ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
|
 Posted:
Dec 19, 2004 - 14:42 |
 
|
Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
YES! We are in the BIG LEAGUE NOW BABY! With a dominant 3-0 win over the Black Water Blitzers The Mighty Herd has finished Season 7 with a stellar 6-1-0 record and is into the Premier! The game was a celebration of alll that is Crowe. Lions was singing, kids were getting KOd and Gone...just to cap off a huge season for him...returned a dropped pass from Endzone to Endzone to score the final TD. A hats off to all in the SOUTH conference that tried to hold us out...but the Herd has been dancing with destiny since Season 3...and now we are on the the holiest of turf in the SWL. May their horns glitter, the hooves pound and may we represent the SOUTH properly as we head to the top!!!
Black Crowes 3 vs 0 Black Water Blitzers |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
|
theopacman
Joined: Jan 26, 2004
|
| Posted:
Dec 24, 2004 - 03:14 |
|
A Sad day for the Citadel Ancients as Kill Soulscream the star Blitzing Wight (47spp) was underhandedly killed today.
The Ancients triumphant over the Chaos side siren goes players jubilant 2-0 a Golem had scored a TD just to glance over and see a cowardly Beastman putting the boot into Kill while the refs were checking their scorecards.
black Boneheart " Cowardly action , I mean we didn't even have a chance to retaliate , the game was over,(Last turn of the game) I guess we have a new mortal enemy and we have asked the coach to challenge the dirty low lifes first game next season"
Well you heard it here fans a challenge to the L'roths Destroyers . Lets see if they are courageous enough to accept when the Ancients can fight back |
|
|
DaemonicLazoth
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
|
| Posted:
Dec 24, 2004 - 03:28 |
|
And the Destroyers will gladly accept the challange so they can continue their rampage of destruction. For those that would play us know that we will maim and kill those who would field against us. |
_________________
Never mess with a invisible immovable rod at groin height |
|
Mully
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
|
| Posted:
Dec 26, 2004 - 17:21 |
|
Anyone heard from Sonof Sharkboy lately?
Hes been gone for quite a bit |
_________________
Owner of the REAL Larson
Come join the CCC League |
|
ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
|
| Posted:
Dec 27, 2004 - 09:52 |
|
Sorry Mully, no...
I think he was going to Perth for his Xmas Hols... not sure, but I know his wife is from there... |
|
|
Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
|
| Posted:
Dec 28, 2004 - 09:38 |
|
After getting itself lost on a walkabout for a while, the Twahnlow Awards Party has finally made its way back to town!
It has been a long while, some of the old awards have been eaten by voracious kangaroos and some new ones were found on walkabout. They've also all been cheesily retarnished with a fresh coat of gold and silver paint (gold for premier awards and silver for conference awards).
Bob kicks his gobbo lackeys carrying the prestigous trophies up onto centre stage to begin da ceremonies.
Startin' with the dead 'ard blokes before they get too drunk and destroy the party, we have a couple of new awards. The Fists are now awarded to the player with the highest block/casualty ratio in recognition of his lethal and specialised talents (min. 3 casualties!) while the Knuckles are awarded to the brawler who just can't restrain himself from beating the nearest thing to a pulp (highest casualties!) and is only awarded if that player does not already hold the coveted Fists.
This year the Golden Fists is awarded to Riff Boulderbrother of the Southside Stone Smashers. The Silver Fists go to Horse Head of the Black Crowes. Not often were both these players thrown into the fray, but lethal they were with a 4.66 blocks per casualty ratio!
Many Knuckles to go around this season. With 5 casualties apiece, a set of Golden Knuckles are awarded to Durandal and Shamino of the Warlizards and Grak Redeye of the Southside Smashers. Tied on 7 casualties for the season, the Silver Knuckles go to the Undertaker from Smash Down and Kylie Minogue from the Aussie Crawlers.
For the most number of blocks, the coveted Golden Shield is to be shared by Shamino of the Warlizards and Slilrl of Slumbering Skink. No doubt there'll be a furious chicken scratch for actual posession of the trophy. Also looks like Shamino could be shaping up as a favourite for the coveted Twahnlow's. In the conferences, there had to be no doubt, the Silver Shield goes to Unger Van Kleiber of the Angry Asgardians as soon as someone is able to calm him down a little.
To celebrate the most infamous of the league, the awards for excessive fouling are dominated by the Khemri lackeys of the league. In the premier division, the Golden Boot goes to Edward Worraker of Gumbeast united with an obscene 16 fouls for the season. The Silver Boot goes to the Khemri pair of Ktat Ki of Metibe and Scotty 2 Hotty of Smack Down with 12 fouls apiece.
