47 coaches online • Server time: 13:22
* * * Did you know? Up until now, 1200305 players have died on the pitch.
Log in
Recent Forum Topics goto Post UW Goblins - Disturb...goto Post SWL Fantasy League S...goto Post Is kicking first wit...
Crookback Pit Evil Moons
P [L] Squig (BIBBL)

Founding members of BIBBL!
CROOKBACK PIT EVIL MOONS








Those fools! They derided me - DERIDED MY SCIENCE! They say that my creatures are too temperamental to bring on a pitch, that they cause more hurt to the friendlies than the opposition. Pfah! What cost are a few casualties if the ultimate prize is progress?
They say that my machines are too expensive and unreliable. Again, pfah! No, double pfah! If they want to stick to their rusty, uneffective child-toys, then they don't deserve me!
Idiots. The lot of them. Now they need to suffer, just as everyone that didn't believe in me before. They're going to stick to their outdated ways, eh? Then I'm going to beat them at their own game. I just need to make Experimental Strain A1 bigger. And more ferocious. Yeeesss. And razor-sharp claws to cut those stupid trolls up. And Gyroscopic Oscillators. Mark II just needs a little refinement. I've got a lot to think, but I can't remain here. I need a lab. And a research team. And test subjects. I've gotta go elsewhere, somewhere where my talents won't be dragged down by close-minded individuals. And I need a lot of warpstone. Where can I find all of these things?

THINGS TO DO:
Scout possible locations for new lab: Gnashrak's Lair? Crookback Pit? Mount Grimfang?
Gyroscopic Oscillator Mk.III: Increase rotation power by 40%. Possible issue with operator centrifuge force tolerance: develop new drug? Lobotomization?
Experimental Fungi Strains: new nutritional substrate seems to work. Optimize for transportation?
Ahh, Crookback Pit! This is a place where my science can truly flourish! Riches! Warpstone! Skavens! Potential staff members! This is a place for me!
I already made contact with the local Blood Bowl team president, Biggs Goldteeth. He seemed a bit skeptical, but he granted me the locals under the team's headquarters. He also sent a couple of goons to keep an eye on me. It doesn't matter - this is just a temporary measure, I don't intend to leave decisional freedom to anybody else in the future I have envisioned. Of course I need to proceed with the schedule faster than I intended, if I want to eliminate both of the goons AND the team's staff before they cause me trouble, if I want to take matters in my hand.
Experimental strains F2 and G15 are showing promising signs ahead of my most optimistic expectation: soon enough their Prototype Specimens will have reached the active phase. I need to make sure that the lab is up and running when that happens. A1 seemingly suffered a bit from the move, but it's recovering fast: today I saw it swallowing a snotling whole, and it hasn't even reached Larval Stage 3! I can only imagine what it will be able to do when mature. The moment is coming! I am so close...

THEY WILL ALL PAY

THINGS TO DO:
Find manpower for the research group. Prioritize tasty-looking candidates.
Buy food for the strains: snotlings in bulk? Do they actually sell them?
Investigate local warpstone properties: energy source? Performance enhancement? Fertilizer?
Speed up development of Lightning Gun Mk. IV: solve containment field oscillation. Maybe implement second-operator: dynamo power?
Most of the staff has been hired. Of course only goblins - can't trust the ratmen! Who knows which one of them could be an agent of the Under-Empire?
Anyway, as expected, most of them are the typical under-developed, illiterate cretin that our race is sadly known for. Of course I can't entrust them with anything important, but as long as I give them a sufficient salary and a sonorous position inside the research group they are content to just follow my orders.
However, some of them are a little more bright than your usual goblin - those I can give actual responsibility, and at the same time are much more dangerous for me and the success of the project than any dim-witted fodder. Gotta keep an eye on them. Can't trust anybody.
I found A1 digesting one of Goldteeth's henchmen. One less snitch to worry about. I am so proud of A1. He is so beautiful... Soon I will see him crush my enemies. I can hardly contain my excitement!

