Longshanks
Joined: Feb 02, 2005
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 Posted:
Mar 03, 2006 - 02:27 |
 
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The trumpets remain silent as a shadowy form glides gracefully, unseen, through the corridors of Camelot. Ascending the stairs of the keep, the figure pauses outside Arthurs bedroom and peers within. Not finding what it seeks, the shrouded figure withdraws and continues down the corridor, chased by the maelstrom of sound that is Arthurs snoring. The figure slips into Guineveres darkened boudoir, pursued relentlessly by Arthurs sleep induced cacophany which seems to shake even the stones of the castle itself.
Hovering over the sleeping form, the shadowny figure whispers. My Lady? My Lady? Then louder still My Lady? Finally, yelling, MY LADY!!! In exasperation the figure shakes Guinevere by the shoulder.
Guinevere awakes with a start and seeing the shadowy being towering over her, pulls the plugs of velvet from her ears and deftly throws her visitor to the bed, pinning him down.
My love, my love! she cries, tearing at the clothes of the prone figure. How hath I missed thee! Struggling, the figure whispers urgently. But my lady ...mmmm mmphh. Putting a firm hand over his mouth, Guinevere holds him down . Be still sweet Lance while I prove my love of thee. Why dost thou struggle so? Mine chastity has been sore tested e'en your abscence. Ooooh...I misremember your size. Clear tis such sport has aided thy.... muscle tone, giggling.
arrrgghh......
oooh ...err ......
Gasping, Guinevere finally slumps forward, rolling off the now groaning man.
Getting up, Galahad adjusts his clothes, stammering all the while. My Lady, I meant... I meant not... I had not intended..umm...
Stretching lithely, the now naked Guinevere, showing no discomfort over the mistaken identity, laughs quietly at the confused knight. Be at peace sweet Galahad. T'will be a secret tween us only.
I have a missive for thee, stammers the still blushing knight, from Lancelot who beseeched me most fierce for its delivery to your hands alone and with none other to spie it.
A duty discharged most...gratifyingly, replies Guineviere smiling seductively, taking the bound parchment, her gaze all the while lingering on the discomifited lord. Here, takest this favour as a token of my gratitude she says, handing him a purple satin kerchief.
Accepting it with trembling hands, Galahad shamefaced, moves hurriedly to leave, only to be brought up short before the door as Guinevere deftly cuts off his escape.
Why Galahad were ist thou sense of fairness? she asks archly. One favour begets another dost thou not think? she murmurs in his ear, running her finger down his chest. Locking the door she pushes him toward the bed.
Fifteen minutes later, a shadowy form limps from the castle gates, unnoticed and without fanfare. |
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BeefyGoodness
Joined: Nov 25, 2003
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Mar 03, 2006 - 12:21 |
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A sad time indeed for The Wollongong Warriors as one of their best and brightest Chris 'Tank' Thomas was cut down in his youth. The effect on a number of players was visible, so in his infinite wisdom the manager threw a massive wake for the guy....everyone was invited.
The majority of the team arrived drunk/high/soiled or a combination of the latter to the event, with the hallmark sounds of 'The Cuban Brothers' pervaded the air with their energetic rhythm.
"HELLO MY FRIENDS" the lead singer announced,
"First I'd like to say thank you to you for coming and mostly thank you (points to manager off to the side of the stage) for inviting everybody here...even my little bastard of a brother pepe` was invited. Say hello pepe`". He gestures to his brother in a bright pink suit on the other side of the stage. Pepe` waves to the crowd and bones his brother at the same time.
"The real reason we are all here today is a very sad one yes. My personal good friend Maurice some of you may know of him as Chris, died earlier this week. Many of you people know the man as a bit of a rogue, a damn fine athlete and generally likeable, but this...she is not the whole story, no".
"I would like to say adios to a great man!, a man who by his own loins has already sired over 26 bastards! Yes yes, I see several of you people shaking your heads, but it is true. Some of you people here may have seen him in action in some quality home cinema. Hahahaahaaa, see you know what I'm talkin about."
Yeah yeah, and we all know why he was called 'Tank" don't we people?" He nods then shakes then circles his head.
