andycapp
Joined: May 26, 2004
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Aug 23, 2004 - 02:55 |
 
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Kooshee here reporting live from outside Wanna Beatin's training camp. Does my hair look alright?
<Director> Kooshee you idiot, we're on radio. Besides, you have no hair!
<Kooshee> well, umm, err, yes. ... Are you sure this isn't the Blue Mountains? I mean it's flat, desolate, smelly and all, but I was told I would be getting the Dragons this week.
<Director> Just do your damn job, Kooshee. Get on with it so we can get out of here! Why do they call you Kooshee anyway?
<Kooshee> No need to be rude about it. So, as I was saying, Koshee here reporting from *KOOSH*
(Kooshee is smacked to the ground by a stampeding band of Orcs)
<Director> Oh, that's why. That must've hurt. I'll take over... Hey guys! Over here! It's the Wanna Beatin team in the flesh ... err ... is that what you call that green stuff?
<DaFlinga> Gimme dat mic'.
<Director> No, I'll interview you guys - it'll be great!
(DaSmasha, DaBasha and DaCrasha lean in towards the Director)
<Director> ok, ok. seeing that you asked so nicely and all ...
<DaFlinga> We'z Wanna Beatin! We'z Wanna Beatin!
<DaLobba> Gimme dat, you slow piece of meat! To youz teamz in Region C, watch out - we'z gonna get youz!
<DaFlinga> Yeah, we'z Wanna Beatin!
<Director> Come on Kooshee, get up and sign off.
<Kooshee> This ... is Kooshee reporting live from *KOOSH*
<DaSmasha> Hey guyz, 'dis is fun! Look - he'z all squishy. *STOMP*
<Director> Bugger that, let's get out of here! *SCUFFLE* *DOORS SLAM* *VROOM*
<andycapp> Come on, you guys! Get back to training. We just MIGHT be playing tonight. If not, better get ready for next week anyway! You've got some beatin' to do.
<TEAM> Beatin? Yeah! Let'z go!
<andycapp> You OK, man?
<Kooshee> I'll be fine ... where's my arm? *CRACK* Oh, there it is. And my leg? *SNAP* ohhhh ... |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Aug 31, 2004 - 13:23 |
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Footage from the Kazikam in the change rooms shortly after the finish of the Karaz Krasherz vs Horny Toads regional:
Bonza, Bombastik Bomba and Stompa all struggled post match to find a way to sneak into the dingy dark recessess of their closets in the change rooms. It was almost comical. Stompa's closet busted at the seams like a piece of balsa wood and he was seen trying to hide behind the toothpicks that remained.
The problem was...the wrath of Kami was bound to come striding through that door any minute with all the fury of a giant.
An entire game of football and none of the boyz could do more than tickle a skink. Finally, the mighty goober Kami had taken some time from playing the ball to hold up 3 sauruses and rip the tail off a skink, seriously injurying him in the process to show the foolz how it was done.
Booming footsteps approached...when you're a black orc, or a troll, there simply ain't nowhere to hide from a goober. |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Sep 02, 2004 - 05:32 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Sorry dear readers this has taken so long but I am reporting from hidden alcove deep under the Black Crowes locker room and things are NOT good. Coming off their most succesful picnic ever (semi final loss to I-House, the eventual winners) hopes were high in the pre-season camp for the new Conference division season. Trouble early as HFC went missing and the kids didn't get a game. Lethargy creeped in and when they finally got to round 2 it seemed they just forgot how to play. Missing blocks, fumbbling balls and just not playing with any fire.
round 3 was even more distressing as they rolled over to a Khermi outfit. As you can imagine the GREAT UNSEEN is none too happy with his charges. He has managed to completly erase all match reports hoping in some insane way that if their is no record perhaps there was no game! Alas the points table has not been fooled.
There has been unconfirmed rumours of the axe being sharpened in an attempt to bully this wayward herd back into form. The Shadow Void has been rumbling with the thunder of discontent and if the next game isn't played with some old school style I fear the reprucussions could be extreme.
I will lay low and hope to seperate the fact from the fiction in this developing ugly story. Fear for me dear reader as you fear for the Crowes...we are ALL in deep trouble! |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Sep 02, 2004 - 12:45 |
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Bob Borc: Well lads! Figure ya all miss me inbetween reports so much ya might be keen for the latest teknology can bring! I'll be bringing SWL matchup scores *live* to your very channel! Stay tuned!
( JoeK forgive my presumption for using Bob - but figured he was perfect, having a lengthy swl history to boot! If you want to give me some personalisations aka one line comments on the game please do!
If it seems I've missed including your team (probably mispelled it) send me a PM and I'll get onto it.
ps No stunty teams in yet, just qpool and divisional. ) |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Sep 02, 2004 - 12:58 |
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United def Dragons On The Wire
Yes, the two old foes squared off in a grudge match that has been shaping up for 3 seasons now. Carlton United have been copping an absolute pasting on Channel BB for a number of seasons now from the Blue Mountain Dragons and their insane skipper Vladim Oslobahn. Usually this media war has been waged over the dubious sexuality of Carlton captain Duke Snakefield but to put it mildly, the rivalry is intense.
