| | Player | Position | Games | SPPs | Skills | Injuries |
| 16 | I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mi | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | |
| 15 | Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | |
| 13 | My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart II | Catcher | 6 | 22 | Catch, Dodge, Sprint, +MA, Side Step | d |
| 14 | Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask | Thrower | 9 | 6 | Pass, Guard | m, d |
| 10 | Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas II | Lineman | 8 | 1 | | m, d |
| 13 | My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart | Catcher | 6 | 9 | Catch, Dodge, Sprint, Block | -av |
| 18 | Kevin Fastfield | Lineman | 1 | 0 | | d |
| 2 | I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister II | Wardancer | 3 | 11 | Block, Dodge, Leap, Strip Ball | d |
| 11 | In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to | Lineman | 12 | 19 | Guard, Block | d |
| 10 | Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas | Lineman | 22 | 9 | Wrestle | m, -st |
| 9 | If anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door's always open | Lineman | 30 | 49 | +MA, Block, Dodge | m, m, -ma |
| 8 | My cat is recovering from a massive stroke | Lineman | 33 | 72 | +ST, Wrestle, Leap, Tackle | d |
| 5 | I’m sure wherever my Dad is: he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending | Lineman | 12 | 7 | Guard | d |
| 4 | I’m learning the hokey cokey. Not all of it. But – I’ve got the ins and outs. | Lineman | 1 | 2 | | d |
| 3 | My dad said leave them wanting more. He lost his job in disaster relief | Catcher | 6 | 9 | Catch, Dodge, Sprint, Block | -st |
| 2 | I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister | Wardancer | 4 | 8 | Block, Dodge, Leap, Tackle | d |
| 1 | I'm dating a couple of anorexics - two birds, one stone | Wardancer | 12 | 55 | Block, Dodge, Leap, +AG, Tackle, Guard, Side Step | d |
Blackbox Teams