"Ok OK, I tell you anyway. He got his name tank cos he was soo slow to get there, but he could blow the fillings out of a starlets mouth!"
"Anyway, to get this thing started, I'd like to dedicate this song to our friend, and also to send a message to all you silly young people out there, full of lust and love.... its called "I'd rather die of syphilis than in a car fire".
(sings)
"Anda 1, 2, 3, 4.....You haven't been out in a while, she can tell you're keen.........bah buhh buuhmm."
"but before you do it make sure that the taco is clean....." |
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Tomay - Malapropism Mania – Poor Beefy hasn’t had much luck, however as a cheese dorf coach he doesn’t deserve it.
Go the Count! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Mar 03, 2006 - 13:13 |
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LOL...sometimes I think the only reason to keep this league going is for those stories! Well done to you all.
Maybe this next season we will execute someone from EVERY team so we can meet our publishing demands!
With buisness almost at a close I look forward to begginning the new season perhaps as soon as monday! Keep an eye on those PM boxes. |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Mar 06, 2006 - 01:15 |
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Season 6 has commenced!
We will be on a Wednesday deadline for a thursday morning forfeiting. I have set first round for 3 weeks so to avoid hassles with end of season SWL bizness. Then standard 2 weeks a rd after that..but surely we can play faster! All dates on the group page.
Good Luck! |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Mar 06, 2006 - 01:28 |
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With great sadness, the Riftsedge Revenants made their way to CTL Headquarters where there was to be a presentation of the trophy to Season 5 Champions Fallen Ark Wraithlords.
The crowd gathered around the podium as the trophy was placed on the dais by the Revenants skipper Lord of Darkness. The allotted time of high noon came, but nobody from the Wraithlords came forward to claim the trophy.
There was a murmur in the crowd as star Zombie for the Revenants Ares came through the crowd picking his teeth with a slender piece of bone, clearly Elven, whilst wiping his bloodied jowls with a rag not too dissimilar to a piece of Wraithlord livery.
The crowd went silent… and then gasped as we all realised that the Wraithlords would be no more. The trophy sat silently awaiting collection until the sated Ares continued up to the dais where he calmly picked it up without opposition, held it aloft and cried… WRATH!!
Welcome to Season 6 Peoples!! |
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Longshanks
Joined: Feb 02, 2005
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Mar 06, 2006 - 10:38 |
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Alone in her boudoir, Guinevere opens the sealed parchment delivered by Galahad. It read
Heart of Hearts.
I am a man torn asunder dearest beloved. My love for thee grows stronger with each passing day. Our enforced seperation hath fanned the flames of mine desive e'en higher, were it possible. I wish only to be with you always. And yet I am afeared for my soul. Arthur is mine liege and to covet his lady is hienous in eyes of both man and God.
Your protestations ag'in his boorish nature, ill temper and depravity, fills me with uncertainty. I can scarce credit thy claims, yet why would thou mislead me in such manner? How can I doubt thee in face of thine vow to remain chaste for me alone?
I have prayed for guidance, yet recieved none. My head demands fealty to Arthur but mine heart is weak, weakened by love.
While I see not how it might be achieved, yet I cannot resist thy pleas for aid. Though Arthurs death may haunt my life, now and in the hereafter, the deed must be done as thou hast begged, if we are to be together.
In agony, with love everlasting.... Lancelot. |
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Toonie
Joined: Jun 03, 2004
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Mar 07, 2006 - 01:15 |
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Wrath indeed!
Not only did Ares prove to be a thorn in my side when he was alive, but now he tries to mock us all in death.
I will have to teach Ares about wrath in the season opener between the Revenants and the Valhalla.
We have vanquished our worthy adversies in our last two encounters and will make it a hattrick after the final whistle is blown.
And as for Ares, well he will recieve his fair share of wrath. |
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Toonie
Joined: Jun 03, 2004
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Mar 14, 2006 - 13:59 |
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WRATH!
Is all that could be heard from the home stadium of the Riftsedge Revenants, as once again the plucky Norse from Valdenheim made a mockery of the Undead juggernaut.
