JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Feb 27, 2005 - 15:39 |
 
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Welcome back folks, im Bob Borc,
and if you have just joined us, we are at the half time break in the big Sunday Night Football clash between the Beasts of Bowl and the Brothers in Bloodbowl. Its 1 all in this game of the round for the North Conference. The Beasts must win to stay in contention and the Brothers need the win to have a chance to avoid a do or die final game of the round against the powerful Zen Adepts.
Several players for the Brothers are down with a mystery virus and have not been able to take the field and rumour has it that at least one is in the gaurdhouse under questioning leaving this powerful team seriously understrength.
Fortunately for them Main Attraction for the Beasts the Ogre Rolf “The Bloody Other” who came down with a strange off field injury after last game has been ruled out by the team Doc and is not playing.
It was a thriller first half fans, the now seriously undermanned Brothers holding the beasts to a 1 all score line despit some serious setbacks. Its still a long way to go before the fat lady sings in the big game of north conference though.
Opening turn saw the Deathroller go down for the game with a burst steam valve.
The plucky dwarfs held on though to force through for a score in turn 6
The gallant beasts replied in turn 8 with Dumpy II and Blacker Angus combining for a 14 square td pass.
The beasts have lost their top gaurd though, the speed demon Chelsea on the first drive leaving them seriously weakened as we go into the 2nd half.
Heres the Kick and the crowd have swarmed from the stands smashing down several players on both sides though i do think the Brothers have copped the worst of it. Brisk blocking by the Beasts has set up good field position though..Dumpy II gathers the ball and hurls it downfield..no hes dropped it.
Hudguar slips the line to grab the ball but then loses it,Dumpy scoops and fades back for the pass but is run down by Thragan. The ball spills free but is scooped up and passed by Hereford but Friesan II drops thecatch, Freisan II is clobbered by a Stonecrafter and off the field, the Stonecrafter goes for the ball and trips splling it free. Hereford dashes forward, scoops the ball and passes to York who slips pursuit and runs it home for the score, well thats it folks, its all over bar the post game riots here as the Beasts take out must win against the Brothers. We go to our special comments team for a discussion on the stats for tonights game....... |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Feb 27, 2005 - 12:02 |
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Bash D have defeated the hideous hypocrisites from Gumbeast United, and are now only one game away from the promised land of Premier division. The win was a costly one however, with fan favourite Byrock killed by a nondescript skeleton kick.
As expected, Gumbeast played directly against the passing game they pretend to espouse, taking down Bash D players left right and centre. Only Bash D's hopeless expectation of death allowed them to play on in the face of such an onslaught, but the Khemrians had hired the services of the Head Houngan of the Southern Wastes, who cast a glamour over the ko box that convinced knocked out players that they had in fact died. Despite this atrocity, a couple of players still decided to come back back for more, but many more were lost.
The game began with a lightning quick TD for bywoodies, who was able to score very early on against the kickoff. Gumbeast United then spent half of the first half grinding upfield for a TD. At this point, bywoodies managed to twice trip over and break his collarbone, and after the second time, the apothecary send him to Lord N'Sha early in disgust, administering the coup de grace with a blunt spatula.
There was little time left in the first half, but there was a glimmer of hope for Bash D. Driving down the right of the field, Bash D were able to put multiple players in scoring position, and Gumbeast Uniteds bloodthirstiness saw them kill byrock instead of defend against the passing game. This proved to be a big mistake as bythosedamnrats and byorcs combined for the deciding TD.
The glamour cast on the KO box meant things were looking grim for Bash D however, as they began the second half down men to the rampaging skeletal hordes. This was compunded when bythosedamnrats was sacked with the ball in the backfield. Somehow though, Bash D managed to scramble and get the ball to the right hand side of the pitch into the hands of ByPI and ByDP. Then it was Gumbeasts turn to scramble, and though they were able to prevent Bash D from scoring once more, they were not able to secure the ball and convert on the tying TD. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Feb 26, 2005 - 15:11 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well dear readers what a match to end the season, and perhaps our run, here in Premier league. Sadly a number of senior players missed the match due to a virus. Unlucky...as it was the game of the year for the herd from a fun factor. 1st half was a game of keepsy offs that somehow ended with a Troll scoring a TD!
