By Falesh

The following is a report of the first round Fumbbl Cup match between Putrid Posse and Heaven Help Us. It is writen from the perspective of Putrid Posse, the official match report can be found here.

It was a glorious day as the teams streamed out onto the pitch. Both sides were raring to go, though there was one player who hesitated before entering the pitch. Some reports indicate that this player, Archangel Metatron II, was seen swallowing something after talking to a shady character next to the dugout.

Putrid Posse won the toss and elected to receive hoping that they could injure enough elves at the start to secure an easy win. Heaven Help Us were having none of it and, showing unnatural strength, Archangel Metatron II blitzed the ball carrier tearing the ball from his hands. Falesh was screaming from the sidelines, it was the elves first turn and they had already managed to breach his teams defence! The players were so shaken they were unable to pick up the ball and watched in disbelief as Archangel Raguel III snatched and scored on the Elves second turn.

Things were looking bad for Falesh. If Heaven Help Us could score in two turns, when his team was receiving, how could he hope to win the match? This time his players formed a tight defensive cage well back in their half. This paid off as they managed to keep the ball through the elves turn. Pox also did his part by knocking another Elf out leaving only seven on the pitch. Archangel Raguel III was having none of it and on turn five managed to wrest the ball again from Blent's grasp. In the ensuing melee Blent grabbed the ball and ran on only to have Archangel Raguel III pull it from him again. Finally Blent managed to get free and followed Zalp as he thundered towards the end zone. After quick handoff, block and final sprint Putrid Posse had leveled the score at 1-1 on turn 8.

The bell rang and the second half began. Archangel Uriel sprinted far into Putrid Posse's half ready to receive. Caught in the excitement Archangel Jeremiah II moved forward to pass the ball but as he was about to throw he took a breath and nearly threw up his lunch. The cause was Pox who happened to be relieving himself of some excess gas. The end result was a fumbled pass and Heaven Help Us' coach, Dan, berating his player for the momentary lapse in reason. Beastmen and Rotters charged towards the ball to try to take advantage of the situation. Archangel Jeremiah II, shamed by his failure, was determined to redeem himself. He scooped up the ball, dodged right through the defensive line and, this time remembering to hold his breath, threw a text book pass to Archangel Metatron II. The Putrid Posse were not about to let the Elves score again without a fight and, proving that Rotters can dodge if they put their mind to it, Grut managed to get close enough to help Blent knock the troublesome Elf out cold. Archangel Jeremiah II again proved his worth as he caught up to Blent and knocked him down, making the ball bounce into the crowd. The crowd threw the ball back onto the pitch where an eager Archangel Gabriel II picked it up running deep into his half to avoid a retaliatory blitz. Beastmen and Rotters scrambled to cover the two Elves who could score and run down Archangel Gabriel II. Having managed to stay on his feet Archangel Jeremiah II now squirmed past Grut and ran to the end zone, Archangel Gabriel II who had seen this coming ran down the field and threw a stunning long range pass to secure a second touchdown for Heaven Help Us.

The Putrid Posse now had four turns to score, and stop Heaven Help Us from scoring, to take the match into overtime. Wanting more blood the Heaven Help Us fans managed to reach, and dismember, the ref. This had the unfortunate side effect of inspiring Slab who went on to badly hurt two Elves in the opening moves of the drive. Things went well as the Elves, lacking their usual grace, fell twice trying to disrupt Putrid Posse's race to their end zone. In a moment of foolishness Norat nearly cost his team dearly as he rushed to free up Fairybane Wingeater so the Beast could hold to the teams nemasis, Archangel Metatron II. If he had only thought for a second he would have noticed that his team could have reached safety simply by moving away from the prone Wardancer. This mistake did not cost them though as Archangel Metatron II stumbled just as he was about to block the ball carrier. Blent took Nuffle's gift and scored ensuring that overtime was played.

Heaven Help Us received the kickoff but failed to make a simple pass giving Blent and Glob a chance to storm down and cover the ball. After a short scrum Archangel Uriel erupted from the pack with the ball and raced away. Norat, making up for his previous error, managed to get free and floored the catcher. After the crowd threw the ball back into play Glob managed to scoop it up but was unable to find a safe place to go. Archangel Jophiel took advantage and blitzed Glob managing to catch the ball as the stunned Beastman hit the turf. Slab, continuing his rampage, threw a brutal block against the Elf breaking his jaw. After a scramble for the ball Glob managed to break free with it and ran home the winning touchdown.

After the match Falesh spoke highly of his opponent, Dan. Even though Heaven Help Us was a weaker team and was outnumbered for most of the game Putrid Posse had only just manage to secure a win. Some time later when Falesh found out his next opponent was Naggaroth DarkStars, a well developed Dark Elf team, he booked Morg 'N' Thorg in an effort to get through that match and, possibly, face the infamous Dead Bunnies United. To death and glory, Huzzah!