A quick score early in the game was setup from a blitz on the kickoff by the Valhalla. The slumbering corpses were left behind as the norse swamped into their backfield.
Early ko's hurt the Revenants badly, as the norse slowly picked them off one by one after the restart.
A chance to score went begging as a mistimed block stopped the norse going up 2-0 at the break.
The second half saw both sides depleted of numbers take the field and early fouls accounted for key players on both sides. In the end poor footwork and ballhandling saw both sides madly scramble back and forth trying to score.
Neither side could further trouble the scorekeepers and the final whistle blew.
Valdenheim Valhalla 1-0 Riftsedge Revenants |
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Longshanks
Joined: Feb 02, 2005
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Mar 17, 2006 - 06:55 |
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Arthur finishes blowing his nose on his robe as a trumpet blast announces the arrival of a Herald.
My Lord, I bring news both fair and foul of our lastest endeavour, intones the Herald.
Out with it man! Arthur responds testily. I be in no mood for games of guessing.
A new season hath opened in the League of Cutthroats. Our first protaganist were of a race called Orcs - evil in both thought and deed, of immense toughness with a stench more vile than the dregs of the moat encircling proud Camelot. Coached by one named Flo who, tho we saw him not, is reputed to smell fouler still as he bathes so infrequent that ..
Enough of thine drivel Knave! shouts Arthur, rising from the throne and turning even more purple than his fondness for mead had already coloured him. I need not chapter nor verse. Tell plain the outcome afore thou losest ability to speak ought.
Twas Fair that we justly prevailed o'er our enemy by two to one as Lancelot and Gawain scored one a-piece displaying both skill and daring stammers the Herald hurriedly
Foul was it that Sir Perceval was slain, wounded mortal by single blow of a green skinned lineman.
Behind his hand, Arthur whispers to an attendent. Pssst! Yes, you. Perceval? Who was he? The pasty looking one with the scar? The attendent shakes his head. The red head? No? The drunk one? Bah!
Wiping a non-existent tear from his eye, Arthur cries, All Camelot will mourn for gallant Perceval who I knew as a brother. Forever will he shine bright in my memory.
The Eagleslayers, for thus were they named continues the Herald, breached all codes of conduct chivilrous and did many times attempt to unfairly injure our company e'en as they lay defenceless upon the field. At the tolling of halves first bell, Sir Kay, galled by behaviour so cowardly and spurred by Percevals untimely end, could stand it no longer, and with the support of many of our company, did respond in kind, scarring one of their number with a recurring injury he will ne'er be rid of.
Ha ha cries Arthur gleefully, rubbing his hands together like a child
about to receive a present. Descending the dais he embraces the Herald. Come, come. Show me how t'was done. The Herald dubious, nevertheless lies upon the tiled floor.
The Orc lay thusly, continues the Herald and surrounded by Knights as Sir Kay kicked him....
Like this? screams Arthur exicitedly, kicking the Herald in the midriff.
Nay Sir, winces the Herald, gasping. Like this then! Jumping with both feet at the Heralds groin. Or this? Arther leaps in the air and body slams the writhing man, his elbow cushioned by the Heralds throat. Or this ...
My Lord, desist! yells Guinevere on entering the throne room. Guards! Take this poor man to my boudoir so that I might minister unto him. And you? she accuses Arthur with voice and look both scathing. Struggling for words she sniffs contemptously and follows the guards dragging the still writhing Herald.
Arthur, resentfully, sulks back to his throne, searching for a clean spot on his robe to wipe his nose. |
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Longshanks
Joined: Feb 02, 2005
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Mar 20, 2006 - 05:24 |
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The Herald lies on Guinevere's bed, seemingly unconscious as she enters the room, locking the door behind her. She kneels at the bedside, gesturing for the Herald to lie back as he rouses at her approach.
Poor soul, thou hast been treated most vile. Let me tend thy wounds and soothe thy aches she whispers, gently stroking his forehead and peeling back the bedcloth to reveal the Heralds bruised ribs. Thou art true brave to suffer such pain without complaint she admires softly kissing his midriff. And.. Oh! she cries in a tone of mock horror as her light hands meander southward under the sheets Such a swelling I spie here..... throbbing... and .... mmm. Mayhap I might salve the inflammation by a soothing massage or ...?she trials off as the Herald begins to breathe more raggedly.