Second half though was all Gone He had a blinder of a half to remind everyone why he DESERVES to be in the top league! I will spare you the retelling..but watch the second half replay to see a champion in action!
And thus it ends friends...our fate is in the hands of Nuffle now. It will take other results now to keep us up here. But they looked so fun tonight...even relagation may not see the herd pack it in yet. Until next season dear readers...where ever we are.
Black Crowes 1 vs 1 Wanna Beatin |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Feb 26, 2005 - 13:23 |
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Eppo Longshanks Retires!
Keen Channel BB subscribers would have noted the story of Eppo Longhanks, star of Mr Whippy's Donut Boys breaking the records set by Isumbras Underhill.
Well terrible news today, in a match against the Skye Knights, Eppo was dealt a sickening blow early in the match.
Stretchered off with his knee seriously out of shape, Eppo was bravely hopefull of returning to the fray.
But alas, his recovery will be long and hard, so he has retired and taken up a coaching position on the Donuts staff.
Mr Whippy, League Commissioner, Team Owner, and entrepeneur extradinair was too upset for words. It is not often that Mr Whippy shows such emotion, particularly when Donuts are on the table, but today was a sad day for Flings everywhere.
Nevertheless, Blood Bowl goes on, and Channel BB will be here to see what Fling now steps into those massive shoes... I mean feet. |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Feb 26, 2005 - 12:46 |
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Hi there sports fans, JaHosh Gawwad here, giving a report and tips on the upcoming games in the Western Conference.
Pro Losers II(1-2-1) vs Metibe(0-2-4) The Pro Losers are a new team, brought in to fill the gap created by the disappearence of the Peno Pancakes, so far they have a good season, with a 1-2-1 record. Metibe however have struggled all season, with their best result being a 1-1 draw vs the Asgardians. Only the strength and experience of the Khemri gives them a chance of victory here, Pro Losers by 1.
Brouhaha's Revenge(4-1-1) vs Angry Asgardians(0-3-3) Brouhaha's Revenge has been difficult to stop all season long, their charge to the top of Western conference only really delayed by the Manic Mammalians, the Angry Asgardians however, have struggled to win games, however much carnage they may cause. The Asgardians will need to cause some early casualties to have a chance here, and against heavily armoured chaos dwarves that's difficult to do. Revenge by 2 in a bloodbath.
Bills Beaut Battlers(3-0-3) vs Creepers(3-3-0) The Battlers owe their conference position largely to the fear of some of their opponents, with both Metibe and Soft and Fluffy failing to show to their games, the Creepers have also had opponents fail to show up, so both of these two teams have not shown their full potential this season, but I think the better record of the Creepers for the games that were played show them to be the better team. Creepers by 1.
Manic Mammalians II(4-1-1) vs Soft n Fluffy(3-0-3) The Mammalians would probably top the conference if they showed up to their match against the Creepers, but they are still one of the three contenders for the Conference title. Soft n Fluffy would be up there also if they hadn't forfieted 2 of their games, but nevermind that. The Mammalians have had injury problems all season long, situation normal for any elven team really, but they are not the powerhouse team they were in seasons past, Soft n Fluffy have had injuries also, but they are Orcs, and Orcs shrug off whatever doesn't kill em. But the speed of the wood elves should see the day won, the only question is if any of them live to see it. Mammalians by at least 2.