It seems that this season we have not a single player holding his hand up (pardon the pun) for the Golden Glove awarded to the best interceptor in premiers. A whole season and not a single intercept! This probably says alot about the safe bash and run style of play that currently seems to be dominating. In the conferences however, a few Silver Gloves are to be awarded to Daisy and Ramsey of Beasts of Bowl, Nalthen Stonecrafter of Brothers in Bloodbowl, Red Noggin of the Karaz Krasherz and Spire Hellhound of the Southern Waste Warriors - each with one intercept apiece for the season.
Another new award, the Golden Boomerang goes to the player with the most completions. This season it goes to Adam Hawkin Yardley of Carlton United with seven completions. Maybe he's finally steppin into those boots left behind by Skullface. The Silver Boomerang goes to Baglok of Damage Incorporation with nine completions!
Adding to his collection Adam Hawkin Yardley of Carlton United also runs away with the award for the greatest yards gained from passing, the Golden Arrow. He stole that one with a massive tally of 49 yards, a full 26 clear from his nearest competitor. In the conferences, the Silver Arrow goes to Andrew Johns of Peno Pancakes with a tally of 30 yards. Good Job!
The Golden Slipper (for the most yards gained carrying the ball) goes to Thshltreeaay of Slumbering Skinks with a tally of 95 yards. Always a tough ask to steal this award away from the all conquering skinks. The Silver Slipper go to Baglok of Damage Incorporation with a massive 136 yards gained. Pretty damn good for an orc.
For the most touchdowns in the season, the Golden Ball goes once again to Lord Malice of Lords of War despite stiff competition from the skink Speedy (Warlizards) before he ran into an untimely end. The Silver Ball goes to Blax Landric of Blue Mountain Dragons (with 7 touchtdowns) as he inches ever closer to legend status!
And finally, the stars of the league this season! The Golden Star goes to Leif 'Rabbo' Svensson of Gumbeast United with 26 spps.. The Silver Star goes to
Jason Vorhees of the Creepers with 34 spps! Both good all round efforts.
For now, we skip to a quick break so the party can rage a bit....tune in again in a weeks time once the party starts winding down for the final award - The Twahnlow Medal awarded to best and fairest in the Premier Division.
Dont forget to boast to the world about your player's trophies in the players bio's. |
Last edited by Snorri on %b %22, %2005 - %15:%Jan; edited 6 times in total |
|
ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
|
| Posted:
Dec 29, 2004 - 14:21 |
|
First off...WOW! What a great thing you have done Snorri!!! Stunning work to bring back the Awards! Thank you SOOOOO much.
But I would have a look at the Silver Boomerang catagory...Baglock had 9 completions indeed...for a total of 4ps...me thinks he is chucking backwards for easy SPPs  Not the stuff Twahnlows are made of. Maybe a calculation like you did for the silver fist...completions divided by total squares...Boral of the Obsidian raiders with 6 completions for 25squares strikes me as a more deserving winner.
Just a thougt...again mate WELL DONE! Looking forward to going for some Gold in Premier this season! |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
|
theopacman
Joined: Jan 26, 2004
|
| Posted:
Dec 30, 2004 - 02:31 |
|
The rumor mill is buzzing already in these early days of the SWL season 8
This just in from everyones favourite party werewolf Rage Bloodcry
In the wake of the shock 1-3 loss of the South runners up in season 7 ,the Fyord Frollikars, to the relative new boyz on the block Black water down.
One of the stars of season 7 Valgard 'hanse' Greycloak had a horror day
first failing to block a Black Orc with no fewer than 3 players around him in support he also went down despite no one even seeing the Black Orc make contact.Tghis resulted in Black water going ahead 2-1.
Still plenty of time left, BUT the next kick off The Frollikars race forward leaving Valgard in the backfield, only to turn and see him sitting in the KO box getting stuck into the post match Keg....with a Golden stein!!!!
again the Water scored despite some heroics from Aelfgar and the day was lost 3-1
Valgard when questioned later had this to say in his defence "What gam, I'm a little hazy on it I'm afraid" He then walked off with a trail of bearers carrying large chests behind him.
