Festering in the bowels of the Southern Wastes lies the accursed Madness Mountain. Few dare approach it, and fewer still return to tell their cautionary tale.
Recent scandal in Altdorf regarding the return of an Imperial College of Engineers funded expedition to this enigmatic mountain had attracted the attention of the presses and captured the minds of the public. Stories of hideous tumescent beings slithering through tunnels of a long destroyed civilisation titillated audiences across the city, but few mentioned the real marvel which was discovered; the giant penguin.
Hearing a tale of these penguins Coach DustBunny became obsessed with training them to play Blood Bowl! Doing the only responsible thing he kidnapped the two survivors of the expedition and forced them to guide his coaching staff to the tunnel entrance. On arriving he found an advanced race of amorphous beings which were consumed by their hunger for knowledge. Fascinated by the tales of this 'Blood Bowl' they insisted the coaching staff teach them all how to play!
Finding great use of the large slimy creatures as blockers and learning of their ability to resurrect fallen creatures to a moderately agile state a small league was formed within the Mountain itself. Never forgetting his dream DustBunny persevered in training penguins how to play, and finally succeeded!
With this success (and sure of a slew of Cabalvision viewers) the not-worst players of the league were gathered up (amongst them the twosurvivors who had outlived their usefulness as guides) and a team was submitted to join the SWL.
In anticipation of season LX the team took to the field and entered the Trial of Blood!
Game 1 - Doddle - Loss 1-2
Pumped up with excitement about their first game in the SWL the Misery took to the field against the dastardly Skaven. No sooner had they kicked the ball than a snivelling gutter runner came tearing back past them and scored! Rather than be disheartened by this early set back the Misery took to the Skaven with great gusto! Two gutter runners and a lineman were killed as the Misery pushed through the line of vermin. Despite the tough defense Kryten managed to score! With enough time left in the game to win they took to the field with renewed vigour. Alas 'twas not to be so as the surviving gutter swiped the ball up from under their noses and promptly scored again. The rats scored a pyrrhic victory, and the Misery welcomed their two new gutter-rotters!
Game 2 - Axahuitl Travellers - Win 1-0
For their second outing the Misery came up against some bizarre frog like creatures. Joined by a masterful wizard they took to their offensive drive using a rather unusual tactic. The Beast found itself surround and under the boot from the frogs when BAM! The wizard struck and injured four of his assailants! It became clear that the callous coach DustBunny was not above using his own players as bait. In the ensuing grind that followed one of the newly recruited gutter-rotters Greywacke Jones managed to kick one of the frogs to death and take him back to the lab for further analysis... Kryten made a glorious appearance scoring the only touchdown of the game, injuring a frog who dared stand in his way, and winning MVP!
Game 3 - How hard can orcs be - Win 2-0
In this match the Misery came face to face with some yellow bellied green skins. Despite their initial flurry smashing Atwood's hand and ankle the green skins turned pale and succumbed to the pressure of facing the Misery! Kryten made another stellar performance injuring an orc badly enough to take him off the pitch, and scoring both the games touchdowns!
Game 4 - Trainspotters United - Draw 1-1
A true game of two halves against some humans. While the ultimate score was a one all draw, the Misery proved once again they are to be feared! Two players were carried off the pitch and straight to triage after being battered by the Misery! A carefully placed boot smashed the knee of a catcher, and the raw fury of the Beast permanently damaged a linemans back.
Game 5 - SWL Jeagers - Win 3-0
The High Elves of the Jeagers clearly feared the might Misery as when the whistle blew, they simply stood still! This allowed the newly recruited Stonetroll to retrieve the ball and injure the only player quick enough on his feet to react! In the fracas that followed an elf was disembowelled by Gedney and Stonetroll successfully scored a defensive touchdown! At the open of the second half the disheartened elves had to defend against another onslaught. This fresh assault cleared several more off the pitch, and a well placed boot from the gutter-rotter Pimpernel Pugh left a blitzer with a fractured skull that would leave him crippled for life! Powering through the defense Stonetroll scored again! As the next drive commenced only four terrified elves took to the pitch. Crippled by fear they stood still once again and Stonetroll capitalised and scored a hat trick! After his powerful performance causing a casualty and scoring three times Stonetroll was rightly awarded the MVP!
Game 6 - Aztec Swarfega Eaters - Win 1-0
In this game against some Lizardmen the mighty Beast displayed an unusual talent for handling the ball! While a loose ball rolled around those too disgusted to pick it up, it caught the ball and ran with it. Eventually it gave it to Stonetroll who waddled over the line and scored the only touchdown of the match. Under pressure on the defensive drive the Beast stepped up again, catching and pinning down the skink who had fled with the ball. In the brawl that erupted around the ball carrier Kryten killed a skink and secured both the ball and the win! Man of the match deservedly went to the mighty Beast.
Game 7 - Eleven Orcs, One Cup - Win 3-0
These orcs proved to be even yellower than the last! In the first half Stonetroll quickly scored, then broke the opponents defense and scored again! As the second half began the weary orcs were sluggish on the uptake and Stonetroll broke through, stole the ball, and passed to Greywacke Jones the gutter-rotter who then scored a third touchdown! The crestfallen orcs mustered a reasonable return later in the game, but the breakaway ball carrier was taken down and injured by, you guessed it, Stonetroll!
The result of all their efforts was that the team collected the coveted Bloody Cup, as well as the not-so coveted title of Bloody Target! With a remarkably successful outing in the Trial of Blood behind them the Madness Mountain Misery confidently strode forwards to their first ever regional pool.
Game 1 - Rocket Vamps - Win 2-1
For their first foray into a regional pool the Misery came up against Vampires. Having heard the tales of how a stake through the heart ends these creatures coach DustBunny decided that if a stake was good, a chainsaw was better and recruited Max Spleenripper! However in the opening moments of the game as Max prepared to chop a Thrall in to more transportable portions he somehow injured himself! Coach DustBunny was watching intently and was sure that the 'kickback' he had witnessed occur was not of a mechanical nature... Fortunately he had also come prepared to play dirty as the fearsome vampire Virgil Tracey soon discovered when he tripped over a wire, fell on some spikes and promptly expired. With Kryten ball in flipper approaching the endzone and no vampires being left on the field it seemed like a sure thing until a no-name thrall charged him down and tore him limb from limb! Fortunately Stonetroll recovered the ball and scored. At half time the fanged fiends must have snuck in a couple of Bloodweiser Babes for a snack as they both promptly returned to the field. Despite the best efforts of the misery to stop them scoring <which included one of the large slime covered critters tearing the head off a veteran Thrall> a Vampire carried the ball over the line with a quarter of the game remaining. Stepping up to the plate Stonetroll collected the ball and ran it home to secure the win.
Game 2 - Nemesis Demons - Win 3-1
The Misery's second encounter saw them facing a motley assortment of beasts known as the Nemesis Demons. Winning the toss the Misery skirted around the larger monsters and tried to skitter up the sidelines. They succeeded and found themselves in a favourable position to inflict damage while holding the ball safe when a rogue Marauder pushed Stonetroll over the line and forced a touchdown! The ploy payed dividends for the Demons who quickly returned the score ending the first half tied at 1 all. Opening the second half the Minotaur of the Demons met his equal with a rotter who boldly pulled him down to the ground and opened up a hole in the Demons defense. Stonetroll and some Rotters quickly broke through and secured the ball. Stonetroll then collected the ball and sauntered across the line with the opposition hounding him. With only minutes to spare on the clock the Misery placed a perfect shallow kick which landed directly in front of Stonetroll and the beast. Capitalising on this the beast removed the Marauder who dared try claim the ball, and Stonetroll crossed the line for the third time as the buzzer sounded!
Game 3 - SWL Jeagers - Win 1-0
For their third regional the Misery came up against the Jeagers again. The elves proved more resolute than their last encounter and boldly traded blocks with the Madness during the Nurgle offensive drive in the first half. Other than a few well placed kicks from Greywacke Jones (which incidentally got him thrown out) their armour held up and they almost halted a touchdown. Stonetroll waddled away from the scrum and scored as the half closed. The second half saw a well placed kick land near the Misery and catching the elves off guard! With the Jeagers unable to clear the ball the game degenerated to a ruck in the centre field with the Misery closing in and playing defensively. Ultimately the game ended 1-0 to the Misery as the elves simply could not clear away the foul critters swarming the ball.
