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SPIKE NEWS #69
ATTENSHN! ATTENSHN!
The following Spike Newz are "supported" by:

Don't understand the rulez?
Have a ponder at

Heart Attack Grill!

Had a game full of snake eyes
and
your boss hates you?
Relax with

Blood, Bath and Beyond!

Forgot to mention your sponsor on your teamprofile?
Don't play in Italy
but stay at home and drink

Blood Weiser!


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Matchday 1 Standings

´


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Matchday 1 Results

Headz

Mean Green Bogey Machines - Broken Nose Nibblerz
0-2

Da Kick Off of season 1!
Mad Team Management experiment with low TV versus a more conservative approach on handling Goblins.
Bogeys got Grograt who was able to prevent the fans from the Bogey Machines getting hurt too much and the Bogey Bomba tried his best on defence, making it hard for the Nibblerz to move the ball. But in the end the Bogeys never came in scoring range and the Nibblerz played it safe enough for a clear 2-0, giving them the lead in their division.

Possibly the most Knives - Bad Apples
1-0

A shocker! Da first big surprise! Goblin Gambling reported a record on incoming bets for this one, including one from the Bad Apples coach himself; all of Bad Apples' treasury was bet on a win for the Apples. But the six(!) Trolls from Possibly the most Trolls played smart to brutalise the Apples' confidence and form a successful, slowly moving impenetrable cage to score in the first half. Halftime 2 started with quite decimated Apples who made an attempt to score fast in their offence drive by rushing their Goblins through the feet of the clumsy Troll defence line, but a failed pass resulted in a similar image like Halftime 1: all of the Knives Trolls forming a cage, this time not moving at all but just forming a huge block of troll meat securing the ball, stalling in their own half for the 0-1 win!

Green Gladiataazz - Grünhäute
2-1
(played under Rule of 7s)

This game had lot of bad blood, and most of it was spread all over the pitch.
A rematch from the Pre-Season friendlies (a draw).
With the Corruption Event Rule of 7s activated it looked like the Grünhäute should be favourites, after all their coach had the most experience with this ruleset among all XXXL coaches. But cheating Gladiataazz somehow were able to win this one. But they didn't even field their fan, so you know now how their coach thinks about supporters. The Gladiataazz did not only scheme this one on the pitch, but successfully snitched an illegal behaviour from the Grünhäute to the league officials (lack of visible sponsor promotion in their arena).

Tailz

Da Dirty BDSM Tribe - Night Goblin Nasties
2*-1
(played under Rule of 7s)

Many years from now scholars will still debate the legitimacy of this game. Not because of Mucky McPuffcloud throwing around with explosive squigs and destroying half of the pitch and arena, but because of the already infamous dirty play of the BDSM Tribe.
First the BDSMs found a way to sneak themselves into the league without enough players, keeping their treasury high, and then they brutalised the league's official in turn 2 of their first game. Harsh rules should actually be something that BDSM supporters enjoy, but the good willing attitude of the Nasties' coach gave the BDSMs a breather, instead of restarting the game the Nasties agreed on a -1 TD punishment against the Tribals. The referee association is still shocked about this decision.
But it was not all primitive what we saw from the BDSMs, they played strong and scored three times, with their pogo specialist Mrs.Whip especially having a fantastic game.

Bogan Picnic Hamper Stealers - Winnipeg MOAB Bombers
0-2
(played under Rule of 7s)

The Stealers missed out on the Bribery and were slightly overwhelmed by the sudden Rule of 7s. The lack of an enforced LOS really hurt them as they showed up with a Saw on a Chain! But with only seven opponents spread all over the pitch it proved to be difficult making good use of that weapon. The MOABS showed up with Gnat the Swivel Eye who helped in forming a cage to safely score the 1-0 on their offence drive. Halftime 2 saw Stealers trying to play it safe with Big Spring Ring a Ding staying first behind with beall while the rest of the team tried to punch some MOABS. But when finally making the move forward it was the MOAB's filcher Liberator who outgrew expectations, dodged away from a Troll and rushed to the sideline, taking the ball carrying pogo down with a good old POW! Two turns later we saw Liberator filching his way through the shocked Stealer's team and only stopping in their TD zone, building up the MOAB's score to 0-2. The Stealers tried but failed a team throw and had to accept the loss this time. But their high treasury could lead to some interesting options for them for Matchday 2's Bribery!