Fifteen minutes later, a surprisingly jaunty Herald skips through the castle gates bound for the Southern Wastes |
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DaemonicLazoth
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
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Mar 20, 2006 - 06:36 |
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From the shadows a menace watches and waits |
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Never mess with a invisible immovable rod at groin height |
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Rabid_Bogscum
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
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Mar 20, 2006 - 07:23 |
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Technical Difficulties Mar Awful Game in the CTL
A truly Pathetic game today in the Cut Throat League was plagued with technical problems from the Channel BB corporation. This reporter is struggling to remember details of the game, so bland was it, while there is no chance of any tape of the game due to power outtages at the ground. Play was stopped on numerous occassions due to television coverage cutting out, and players just hung out and socialised during these periods. The problem was no one at the ground was able to record accurately where the players were standing when play was stopped, and after each restart there was great confusion as to where the players should be. Really there is little to report on, The Bulldogs did just enough against a dissapointing elven team, Brent "Shifty" Sherwin running in the only TD of the game. While the Bulldogs bid farewell to the playing Career of Terry "Baa Baa" Lamb, who foolishly smashed his arm dodging (Such was the poor standard of play this was typical rather than an anomaly). He joins the assistant coaching ranks in the role of special teams, Some of the Dirtier Zombie players in the team will no doubt be taught the "Hoppa", Anus's of the CTL Beware. In Post game news.. Darren Britt has followed up his more lauded teammate in Peter Tunks and has finally learnt how to block. Expect Casualties to start raining down on the CTL now. Warren Ryan was asked his thoughts on the Bulldogs opening game;
"Im not gonna lie to you and say it was pretty, or that the game plan came off as intended, but in the end a win is a win. Thats the most important thing early in the season. It puts us in a position to wax lyrical about taking the season a game at a time".
This reporter couldnt agree more, but I still hope for better standards of play in Round 2.
Phil "Gus" Ghoul'd |
_________________
Commissioner of the Sydney League of Blood Bowl (SLOBB)
Eucalyptus Bowl 2020
Australia's Premier Resurrection Blood Bowl Tournament
Proud Member of the SWL |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Mar 24, 2006 - 06:44 |
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Scourges destroy Crusaders
JaHosh Gawwad here, reporting on a game played in the Cut Throat League, between two of the smaller teams, the Charican Crusaders and the Commoragh Scourges.
The opening kick off saw the dark elves rushing forward in a blitz, flooring poor Ysambart and stunning him. The high elves' tried to throw the ball downfield, but Auric Athenys intercepted the ball, handed it to Alys Mard'retta, and she quickly ran it in for a quick 1-0 lead. The second drive started with the high elves moving players down the right flank, but a mis-timed block left them open to a counter-attack, before they had even picked up the ball. The Crusaders got the ball to Symonnet, but he could only get it as far as halfway before he was flattened by Draq'har Klendath. The ball fell into Theirry's waiting arms, but he failed to get much further before tripping over Draq'har. Jain Cathis quickly scooped up the ball for the darkies, and skillfully threw it to Auric, who ran it in to score the Scourges second. Another kick by the darkies followed, with another early mistake by their 'high' cousins, but this time the Scourges failed to capitalise.
Half Time Score: Scourges 2-0 Crusaders.
The second half went much like the first. The Scourges piled on the points, with El'vis Harkon scoring one and both Alys and Auris each scoring another touchdown, Nuffle seemed to take a hand in this match, with the Crusaders failing even the most basic tasks, while the darkies from Commoragh could do no wrong (figuratively speaking). Let's hope this support from Nuffle continues, or those naughty elves may return to their old, piratical ways.