Well that's it from me today sport's fans, I hope this rundown of the final week has helped all you betting men/women/things out there. And remember to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Feb 22, 2005 - 08:26 |
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Mesage found in a wine bottle floating in a puddle outside of the Black Crowes locker room
Dear readers...assuming someone finds this hastily scribed missive...once again the Crowes find themselves in an upheavel! The GREAT UNSEEN was all misty hatred and clouded scorn after the draw against the Orcs from Snorhieim. I will spare you his vitrol...but it is enough to know this...he is, in a word, PISSED! As you can assume from this message he has shut down the printing press at Herd and Hoof. All communication between players and ANYONE has been cut off. There is to be NO more words from this team until after the last game of the season against Wanna Beatin. All horns were drooped as it was explained what may happen if the unthinkable comes to pass...RELAGATION! I can't explain all the gruesome details but it was suggested that the board of directors has been tinkering with a Void squad in a most heinious experiment! If I heard the thunder correctly dear readers...and it seems too horrible to be true...but (and I shudder again to even scribble this) it seems the board has discoverd a magic so black, so VILE...they...how do I say it....They may have found a way to TRANSFORM the herd into *gasp* HIGH ELVES!!! Yes dear readers!!! They are threating to turn our beloved Black Crowes into "Red Crowes" and unleash them on an unsuspecting conference! All this is highly speculative....and may not even be possible...but the Shadow Void possesses powers that are beyond this reporters comprhension...let us simply hope that the Herd win their last match and all the other results go their way so that our blessed warriors and beasts can avoid such a sordid fate. Stay strong true fans...we shall overcome this blackest of moments..and find ourselves in the Premier League for Season 9. |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Sp00n
Joined: Feb 03, 2004
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Feb 22, 2005 - 04:34 |
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<b><u>Soft n Fluffy 2 - 1 Metibe</b></u>
Coach sp00n was in shock after last nights thriller at Gru'sh Ug Stadium, where his team pulled off a miraculous play in the dying seconds to score a 2-1 victory.
<i>"Miller ish ta bestest throwa I ever sawd. Pass was like elf skum"</i>
Obviously distraught with the death of the Horde champion Hakeem, the coach took the apothecary into the rooms soon after the game and he has not been seen since.
Hakeem played 30 games for Soft, surpassing the feats of former captain Kemp and leaving a lasting impression on all players and fans.
One fan had this to say: <i>"Hakeem wash my hero, I remember he once catched a dwarf in dive an crushed him pieces before he hit da floor."</i>
The game was a dirty showdown between the Horde and the Khemrians, with much injuries, mostly to the horde who suffrered 2 deaths, including the captain. The Khemrians also lost their second throw-ra in 2 games.
THe final play saw orc thrower <b><u>Miller</u></b> pick up the ball after teammate <b><u>Carter</u></b> knocked over the Khemrian blitzer and under heavy duress squeeze a pass half the field to <b><u>Kobe</u></b> whom managed to catch the bomb and cross the line.
THe Khemrians could not believe the manouvere had happened and coach Mijjy had deserved a draw with good solid coaching throughout.
The Soft now have the perilous journey to the Undead lands with a 10 man roster and without captain Hakeem. Their chances of upsetting the Western Confernce still alive, but highly doubtful and I for one hope to see a new apothecary appointed during the week lest the team not return from the game at all.
This is Gri Noze reporting, out. |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Feb 21, 2005 - 14:05 |
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Kami returns to the festive town of Snorriheim to find it eerily quiet. Home to the Krasherz, the Vanguard and the Old Gaffer's lads, the only festivities it seemed, were being enjoyed by ghosts.
Only a few weeks ago it had been a hive of entertainment and a bustle of bodies. The Krasherz had made it to prem! The Vanguard were on a roll at last. The Gaffer's too, were hot to trot, having finally worked out how to tinker their machinery best for the game of blood bowl! Fans had been flocking to the stadium in droves! Now, in a space of two weeks, the teams have won just one match in nine at the Snorriheim Bowl. The fans have scattered, down an official 6ff in ranking and gate sales have been abysmal! The Krasherz are in the red (10k from three matches!), the Vanguard are risking bankruptcy (finding it difficult to stay solvent under the qualifying cap and despite once having a ff of 19!) and the Gaffer's are wondering if they'll ever have anyone live long enough to become a star player (certainly a problem when you recruit old farts).