San Diego Corrupt Cheaters - Black Tooth Rips
1-2
(played under Rule of 7s)

The most corrupt game of them all. And it looked very grim for the Black Tooths as the Corrupt Cheaters showed up with 7 monsters in form of Kappa and the Brawler, Snazguz Irongut, Icepelt Hammerblow, their two regular Trolls Big Mean Mug and Zany Zoot and their newest addition Grey Ting, who had left division rival Test Tickle Testers just before that matchday. An easy 1-0 lead for the troll infected team, but the RIPS answered with a classic Doomdiver One Turn TD to start with a draw in Half 2. Still the Cheaters had the stronger squad, but the capitalistic mind of the Cheaters' coach lead to a focus on their sponsor's PR strategy (surf an opponent) instead of securing the ball, and so the cunning Goblins from the RIPS found a way to successfully attack the Cheaters' only ballcarrier deep in his own half to far away from the Trolls, the legendary Spikey Norman got the ball and watched in fear when San Diego's Icepelt Hammerblow stormed back for a last desperate blitz... but failed his GFI! The relieved Norman could finally end to question his decision to return to professional Blood Bowl but scored a glorious and decisive 1-2.

Headz-Tailz
Mad Moon Mischiefs (Headz) - Test Tickle Testers (Tailz) 2:2
(played under Rule of 7s)

The first time two teams from both sides of the earth faced off in the Headz vs Tailz competition and the first game of Ripper, who is rumoured to step down from playing BloodBowl after this season...
The Testers activated a Rule of 7s Corruption Event before the game. With both teams having no experience in this ruleset we saw many open spaces and both teams focusing on their offence, leading to fast scores (roughly one TD every 4 turns). The Kickoffs always lead to tense situations, as both teams had to decide on how to defend against a possible team throw with only 7 players or rather focus on the chance of a Blitz! event. But all scores came from regular rushing as all attempted Team Throws for scoring chances ended in Real Stupid rolls. So the game ended 2-2 with both teams being able to counter score but neither team being able to hammer the last nail in their opponent's coffin.
Now both teams have to travel back and get over the jet lag before playing their first regular games in their respective home divisions.

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RIOTOUS ROOKIES or why you should not hire them



The streets are nowadays full of Sneaky Gits, desperate to play Blood Bowl but with the collapse of all Blood Bowl leagues but the XXXL spots to play have become scare. The training conditions of these hopeless fellas are also brutal to non existent. Club owners always had the cruel reputation of abusing their team's players goblinrights, and with the new decision to hire young Rookies for cheap one night deals without offering any kind of insurance this questionable attitude has hit a new lowpoint. Or the cunningness of professional Blood Bowl club owners reached a nigh highpoint. Depends on your viewpoint.

So whatz the deal?

XXXL teams can now acquire Rioutous Rookies without payment in case they can not field the minimum number of 11 players.
A new Pre-Match Inducement named after those players will allow XXXL teams to hire up to 2D3+1 of those unlucky gits and allows to potentially raise a roster above the regular allowed roster size of 16 players total.

So why should you not hire them?
Because of the harsh conditions of playing without regular Blood Bowl armor and boots?
Because of their inability to control a ball properly or because of their weak strength due no access to healthy living conditions? Because you believe in goblinrights? Still, these kind of one day deals might lead to the most glorious night for a young rookie git who might otherwise still throw squigs in the backyard of a local butchery.



Riotous RookieStatsSkillsPrice
0-11 5-2-2-6Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty, Loner, Peaked20K*

*join for free in games with less than 11 rostered players

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Interview with Da Ref





Rumours are that the XXXL Referee Association is planning to introduce Trolls in ref position, but first test games in a minor league have proven that Trolls either can't count or don't focus enuff on the amount of players on the field. The inducement Riotous Rookies has been enabled.

Spike Magazine tried to ask Da Ref about this and how the XXXL Referee Association plans to deal with the ongoing violence against their stuff.

Spike: Mister Da Ref...

Da Ref: Da Tacos did diz wif pörpös! Tiz git iz a kriminal, furst dey put Noblok in koma an den dey score!

