victors and prove themselves the greatest side of the flat disc that we live on? Which side will dominate this disc that hurtles through the endless void? Stay tuned to find out!"

The wizard looked up from his ball and noticed the reporters subtle hint to cut transmission. The dirty old magician groaned as he rose from his crouching position. The reporter came up and put his hand on the wizards shoulder.
"I'd say that went pretty well, wouldn't you?"
The filthy mage scratched himself vigorously and spat onto the pitch. "Yeah. Stellar. Now lets go get a drink."
The reporter nodded, a far away look in his eye. "Yeah. A drink. I think I could do with one."

Headz vs Tailz