The match itself though failed to live up to expectations. Carlton drove down the field first and managed to hold off the Dragons defence as they stalled and time wasted their way to the lead.
The Dragons failed on offence to tie the scores before the break but managed to do so from a TD from star Dragons catcher Blax Landric. Unfortunately the Dragons seemed more interested in taking down the Carlton players and even forced Duke Snakefield into the crowd. This again slowed the game down as a spectacle and many of the crowd began hurling their beer steins (empty of course!) onto the field in disgust.
At 1-1 with little time on the clock, the Carlton offence sprang a remarkable play to tie the game, but it came from a woeful missed block by the Dragons skipper himself and with the line wide open, Carlton scored on the bell.
My point in this rather bland review? Well my point is that these two teams, for all their guile and experience showed very little skill and very little tactical nouse. Was this match deserved of Premier League status? Hardly not! I see better games in Regional C than this putrid display and I call upon Commissioners Twahn and Whippy to do something about it!
The SWL Premier League is in trouble! There is a need for fresh blood! And hopefully it will come from Oslobahn and Snakefield before the season is out! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Sep 10, 2004 - 04:07 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well dear readers it seems the planets have finally realigned themselves in a way that pleases the Shadow Void!
The Crowes have taken the first step in shaking themselves out of their dire slump. For only their 2nd time ever the kids scored 3 TDs and kept the Fyord Frollikars scoreless to notch up a win in the SW Conference. All up not much of a contest as the Frollikars ale sponsors had put on a major piss-up inthe dug-out and they took any excuse they could to sneak off the pitch and get into it. 4 in the KO box almost all game with more jumping in whenever they could. The only player to really shine for them was Fresion Cowson. The big Mino scored himself a triple treat with 3 CAS 1 BH 1 SI (with niggle) and 1 RIP. Yup, the curse of the Jealous family was evident as JealousAgain fell to this rampaging beast and the apoth just couldn't put him back together again. Lions is already hard at work on his latest song for his fallen friend..."You May Have Done Nuthin...But You Were Our MVP"All up a delightful return to form for the horns and let's hope they can carry on with the job!
Match Report |
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Dark_Lord
Joined: Sep 13, 2003
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Sep 10, 2004 - 15:19 |
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They say, everyone loves an underdog. Then everyone should love the Creepers.
The Creepers next match against the Southside Stone Smashers will be their 18th consecutive game as underdogs, and by underdogs I mean the team with the lower rating.
GO CREEPERS!!! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Sep 10, 2004 - 17:05 |
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Live Footage from the Kazikam:
A sheepish looking outfit shuffle in to the Karaz Krasherz change rooms shortly after the finish of the Karaz Krasherz vs Calen Caretakers regional. They all look terribly pleased about hiding something.
On the far side of the room, Kami is still looking a bit groggy after a brutal blow early on, but bouncing back with his usual gobbo resilience. Obviously not in on the secret, he starts getting irritated at the ladz reticence...cept for the customary scruffle (a ruffle of what passes for Kami's scraggly mop of hair - supposedly for good luck).
Despite their utter lack of acting ability, the ladz manage to keep the secret for a few minutes, much to Kami's irritation. Just as the silence seemed about to split, down at the far end of the room a booming voice belts out a thundering "WHACK!". A few chuckles. A few seconds later..."CRUUNCH!"...chortles..."SMASH!"....unabated laughter...."BAM!". And in the midst of the commotion, Stompa's doing the <b>stomp</b> to a chorus of crunching sounds and waauuugh's comin from the rest of the lads.
Kami realises what's up and rushes out on to the paddock just in time to see the last of a wagonload of woodie's being carried off the field. "Aight ladz!" he yells into the big space above and beams with glee. At last it begins! |
Last edited by Snorri on %b %22, %2004 - %17:%Sep; edited 1 time in total |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Sep 16, 2004 - 23:57 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Stunned dear readers...stunned in a "they forgot to roll over" sorta way. The Black Crowes met old foes the Southside Stone Smashers in a must win game...and lost. The first half was an awesome display of commited defense. the GEAT UNSEEN was at his tactical best as he blunted wave after wave of the Smashers cage attack. Players kept falling to KOs and a constant attack on Lions by Crasx Ironhead the Troll Slayer eventually got to be too much for the hairy songster and he was finally carried from the pitch with a smashed skull(-1AV) singing "They are the Lollipop kids..." over and over...the big fella may never be the same. At halftime the score was 0-0. Crowes started stronger in the 2nd half...moving the dwarves back and setting their own "flat cage". But near the end of the 3rd quarter horror struck! In a result that will have repruccissions for ages Morning Song attempted a short pass that would have seen the kids clear and most likely home for the win, Furrin Stoneface INTERCEPTED the pass while in 3 TZs! The Crowes did manage to disposses him late in the game but a failed GFI was the end of their hope and Kahn Rockarm scampered in for the winner!
All this of course leaves the kids facing relagation for the first time in their 30 game history. It going to take some mighty magic from the Void to get other results to fall their way if they are to have even a glimpse of hanging on to their conference credientials.