Spike: Coach Happy Amateur agreed to a -1 TD penalty for the BDSM Tribe. We have been told since then that future agression against referees will be disciplined with at least -2 Touchdowns.. What we don't understand though, why is the coach of one team allowed to field a referee in their game, research has shown Noblok even on the payment list of the Goblin Nasties...

Da Ref: Doant yew start on diz.. wif da muney da XXXL payz us refs diz iz atawize unaxzeptable! Next kweschun!

Spike: We researched this and fund out that a regular ref earns 90K per match while an average player makes 40K.

Da Ref: Diz interwu iz ova!

You heard it here folks! Da Ref is not in a gud mood and with the amount of stolen deathrollers we could see in his garage we assume you don't want to make him really angry. So
*DON'T*
*BLOCK*
*DA REF*


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Matchday 2 Preview


Leeg Petty Cash: 1464.5K (before transfer window and bribery; currently no effect)
Fan Factor: 19 (=FF of all teams combined, currently no effect)
Petty Funding: 20K for Cards, 20K for inducements

Headz

Grünhäute (0/0/1)- Broken Nose Nibblerz (1/0/0)

Mad Moon Mischiefs (0/0/0)- Possible the most Knives (1/0/0)

Mean Green Bogey Machines (0/0/1) - Green Gladiataazz (1/0/0)

Tailz

Black Tooth RIPS (1/0/0)- Winnipeg MOAB Bombers (1/0/0)

Test Tickle Testers (0/0/0)- Da Dirty BDSM Tribe (1/0/0)

Bogan Picnic Hamper Stealers (0/0/1) - San Diego Corrupt Cheaters (0/0/1)

Headz vs Tailz

Bad Apples (0/0/1) - Night Goblin Nasties (0/0/1)


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No Money No Honey




A couple of sponsors seem to be really pissed off. We've got several witness reports from heated exchanges between sponsor ambassadors and XXXL club owners. The nephew of Khorne went even so mad that his anger lead him to slaughter several members of the Mean Grean Bogey Machine audience when coach Xpher induced the Free Agent Grograt Crunchskull!
What a large part of the Bogey fans did not notice - partly because they were themselves on the pitch fighting for survival and partly because of their excitement of the vulgarity of the ongoing madness on the pitch - was a disagreement on game strategy and team formation between the team's coach and between the team's sponsor.
Uncle Khorne's was looking for the promotion of their newest product line and their clear vision on how this should be represented on the pitch was the concept of dominant, ball handling Star Players that score glorious Touchdowns and not a brute forced Troll surrounded by a fanclub consisting of undergrown children and (too) drunk hooligans.

And the Bogeys were not alone with their misery, several teams had to bear interference from their backers and their coaches are forced now to deal with them. This lead to situations where one team invested their whole Treasury into lobbying the rule change to seven players on the pitch (already revoked after a non stopping analogue shit storm from the fans) or another team's players gave a victory away while attempting to surf an opponent to please the sponsor while neglecting the risk of losing the ball due a blitz.
"Itz like blackmail" one anonymous coach told Spike magazine. Many teams will face an evaluation period following the next matchday, "termination of contract" seems a possibility in some cases. It will be interesting to see if teams on the edge will try to please their cashcow one last time or if they will focus on the true nature of the sport.

"We want back the good old timez" the same anonymous coach told us. "But we need the muney!" The situation is tense, several clubs seem to be already dependent on the additional income of sponsors. Maybe some clubs should really rethink their position regarding "modern Blood Bowl", maybe they should analyse their position and responsibility in a more and more complex turbo-capitatalistic world of professional sport. Or maybe they should already be on the lookout for a new sponsor. In the beginning of the season XXXL officials announced that clubs may get a new sponsor once per season in case of premature contract rescissions. It makes you wonder though, do they think this whole thing is a game?

Here is an overview of ongoing Team - Sponsor relationships.


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Free Agents

Here you can see an updated list of Free Agents and currently rostered Star Players.
Remember to always watch ur back!

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WANTED!

Not alive!*

Spankie
plays for:Da Dirty BDSM Tribe

Needs to be punished! 1d6*10K for getting lethal revenge on that criminal Troll! Bounty set by the Referee Association.

Shouting then silnet
plays for:Bad Apples

200K getting the Block Guard Troll down for gud! Bounty set by Green Gladiataaz.

* If not stated otherwise bounties include Regeneration and Shaman Rolls.


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Tell us a lie at

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