Game 4 - Gray's Anatomy - Win 1-0
Facing off against the un-dead and shambling creations of a mad Dr Gray the Misery took to the field amidst the roar of their fans. The opening of the game saw a well placed kick lodge the ball inside a rookie skeleton who was facing down The Beast. All was looking well until 2 of the bandage clad creations came stumbling forwards and proved their might. The Beast was put flat on what could be interpreted to be its rear, and Z'odra was hit so hard he couldn't return to the pitch! Thus began a scrum around the ball. The Misery were unused to not being the mightiest players on the field, but succeeded in repeatedly knocking back their bandaged clad adversaries over and over again using their more developed blocking discipline. The skeleton with the ball lodged inside him shuffled about the field trying to get rid of it. Stonetroll tried to remove the ball by force but failed twice. Fortunately Wilhelm Dyer was more successful and eventually dislodged both the ball, and rattled whatever 'brain' the abomination had. Closing in around the ball the Misery maintained a solid defence and sat tight until it was their turn to attack. The second half was another bum-fight around the ball. Once again the Misery's greater discipline (and dirtier play) paid dividends and they managed to break through the defensive line. Once through all was looking good until Stonetroll found himself knocked in the crowd! Fortunately the adoring fans threw the ball back in towards the end zone and Danforth removed the defender and scooped the ball up to secure the win. With not enough time left on the clock for the shambling dead heads to score a fight in the midfield broke out. Once again the Misery succeeded through skill and discipline!
Game 5 - Athel Loren Lovers - Win 2-1
In anticipation for a game against the elusive elves known as the Athel Loren Lovers, Coach DustBunny focussed his squad on how to play dirty, and paid a wizard to come along and harass the opposition. As the game opened it was apparent that the fans wanted to help this cause and bribed the ref! The Madness received and quickly set about encircling the wood elves, although the ball slipped from Stonetroll's flipper and bounced towards the sideline. The elves capitalised on this by slipping past the tentacles of the Beast and attacked deep in Madness territory. Things were looking grim for Stonetroll until the wizard knocked a war dancer off his feet and Stonetroll managed to break free; knocking out an elf in the process. In the fracas that followed a war dancer got tripped over by Greywacke Jones and found himself being dragged off the field to the injury box. Pleased with his success Greywacke laid the boot in to the other war dancer, but the ref took objection and sent him off the pitch. A lone elf took on Stonetroll in an attempt to halt the madness advance, but was knocked over and gang fouled off the pitch for his efforts. The implacable advance of the Madness saw them score as the first half drew to an end. Opening the second half only 6 elves took to the pitch to face down their fearsome opponents. Proving that they were not to be underestimated the Lovers scored a quick touchdown by passing the ball straight through a scrum of the Misery. Unfortunately for the elves this play cost them another player and they had to defend against the madness with only 5 on the field! The remaining war dancer quickly leapt past the Misery lines and tried to pin Stonetroll on the sideline with the ball. Fortunately the rookie penguin Mr_Foulscumm knocked him unconscious and cleared the way forwards. The bold elves continued to attack the ball but were worn down by the sheer brutality of the Misery. Mr_Foulscumm sent one of the few remaining elves off to the medic and the two penguins headed for the line; playfully passing the ball backwards and forwards as they went. While the rest of the Misery mopped up the remaining players and uprooted the treeman Mr_Foulscumm ran over the line and secured the win.
Game 6 - Banner of the Black Stag - Win 2-0
The Misery waltzed in to the cheers of their adoring fans as they prepared to face off against the Banner of the Black Stag; a particularly resilient group of Norse. After winning the toss the Misery put the Norse resilience to the test and cleared two players off the pitch as soon as the whistle blew. One was knocked unconscious, while a second fell prey to Greywacke Jones' boot and suffered a permanent injury. The demoralised Norse began to falter and Stonetroll broke their line with the ball while the rest of the Misery continued to suppress their panicking opposition. While Stonetroll danced for his fans tragedy befell the Misery when Greywacke Jones was injured by the frantic flailing of a gigantic frenzied Norseman! The Misery quickly recovered and scored comfortably while systematically removing the Norse players from the pitch. As the second half opened the Misery assaulted the Norse relentlessly; once again clearing several from the field. A runner broke through with the ball but was run down by Mr_Foulscumm who proceeded to collect the ball and run it back the other way. With the rest of the Misery relentlessly harassing the remaining Norse he comfortably waddled over the line and scored the second point as the buzzer rang. Having won this match the Misery were the unmistakable champions of their regional and scuttled off to revel. Greywacke Jones wasn't even scraped off the pitch until the cleaners came in later the next morning.
Game 7 - Ogrepaid Ogresexed Ogrehere - Win 2-0
In the build up to the Misery's final match of the season there were rampant rumours that they were going to throw the match for a significant amount of cash. These rumours were even supported by some unusual activity in the team coffers. Come the open of the match these rumours were quickly dispelled as it became clear that the unusual activity in the coffers was actually the Misery hiring Max Spleenripper to help them against their burly foes! To the cheers of their adoring fans the Misery ran out on to the field. After receiving the kick they quickly removed two of the burly Ogres from the field, and proceeded to grind the rest down. While Mr_Foulscumm circled around the melee in centre field with the ball, Spleenripper got stuck in to the opposition. One Ogre had his hip badly injured and very nearly bled out but was saved by an apothecary, and a Snotling had his collarbone cut clean through. It was all looking like a sure thing until a bold Ogre broke through the defenders and took down Mr_Foulscumm. A Snotling scooped up the ball and made a bid for freedom before having Spleenripper's saw jammed into his back. After Mr_Foulscumm regained the ball, Spleenripper took to a prone Ogre but was ejected by the referee before he could finish the job. Another Ogre came bursting through the defenders and took Mr_Foulscumm out again! Stonetroll stepped up to save the drive and chucked the Ogre into the crowd, grabbed the ball, and headed for the endzone when wham! A Snotling leapt into him in a cannonball and embarrassingly put him on his back, preventing the Misery from scoring that half. As the second half opened the Ogres limped on to the field knowing they would be badly outnumbered. After kicking the ball to the Ogres the Misery quickly overran them and Mr_Foulscumm scored a quick touch down. After their success the Misery went for a repeat maneuver, but were slowed down by an Ogre. The ball was quickly reclaimed and they scored again. After the final kick off the Ogres successfully regrouped and made a drive for the endzone. Sadly the buzzer rang before the Ogres could cross the line. Ecstatic with their perfect season the Misery scampered off the field and in to the seediest taverns they could find.
Game 1 - Jinxed Jesters - Loss 0-3
Fresh from their off-season celebrations the Madness Mountain Misery came in to their first conference cock-sure and ready to win! They kicked to the Jesters who fumbled the ball right in front of them, and quickly encircled the opposition! All was looking good until the Jesters managed to free the ball and get around the sluggish Misery. Turns out they were still hungover. The Beast wandered about looking at the clouds, occasionally bothering to smash an elf or two over, and the rest of the team floundered about failing to achieve anything significant. The result was the Jester's scored at the end of the first half and the Misery were forced to regroup. Opening the second half they were even worse! They completely missed the referees whistle and were over-run by the elves; Stonetroll getting knocked off the pitch in the process. Despite the best efforts of Mr_Foulscumm he was swarmed with elves and the score board read 0-2. Trying to once again re-muster themselves and avoid embarrassment. All was going well until one of the warriors slipped up on a simple block and the elves sprung the ball, buggered off with it, and won 3-0. Upper management decided there was to be extra training and no booze for all players until performance improves.
Game 2 - Intoxicated Mayhem - Draw 1-1
Still reeling from their shock defeat at the hands of the Jinxed Jesters, the Misery were set to face off against the incredibly powerful Intoxicated Mayhem. Before the match coach DustBunny was seen exchanging conspicuous sacks of coin with none other than Borak the Despoiler, as well as the mighty Morg 'n' Thorg! As the game opened the extra training the Misery had been subjected to was put to good use. Their perfect defense hampered the aggressive Orcs, but sadly the sheer strength of their opponents led to a slight falter in the line. Spying the gap the Orcs pushed through. Mr_Foulscumm managed to bring the ball carrier down, but still the Orcs made it through and scored a touch down with the Misery hot on their heels. With a few minutes left in the half, the Misery went all in to equalise. Intoxicated Mayhem took advantage of this and planned a perfect defense which put the whole drive in peril. Fortunately Morg broke through the opposing line and caught a perfect pass from Mr_Foulscumm; scoring as the buzzer rang. Taking to the field with confidence in the second half the Misery quickly made ground and scattered the Orcs. However the might of their opponents showed through again, and the Misery eventually failed to advance and the Orcs made a break with the ball. Morg ran down the receiver, and a well placed boot from Danforth made sure that he wasn't getting up to win the game. With the mighty teams stuck in a midfield melee the game ended tied at 1-1. Unsatisfied with the overall performance the upper management continued to impose extra trainings, but booze rations were back on in order to avoid a mutiny.