This could well mark the beginning of the end dear readers... |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Oct 06, 2004 - 07:13 |
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MOAB Wrap Up
Thanks to all of you that have offered congrats to this humble High Elf coach. While we may be the NSW CHAMPION in name it is with a the hollow feeling of one who know that the whole comp didn't show up. The weekend was great fun! Only 9 coaches on day 1 and never that many again through the weekend for whatever reason. It was also a mixed bag of teams who were experimenting with the new Vault 1.6 rules. All up a grand affair that could only had been better had there been a greater turn out.
So I put it to you now that you mark the October Long Weekend of 2005 in your calendar and be ready. As defending MOAB champion I will be at all of you to make your presence felt next year and raise the level of what should be the top State championship. Only YOU can make it better!
Also I send a warning to POWERFIST that I am coming in on a big winning streak and hope to get the High Elves over the line again!  |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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XZCion
Joined: Jul 05, 2004
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Oct 11, 2004 - 16:13 |
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Smokey McPot reporting again from another game of those lustrian wonders, the Horny Toads. Showing unusual flair, the zard's from down under went out to a 3-0 lead, only to see their perfect defence crumble as the beastmen of nurgle combined in an amazing elfroid inspired passing play of brilliance to score their only touchdown in the dieing seconds of the game!
Showing their usual addiciton to their apothecary however, they did have 9 players visit the injury boxes...
She showed why they keep her around however, saving another skink from death by beastman hoof.
Thanks go out to all the coaches the toads played against for making this placing possible! |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Oct 15, 2004 - 10:35 |
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IT HAS BEGUN!!!!!!
yes once again the between season madness that is the Gentleman's Picnic has commenced for the SWL, So far there has been a mere 5 games played and already two players have departed the mortal coil for ever.
Memum Tyramus of the Iridine Gladiators succumbed to a brutal beating at the hands of those undead khemrian creeps "Metibe". A distraught Coach Skonos was sought for comment but only announced that he was sickened at the level of violence and his team would be dropping to the more genteel Swamp Competition this coming 7th season of the SWL.
Metibe have since gone on to deliver a brutal slamming to the long time SWL stalwarts the Prince Reagents. in recent seasons the Prince's have suffered many causalties and in a period of declining revenues it seems they could not go on and they too have been retired. Coach Schadenfreude has vowed though that they will be avenged by his qualifying pool team the Wickermen who will be entering the new full competition this season....... Now there's a scary bunch of lads. Lets hope they aren't playing in the same division as any of your bunch of lads.....
The Professional Losers had lost to the Prince Reagents and been knocked out of the comp. Alas they also lost 28 game veteran Michael Phelps, another picnic casualty.
In other games the loss by Brouhaha's Revenge! to Beasts of Bowl sees the beasts through to the 2nd round as does Brothers In Bloodbowl's loss to the Southside Stone Smashers see the Smashers through to the next round. Both were hard fought tough games that saw good solid play play by all but someone had to win.
Stay tuned for many more exciting games to come!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
Last edited by JoeKano on %b %16, %2004 - %16:%Oct; edited 1 time in total |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Oct 15, 2004 - 12:54 |
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Great work Joe!
At this point, Chunky would like to point out that the Southside Stone Smashers have come second in the Picnic the past two seasons, and they are definitely my favourite to win the Crown this year. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Oct 16, 2004 - 17:21 |
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BREAKING NEWS!!!!
literally, as another player has fallen. #12 Corben Defthands - Thrower of Look Good in Tights is the latest casualty in the brutal madness that we all know and love and spectate upon raptly that is SWL's Gentlemans Picnic. Corben fell to Amazon's Forza Ferrari Catcher Lola in a vicious behind the play smackdown that saw the young up and coming elf blindsided as he stood there basking in the glory of his fans after his superb pass to send the ball up the field into a waiting elf catchers hands..... No doubt he will be sorely missed by those good looking elves in Tights. Sadly the Tights have also been dispatched from the Picnic, going on to lose the game 4-0.
In Other picnic news the Southern Waste Warriors defeated the rookie Green Bay Uppsala 1-0 , Adelaide Anvils were defeated by Slumbering Skink's in a bloody underhanded match 0-1, The Black Crowes progressed to the second round with a forfeit win, and Lord's Of War defeated Quods Optimates 4-2 in a ferociously contested game.
This is Bob Borc forChannel BB! The only station broadcasting continuously 24 hours a day all the greatest picnic action....... |
_________________
"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Oct 17, 2004 - 03:52 |
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Donuts To Win!
Mr Whippy, SWL's esteemed CEO (Acting) and Director of Catering, has announced that he has the Donut Boys as favourites against SWL Premier League heavy weights the Zen Adepts
When asked for an opinion on why the Donuts will win, Mr Whippy couldn't find the words to reply. Was it because he is jesting and trying to put on a brave face? Or was it because he had 3 Choc Iced donuts in his mouth and was reaching for a fourth?
Only time will tell, and that time is tonight at 9pm! |
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