Aelfgar had this to say " The only positive is that what Valgard said pre match will certainly help sell my autobiography "
grrrrrr if i were the coach i would put him on the LOS in the Frollikars next match vs the Archfiends of Atrocity and let him try and strike a deal with one of those dead 'ard mummies. |
|
|
Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
|
| Posted:
Dec 31, 2004 - 04:03 |
|
Ah yes! Very canny of you Oz! Or was it a quiet whisper in the ear from the Unseen One, or perhaps even JealousGuy's ghost?
Bob Borc is probably having a good belly laugh at our expense having managed to sneak that one in.
We should have suspected something was up with those shifty orcs immediately. Imagine that, orcs appearing to play like elves.
*At this point coach Snorri can be seen conspicuously refraining from adding any comments about the Krasherz*
We'll definitely 'ave a good 'ard look at that calculation next season.
Da Twahnlow Squad |
|
|
andycapp
Joined: May 26, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jan 12, 2005 - 06:27 |
|
<TV Director> You ready Kooshee? This is your big day. Seeing that coach andycapp has promised YOU sole access, we have to go with you. Mind you, if I had my way, I would have gone with that top Ogre reporter, Biff Bonehead - now HE can take care of himself, AND he's smarter than you to boot!
<male Makeup Artist, in a tizz> Now now director, what did I tell you? That sort of non-supportive comment cannot do us any good here. We want to succeed in this venture, so praise, praise, praise only thankyou!
<TV Director> As you wish, Gerald. OK, are we set? Are the lights ready? Good. And the cameras? Great. I hope you're up for this, Kooshee. Don't forget our opening tag. So we're rolling? And 5 ... 4 ... 3 .........
<Kooshee, in a very professional-looking dark grey suit, new silk "We luv Beatins" tie, brand new "Advanced LOS Hair(tm)" hair, and professional voice to boot> Well, howdy sports fans! As you can SEE this is Kooshee, coming to you exclusively on the WargSports Channel from INSIDE their brand-new training camp, "Beatin Kamp", it's ... (motions to left of screen, a bead of sweat appears on his forehead)
<TEAM, running into frame> We'z Wanna Beatin! We'z Wanna Beatin!
<Kooshee> Wow! Can you SEE all that muscle now? Believe me, these guys certainly pack a punch! And don't you just LOVE their new strip? I'm told replicas are available at the merchandising booths scattered around the stadium on match days. Errr ...
(Camera moves to where Kooshee is glancing, where some mostly-naked sweaty orcs can be seen about to remove their under-rags. Camera quickly pans back to Kooshee.)
<Kooshee>Yes, it seems some of the team have taken my "strip" comment quite literally. Put your kit back on, lads - you're too ... er ... ugly to be doing that on live television.
<a team member's voice from off camera> Aww, thankz Koosheee. Dat's good of you to say so. Right ladz, back to training!
<Kooshee> Well, no worries lads! Enjoy your training! So, there they go. Same old team, brand new look. Stay tuned for our pre-match report for the opening game of Season 8, between Wanna Beatin and Slumbering Skink. This is Kooshee, reporting exclusively from Beatin Stadium.
<TV Director> And we're clear! Great work, Kooshee! And you survived your first live television report. Congratulations!
<Kooshee>I don't get it. All those mentions of "Beatin", and I didn't get hit once. This has to be a record.
<andycapp> Actually, that was my doing. I told the lads to specifically not beat you in this report. We have to make a good impression for the audience. It might just increase our fan base. Besides, you're our guy, Kooshee. We can't have you out for the entire season again. Unfortunately, they concentrated too much on that order and didn't think when you said "strip". Sorry about that. hehehe. Anyways, see you lot again soon. I got some training to take care of! |
|
|
ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jan 13, 2005 - 03:26 |
|
Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Welcome to the Premier Edition as the kids get tough and kick off their first season in the bigs! And what a kickoff it was...a Pitch Invasion to welcome both newcomers to the top flight of SWL Blood Bowl! A "stunning" beginning to be sure (4 us- 2 them). The fight was on...just a massive slug fest on the line. Toe to toe with the gauzzey types...all the while Gone did his thing up the back with the ball. A T5 long pass to Boomers Story was a tad off the mark though...but not to worry...Gone simply kept running and regathered to score in T8!
2nd half was a close affair with the ghoul sweeping wide...but a big hit by HorseHead quelled that attempt. Lucky for us a Wight failed his heroic play after some good blocking to set him up. Fumble! BoomersStory raced in with the blitz/pickup/dodge play to clear...and raced away untouched for the 2nd TD!
An excellent start to the season...only sad note was a foul (one of 6!) broke BlackBerry's leg for a niggle.
Roll On Herd!
More notes in the game report..