Game 3 - Kiwiana Cavaliers - Win 3-1
The Misery came on to the field amidst the roar of cheering fans and prepared to kick the ball directly at the Kiwiana Cavaliers! The Cav's were evidently a bit concerned with how the game was going to go and had brought along extra medical staff. After the Cav's recovered and secured the ball in the back field they quickly started slipping through the Misery lines. The Misery tripped up a journeyman elf and then pounced on the elves that had gotten through. With several of the elves dropping to the pitch in various states of injury the elves opted for a quick pass to end the drive; a pass which was quickly intercepted by Mr_Foulscumm! Facing harassment from the monstrous brothers Lemon and Paeroa Mr_Foulscumm managed to dodge a wizards lightning bolt, but eventually got taken down by the pair despite his teams best efforts to defend them. The elf thrower Chocolate Fish scooped the ball up and passed, but the receiver was so intimidated he dropped the ball! Stonetroll swept back and recovered it, while the others put Chocolate Fish on the ground where Gedney's boot found him. Carted off the pitch bleeding profusely from his head the medical staff in the dugout almost killed him trying to stem the blood flow. In the end he was so badly crippled that he would be forever known from the on as 'a bit soft in the head, aye'. Once again Lemon and Paeroa harassed the ball, and a plucky journeyman elf managed to scoop it up and pass it away for a touchdown in the middle of the first half. With plenty of time on the clock the Misery recovered the shallow kick and proceeded to assault the hapless Cav's. Several elves hit the ground in the opening salvo, and Gedney's boot found the groin of a journeyman elf and sent him off for the rest of the match. The elves struggled to recover, and found themselves getting pummelled and kicked while Mr_Foulscumm wandered past them and handed the ball to the rookie Woodstock who headed for the line. The referees whistle blew at one point and Gedney was ejected. Only after Woodstock had scored and the half time buzzer rang was it made clear that he was ejected for a particularly savage booting of Paeroa. With the medics rushing on to the pitch Paeroa's life was barely saved, but he would never walk the same again. Opening the second half only 4 elves took to the pitch, two of which were nervous journeymen. The Misery set up and prepared to put them down. Opting for a quick play they subdued the elves and Mr_Foulscumm passed the ball to Manbush who ran it over the line. Lemon then regained consciousness and joined the other 4 elves to try and seek retribution for his brother's injury. Stonetroll knocked him flat, and a boot from Woodstock sent him back off to the KO box immediately. The elves tried to keep the ball away from the Misery but were unsuccessful. As the game drew to a close Manbush scored again! Pleased with the teams performance Coach DustBunny declared extra booze rations after each extra training! The elves simply ran away...
Game 4 - Malapropism Mania - Draw 1-1
The Misery tore out on to the pitch to the cheers of their adoring fans, while Coach DustBunny slunk into the shade with two women of ill repute and a man in a sparkly pointy hat. The game opened with Woodstock catching the ball despite the blinding sun and the Misery began the drive! Unfortunately the Beast misheard Coach DustBunny and intentionally left a Chaos Dwarf standing. This speed bump slowed the advance and the Chaos Dwarves capitalised. With the Beast refusing to do anything for fear of doing the wrong thing again the centre line failed to progress. Eventually the referee (clearly on the take) ejected Danforth for no good reason, allowing the Mania to steal the ball! A desperate struggle began in which a lightning bolt was seen to knock a hobgoblin over, but when it all finished the Mania had the ball and were headed for the end zone. As they scored at the end of the half a surprising cheer came from the fans! It turned out that Manbush had sprung to his feet and broken the neck of one of the Dwarves! Inspired by their colleague the Misery went full on the attack for the second half. The Mania were forced deep back in to their own half and series of scrappy plays were attempted. When the dust settled and the buzzer rang it was revealed the Gedney had caught the loose ball after the Beast pushed a player past it, and scored at the buzzer to draw the game. Coach DustBunny was too busy with his 'assistants' to be angry at anybody, so the booze flowed and the team celebrated the draw and the maimed dwarf with their fans!
Game 5 - Freezy Trees - Win 2-1
A confused Misery spewed out on to the pitch amidst a stadium full of mourning Norse fans. It appeared that they were all morning the loss of a particularly foul playing line-woman whose boot had laid many low. Frustrated by the hold up to the kick off a rather abrupt call of "'urry up and !@#%!@# already you !@#!@^ #$@#%@%. Mourn ya' !@#!%!&*# hairy #$(&$ *#$&#%*( later!" came from the coaches dugout. Enraged by the disrespect they were facing the Freezy Trees went on the offensive and sent several of the Misery off the field unconscious. Unable to stop the drive of the Norse the Misery busied themselves harassing the flanks and sent a couple of the scantily clad muscle men off for medical treatment. The Norse were forced to score under duress, and the Misery prepared to equalise the scoreboard. The nefarious Coach DustBunny was seen rubbing powder under the noses of his unconscious players and they all returned to the pitch. A drive was mounted up one flank and with the disheartened Norse fleeing from his path Woodstock received the ball from Mr_Foulscumm and evened the score as the half time buzzer rang. Setting up for the second half the elated Misery prepared to assault the Norse again. Once more it was successful with the Norse unable to stop their advance, and Mr_Foulscumm scoring with plenty of time left on the clock. While the teams were preparing for the final drive the weather took a turn and the rain came pouring down. The Norse boldly screened the ball to prevent the misery scoring again, but were unable to move it out of their own half to tie the game. As the disheartened Norse left the field amongst their disheartened fans, the remaining Misery fans heckled them and threw beer cans.
Game 6 - Geelong Bull Frogs - Win 2-0
The expanded coaching staff of the Geelong Bull Frogs nervously trickled in to the dugout. The expanded medical detachment seemed particularly concerned with the banners flying around the stadium saying "Frog Soup" and "Corpses Catch More Flies Than Tongues!". The Misery strutted on to the field and prepared to strike the Slann down and drive the ball home. Mr_Foulscumm comfortably recovered the kick and came forward to join his team in the scrum. The frogs did not relent! Leaping and blitzing at Mr_Foulscumm whenever the opportunity arose the Bull Frogs managed to stall the assault of the Misery, and even almost stole the ball away and scored. The talented Mr_Foulscumm recovered the ball again and again, eventually handing it off to Manbush who ran for the line. Lightning crackled at him but he sidestepped the clumsy attempt and kept going. One of the last remaining defenders hopped free and took him down in the backfield, but with the Beast containing all of his cohorts he was unable to capitalise. Manbush simply hopped to his feet, stunned the frog, collected the ball, and sauntered over the line as the buzzer rang. After half time the disheartened but uninjured Bull Frogs set up to score quickly. The Misery contained the catchers, and Manbush made a break through the line to pressure the frog holding the ball in the back field. Under pressure the Bull Frogs tried and failed a pass, and the Misery capitalised. The winning action came from the rotter Vincent Bluesnake (formerly and Elf!) who collected the ball and ran it to safety. As the game closed out the Misery pounded the frogs to the cheers of their fans. The medical staff worked overtime, and after the claret cleared only one frog was left permanently damaged. It turned out that Woodstock kicked hard! As the game neared a close Bluesnake finished his victory dance and scored, but not before Z'odra punched a frog over and claimed his first confirmed casualty! Sadly a medic patched the victim up.
Game 7 - Asha'maniac - Loss 0-1
For their final game of the season the Misery faced the bearded Asha'maniac. With the chance of promotion with a victory the Misery bounded on to the field amidst their cheering fans. With the kick going deep Stonetroll chased it down and began looping behind the dwarves. With the rest of the team shepherding the dwarves towards the sidelines things were looking promising when Stonetroll blitzed the ball carrier down. The ball bounced, and rolled, and landed in a secure position for the dwarves. The embarrassing loss of the ball enraged Asha'maniac. Stonetroll wound up in the crowd, and several other Misery players were left face down in the mud. When the dust settled it was apparent there was no permanent damage, but only 5 of the Misery would complete the drive. These 5 held the dwarves off bravely, but eventually succumbed to being outnumbered. With the dwarves scoring near the buzzer the Misery made a cunning play and screened Vincent Bluesnake from the ref while he booted a dwarf right between the legs and forced him to miss the rest of the game. The second half opened with the Misery going one way, and the ball going the other. Mr_Foulscumm recovered it comfortably, but slipped and stunned himself getting to safety! The dwarves lumbered forwards while the Misery quickly recovered. What followed was a desperate scramble for the ball with the Misery managing to keep it out of their opponents hands, but failing to get it down field far enough to score. A disappointing loss to the Misery, but they took some satisfaction from knowing that it was so close. Failing to win this game the Misery ended the season in fourth place; a respectable position for a team so young.
Game 1 - Horrors Of Skye - Win 1-0
For the opening match of their third season the Misery found themselves facing the legendary Horrors of Skye. It was a rare occasion for the Misery to find the crowd mostly cheering against them, but they eagerly took to the field. Their kick landed shallow and forced the Horrors in to striking range. Stonetroll spied an opportunity and blitzed down the ball carrier, while Mr_Foulscumm looped around and scooped up the dropped ball. The scrum in the center was going poorly with several Misery players either prone or unconscious, but Mr_Foulsumm managed to break away and was heading for the line. Excited by this performance a wizard in the audience spurted a fireball on to the field and knocked over a Flesh Golem. One chaser failed to bring him down, and Mr_Foulscumm knocked him clean out, sprinted for the line, but tripped over and found himself waking up in the reserves box. With the ball loose and few players left on the field the Misery deployed in to a defensive formation to force the Horrors to make a long march down pitch with the clock running out. The remaining six of the Misery held their opponents off, forcing a pass which was dropped as the buzzer rang. With the half time scored tied at 0-0 Coach DustBunny was seen running around his medical and reserves box with what he claimed were 'smelling salts'. A miraculous recovery was made by all, and the Misery took to the pitch in full strength. The open of the second half saw the Horrors break the Misery's defensive lines and spring the ball. What followed was a messy scrum with neither team able to adequately lock it down. Stonetroll stepped up, cleared the opposition from the ball, scooped the ball up, and ran for the end line. Screened by his team mates he knocked a pursuer over and was safely headed for the winning touchdown. Invigorated by this performance the Misery cleared several Horrors off the pitch; one Flesh Golem being decimated by The Beast and failing to knit itself together. Stonetroll scored as the clock was running down and the Misery celebrated; waving pieces of their fallen foes carcass as they paraded off the pitch.
