Hamster Crusher, not a name but a title, and at that less of a title than a way of life. HC began life as any other, but upon reaching the age of 9 he realized that the world around him was a fallacy. It started when he discovered that the 'five grains cereal' he ate every morning contained a mere three different types of grains. A shocking revelation to the youngling, his mind could barely cope as he looked around him with eyes anew, seeing past every object, every concept, and seeing that behind every thin illusionary veil of normality is hidden a false truth. A watch has in fact no capacity to watch anything, and nor is it watchable itself for extended periods. Boxes have no capacity to box, or even perform any martial art of note, and shaving foam will certainly not shave of its own accord, nor foam without some serious coaxing.

Driven to a state of seclusion by the madness of the world around him, HC lived as a hermit for 23 years 7 months and 1 day. Upon that day HC was wandering the wilderness in search of a some 'food' when he stumbled upon a hamster. As had become his custom he stopped to reflect upon the hamster, gazing at it's form, noting that it was neither made of ham, nor engaged in the act of stirring. Upon further inspection he concluded that even if it was made of ham and one was to stir it in milk in the effort to de-falsify its existence through the creation of a ham milkshake it would taste terrible. Tasting terrible was an antithesis to the very nature of the inarguably cute and likeable hamster-being. It was at this point that it was revealed to his mind's eye that herein lay the point of friction in the equilibrium of the universe. Were hamsters to be expunged from existence the rest would fall into place; cereals would be made with five grains if they were named as such, boxes would be blessed with the ablility to at least compete at an amatuer level, and shaving foam would first foam itself on the chin and then proceed to carefully shave the areas to which it had been applied.

Upon that blessed day Hamster Crusher founded the monastic order of the Anti-truth Destabilisation Ancients of the Fifth Chi. HC is doubly honoured in being the only one hold the very highest and esteemed rank of Hamster Crusher among his order, and in being its only member. So pure and exclusively dedicated is his secret, deadly organisation. Having trained for years in the art of efficient hamster genocidal techniques (a common enough martial art ) he is one of only two living beings to master the 5 bladed - closed eye - open stone - defecating mantis - reflective chicken - imploding jugular strike. It is armed with the knowledge of this deadly technique that he cuts a bloody swathe through the nefarious hamster population that plagues the old world, and takes to the pitch to punish those that would harbour these terrifying creatures of evil in their very own childrens' rooms.