Rumours have been flying around saying that head coach Snorri has been looking for jobs - this probably explains the abysmal performances and who can blame the players for their apathy as a consequence! Worse yet, there are conspiracy theories that elaborate in so much realistic detail of contracts being signed, relocation fundings (is selling one's soul to the Unseen One in return for the opening of a couple of handy chaos portals a good idea?) and a working agreement with a short people (oh, how could the good coach stoop to making agreements with such a bb-unchallenged bunch of bearded bums?).
Kami wonders how the meat pie vendors in Snorriheim will survive the transition. |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Feb 21, 2005 - 13:14 |
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Welcome back fans, JaHosh here reporting the latest game in the Western Conference, the Pro Losers II played the Angry Asgardians. The Asgardians started the game brutally smashing their way through the elves to score mid-way through the first half. The Losers rallied to tie it up 1-1 at half time.
The second half started much like the first did, with the Asgardians bashing the elven players whenever they could get their hands on them, but the losers were able to hit back occaisonally, but not enough to win it.
2 career-ending injuries were caused to the Pro Losers, and Reg Raegan and Steve Garcia will be sorely missed.
Pro Losers II 2-2 Angry Asgardians |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Feb 21, 2005 - 08:06 |
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Hi there sports fans! JaHosh Gawwad here, reporting on the latest game in the Western Conference. The Pro Losers II and the Maniac Mammalians II played a thriller today. It was a scoring frenzy in the first half, with 5 touchdowns scored between the two teams, seeing the Pro Losers ahead 3-2 at halftime.
The second half was not such a high scoring affair, with the defenses of both teams finally starting to kick in. In the dying moments the Maniac Mammalians were able to tie the game up, and that was how it ended.
THe only major injury to report was a niggling injury to the Pro Losers Captain and coach, Paul "Fatty" Vautin
Pro Losers II 4-4 Maniac Mammalians |
Last edited by Smegish on %b %21, %2005 - %13:%Feb; edited 1 time in total |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Feb 18, 2005 - 12:28 |
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Irite Stuff here with a look at the comings and going fo South Conference. This conference began with nary a whimper, as some of the original teams invloved simply refused to play! The conference finally began to settle down after the first two rounds, but all the forfeits have seen a number of coaches in contention for Conference champions. Here is how the table looks as of right now:
Bash D are currently on top, and have been in brutal form this season. One suspects that if it wasn't for a schedule hiccup that saw them miss a game against a weakened Lords of War, they may have been well on top of the conference. As it stands though, they may soon be knocked from their perch at the top by the plucky gals of Forza Ferrari, who have combined some good results with a couple of early forfeits to be only 3 points behind with a game in hand. That game will be the big question mark for Forza Ferrari this season howvere, as it is against Jacks Boozers, a nemesis team for the Amazons. The Lords of War are once again sleeping their way through the early rounds, capable of beating any team on days when the team shows up in one piece. They could be the dark horse for the conference.
Next up we have the perennial contenders Gumbeast United, who face off against Bash D next round in one of the showcase games of the season, and one that may well decide the conference. Will Gumbeast continue their history of thwarting Coach Chunknanimous? Next we move on to the teams probably out of contention for the Conference championship. The Form Guide have been out of form this season, their main source of points bein forfeits. The team has suffered a lot of injuries this season, and have a tough run home, playing two of the top three teams. Jacks Boozers have been one of the big underperformers this season, beginning with a terrible display against Bash D. Followed by tough draws against Gumbeast and Form Guide, this season may well go down as what could have been for the doughty Dwarfs. Newcomers German Vermin have made a real splash in their few appearances thus far, playing two of the top teams closely, and smashing the Lords of War. Unfortunately it seems the ascension of the Guttomr Raiders was premature, and the team have retired after only their second game in conference play, after a brutal game against Jacks Boozers. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 10:10 |
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Coach Chunknanimous calls a hasty press conference to refute the claims of one Barbara Bandages.
"Ms Bandages, if that IS her real name, is engaging in shenanigans and political double-speak. My sources tell me that not only does she have a vested interest in Gumbeast United, our next opponent, but that she is in fact a groupie. Considering Gumbeast players were all dead long ago, I would like to point out that that is just gross. Honestly, if one must indulge in kinky behaviour, why not just hook up with a daemonette or two (or seven - ahem).