This is JaHosh Gawwad, tellin you to keep Bringing back the Biff! |
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Longshanks
Joined: Feb 02, 2005
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Mar 27, 2006 - 06:59 |
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Guinevere sweeps imperiously, unannounced, into Arthur's bedchamber. She waits, arms crossed, tapping her foot impatiently as the two serving wenches, the page boy and the small piglet sharing Arthurs bed, grab at their clothes. They beat a hasty retreat covering their nakedness with much scraping, bowing and stammerred apologies which are received by nothing more than a withering glare from their Queen. The piglet of course, having neither clothes nor manners, remains impervious to his queens displeasure and continues to root noisily amongst the bedclothes much to the apparent enjoyment of the King who remains oblivious to Guinevere's presence.
Eventually, sensing less activity beneath the bedclothes than that to which he is accustomed, Arthur sits up to see a now smiling Guinevere approaching. Flushing red with embarassment and no little fear, Arthur shoo's the piglet from the bed and begins to stammer out an explanation.
Ignoring his protestations Guinevere grasps his head and presses it to her ample bosom and cries. My Love! How hath I missed thine embrace & thine kiss. How I yearn for that passion of old... do you remember...when we were just new wed... mine rapture ...ooooh....oh!!!
Arthur is startled enough by her exclamation to recover from his bosom induced trance to stutter inchorently. But.. but.. we never...you never...not...barge pole...last man on earth...
Fighting off his fumbling hands, Guinevere continues meekly, head bent. Tis true my desire hath abated of late but.. but...when I saw... thy...treatment meted out to that despicable Herald... Such stirrings I felt... aflame with desire and ... and..(more bosom heaving)...I near swooned with pleasure...e'en lust. I had to come ...to...to...ask...nay, beg.....
Yes? Yes!!!! screams Arthur, feverishly groping her gown. Rising, immediately aloof and distant, Guinevere sighs pensively. But with neither war nor discord in quiet Camelot such ...violence...and such...emotion...I hazard is both rare and short-lived.
'Tis easy fixed exclaims Arthur exicitedly. Raising his voice. Guard? Guard? Get that Herald back in ...
Guinevere shushes him with another bout of imprisonment in her cleavage. And yet? This game that Lancelot plays? Bloodbowl? In secret have I watched the tournament. Her voice rising, now breathing huskily..the carnage and the...blood...oh....I...I could scarce contain myself...from setting aside my chastity and throwing myself at him...wanton and without decorum...oh...and...oh! Yet I could not...my marriage vows...(sigh). If only? If only
Yes? Tell me! begs Arthur, panting in his eagerness.
Guinevere sucking lightly at one finger while with the other hand a feathery touch traces the outline of his crotch, looks at Arthur with a smouldering suggestiveness, you could ..... play?
Arthur, even in his heightened state of 'tension' recoils and splutters. But! But! I might be killed! Were I the best player...as you assuredly would be, whispers Guinevere adoringly...I might be hurt or executed. I could not. 'Tis too much that you ask. I care not for mine own safety but my Kingdom needs me.
Guinevere responds by gently kissing his neck and not so gently squeezing his crotch. I have had correspondence with the commish of said tourney. An exception might be made for those of royal blood. Thou would not be executed and you need not play. Sit but upon the bench in all your manly glory. She presses herself against him, pinning him to the wall, a leg encircling his waist. So strong, she sighs nuzzling his neck. The violence and oh...oooh...and blood...oh, she once again buries his head between her breasts, her hands caressing his chest. I would be so ....grateful she says, squeezing his crotch again.
I'll do it! says Arthur, rampant now, anything. Yes!
Really? Questions Guinevere releasing him. For me ? She poses suggestively, crouching, both hands stroking her thighs while accentuating her cleavage with her arms.
Arthur, lusting, affrims with a nod. Yes, Yes I swear. Trying to steer her toward the bed. Now let us ...just let me ...
Deftly evading his clutches, palm to her forehead Guinevere sighs. Not tonight darling. I have a headache.
Retreating from a frustrated Arthur, she pauses at the door. Oh, and Arthur? That page boy that was in here earlier? Pray command him to my room. |
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Patrician
Joined: Sep 14, 2005
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| Posted:
Mar 27, 2006 - 07:04 |
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Longshanks, your posts need a general health warning attached...nice work! |
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"Get on with it!" |
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