| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
14 | Runs Like He's On "Baywatch" | Blitzer | 3 | 3 | Block, Brawler | |
13 | Microwaves Salmon | Blitzer | 3 | 7 | Block, Guard | |
12 | Mutters Constantly | Human Lineman | 3 | 2 | | |
2 | Loiterer | Human Lineman | 3 | 0 | | m |
12 | Laughs at Everything | Human Lineman | 1 | 0 | | n |
11 | Negligible Attention Span | Human Lineman | 4 | 0 | | |
16 | Too Skinny for a Lineman | Catcher | 4 | 0 | Catch, Dodge | |
15 | Ringer | Thrower | 4 | 7 | Sure Hands, Pass, Block | |
2 | Loiterer | Human Lineman | 1 | 4 | Shadowing | m |
12 | Snores Like a Chainsaw | Human Lineman | 4 | 4 | Dauntless | n |
9 | Doesn't Follow Current Events | Human Lineman | 9 | 7 | Wrestle | d |
10 | Misuses the Word 'Skibidi' | Human Lineman | 9 | 8 | Dirty Player | n, -ma |
12 | Brings Guitar to Every Party | Human Lineman | 2 | 3 | Shadowing | |
14 | Slurps When Eating Soup | Human Lineman | 1 | 7 | Arm Bar | |
10 | Beer Snob | Human Lineman | 11 | 0 | | n |
1 | Litterbug | Human Lineman | 4 | 0 | | -ma |
2 | Loiterer | Human Lineman | 6 | 3 | Dauntless | n |
12 | Washes Your Cast-Iron Pan | Human Lineman | 4 | 1 | | -st |
16 | Crashes the Party, Apparently | Catcher | 1 | 0 | Catch, Dodge | |
15 | Ringer in an All-Lino Team | Thrower | 1 | 2 | Sure Hands, Pass | |
11 | Puts Hot Sauce on Everything | Human Lineman | 6 | 9 | Juggernaut | -av |
10 | Incessant Movie Quotes | Human Lineman | 12 | 7 | Frenzy | n, -ag |
11 | Overuses Personal Catch-Phrase | Human Lineman | 3 | 0 | | d |
9 | Guilty Pleasure: Nu-Metal | Human Lineman | 14 | 9 | Pro, Tackle | |
11 | Way Too Much Perfume | Human Lineman | 1 | 0 | | n |
13 | Talks With Full Mouth | Human Lineman | 5 | 0 | | m, -pa |
11 | Double Dipper | Human Lineman | 7 | 2 | | n |
8 | Double Parker | Human Lineman | 5 | 10 | Stand Firm | d |
9 | Double-Dipper | Human Lineman | 2 | 7 | Pro, Strip Ball | |
13 | Calls Everyone "My Friend" | Human Lineman | 4 | 7 | Strip Ball, Kick | |
14 | Spoils Movies at the Theater | Human Lineman | 4 | 4 | Kick | m |
13 | Talks With Full Mouth | Human Lineman | 3 | 0 | | d |
6 | Griefer | Human Lineman | 29 | 26 | Dauntless, Wrestle, Thick Skull | n |
6 | Blond, With Dreadlocks | Human Lineman | 7 | 8 | Multiple Block | |
1 | Telemarketer | Human Lineman | 3 | 0 | | d |
1 | Bad Tipper | Human Lineman | 4 | 3 | Strip Ball | |
9 | Double-Dipper | Human Lineman | 11 | 0 | | m, -ag |
11 | Leaves the Toilet Seat Up | Human Lineman | 20 | 41 | Block, Pro, Juggernaut, Dauntless, Kick | n |
8 | Leaves the Hall Light On | Human Lineman | 36 | 30 | Tackle, Block, Dauntless | m, m, -ma, m |
1 | Mooch | Human Lineman | 1 | 3 | Shadowing | |
6 | Brings Guitar to Parties | Human Lineman | 9 | 11 | Frenzy, Tackle | -av |
3 | Wears White After Labor Day | Human Lineman | 37 | 50 | Block, Guard, Tackle, Fend | m, m, m, n |
3 | Loiterer | Human Lineman | 28 | 36 | Block, Mighty Blow, Tackle, Fend | -ma, -ma |
15 | Doesn't Put Shopping Carts Away | Human Lineman | 22 | 11 | Dirty Player, Catch | m |
5 | Blares Personal Soundtrack | Human Lineman | 29 | 37 | Block, Guard, Leap, Kick | m, m |
11 | Talks Through the Movie | Human Lineman | 3 | 0 | | d |
10 | Bad Tipper | Human Lineman | 1 | 4 | Shadowing | |
9 | Double-Dipper | Human Lineman | 7 | 7 | Brawler | |
8 | Double-Parker | Human Lineman | 17 | 9 | Tackle, Pro | n, d |
7 | Forwards Chain Letters | Human Lineman | 6 | 0 | | d |
6 | Uncovered Cough | Human Lineman | 3 | 0 | | -st |
5 | Drives Noisy Motorbike | Human Lineman | 3 | 5 | Shadowing | |
4 | Loiterer | Human Lineman | 1 | 0 | | -av |
7 | Litterbug | Human Lineman | 29 | 17 | Wrestle, Frenzy, Shadowing | -av |
1 | Jaywalker | Human Lineman | 6 | 7 | Multiple Block | |