Game 2 - Mexican Standoff - Draw 1-1
Facing off against H.E.R.O.E.S stalwarts Mexican Standoff the Misery took to the pitch surrounded by a hostile crowd. With the elves kicking to them they moved in to position to start a bloody push up the flanks. Mr_Foulscumm dropped the ball early on and the elves capitalised by rushing past the blockers. Several elves slipped through the tentacles of The Beast and continued on to harass the Misery players handling the ball in the back field. Stonetroll led the recovery effort and blitzed a path clear back to the ball, allowing Mr_Foulscumm to scoop it up and find safety surrounded by friendly players. The elven star Isabella Fontana leapt through the Misery lines and knocked Mr_Foulscumm over freeing the ball! Thedhrerh charged the surrounded elf down, dealing a mighty blow that fractured her arm and left her out of the rest of the game. With Mr_Foulscumm recovering the ball and the elves demoralised the Misery walked it safely over the line as the half closed. Starting the second half the agile Standoff quickly scored off a risky passing play. Despite the Misery's best efforts they couldn't prevent the touchdown, but came back on the pitch determined to score a second. With plenty of time on the clock things were looking good for the Misery. Mr_Foulscumm held on to the ball through repeated assaults from the surprisingly hardy elves. As the clock ticked towards the end he finally got taken down and the ball was loose! Mr_Foulscumm recovered it and attempted a hand off to Stonetroll who was bursting through, but the ball was fumbled. Stonetroll failed to scoop it back up before the buzzer rang and the score stayed tied at 1-1.
Game 3 - Wings of the Condor - Win 2-0
The fans were all cheering in a blood thirsty frenzy as the Misery took to the pitch. The malice in the crowd was all directed to the dubious recipient of a Black Pearl; Viola of the Wings of the Condor. As the game opened she took shelter from the rocks and opposition behind her team mates, and only darted out to make opportunistic blitzes against the Misery. Mr_Foulscumm scooped up the ball and ran to the safety of his team mates. The Misery began a process of gradually rolling through the elves. The elves proved more durable than expected, and Mr_Foulscumm looked up to see dark clouds forming above him. Knowing full well what this meant he lodged the ball inside a squishy part of Cxalk'gnil as a lightning bolt sparked down from above him. With the ball still secure the Misery continued their push up field but failed to injure any of the elves that got in their way. As the half closed Z'odra recklessly flung himself at a journeyman line elf and crushed the poor mercenary. Cxalk'gnil shambled over the line as the buzzer rang and the Misery celebrated through the half time break. The second half opened with a shallow kick that the Misery managed to blitz down and secure. The agile elf thrower collected the ball, but fumbled it while under pressure from the menacing figures around him. Mr_Foulscumm scooped it up and the Misery formed a cage around him. With the Wings of the Condor disheartened and pushed back the Misery began to grind towards the touch zone. They got there with time to spare, but as Mr_Foulscumm went to put the ball down Coach DustBunny was heard yelling "No! Kill that !@#$#@ $%*^ Viola first!". The Misery caged up, and took turns punting the prone star. The referee (who was on the take from the elves) had overheard the Coach and swiftly ejected any player who happened to stand on the prone star. Eventually she was knocked unconscious and dragged off the pitch to safety. The Misery scored again and won 2-0.
Game 4 - Maimami Vice - Win 1-0
What the Misery thought was just another game turned out to be a raid by the Maimami Vice squad! With the ref on the take from the police, and a specialist in violent apprehension wielding a chainsaw the Misery had their work cut out for them. With the Vice sending the ball deep Mr_Foulscumm looped back to collect it. Spotting an opportunity Stonetroll sprinted forwards and took out the specialist with the chainsaw before he could attempt to 'investigate' any of the Misery. While Mr_Foulscumm ran the ball to the safety of the line of scrimmage, Stonetroll was repeatedly booted by a dirty cop. By the time his comrades caught up to shield him he was unconscious and being dragged off the pitch by medical staff. What followed was a slow back and forth between our heroes and the police, with the half ending tied at 0-0. The only moment of excitement came when The Beast smashed the ribs of the dirty cop and left him sitting the rest of the match out. Over half time Coach DustBunny disposed of as many of his 'smelling salts' as he could, and even chucked some at Stonetroll who quickly found his feet again. The referee was unimpressed with the meager payoff he received, and refused to turn a blind eye to the chainsaw. The Vice received and found themselves split across the pitch and under pressure. They made a desperate ploy down one side, but Manbush leapt to his feet and took the ball carrier down before he could investigate the end zone. With the rest of the team catching up the Misery secured the ball, and Woodstock began to run it towards the end zone. The Vice were scattered and disheartened, with only one Ghoul able to chase after Woodstock. Stonetroll shoved the Ghoul in to the tentacles of The Beast, where the Ghoul was promptly crushed until it stopped twitching. Woodstock sauntered over the line while the rest of the Misery brutalised the police and stole whatever 'evidence' they found on the unconscious and bleeding officers.
Game 5 - Malapropism Mania - Win 1-0
The Misery's fans all turned out to see them exact vengeance on Malaproprism Mania after their hard fought draw in the previous season. Thedhrerh was pacing like a bull at a gate waiting for his first shot at the beardies, and when the whistle blew he was off! A hobgoblin was dragged off the field bleeding! Then a Bull Centaur! Then another hobgoblin! With the Mania disheartened and reeling Mr_Foulscumm shot through screened by his players. An opportunistic fireball singed a few beards, and it quickly became apparent that the only thing standing between Mr_Foulscumm and a touchdown was the fearsome Abdominal Snowman who was hot on his flippers. The cunning Mr_Foulscumm knew he could take him, and carefully lured the Snowman into a vulnerable position, from which he was flung into the crowd and injured! With the Misery dominating the Mania the first half ended with Mr_Foulscumm waddling over the line and scoring. The Mania were missing all their key players as the second half began, and the Misery pounced! Pressuring the ball they knocked the ball carrier over and Mr_Foulscumm swept through and scooped the ball up! While the rest of the Misery continued to pummel the Mania Mr_Foulscumm and Manbush took off down pitch to play silly-buggers with the ball in front of the crowd! A two to nil win was looking certain, until Cxalk'gnil accidentally face-planted while trying to shove a beardy around. Mr_Foulscumm and Manbush were so amused that they forgot to score, and the game ended at 1-0.
Game 6 - High Elvis - Loss 2-3
With the WASTEPAC Challenge on the line for both the HEROES and the VILLAINS the Misery faced off against the crooning High Elvis elves. It all started well with Woodstock receiving the kick; Elvis Presley himself being sent off for medical attention; and the Misery driving through. Suddenly a fireball erupted around Woodstock, and Priscilla Presley lept through the chaos and sprung the ball free. The agile elves quickly scooped it up and proceeded to score with such ease that it was as if the Misery were not even present. Re-setting and determined to come back from the setback the Misery started another drive, but were stalled by the Elves. The corrupt referee ejected a key member of the offensive screeners, and the elves knocked the ball from Mr_Foulscumm's hands. The Misery recovered temporarily, but it wasn't enough to stop the elves throwing a pass to a receiver who refused to stay lying down. With the half ending at 2-0 to High Elvis things were looking grim for the Misery. With the elves receiving the Misery set up conservatively to bait them out and beat them down. While their plan worked well, it wasn't enough to stop the elves passing through the Misery and scoring quickly. Determined to rally the Misery set up aggressively and punished the elves with Woodstock running over the line and setting the board to 3-1. There was a brief pause to play while the numerous broken elves were dragged screaming to the apothecary, and the Misery set upon them with fury when the whistle blew again! They chased the ball down, and a well placed pass from Mr_Foulscumm found its way into Woodstocks flippers. Woodstock then charged through the elves and bringing the game to a respectable 3-2. When the Misery kicked again the elves could not retreat fast enough. Despite the best efforts of the Misery they couldn't catch the crafty devils, and the game ended at 3-2. With the WASTEPAC Challenge out of reach, but the Conference still up for grabs the Misery opted for a conservative option of only partying for a few days before training recommenced.