If one would like a sterling example of Ms Bandages hypocrisy, I would point out her supported team Gumbeast United mauling of I-House's star blitzer Cannon, truly one of the premier ball handlers this fine league has ever seen.
The plain and simple fact of the matter, is that Gumbeast United are scared witless at the prospect of playing Bash D. Given the history between teams coached by me and those horrible deadites, I strongly hope the spiky boot remains on the other foot, and we give them a good kicking, something neither those arrogant gits I-House or effete pansys the Wusses were able to manage. In closing, I say this" Kill em all, and if it's worth doing, do it with Claw!"
At this point Coach Chunknanimous abruptly left the conference, leaving a bunch of confused reporters in his wake, as he hadn't actually allowed any questions. Numerous attempts to contact the coach were met only with an answering machine message stating that he was too busy conducting the Ritual of Clawgrowth to take any calls. |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 07:36 |
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While preparing meals for her 12 lovely children Barbara Bandages of the Southern Mothers Association released the following announcement, regarding the state of the Southern Conference.
'A disgusting display of violence when the fluffy wuffy rats of German Vermin hit the pitch against the wild BashD team has disappointed the SMA, which prides itself in encouraging a graceful style of play and beautiful passing game for all teams, as practiced by the courteous Gumbeast United. What message does it send the young fans when teams just go out there to hurt one another? A very sad message that will no doubt lead to the widespread degradation of society. One of Gumbeast United's star mothers - Marvin Buffington was heard at a recent press conference saying 'I do not like the direction the SWL is going with such widespread foul play and lasting injuries, it is every mothers nightmare that their children decide to take to the pitch, it is so dangerous out there'. Any teams which show a penchant for excessive violence will be dealt with by the SMA harshly, but fairly.
Rumours of 'hot' inter-team training sessions between the German Vermin and BashD involving suspicious green powder have been supported by strong circumstantial evidence as both teams are constantly sprouting new press on nails and have been reported with rather bizarre 'skin conditions' being used as weapons. This is an OUTRAGE to the SMA, due to the message it sends children about lifestyle choices and drugs in sport. The Gumbeast United squad has been briefed to ensure that appropriate discipline is administered and they teach proper behaviour.
The behaviour of certain teams in the South Conference has been shocking, and they need to take a good look at themselves. Their mothers are extremely dissapointed.
Now, Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves.' |
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DoubleSkulls
Joined: Oct 05, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 05:32 |
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In the Lil Leeg yesterday both Trolls on Chaos Halfling team, the Hotpot Hackers, showed a marked improvement in agility after the game. Both Pavola Pete and Head Butter were available for comment, but ate the reporter instead. Suspicious abound that the team have taken to whole heartedly worshipping Tzeentch.
At the post match game conference the head coach denied he had any plans for the unusually talented pair.
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Ian 'Double Skulls' Williams
Eucalyptus Bowl |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Feb 17, 2005 - 04:24 |
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Eppo Longshanks Breaks Fling TD Record!
In todays match against the SWL Avengers, star fling Eppo Longshanks broke the SWL record for Halfling TD's by scoring his 28th TD!
Eppo is the new sensation at the Donut Boys and now has surpassed retired legend Isumbras Underhill.
Isumbras, who was present at the match said to Channel BB afterwards "Eppo has worked long and hard for this. He has achieved his TD record in only 30 matches, whereas I took 32 games to reach my mark of 27. We are all very proud of him"
Isumbras' career was cut short by a debilitating shoulder injury, but other than a minor knee problem, Eppo is fit and ready to go and should extend this record by a significant margin.
Mr Whippy, Chairman of the SWL and owner of the Donut Boys said at the press conference afterwards
"Eppo is a great team man. He is gutsy and determined to help the Boys out. He was the last Fling standing in todays match and was surfed into the crowd... of course our crowd carried him to the dugout unhurt and he even had a few lollies stuffed into his pockets on the way!" |
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