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Lahmia Cryptic Humours
Retired [L] Shambling Undead



The Cryptic Humour Staff
Head Coach Stonefist

Head Coach Anzelak Stonefist was widely known throughout the Old World as founder and Director of the wildly popular, but not overly successful, Cryptic Humour's Eternal Gemstone Tour.

He was ordered into exile for multiple counts of murder, bribery, assault and practicing necromancy without license. As a result, the undead Dwarf will now attempt to make a name for himself in Nehekara, the land of the dead.

Coach Johar

Coach Johar of Jaarvic is a Norseman who met fellow Coach Stonefist drinking somewhere in Northern Brettonia many years ago. That evening, just after sundown, Johar stuck a knife in the Dwarf's guts but by the following morning they were staunch friends.

The stabbing didn't kill Stonefist, but he died later that year and rose up from the dead shortly after that. It didn't affect their friendship much. 'He stunk while he was alive anyway,' Johar says fondly.

Coach Johar is the second ranking member of the Cryptic administration. Of all the staff, he is struggling most with the new climate. He's widely known as one one of the many bastard sons of King Albar the Norseman, but he won't be heading back to his father's court in a hurry. In his homelands Johar is branded a kinslayer and oathbreaker. Publicly, he pleads his innocence, but anyone who knows him well enough has heard about the Night of the Five Axes.

Treasurer Thori

The Stonefist's heart may no longer beat, but it's still a Dwarven one. As a result, he trusts only his best friend Thori with the accounts. Thori's grey beard and pale skin may trick you into thinking that he is as dead as the Head Coach himself, but that's just his aversion to the sunlight playing out.

Those close to the administration know that Thori is the only person Anzelak is likely to listen to. Disagreeing with the Stonefist can be very dangerous for many people, but Thori seems highly adept at making his old undead friend see sense when he is contemplating his wildest schemes. It doesn't always work, however.

Elzebar the Gnome

Elzebar, the long-suffering underling gnome, has been on the staff for as long as anyone can remember. He is widely regarded as a genius and one of the key architects of the Cryptic Humour's financial and commercial success. Elzebar was likely the reason the outfit managed to bring home its first tournament trophy. It's unclear whether Elzebar will stay with the administration for long if his mistreatment continues.
Lahmia, the Bastion of the East
History of the City

The ancient city of Lahmia is located on the eastern side of the World's Edge Mountains, east of Doom Mountain and far east of Khemri and the Black Pyramid of Nagash. It spent hundreds of years surviving invasion, before eventually succumbing to Khetep along with the rest of Nehekhara, Land of the Undeath. The Lahmian Court formed here and it was once the home to all vampires. Later, Alcadizaar the Conqueror razed the city to the ground in the Night of a Thousand Black Fires. The city recovered slowly, building itself up again over hundreds of years and forgetting its bleak past. Later came Settra; Lahmia's leader fell easily to his might.

Now, the city continues to grow. Eight out of every ten beings within its walls are undead. Some obviously so, others apparently still residing within the throes of the living. Lahmia is a gigantic city famed for its dark, sultry port that spills out into the The Bitter Sea, close to the Straits of Nagash. The myriad streets are mazelike and the white buildings are low and countless with their red flat roofs and squat chimneys. Its tall walls are crumbling, for it has been decades since Settra breached them, but Lahmia's leaders have no delusions of grandeur. They will forever remain knee bent to their ultimate leader, and the peace that comes from doing so brings them endless prosperity.

Lahmia and Blood Bowl

Terror filled the streets and the people vanished as rumour came that Settra was coming again. In fact, he was not. It was merely his heralds and with them the message that a new kind of game was coming to the city: Blood Bowl.

Initially confused, the Lahmian rulers soon agreed to follow the proposals when they realised there was no alternative. The sport exploded in popularity. Lahmia's port means that it is home to a fairly large international population who quickly won over the locals. Stadia shot up everywhere. As it stands, 5 of the 32 KPL teams hail from Lahmia. Inevitably, there are the three Vampire teams: the Impalers, the Firstborns and the Sabers. There is a necromantic team in the Black Souls and, of course, there are the Cryptic Humours.

HISTORY BLOCK

LAUNDRY BLOCK
New Team Page Beta
Player Ma St Ag Av Skills Inj G Cp Td It Cs Mvp SPP Cost  
1
Muncher
Mummy
3 5 1 9
Mighty Blow, Regeneration
   7 0 0 0 2 0 4/ 120k
(120+0)k
  
2
Headbreaker
Mummy
3 5 1 9
Mighty Blow, Regeneration
   1 0 0 0 0 1 5/ 120k
(120+0)k
  
3
Ichabod Blackfinger
Wight Blitzer
6 3 3 8
Block, Regeneration
Dodge
   7 0 0 0 3 0 6/ 120k
(90+30)k
  
4
Mansfield Worthington
Wight Blitzer
6 3 3 8
Block, Regeneration
Guard
   7 0 0 0 1 1 7/ 110k
(90+20)k
  
5
Mujari of the Marsh
Ghoul Runner
7 3 3 7
Dodge
Block, Sure Hands
   7 0 5 0 1 0 17/ 110k
(70+40)k
  
6
Elzebar the Magnificent
Ghoul Runner
7 3 3 7
Dodge
   1 1 0 0 0 0 1/ 70k
(70+0)k
  
7
Galatosh Grrrr
Zombie
4 3 2 8
Regeneration
   7 0 0 0 0 1 5/ 40k
(40+0)k
  
8
Gez'ani Glurr
Zombie
4 3 2 8
Regeneration
Block
   7 0 0 0 1 1 7/ 60k
(40+20)k
  
9
Bujani Berrr
Zombie
4 3 2 8
Regeneration
Block, Fend
   7 0 0 0 1 1 7/ 80k
(40+40)k
  
10
Zelani Zrrr
Zombie
4 3 2 8
Regeneration
   2 0 0 0 0 0 0/ 40k
(40+0)k
  
11
Meldon Gramton
Skeleton
5 3 2 7
Regeneration, Thick Skull
   7 0 0 0 0 1 5/ 40k
(40+0)k
  
13
Ferzani Frrrr
Zombie
4 3 2 8
Regeneration
   2 0 0 0 1 0 2/ 40k
(40+0)k
  
12 players  
Coach: Anzelak Re-Rolls (140k): 3  
Race: Shambling Undead Fan Factor: 4  
Current Team Value: 1200k Assistant Coaches: 0  
Treasury: 60k Cheerleaders: 0  
Team Value: 1200k Apothecary: No  

Games Played:7 (3/1/3) |TD Diff:-1 (5 - 6) |Cas Diff:-2 (6/6/1 - 6/4/5)
Last Opponent: Khemri Khremators