THINGS TO DO:
Increase security in the Strains Incubation Area. Assign job to Glux, then task Tork with keeping an eye on Glux. Divide et impera: promote internal rivalry?
Make sure nobody is a Skaven in disguise: place poison-laced pieces of cheese in the common area. Maybe mechanical traps?
Organize clean-up section, fungi design section, breeding control section, feeding section.
Provisions for the Strains in the most advanced larval states: staff members possibly cheaper and more nutritional than snotling casks?
Damn it, damn it, damn it! Disaster has struck! That idiot Rucs, he did something wrong with the nutritional fungus brew, something that, I might add, I explained really clearly how to do! Now strains E7 to E12 turned pink and dried up! I tried to find a solution, but all I obtained was to further delay every other project. I am so furious!
I had to make sure that similar accidents won't happen again, so I called a group meeting and clarified that further failure won't be tolerated while I forcefully fed the botched brew to Rucs. Luckily, this somehow salvaged the day: the beverage had a really interesting effect on Rucs, transforming him in a bubbling substance in less than a minute.
Goldteeth is getting impatient, and started asking questions about the whereabouts of his goons (which I fed to strains B and C, as reported elsewhere). I feigned ignorance and scoffed at the idea of a businessman not knowing where his subordinates are. He didn't appreciate, and it is obvious that he suspects foul play. I need to hasten my schedule. Really, this accident couldn't happen at a worse time. FOR MORK'S SAKE RUCS, YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!!

THINGS TO DO:
Research properties of the new brew. Possible applications: poison? Digestion supplement? Lubricant?
Solve persistent problems of Lightning Gun Mk. IV prototype: isolate operators from heat source, or it gets messy.
Find a snotling to punch.
Bad day.

Had nightmares all night and now voices in my head. Goldteeth keeps breathing down my neck. Can't think properly.

They keep laughing at me. One of them is pops. He says me never gonna be gud greenskin like Nomgulg. Me sad...

I hate them all. I will kill them all. Pops. Nomgulg. Lugrub. That other guy. The idiots of Grey Hag. Biggs Goldteeth. Biggs Goldteeth's henchmen. The voices in muh head. They will all DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!

THINGS TO DO:

Optimize miniaturization of Experimental Squig Strains M and N: they must fit in everyday object. Further miniaturization: murder by eaten squig colonies?
Final touches on Lightning Gun Mk.IV. Excess heat trascurable. Start work on Mk.V.
Dreamstopper project: feasible? Explore different fields: mechanics, chemicals, arcane.
SUCCESS! The Lightning Gun field testing went over my expectations! Goldteeth and his staff are no more!
And so is Mk.IV, the two operators and half the team clubhouse, but these things are trivial if we consider the success SCIENCE achieved today! The team is mine!
First things first, new name for the team. "Crookback Mountain Warpheads" is stupid and dull. I will find something much better. Second the uniform. They are going to be purple and yellow, because those are actually good colours. Finally, I think we can proceed with the fine tuning of my Squig Strains. F2 and G15 have clearly shown characteristics ideal for riding. So far the tests have been inconclusive - no rider has ever survived more than two minutes of testing, but I trust we can raise that quantity to five minutes by Tuesday.
This is a great day! I almost feel happy!

THINGS TO DO:
New team name. Crookback Pit is a must. Evil Shrooms? Evil Moons? Evil Goblins? Test Team 1?
New uniforms: fabric derived from polymerized goblin flesh (ample stock in former clubhouse). I'll call it Folgo-fit.
Rebuild clubhouse. Purple & yellow or yellow & purple scheme?
Things are up to speed, but that of course doesn't stop problems to pop up.

Many leagues seem to take issue with players riding creatures into the pitch. I have come to expect this kind of retrograde, thick-headed stubborness by the higher-ups of the sporting business, but still it's frustrating to find out that even among the other races the enlightened individuals are so rare. Why is it so difficult to find someone which is your intellectual equal?

Meanwhile I am stuck with this ragtag group of wannabes. Today Bruld, the Chief of the Clean-Up Section, had the gall to suggest that my approach to the Gyroscopic Oscillator Mark V is wrong, and that rather than increasing the rotation frequency I should increase the mass of the counterweight in order to raise momentum. I begged to differ, and made a demonstration to prove my point. Unfortunately, the operator lost conciousness and spun out of control. Now I have to make a Gyroscopic Oscillator Mk. VI, and hire a new clean-up crew to deal with the mess made by the former one!