Black Crowes 2 vs 0 WickerMen |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
|
Toonie
Joined: Jun 03, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jan 13, 2005 - 12:33 |
|
Straight from the Norse's Mouth
Lars Nielson here bringing you all the exclusive news on the Angry Asgardians live from the Asgardome(tm).
And what an exciting match we've had today bowl fans. Thousands of Norse and a lot of unsavoury Undead packed the stadium to watch the Asgardians take on the Creepers.
Winning the toss the Asgardians decided to recieve the ball and was surprised when the Creepers launched out of the gate with a blitz.
Suddenly zombies and wights were surrounding the area where the ball was landing.Then a ghoul tried and push his luck getting to the sweet spot and tripped,allowing the Norse to recoverand try and get to the ball.
The trio of blitzers,assisted by throwers and a couple of linos surrounded the undead,allowing Frozen Tauros to blitz and push a zombie onto the ball forcing it out into the open.
The ball was gathered up by the Asgardians.
While this was happening, on the LOS,catcher Lodi Torkonnen delivered a nasty block on Pretty Boy,killing the unfortunate zombie and finally laying him to rest.
After a bit of sloppy play by both teams, Horst Gutomir gained posession of the ball and ran it down the left side of the pitch and finally into the endzone.
The half time siren sounded and both sides ambled into the dugout after a tough fought half.
The home side kicked off the second half and again they were caught by surprise.
The undead gaining some momentum with a quick snap,got down the field quickly and within reach of their opponent's endzone.
It was during this movement that the Asgardian's kicker Lani Snowdrift met his untimely demise.
The Undead ended up scoring and sometime in the reset of the game,they had stolen his body and brought him back on the field as a zombie!
The norse,helped by a bad kick got the ball to Horst again as a result of a touchback.Some great coverage allowed to quickly race in a td,regaining the lead for his team.
Again the Undead surprised everyone with another quick snap and the Norse once again scrambled to cover the breakaway ghouls.
During this fracas,Frozen brought down Ziggurat and lino compatriot Baldur Thorsen gave him something to carry for the rest of his undead life.
The scrambling was not enough,as once more the home side's endzone was breached.
Horst rallied his side for one more shot to break the deadlock and assure victory for the fans.
But due to some poor insight by the coach,the setup was all wrong and the drive failed.
The final siren sounded and the crowd left feeling somber but still happy enough to see their team play.
Until next time Norse fans this is Lars Nielson signing off.
Angry Asgardians vs Creepers |
_________________
 |
|
Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jan 14, 2005 - 01:19 |
|
Bob Borc staggers up to the stage after two weeks of hard partying at the Twahnlows.
"And finally!" (speaking to an audience almost completely off their feet - luckily there was one barely affected beer guzzling dwarf still sober enough to report this) "da Twahnlow Award dis season goes to Lord Malice of the embattled elven lads from the Lords of War!"
With that, Bob promptly fell flat on his face, signalling the end of the party and the conclusion to Season 7 of the SWL! |
|
|
andycapp
Joined: May 26, 2004
|
| Posted:
Jan 19, 2005 - 23:25 |
|
<Kooshee, in an amazing array of "We luv Beatins" merchandise - green hat, red #11 "DaLobba" shirt, blue replica training shorts, and one overly large "Beatin Glove" (tm) on his left hand> Howdy sports fans! This WargSports Channel news update is coming from "Beatin Kamp", the training camp for Wanna Beatin. I'll be following coach andycapp and his lads throughout the SWL's Premier League's Season 8, thought it must be said that some of those lads don't take too kindly to my constant presence. Let's see here - I am wearing some of the team's merchandise, available at the merchandising booths scattered around the stadium on match days. I'm told the "Beatin Glove" here packs quite a punch, but I don't know ...
(KOOSH! Kooshee punches himself in the side of the head, sending him sprawling off camera)
<Kooshee, picking himself up, rather dizzily> Urgggh ummm, well, that will definitely be a favourite in the crowds this season. I pity the opposition crowds who may well get treated like punching bags before, during and especially after each game. I don't feel so well, so I'm going to sign off, and go back to some footage I taped earlier. From "Beatin Kamp", this is Kooshee...
(the tape kicks in, with Kooshee in the Studio. "SWL Season 8" is dubbed over Kooshee's left shoulder)
<Kooshee> Howdy sports fans! This is Kooshee NOT reporting live, but from a studio. This means that I've most probably been beaten up by those darn Orcs of Wanna Beatin again.