Game 7 - Cocksville Blockers - Win 2-0
For the final game of the season the Misery faced off against the Cocksville Blockers. With the Blockers so badly outclassed the Cabalvision execs decided to even things up a bit by bringing in the famous Griff Oberwald and The Mighty Zug to help out the beleaguered humans. Even with the stars on their side the humans were far from fan favourites compared to the misery, and the crowd went wild at the prospect of seeing their favourite team decimate such famous opponents. Knowing that the humans would pull out all the stops to gain an early lead the dastardly coach DustBunny had his team fake lethargic hangovers. The Blockers thought they had the drop on the Misery with an early blitz, but quickly realised they had been had! Stonetroll took down the star catcher Hank the Hunk and Vincent Bluesnake shattered his jaw with a well placed boot. The ref ejected Vincent but it mattered little as Mr_Foulscumm scooped up the ball and waddled forwards. Griff Oberwald decided to try and prove his worth by skirting around the Misery and scooping up the loose ball after Mr_Foulscumm was wrestled down. However he fell over his own feet and the Misery quickly reclaimed the ball and circled around the pursuing Cocks. The humiliated Griff tried to redeem himself but failed. He tried again, but once again wound up on his face courtesy of a clothesline maneuver from Woodstock. Mr_Foulscumm tore ahead and scored with the Blockers on his heels! With time left to play in the half the Humans set up for a quick touchdown. The fans rioted while the teams were in the dugout and the ref was none-to-eager to blow his whistle again! Stonetroll and Mr_Foulscumm tied up the crowd of receivers on their flank, and the human with ball simply panicked and dropped it where he stood. With the 2nd half still to play the Misery kicked deep and leveraged their advanced defensive training to force the humans to try and redirect around the side. The Misery quickly contained the offensive push while Mr_Foulscumm tore down field to single handedly pressure Griff and the ball! With two linemen chasing after him Mr_Foulscumm inevitably hit the dirt, but managed to hold play up for long enough that Manbush came to his assistance. With a buddy on his side he managed to take Griff down and scoop up the ball. Griff retaliated and reclaimed the ball, and the Ogre smashed the hip of the long running kicker Wilhelm Dyer who was boldly marking the brute. With the fans hissing at them over the injury the Cocks lost their new found firmness. The Mighty Zug failed to overcome The Beast, and Griff found himself meeting the fans courtesy of Manbush and Mr_Foulscumm! With Griff running for the emergency exit the humans decided all was lost and that they better just make it through alive. Hoagie White blatantly fouled The Beast to no avail and the shell-shocked referee refused to act. In retaliation Gedney booted Delroy White and sent him to the injury bin, while Uthougnnath charged Hoagie down and shattered his knee to pieces! Manbush scooped up the ball and began dancing for the fans, while The Beast got to its feet and the rest of the ream rallied around to trap the hapless humans. What followed was a brief pummelling while Manbush paraded about. As the buzzer rang Manbush put the ball down, and Gedney's boot feel on Zug one last time leaving the brute stunned. Having won the conference convincingly the Misery picked up their trophy, grabbed some wenches, and headed off to the tavern!
Game 1 - Freezy Trees - Loss 0-2
After being absent for a season while the infamous DustBunny was abroad (nominally for 'research') the Misery shook off their slumber and marched out to the cheers of their fans! Their opponents were the Freezy Trees. The Misery brought the fans, but the Freezy Trees brought the weather and a fierce blizzard whipped through the stadium. With the Misery receiving they lunged forward eager to get to grips with the Norsemen! Mr_Foulscumm scooped up the ball and carried it to the safety of his team, while the rest of the Misery pushed forward in a disciplined formation. Suddenly a searing blast of heat erupted around Mr_Foulscumm; a dastardly wizard sought to undo the driver of the Misery! Stonetroll was knocked out cold, and Mr_Foulscumm spilled the ball in a pool of melted ice. The Norse swooped around and tried to claim the ball. Mr_Foulscumm scooped it back up deftly but was then taken down and the famous Lorax stole the ball and made for the endzone! With the Misery unable to stop him Lorax scored while the fans hissed at the underhanded play. With the play resetting and the rest of the half left to go the Misery snapped at the Norse again. The Norse had learnt from their previous loss to the Misery, and managed to stay on their feet despite the ferocious blocks thrown against them. With the clock running down the Misery were forced to make a desperate break around the flank. Sadly Mr_Foulscumm tripped in a snow flurry and lay isolated and unconscious next to the ball. Gedney tried to rally the team by booting the kicker known as Luke's Duck and leaving him with a cracked skull! With the Misery revelling in the bloodshed the unlikely happened. The larger, wilder beasts of Norsemen threw a pass through the Misery and the blizzard and Gox sprinted for the touch-zone. The weather was his undoing and he slipped over with the ball rolling away from him - no score. The Misery took to the pitch determined to make more of their defensive drive. It started well with the Misery driving forward and a helpful rock from the crowd laying one of the Freezy Trees out. Gedney was ferociously clawed by the Snow Troll Clark and was forced to retire from the pitch due to some insides being on the outside. Cxalk'gnil pursued the ball deep into the Freezy Trees half. The thrower Bim foolishly stood in his way and was rewarded with a broken neck. The Norse forced the Misery to engage them near the sidelines, and Lorax eventually broke through. With the Misery slipping over in the snow behind him he comfortably made it to the end-zone and set the score board 2-0 with some time to play. The Misery set up aggressively. They were determined to put one on the board. A chunk of ice came whirling through the blizzard and knocked Woodstock unconscious. Manbush managed to recover the ball but slipped while pushing through the blizzard in order to bring a receiver in to view. With the ball lost in a flurry of snow both teams set about maliciously punching, kicking, biting, clawing, and fish-hooking each other. Eventually the referee got sick of the cold and declared the game done. The Freezy Trees left proud but sore. The Misery left disappointed but determined to redeem themselves.
Game 2 - Wäŋa Warriors - Loss 1-2
In the most anticipated match of the conference the Misery took to the field against champs-in-exile the Wäŋa Warriors! The Misery started eager blitzing at the Orcs, but the stoic green-skins resisted their advance. A scrum broke out in the centre with neither side giving ground until Ubirr III took a risk and punched through the Misery lines towards the touch zone. With the Misery failing to bring down the cunning Orc he scored under pressure. As the Misery set up to equalise the score the Warriors shut them down with a well timed blitz. Narrowly missing a touchdown opportunity the Misery entered the second half a point down. With the crowd getting restless the Misery set up and quickly set about setting the scoreboard to rights. Mr_Foulscumm received the high ball with ease and flanked around the melee forming in the centre of the pitch. Slipping past his pursuers he put a point on the board and the crowd went wild. The Misery set up aggressively with every intention to secure the win, but Coach DustBunny was suspiciously absent. Suddenly a boulder landed on the pitch and crushed the agile Orc star Maguk III. With the apothecary refusing to even leave the Wäŋa Warriors dugout for fear of more missiles Maguk III died gurgling his last. Coach DustBunny spent the rest of the game pondering over some trigonometric diagrams and was heard muttering "wrong one, but how?". Ubir III was noticeably rattled and fumbled the ball. The Misery swooped but as Ubir III regained his composure they failed to secure the ball. The resolved Ubir III proved his worth and repeatedly punched at the Misery until he eventually broke through and carried his team to victory. The Misery were disheartened, and their fans even more so. However, the inevitable comeback was on its way and Gedney was spotted collecting some odd wooden sprigs from a shady figure in the tavern after the match.
Game 3 - New World Winers and Diners - Win 2-0
Despite their unfortunate performances in the opening matches of the season the Misery didn't fail to draw a solid crowd. With the sweltering heat and the overindulgence of Bloodweiser in the stands the game was held up by a brawl which spilled on to the field. When the dust settled several players were stunned, but the Misery set about redeeming themselves by crushing the Vampires standing before them. With the New World Winers and Diners advancing aggressively on the Misery Mr_Foulscumm deftly pulled back while the rest of the team isolated the pursuers from the support of their comrades. One Thrall made the mistake of getting too close to Manbush who (enraged from being caught in the brawl of the fans) lept to his feet and shattered the skull of the hapless blood-bag. As the sickening crunch resonated through the stands the Misery began their well drilled advance. All was going well until through some wicked sorcery a vampire hypnotised the beast, and one of those cruel enchanters who plague the Misery so sent lightning from leaping at Mr_Foulscumm. With the ball knocked loose and the vampires in pursuit Stonetroll made a bee-line for the vampire aiming to recover the ball. As the vampire picked it up and took a step back he found himself lifted and dumped down by Stonetroll on the charge. Mr_Foulscumm recovered the ball but was once again undone by the magical vampires who managed to enthrall their foes and spill the ball loose. Stonetroll was enraged by the sorcery and set his sights on the vampire who was stubbornly recovering the ball again. The apothecary of the Diners saw what was coming next and managed to slip a crash mat on the field. The vampire found himself airborne once more, but the apothecary's quick thinking prevented any serious harm. Stonetroll scooped up the ball and secured the point for the Misery. As the clock ran down on the first half Coach DustBunny was conspicuous in his absence. As the ball sailed through the air a thrall moved slightly and caught a glancing blow from a stake aimed directly at the agile vampire standing behind him. A mighty string of curses was heard coming from the box of a certain Institute of Noble Scholars, but all present agreed the math was right; it was just the thrall which was wrong. As the second half started the disheartened vampires struggled in the heat. The Misery capitalised by locking down the lone vampire attempting to move to a scoring position. With the other vampires exhausted and feasting on the Thralls for sustenance Stonetroll managed to run down the receiver and send him fleeing the pitch. The Diners struggled to recover, but were humiliated when the famous Misery Kicker Wilhelm Dyer dumped the vampire with the ball on his back. Stonetroll swooped in and passed to Woodstock who was careering towards the endzone. Out of nowhere the famous Wilhelm Cheney (who had done nothing of note until this point) slipped through the Misery and knocked the ball loose. The Misery easily wrestled Cheney down, and Stonetroll swooped through and made his second touch down. With minutes to play the humiliated Cheney refused to leave the dugout, and the vampires made a desperate shot at retaining some pride by putting a point on the board. Stonetroll once again took down the receiver, and the clock ran itself out to the sounds of Thralls hitting the ground and being dragged away unconscious. With a renewed taste for victory the Misery eagerly awaited their next match against long-time rivals the Jeagers.