At least, the Experimental Strains are giving me the results I need. I am now confident that the Squig Rides won't hurt their riders, and Strain A1 is almost mature. Me and Tork were able to isolate useful characteristics by strains D3, H7 and F6. Soon my best creation will walk on the pitch.

Soon.

THINGS TO DO:
Finishing touches on A1: optometric trials, teeth resistance assay. Mental capacity?
Note: after the Oscillator fiasco, the team seems more focused and less inclined on contradicting me. Excellent.
Gyroscopic Oscillator Mk.VI: reduce rotation frequency, increase counterweight mass in order to raise momentum.
IT'S ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE!

This is how a God must feel after creating life! A1 is fully operational. We celebrated by razing the marketplace. He looked like death incarnate out there. I am so proud! He is vicious, he is massive, he is cruel!

He is not particularly bright, but that's not the point. This is the apex of SCIENCE! He's magnificent, and I AM A GENIUS!

Even better yet, I was able to secure a deal with CabalVision and Bloodweiser. Talk about excellent business sense, they seemed (I quote)thrilled to have my squigs on display on their channels. So to hell with the others and their hidebound morals! I will bring forth a new era for BloodBowl and for the world!

Now I just have to find a suitable coach. This will take some consideration.

THINGS TO DO
Find name for Experimental Squig Strain A1. Apparently Experimental Squig Strain 1 is not catchy enough.
Explore suitable coaches:
neubau
Old Lemonhead
Don Gabriel Quemar
Lord Aslak
AutoAxpert?

SEASON 1 - 2602

Winter - Friendlies

LOSS against Fumes of our Farthers 0-3
DRAW against Schattenwald Drinking Horns 1-1
LOSS against Deep Sea Bottom Feeders 0-2

Spring - Deep Caverns Regionals 2602
LOSS against Cavernous Crystalbreakers 0-2
WIN against Grey Hag Hazzadurrs 2-0

Show matches | Show stats | Show Development | Show past players | Yearbook | Team Options | Refresh
Progression: Standard
#NamePositionMaStAgAvSkillsInjGCpTdItCsvpSpCostOp
1Breedmaster GluxSquig Hopper6437Leap, Claw, Very Long Legs, Blood Lust, Wrestle, Dodge, Side Step-av, m18110353590k (0k) 
2Chief Breeder TorkSquig Hopper6438Leap, Claw, Very Long Legs, Blood Lust, Block, Dodge, Mighty Blow 18150433990k (90+70k) 
5Senior Assistant JekzNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 1801010540k (40+0k) 
6Senior Adjutant Stemirk Night Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 1800000040k (40+0k) 
7Deputy Breeder VekzNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 1700000040k (40+0k) 
8Equipment Supervisor KlinkNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stuntym200000040k (0k) 
9Junior Vice-Breeder ZeszNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 1800000040k (40+0k) 
10Provisions Clerk BloszNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 200010240k (40+0k) 
11Cleanup Manager BlingNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 500000040k (40+0k) 
12Executive Janitor StasNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 700000040k (40+0k) 
13VP of Feeding Operations KlaktNight Goblin6237Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty 200000040k (40+0k) 
14Snotling Hygiene Supervisor...Night Goblin6236Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty-av1100000040k (40+0k) 
15Deinomycetus (E.S.A. 2)Giant Cave Squig4519Thick Skull, Claw, Loner, No Hands, Really Stupid 0000000110k (110+0k) 
11 players (+2 players missing next game)  
Coach:AutoAxpert Re-Rolls (140k):3  
Race:Squig (BIBBL) Fan Factor:6  
Team Value:950k Assistant Coaches:0  
Treasury:10000 Cheerleaders:0  
Tournament Weight:1150k Apothecary:Yes  

Games Played:18 (2/4/12) |TD Diff:-24 (13 - 37) |Cas Diff:-4 (27/12/4 - 26/12/9)
Last Opponent: Go-Go Gadget Gnomes