<Kooshee> This is my Southern Waste Leagues Season 8 preview, though some first-round games have already been decided. Tipping this year has become a little easier for me this season, with the shock withdrawal of initial founder Twahn, due to "real-life" issues. I don't know what that means, because BloodBowl is my life, and THE life. I tip that every game Carlton United play will go to the opposition as a forfeit. Well, that's a quarter of the games out of the way. Now for the other teams. In the first round, I tip the Black Crowes over the Wicker Men, but only because that has also been decided already. Yes, they made round 1 a little easier on me. Let's get to the teams.
<Kooshee, camera 2> There are no certainties this season, viewers. All teams currently stand with both TR and TS over 200. I will start with crediting the champions of Season 8...
The Southside Stone Smashers are a feared team. The amount of skills this team has is testimony to many a won game, and crushed opponent. Their awesome match record proves this team's calibre. Although short, these dwarves are by no means small. A truly champion team here folks. The highest-strength team in the league, but will handicaps hurt them in any way?
The Chaos caused by the Black Crowes is a sight to behold. A few current injuries, but not enough to stop this team stampeding to their opponents' end zones. A full team lineup, so if one does happen to fall, there's a herd of them to follow up. Will those injuries be telling come season end though?
The ancient Wicker Men also have a full team sheet. This horde of Undead have outlived, outplayed, outscored, and outCAS'd the vast majority of their opponents. Currently the lowest-ranked team in the Premier, but that is not an issue with this team. However will their bones become brittle under the heat of the big lights?
Karaz Krasherz came running, leaping and bounding into the Premier League for this season. Sometimes dubbed "green-skinned elves", these Orcs are now true allrounders, and a sight to behold. What an amazing match record, too! But will the lack of Strength skills throughout the team hurt them in the end?
The Slumbering Skinks are by no means slow or lethargic. These lizardmen know how to mix pure speed and agility with the required strength at the line of scrimmage. Totally unpronouncable names are mixed with high stats across the team. Starting with a few injuries, will they prove to be too much of a hurdle for this team?
The other Lizardman team, but in no way the same, are the Warlizards. A very rounded team that early rumours once stated were fielding two Kroxigors, but it was found to be false accusations. If experience plays a key role this season, this team will be there at the end. Or will their age finally catch up with them?
The second Orc team, and one I know quite well now, is Wanna Beatin. Watch for DaWall being employed at the start of each play. Coach andycapp has informed me he will be scouting for recruits throughout this season, as he looks to bolster the already bulging roster. Will the lack of players fail this team's rise to the top?
<Kooshee> Well folks, there's no easy way to tip the season's winner, so I'm going to stay with last season's champions, the Southside Stone Smashers. Certainly favourites in our viewer polls here on WargSports. Stay tuned as we bring you live matches here, on your favourite sporting channel.
And a HUGE congratulations to all Twahnlow medal winners from Season 7. Hopefully Season 8 is bigger and better!
<Kooshee, hurried voice over> News just in ... The match between Wanna Beatin and Slumbering Skink is scheduled for 8pm Thursday, Sydney time! Tune in live, or watch the highlights in our late-late-late-night review program after the big match. Signing off, this is Kooshee (and I hope I recover from that beatin soon). |
|
|
Faulcon
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
|
| Posted:
Jan 21, 2005 - 04:31 |
|
Slumbering Skinks Scale Summit - by Ltrrl, Enforcer (Retired)
50 games we score good get smashed!
Edited and annotated - by Aouoedllphss, Sprinter (Retired)
A historic moment for the skinks last night as they fought their way through their 50th swl game. Only Zen Adepts have played more matches (51) in the big leagues, those wretched Norse Asgardians hardly count as they spent several seasons cutting their teeth in qualifying.
True to form, the skinks went into the match badly outnumbered by lumbering orcs but after the orcs had opened the scoring they held on grimly with Krss a rock anchoring the line for Xies-ler-aym and Zrndgeuaieu to scamper in for touchdowns either side of the half time whistle. A dashing backfield blitz by star skink Thshltraeeay prevented the equalizer and he ran rings around the slow moving orcs before delivering the ball to Xies-ler-aym who easily broke away from the pack to finish the scoring at 3-1.
Also true to form, the skinks took 3 casualties (including a hasty and successful call for the doctor when Ghsrss tried headbutting the fist of DaBludga and killed himself) while causing none. But hey, from a skink's perspective, we outran and outscored those green meanies to pick up a win in our 50th, so it's all good! |
|
|
|
|
| |
FUMBBL HAIKU'S
Search