Game 4 - SWL Jeagers - Loss 3-1
The Misery once again came up against the Jeagers. Having been crushed by the Misery twice before the Elves came prepared with a bag of tricks, extra armour, and the assistance of Prince Moranion. The Misery received but the elves at a signal from Moranion lay down to avoid being blocked. With the Misery distracted by this deplorable tactic the elves slipped through their cage, sprung the ball, and scored early in the first half. The Misery set up to receive again, but the fans rioted at the behaviour of the Elves in the previous drive! The Elves had clearly been training in blocking, as the Misery struggled to bring them down. Even when the fragile pointy-ears hit the ground, their armour held up. They were learning. With the clock ticking down Mr_Foulscumm made a quick break but was chased down by the Jeagers who slipped away from the Misery screeners. With the score set at 0-1 to the Jeagers the cheating Elves set up to score quickly. Despite the Misery swamping their players, a perfect spiral landed in the hands of an Elf who promptly scored. The Misery set up and quickly returned a point in a valiant effort to redeem a win. Mr_Foulscumm pushed past the Elven defenders and threw a perfect pass to Manbush who got a point on the board for the Misery. Heartened by their success the Misery blitzed the Jeagers on the next kickoff. However the Jeagers recovered, and once again threw an unlikely pass to safety. Stonetroll ran the receiver down and knocked him unconscious, but while he was occupied with the receiver another pointy-ear scooped up the ball and put a third point on the board. The Misery tried to score again quickly in the dying minutes, but failed to get to the end in time. A disheartening loss to the Misery, but the Jeagers had clearly learned something from their previous thrashings. Coach DustBunny swore the next time they met, the Jeagers would rue the day.
Game 5 - Sphinxes from Mars - Win 2-0
Coming off the back of their loss to the Jeagers the Misery were determined to win their next bout. They faced off against the dangerous Sphinxes from Mars - a match that drew many fans. With the Sphinxes kicking the Misery prepared for a gruelling drive through their bony defence. As the ball flew through the air, so did a beer bottle from the stands. Much to the joy of the Sphinxes, Vincent Bluesnake lay stunned. The Misery began their grinding advance. Mr_Foulscumm got the ball and moved forwards to safety. The line blockers cleared out skeletons opposite them. And Gedney brutally crushed the skull of one skeleton who didn't get out of the way quick enough. Sadly the referees whistle blew and Gedney was ejected from the game. With great infamy comes great risk after all. The Sphinxes closed in and tried to lock down the Misery who successfully repelled their assault and wheeled the scrum around to give Mr_Foulscumm a clear path to escape. Woodstock and Stonetroll set about knocking Setekh and a super-star blitzer unconscious, and Mr_Foulscumm made a dash to glory. The over judicious referee ejected Vincent Bluesnake, but the Misery had the drive locked down. Scoring late in the half the Misery were clearly on form. As the first half closed and a mandatory kick off had to take place, the long-time fan favourite Danforth was brutally murdered by the mummy Jade Jackal! Despite this, the Misery kept their composure and prepared their defence. The Misery lurched forwards at the Sphinxes who failed to collect the ball quickly enough and forced the slow Khemri to split their ranks to deal with the various threats faced. With the offensive line spread wide Uthougnnath spotted a gap and blitzed the ball carrier to the ground. The Misery followed him through the gap, and Mr_Foulscumm scooped the ball up. Setekh managed to get to Mr_Foulscumm, but the loose ball was expertly rolled through the Misery defence to safety. Stonetroll cleared the ball of the Mummy that managed to loop around and headed down one flank to act as a receiver for Mr_Foulscumm who grabbed the ball and then headed the other way! With the Khemri once again divided the Misery wheeled back around and pressed down the flank. Setekh continued to harass the drive, but Stonetroll simply bashed him unconscious and made it to the end zone at the same time a pass from Mr_Foulscumm dids. As the buzzer rang and Stonetroll caught the ball, the game ended 2-0 in favour of the Misery.
Game 6 - Banner of the Black Stag - Tie 0-0
The Misery squared off against the Banner of the Black Stag. The Norse were determined to redeem themselves after their previous defeat at the hands of the Misery and boldly marched on to the pitch. The Misery received the kick and followed their regular pattern of pushing forwards and securing the ball. The fearsome Norse creature known as Aeon the Definistrator was knocked unconscious by Stonetroll, but the success of Stonetroll was overshadowed by the referee ejecting Gedney on grounds of suspicion of foul play. The advance came to a halt as the Beast forgot what he was doing. The Norse circled the ball, and the corrupt referee ejected Vincent Bluesnake for no good reason. The confused beast was knocked down and fell into an unconscious stupor. With no other alternative available Mr_Foulscumm made a break through the Norse lines to the far side of the pitch where Thedrerh was busy smashing in the jaw of a line man who made the mistake of marking him. With the Norse in hot pursuit Foulscumm was eventually pinned in place and knocked down. In the ensuing melee Thedrerh smashed another jaw, but was then brutally murdered by the Snow Troll Raas. The half ended with the score board tied, and many players unable to take to the pitch for the second half. The Banner has snuck on Boomer Eziasson and Wilhelm Chaney for the second half in a desperate attempt to gain an edge against the Misery. Boomer lost his nerve and blew a bloody crater in the Norse defensive line, and the Misery swooped. Stonetroll punched through the line and knocked the famous Grumnir on his ass, and Mr_Foulscumm collected the loose ball in the middle of the Norse team. Chaney pounced on Mr_Foulscumm and freed up the ball, but it was quickly recovered by Woodstock. The rabid dog Chaney once again chased after the ball and took Woodstock down so hard he lost consciousness! Stonetroll broke free of the Norse marking him and recollected ball, but then tripped while making a break for freedom. With Grumnir back in the action Stonetroll was forced to smash him into the ground before recollecting the ball. Chaney tried his best for force Stonetroll in to the crowd, but he managed to break free. A desperate tackle from a Norse line man eventually bought Stonetroll down as the buzzer rang. The game ended tied 0-0, with both teams battered and bruised from the fierce exchange.
Game 7 - Necromanteia - Win 2-1
For their final game of the season the Misery squared off against the shambling Necromanteia in a terrible blizzard. Despite the poor weather the Misery fans packed the stadium, and the Necromanteia supporters did their best to remain inconspicuous. The game began with a kick from the Misery landing in the middle of the opposing team. The receivers tried to quickly loop around the flank but were contained easily by the Misery. Under pressure the dead ones tried to quickly change flanks, but left an opening that was exploited. Z'odra boldly charged through the ice and snow to smash the Werewolf with the ball down so hard that it would not return to the pitch that game. With the ball loose Mr_Foulscumm deftly darted through the offensive line and scooped up the ball. Hoping to go un-noticed during all the commotion Gedney booted the head clean off a Flesh Golem. Sadly he was seen by the ref and was instructed to help carry the head off to be re-attached, and then sit out the rest of the game. Mr_Foulscumm scored quickly with plenty of time left in the half. The Misery were full of confidence, but tragedy was soon to strike. They kicked shallow and looped around to contain the Necromanteia advance and force a turn over. The Ghoul with the ball came around the sides with only a Werewolf for cover, and Stonetroll struck! The ball was spilled loose, the Ghoul was stunned, and the Werewolf was marked two to one. Suddenly an arc of lightning fired from the Necromanteia dugout and Stonetroll was lifted in to the air where he was slowly torn to pieces by pulsing energy. With the Misery horrified by what they were seeing the Werewolf scooped the ball up and scored. The fans rioted and demanded justice, but were eventually contained by event security. The Misery were rattled by the sudden and violent death of Stonetroll and finished up the first half conservatively blocking and regaining their composure. When the second half began they were fully composed. They began a methodical advance and contained the opposition neatly while Mr_Foulscumm brought the ball up from the back field. Necromanteia were unable to make any headway against the Misery with their only success being Woodstock getting knocked unconscious by a wolf who was pursuing the ball. The Misery easily recovered, and Mr_Foulscumm put enough distance and blockers between himself and the pursuers that the second half played out uneventfully as the Misery pummelled their opponents and ran the clock down. Mr_Foulscumm scored as the game ended, securing the win 2-1. The still raging fans invaded the pitch hunting for the wizard that had downed their hero, and Necromanteia scattered. After a gruelling season the Misery reflected on their lost comrades and third place finish. Then they vowed to revenge them in the season to come.
