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Past Players of Philosophical Footballers
| Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | Marcus Aurelius | Beastman Runner | 2 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 5 | Seneca | Beastman Runner | 3 | 0 | Horns | -ag |
| 11 | Philo | Beastman Runner | 1 | 0 | Horns | -av |
| 7 | Leroy Silentfist | Beastman Runner | 9 | 9 | Horns, Block | n |
| 17 | Ulric Vileshield | Beastman Runner | 1 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 7 | Lucretius | Beastman Runner | 1 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 11 | Timon | Beastman Runner | 9 | 7 | Horns, Block | m, n |
| 10 | Epicurus | Beastman Runner | 5 | 8 | Horns, Block | m, -st |
| 4 | Pyrrho | Chosen Blocker | 22 | 54 | Block, Mighty Blow, Claw, Guard | m, r |
| 11 | Xenocrates | Beastman Runner | 4 | 0 | Horns | n |
| 7 | Strato | Beastman Runner | 9 | 0 | Horns | -av |
| 5 | Euclid | Beastman Runner | 20 | 24 | Horns, +MA, Block | m, d |
| 4 | Plato | Chosen Blocker | 9 | 8 | Block | d |
| 4 | Plato | Chosen Blocker | 1 | 0 | d | |
| 12 | Diogenes | Beastman Runner | 3 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 12 | Arthur "MattDakka's Boy" Schopenhauer | Beastman Runner | 2 | 8 | Horns, Block | -ma |
| 6 | Xenophon | Beastman Runner | 18 | 8 | Horns, Block | m, d |
| 1 | Antisthenes | Chosen Blocker | 11 | 18 | Block, Guard | d |
| 11 | Aristippus | Beastman Runner | 14 | 9 | Horns, Block | m, -av |
| 5 | Timaeus | Beastman Runner | 14 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 6 | Echecrates | Beastman Runner | 5 | 11 | Horns, Block | d |
| 12 | Harold Deepfield | Beastman Runner | 6 | 15 | Horns, Block | d |
| 6 | Cratylus | Beastman Runner | 10 | 11 | Horns, Block | -ma |
| 11 | Melissus | Beastman Runner | 9 | 0 | Horns | |
| 1 | Archelaus | Chosen Blocker | 18 | 22 | Block, Guard | m, d |
| 11 | Democritus | Beastman Runner | 4 | 0 | Horns | -ag |
| 6 | Leucippus | Beastman Runner | 8 | 0 | Horns | d |
| 5 | Gorgias | Beastman Runner | 20 | 9 | Horns, Block | m, m, d |
| 5 | Hippias | Beastman Runner | 2 | 0 | Horns | -av |
| 16 | Socrates | Minotaur | 29 | 74 | Frenzy, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Horns, Loner, Wild Animal, Claw, Guard, Juggernaut, Tentacles | m, m, d |
| 11 | Protagoras | Beastman Runner | 17 | 18 | Horns, +ST, Block | d |
| 10 | Empedocles | Beastman Runner | 56 | 25 | Horns, Block, Sneaky Git | m, m, d |
| 9 | Zeno | Beastman Runner | 79 | 190 | Horns, +ST, Block, +AG, Sure Hands, Two Heads, Tackle | m, m, r |
| 8 | Anaxagoras | Beastman Runner | 74 | 119 | Horns, Block, Mighty Blow, Claw, Tackle, Juggernaut | m, m, m, m, m, m, m, d, r |
| 7 | Parmenides | Beastman Runner | 46 | 78 | Horns, Block, Mighty Blow, Claw, Tackle, Juggernaut | m, m, n, m, m, m, n |
| 6 | Heraclitus | Beastman Runner | 13 | 3 | Horns | m, d |
| 5 | Xenophanes | Beastman Runner | 8 | 5 | Horns | -ma |
| 4 | Pythagoras | Chosen Blocker | 45 | 46 | Block, Guard, Mighty Blow | m, m, -ma, d |
| 3 | Anaximenes | Chosen Blocker | 32 | 18 | Block, Guard | -ag |
| 2 | Anaximander | Chosen Blocker | 58 | 37 | Block, Guard, Claw | m, m, m, -av |
| 1 | Thales | Chosen Blocker | 19 | 20 | Block, Guard | m, d |