Game 1 - Urban Nightmare - Tie 1-1
For their opening match of the new season the Misery were paired against the lethal Urban Nightmare; a team with more claws in it than a discount bag of 'horse meat'. The Urban Nightmare fans were strongly represented in the crowd, and invaded the field as soon as the ball was in the air! Most of the Misery were left prone by this undignified display, but enough remained to secure the ball. Mr_Foulscumm made a point of decapitating the first fan to assail him, and the rest quickly fled. He secured the ball and started to run head first towards the Undead Nightmare who had seized the opportunity to move around the flanks of the Misery. The Misery recovered and formed up around Mr_Foulscumm, while Vincent Bluesnake delivered a nasty boot to a prone Beastman. The ref ejected him, but the damage was done. That goat was out for the game. The re-formed Misery isolated a few weak players on a flank and began to wheel the play around to favour a clean run for Mr_Foulscumm. They managed to hold off enough of the Nightmare in order for Mr_Foulscumm to get in to position for a final break at the goal. He took his shot, stunned a goat that got in his way, and scored. With time left in the half the Misery prepared to face the claws of their foes. Immediately a new player by the name of Da'boraaloa had his collarbone shattered by a fearsome Warrior of Chaos. The disciplined beast however stood tall and strong, and the Misery rallied around him to push back the offensive drive. Z'odra charged forwards and left the Warrior who had maimed Da'boraaloa whimpering and crawling off the pitch. Unsettled by the counter-attack the Urban Nightmare failed to make enough ground on the Misery to threaten a touch down. The Misery proceeded to redouble their efforts in harming their foes, and Cannibal Smith injured another mighty Warrior of Chaos, but was ejected for his creative methods. With the first half ending in a brawl centre-field the Misery prepared to defend again as the second half began. The kick went deep, but the Nightmare recovered it and tried for a fast play to get some points on the board. A goat with ball tried to run around the side of the defenders, but Mr_Foulscumm nimbly weaved through the defenders and spilled the ball. Outnumbered by the Nightmare he was pushed to the sidelines where their supporters grabbed him and dragged him off. With the ball still loose Manbush followed Mr_Foulscumm's example and singlehandedly assaulted the offensive drive. He too was grabbed by the fans, and a goat grabbed the ball and stumbled over the touch line before any more of the Misery could get near him. With Manbush and Mr_Foulscumm still missing in the crowd a violent riot erupted between the fans of the two teams. News reports indicated that many were killed, but official sources claimed only 'one or two' died and that it was due to 'mushrooms and alcohol'. As the game resumed the Misery found themselves outnumbered by their opponents. Despite this they managed to secure the ball and draw the Nightmare in to a losing fight in the centre of the field. The Nightmare managed to eventually lay hands on the ball, but it was too little too late. The buzzer rang with the score drawn at 1-1, and the riot resumed.
Game 2 - Necromanteia - Win 1-0
The Misery were offered a chance for revenge. With the death of Stonetroll at the hands of the Necromanteia team wizard still in everyones minds, they took to the pitch with a grim determination. The Misery received and wasted no time in wheeling around the flanks of Necromanteia and forcing the necromantic nightmares to come to them. Fierce blows were traded as the Misery advanced steadily down field. Many players were left laying unconscious. Spotting a downed Flesh Golem, Vincent Bluesnake took a running kick and savagely shattered its skull. Sadly the ref saw the maneuver too, and Bluesnake was ejected from the game into the arms of cheering fans. With the ball secure, the Misery ran the clock down on the first half before scoring. Any chance for revenge had to be taken. Starting the second half the Misery kicked deep, and Necromanteia quickly tried to make a move. Manbush pressured the ball, and the necromantic monsters shambled forwards into striking range of the Misery. Trapped and under pressure the cage didn't form completely around the ball carrier, and Manbush looped in from behind and put the Ghoul on the ground. TheSpoonyBard swooped in and collected the ball, but saw the hated Necromanteia wizard lining up a lightning strike. Having learned from his predecessor's demise TheSpoonyBard artfully deflected most of the bolt with the ball and emerged unharmed. The ball dramatically sailed through the air, but carried by the winds of fate landed squarely in the middle of the Misery scrum. With time running out on the clock the Misery fought a running battle with the last few defenders that weren't pinned down. The ball changed hands several times, but the Misery simply couldn't get to the endzone before the clock ran out. The game ended 1-0 in favour of the Misery, and there was a certain grim satisfaction gained from mangling the Flesh Golem.
Game 3 - Horrors of Skye - Win by Concession
The Misery took to the pitch eager to face off against the legendary Horrors of Skye, but nobody took to the field opposite them. After several hours of impromptu Blood Bowl games breaking out in the stands, a messenger arrived for Coach DustBunny. Coach JoeKano was waylaid and would not be able to see out the season. The officials awarded a win by concession, and everyone went home.
Game 4 - Office Rats - Loss 1-2
As the Misery took to the pitch against their skaven opponents, there was an unsettling tingle in the air. Clearly the sorcerors that so plagued the Misery were present, and there could be no doubt that they bore anything but ill will. The rats received and predictably went for a fast score. The Misery pressured them and forced an early touchdown, then prepared for their own drive. The Misery drive went as could be expected despite the rats setting up a cunning counter to the assault. The Beast and some assistants tied up the bulk of the vermin, while Mr_Foulscumm and the rest of the team isolated the rats on one flank and broke through. Mr_Foulscumm led his comrades in a wheeling arc around the pinned rats, while the rest of the team laid into them. Vincent Bluesnake was ejected for a well placed boot to an exceptionally agile Gutter Runner, but not even the referee's mingling could halt the Misery offense. With the rats pinned down the Misery repeatedly pummeled another downed Gutter Runner. However despite its fragile state, the vermin refused to leave the pitch. As the clock ran down Cxalk'gnil broke a rats skull with a hefty blow, and Mr_Foulscumm scored comfortably. With the score tied at 1-1, the second half began. Magic hung heavily in the air, but the Misery pressed on. Once again the beast tied up the flanking rats while the Misery wheeled past them in a mighty arc. The iron-rat that had resisted so many boots continued to resist 3 more, and the Misery realised that foul enchantment was at play. Tragedy soon struck. Cxalk'gnil was disoriented by a sorcerous spell and tripped in the centre field leaving the rats free to break away and chase Mr_Foulscumm. Sudden darkness engulfed the area around Mr_Foulscumm, and he found himself back in his home dugout and unable to get back on the pitch. The Misery couldn't see the ball due to sorcerous intervention, but attempted to control the area in which they believed it lay. Suddenly the enchanted rat who had resisted so many boots scarpered off from the scrum, and Woodstock realised he had the ball and gave chase. His tackle connected with nothing however, as the rat dissappeared and re-appeared out of his reach. Guided by wizardly winds the ball sailed to another masked Gutter Runner who scored as the clock ran out. Enraged by this foul display of sorcery the Misery fans rushed towards a bunch of bearded rats in pointy hats. As soon as they realised their cover was blown, the bearded ones took flight and collapsed the stand behind them. Not only did the Misery lose the game to the trickery of the rodents, they lost several fans too.
Game 5 - Altered Perception - Loss 1-2
With the entire team labouring under the dark cloud of their last defeat at the hands of the enchanters, the Misery took to the field under a sky of even darker clouds. They were to face off against the Dark Elves known as Altered Perception. The Misery set up to receive, and then the heavens opened. Mr_Foulscumm collected the ball and started for the safety of the line of offensive blockers. However the blockers were failing to get to grips with the nimble elves in the rain and failed to take any of them down. The elves took advantage of the situation and aggressively pursued Mr_Foulscumm. The Misery screen was sufficient, but they were pinned down. Seizing the moment, Manbush broke through the Dark Elves and cleared a path for Mr_Foulscumm. The rest of the Misery formed up around the ball carrier, and prepared to grind through the defenders who were throwing themselves in the way. A bold blitz from a Witch-Elf saw Manbush knocked unconscious, and left Mr_Foulscumm exposed with the ball. Fortunately Mr_Foulscumm saw the attack coming and looped back around to the centre of the field where he was screened by his comrades. Another Witch-Elf doggedly pursued the ball, and the Misery continued to shove the elves back but were still failing to come to grips with them in the wet. Suddenly one of the Witch-Elves came bursting through and spilled the ball from the Misery! The Misery quickly reformed around the loose ball, and Mr_Foulscumm scooped it back up again. With the Elves slightly off balance the Misery seized the opportunity and made a push! Mr_Foulscumm broke through the line but was pursued by several players from Altered Perception. With a head of steam up Mr_Foulscumm was not to be stopped however. He smashed through the defenders and scored! There was some time left in the half and the Dark Elves quickly mounted a counterattack to score. The Misery scrambled to contain the Elves as they looped around the flanks and pinned down as many as they could. It was not enough however, and against all odds the Elves managed a spiralling pass through the Misery lines and the pouring rain, and equalised the game at 1-1. As the game broke for half time the sun shone through the clouds. When the teams set up and the Elves prepared to receive the weather took a turn for the pleasant. The Elves again ran a quick attack, but the Misery shut it down. Their relentless defence forced an error from the Elves, and the ball was spilled loose. The Elves managed to get their hands back on the ball in a desperate scrum, but the Misery once again spilled the ball and prepared to hold off the Elves. Against all reasonable expectations one of the Dark Elves came running through the crowd, picked up the ball, and took off to score. With Altered Perception in the lead 2-1 there were murmurs of further foul play from sorcerers and their wicked intervention, but match officials were quick to dispel these rumours. They instead reminded everyone that this is just what elves do. With some time left to play, the Misery made a last ditch effort to equalise the score. Vincent Bluesnake landed a malicious blow to the head of a Dark Elf Blitzer that saw him crippled, and heartened by the display the Misery surged forwards. Time was not on their side however, and they failed to get to the end zone in time. The game ended 2-1 against the Misery, and their hopes of winning the conference were dashed.
Game 6 - Autumn's Leaves - Loss 2-3
The fans packed in to the stadium, but after their recent losses it seemed the Misery supporters were not out in force. The Misery kicked to the Wood Elves who happily collected the ball on the full despite the disturbing presences of the Misery blockers that were set to run them down. The Misery began their defence but once again struggled to take down the slipper elves. With the Beast and a Treeman dragging each other down the Elves made their push down the flanks. The Misery moved in to position to force the quick elves over the line and allow themselves an offensive drive. The Beast got hooked by a tree root and went down which kept him out of the action, but the rest of the team forced the Elves to score with time left in the half. The Misery received and snapped forwards. The Elven kick had been foul, and Manbush was handed the ball directly. He ran it forwards boldly with a screen from his comrades. The Elves tried their best to contain him, but he simply blitzed through them and scored as the half ended. The Misery were confident they had the game in the bag as the second half started. A better kick from the Elves let the pointy ears loop around and pressure the Misery deep in their own territory. However Manbush saw a gap and shoved an elf out of the way, letting Mr_Foulscumm run the ball straight up to the safety of the Misery offensive line. A fierce scrum formed in the centre of the pitch and the Misery began to get the upper hand. Out of nowhere a rookie elf lineman charged down Mr_Foulscumm and knocked the ball loose! The Elves swooped on the ball, scooped it up, and scored quickly before the Misery realised what happened. Furious, the Misery set up for another offensive drive. They aggressively pushed forwards, determined to secure a win. Gedney seriously injured the passing elf from the previous play, but was ejected by the referee. The rest of the Misery surged forwards, but were once again stopped when a shock blitz from another rookie lineman saw the ball spilled from Mr_Foulscumm's clutches. With Mr_Foulscumm stunned, Woodstock stepped up to the plate and chucked the ball to TheSpoonyBard who scored his first touchdown! With time left in the half the Misery prepared to blitz the opposition. The pointy-ears however once again caught the ball on the full despite their opponents presence, and looped around. The Misery rushed to contain them, and a direct blitz from Mr_Foulscumm looked like it would spill the ball and allow for a pass to Manbush who had surged forwards to a scoring position. However the crafty elf with the ball evaded Mr_Foulscumm and scored. With not enough time left to score again the Misery were resigned to their fate, another loss. Vincent Bluesnake viciously fouled one of the rookie lineman and was ejected from the game. He left the pitch, as several Misery fans left the stadium never to return. Losing three in a row the Misery were disheartened, but determined to win the closing match of the season.
Game 7 - Black as Death - Win 1-0
For the final match of the season the Misery faced off against the humans known as Black as Death. The Misery received and the humans blitz forwards but are held off by the Misery lines. Uthougnnath opened the Misery offensive by smashing the skull of a human lineman. Mr_Foulscumm grabbed the ball and the rest of the Misery move forward and begin knocking the humans back ferociously. As expected, a foul sorcerer was hiding in the stands, clearly in the pay of Black as Death. Mr_Foulscumm was knocked down, but fortunately Vincent Bluesnake grabbed the loose ball and the humans couldn't capitalise. Unperturbed the Misery recovered, and Mr_Foulscumm reclaimed the ball, while Gedney was ejected for heroically kicking an Ogre. The humans swept in on Mr_Foulscumm who handed the ball off to TheSpoonyBard. As the half was ending a desperate blitzer from Black as Death managed to escape The Beast, and took TheSpoonyBard down. He heroically claimed the ball, and refused to give it up. The half ended 0-0, and the rain began to fall. The Misery set up a tight defence, but the human's made a fast play. Woodstock easily saw the play coming and downed the receiver while the rest of the team split the humans down the middle and secured the ball. Mr_Foulscumm was injured in the fracas surrounding the ball, but Woodstock stepped up and grabbed it. The humans took him down, but failed to recover the ball. With the rain pouring and the turf torn up by the stomping teams the game degenerated in to a scrum in the mud. To the surprise of all Cxalk'gnil managed to scoop the ball up in the rain, and made a run for it. With the humans in hot pursuit Cxalk'gnil relied on Woodstock to sweep the remaining defenders clear while he sprinted for the line. A defender attacked him, but was left stunned in the mud. With one defender left in the way, Woodstock stepped up and cleared him off the pitch. Cxalk'gnil scored as the timer ran out. With the final victory the Misery finished a comfortable 4th place in their conference. Displeased with their standing, they were still in good condition for the Bob Borc Cup which was to follow...
Round 1 - Bye
Round 2 - Compare the Meerkat - Loss 0-2
After drawing a bye in round one, the Misery faced off against the rapidly ascending swarm of Skaven known as Compare the Meerkat. The newcomers brought their fans with them, but the Misery stoically set up to receive. Despite being quick on their feet the Misery opened with some disappointing blocks and failed to inflict the mayhem and fear they so needed. The Meerkat counterattacked but the Misery held the line. The Misery counter push came with some punch! Cxalk'gnil knocked one out, Z'odra badly hurt another, and then Gedney struck. In an effort to rile up the Misery assault he viciously stomped a line rat to death, gleefully hurling insults at the booing Meerkat fans. So hard did he stomp, that not even the medical teams could piece the creature back together. Reeling in the face of Gedney's vicious behaviour the Meerkats swarmed The Beast and a syringe appeared from nowhere, and The Beast was left unconscious. The Misery tripped one fleeing Meerkat, and a well placed (but more subtle) boot from Vincent Bluesnake ended another of the creatures. A contingent of Misery players broke off to engage the fleeing rats, while the others continued to shield Mr_Foulscumm and the ball as he headed to the end zone. The contingent that engaged the rats found themselves falling prey to the creatures, as one after another they were rendered unconscious. Some came back to life shortly after, but it would become apparent later that the others were victims of poison. Mr_Foulscumm handed the ball of to TheSpoonyBard and the Misery continued to screen and run the clock down. The Meerkats gave chase and knocked out Woodstock with their poisoned claws. The Misery formed up and TheSpoonyBard went to score, but tripped and lost the ball in to the crowd. Seeing his opportunity a rookie Meerkat made a break for it, received a pass, and scored. With the half ended 0-1 in favour of the Meerkats, the disappointed Misery prepared to defend. However their poisoned comrades would not return to the pitch, and they were badly outnumbered. It became clear that despite their fireballs and lightning being conspicuously absent, the foul sorcerers that tormented the Misery so were still present. Remembering how dangerous the Misery could be, the Meerkats played conservatively and hid the ball deep in their half, while making tentative forays in to the Misery territory. Mr_Foulscumm made his break. He looped around the cautious Meerkats, and effectively forced half the team to follow him. Despite their best efforts the Meerkats could not bring him down, and the rest of the Misery saw to the remaining Meerkats whose tentative foray had gone wrong. With the Misery advancing in to their half the Meerkats made their break. The Misery wheeled and chase after them. Z'odra smashed the leg out from under a Meerkat and left him rolling off the pitch, while the rest of the Misery grappled with the remaining screen. Unable to shift the defenders, the Meerkats scored quickly under pressure. With time left to play the Misery set up, determined to force over time despite being down 0-2. However their comrades remained in the dugout suffering from poison. The ball went deep, but Mr_Foulscumm collected it and prepared to throw a long pass. The Meerkats swarmed the Misery receivers and jabbed Manbush with another poisoned needle. TheSpoonyBard tried to get away, but tripped again. Laying prone he simply died of shame. Vincent Bluesnake saw what was happening and made a break for it. The pass from Mr_Foulscumm was true, but the gore slicked hands of Vincent Bluesnake had no traction, and the ball bounced away from him as the buzzer rang. Eliminated from the Bob Borc Cup the disappointed Misery trundled home. Further training would be needed.
Bloody Cup LX
Bloody Target LX
Regional Champion LX
Conference Champion LXII
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Team Awards LXII
Most Blocks in Conferences 402
Most Kills in Conferences 4 The Unofficial Maester Whippy Team Awards LXIV
Most Blocks in Conferences 431